MOTHER’S DAY 2021

This Mother’s Day afternoon I received several texts, wishing me a ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’ Each text came at just the right time (and saved me from a tear-soaked day).

The last 2 Mother's Day days, I've been able to escape the house and lose myself in a looooong drive, and a hike ... bypassing a tear-soaked day. But today it rained most of the day, and my wings were clipped by intermediate rainfall.

Memories threatened to undo me all day long: they're good memories, but the emotional overture they bring with them, drains the energy out of me while I'm sidestepping the loneliness. The loneliness isn't a feeling of having an empty life ... my life is actually pretty busy with activities and friends; the loneliness is feeling the loss of my special someone.

Particularly when that special someone is directly responsible for what today represents.

So, all day long I've been doing a quick sidestep shuffle around memories.

Potted seedlings started; baggie sprouted seedlings & tomatoes will be transplanted sometimes this week.

The texts were welcome bright spots in an otherwise dreary day. In all honesty, it would not have been easier if I'd been with friends (I begged off - I know me; I would not have been good company).

Tonight, while setting the racoon trap in place a.g.a.i.n. (I wish that racoon would get his furry butt into that thing!), I noticed the darkening sky was highlighted with a beautiful reddish-pink undertone - my vid does not do it justice! The sky actually looked like it was backlit by a slow-burn under the heavy gray cloud cover.

The sky is burning ... 8:32 PM.

The song, "The Sky Is Burning" popped into my thoughts.

The Sky is Burning: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3CfvXnawOo)

And I did almost cry with that one thought ... but managed not to.

Bob and I were dancing to that song at a dance club just off Commerce, in May of 1974.

By May of 1975 I was a Mother.

My daughter, and grandchildren were raised listening to Bad Company songs 😉

Visions of seeing my pretty newborn red-headed baby girl with black eyes (her hair and eyes lightened up eventually) being held by her proud Daddy; danced before my eyes. My bio-father had strawberry-red hair: I have red tint to my hair, Bob had red tint to his hair ... Stacey has red tint to her hair; and Alyna has beautiful dark auburn hair when it is not dyed. Even Azariah has red tint in his hair.

Visions of Bob carrying Stacey draped over his long right arm, with her tiny head nestled in his large hand (cradled so gently), as we walked through stores on paydays; we had a stroller, but he liked holding her. Him so handsome - her so tiny and delicate ... instinctively trusting in that strong arm and tender, work-calloused hand (just like her Mama). Me proud of them both; and feeling lucky to have them blessing my life.

My heart ached with missingness. 

By the time I got back inside the house, dusk was moving in.

The pretty started disappearing around 8:36 PM.

Dusk was arriving very quickly; 8:38 PM.

In a matter of minutes, the sky was dark enough the overhead plane was using wing lights; 8:40 PM.

Tomorrow, if the predicted weather forecast is correct, I am going for a drive: putting distance between thoughts - sliding the sun roof open - cranking the music up ... and making fun & laughter the goal of the day.

Looks like the day will be okay to be out and about, tomorrow ...

SKAMOKAWA FLEA MARKET

This afternoon I went to a flea market in a neighboring county.

I used to spend a lot of time at the Skamokawa Grange: there are happy memories connected to that place.

Skamokawa from Heron Pointe - 29 minutes.

But I wasn’t happy this afternoon – the place has been allowed to fall into disrepair. It was surrounded by tall grass that hadn’t seen a lawn mower in years … and it stunk with forlorn abandonment. By the smell that assailed me as I cleared the threshold, it had not been used in a very long time. I had a raging migraine (even my teeth hurt) from the damp odor by the time I paid for my small purchase, and left.

After I gave my “donation” and escaped into rain driven fresh air, I hopped over to the Duck Inn to have a sandwich lunch.

Skamokawa flea market purchases.

I knew, before leaving home that I would eat at the Duck Inn.

I also knew that I am getting tired of staring at an empty seat across from me in restaurants … and watching couples eating/chatting together – it’s not a jealousy thing: I just miss my ‘someone special’. I’m glad for the couples that have each other, but I do miss my man.

So, before I left home, I grabbed the paperback I have been reading.

It would be a good distraction while waiting for my sandwich.

And it is a good story 😉

I've officially become one of the 'Lonely Hearts' ... reading while restaurant eating.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dl_DiHJpLzM)

I ordered a Reuben sandwich; I haven’t had one in a while, and it {fit} the rainy atmosphere 😊.

A Rueben sandwich for lunch.

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day.

Tomorrow it will be rainy, also.

I’ll probably stay home and vegetate.

SHABBAT NIGHT AT HOME ~ Yeshua Is Center of My Attention

The mood of a Shabbat Friday evening is an overlay of femininity, permeated with the aura of an espousing. It is chiefly a sensual time, where all the senses are engaged: abounding with good food, soft candlelight, songs that speak to the heart, quiet talk to feed the soul, and pleasure of both the physical and spiritual love.

Though I had, around age 7 and 8, suspected my family was Jewish due to the weekend rituals my mother always kept (special Supper meal, lighting of candles, adding an extra plate to the table ‘for Elijah’ during Passover, and extra company Friday evenings) – my mother always denied we were Jewish despite ALL of our birth names being Jewish in origin. I understood her denial – her mother’s family had been immigrants from Europe during the anti-Semitism upheavals in the 1940’s; but I was frustrated by her continual denials of what was obvious.

Going with my gut feeling – and having that gut feeling affirmed by a Jewish man who saw my Name on a check I wrote (he read it and asked, “Are you Hebrew?”), I started embracing Messianic Christianity in 1978 (I had been a Christian since 1965) … and Bob, after his 1981 salvation experience, joined me in finding/fellowshipping in Messianic Fellowship: first in Portland, OR. for 17 years – then later, in Vancouver, WA; where we had fellowshipped for 19 years, until Summer of 2017. The last communal Shabbat Friday Bob and I enjoyed together, was at Rehoboth; I haven’t been back to Rehoboth since: and I don’t think I will ever go back as a solo lobo.

I observe Shabbat at home now.

I do not observe orthodox Shabbat.

I am a Christian – a Jewish Christian.

“I Have Decided to Follow Yeshua”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S8jvfdDtoqY)

I observe the 24-hour Shabbat as Yeshua observed it.

I am not bound to religious traditions.

I have bound myself to Christianity – which is a personal relationship with Elohei, and setting the 7^th day aside in recognition of Yeshua’s Day of Rest from all His creation activities (Genesis 2): and the day He blessed for humanity to rest and allow their being to refuel and reenergize (Exodus 20:1-17; Matthew 12).

“Lecha Dodi” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RWmcQpzUMHY)

Psalm 92 (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUzIHPqUn9c)

I bless my children and grandchildren … even though they dishonor me, and openly/publicly mock Yeshua.

My prayer for the adult’s (who are presently behaving like unruly brats) includes, “Elohim, forgive them: they know not what they do.” For the girls, I ask Elohei would cut through their foolishness … and make them like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, and Leah. For Azariah, I ask Elohei would place his hand on his life, and make him like Ephraim and Menasheh.

My hope is that someday their understanding will be illuminated; and they too, like Bob when his understanding kicked in, in 1981, will be saved and walk in Yeshua’s footsteps.

I welcome the peace of the Sabbath into my home.

Bob and I loved the message of the ‘Shalom Aleichem’ (Peace Be Unto You) song: “Angels of peace, may your coming be in peace; bless me with peace, and bless my prepared table. May your departure be in peace, from now and forever. Amen.”

“Shalom Aleichem” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0H2-8IKIGlw)

I remember that even though Bob now rides the clouds and is no longer a true husband to me … all of our 44 years together, he declared his love to me and publicly stated his appreciation for me (even to his last day on Earth, while in OHSU).

For him, for as long as I was his wife, who walked Earth beside him, I became the woman in Proverbs 31:10-31; and I basked in his praise.

I miss Bob.

I miss that woman.

But, now, I bask in Yeshua’s Husbandly praise.

And I enjoy approval of a great host of witnesses.

(Hebrews 12:1)

My role is different now.

I drink a goblet of wine – red wine, on Friday evening. Red symbolizes the shed blood of Yeshua at Calvary, for my sanctification. The wine in and of itself – symbolizes joy.

I make Challah … 3-cord braided; to represent the goodness of the Triune Godhead – Father (Elohim), Son (Yeshua), & Spirit (Ruach Ha’Kodesh) = 3 in 1/God.

I meditate on Scripture – authentic Scripture – pre-obama era. I do not have in my home, or in my mind obamanite scriptures that were printed to preach a different gospel that panders to the perverse and debauched ... a different gospel that advocates sin and teaches that living a life in sin is okay.

I meditate on “old-school” Scriptures that were printed many, many generations ago, closely following the Torah and Early Church teachings closely guarded and handed down through time (the Yeshua era before and following His earthly birth/death) verbatim.

I stumbled across this vid, that speaks to the days we are currently living: it is a worth a listen.

“Is This the End?” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sp6isecYB3E)

I listen to Shabbat songs that honor the 24-hour period … and honor Yeshua in content.

“Yeshua HaMashiach – Jesus Is Lord”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-j_1e13qlE)

“Kadosh”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9995T-G4GdE)

“Yavo Eleinu”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hTdnhzR64u0)

“Ata Tzuri”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY4FLQ1dxyE)

This is His Day. 

A day He shares with me: to bless me. 

As the day fades and evening settles, I light my candle and look towards the Heavens.

Bob lives there now.

And someday, my bridegroom, Yeshua, will call for me also: whether I shed my earthly shell naturally … or He mysteriously gathers me to Him when He returns (1 Thessalonians 4:16-17).

Either way, I am ready.

“He Will Hold Me Fast”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNi3ejUCYrY)

I long to see Him face-to-face.

“My Souls Longs for The Lord”: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaVDsuUeE1A)

But until that day I honor my husbands, by honoring Yeshua with this 24-hour period where I put the world and all its lunatic craziness aside, and life in/with Him, as the center of my attention 😊

L'Chiam!

ILLUSIVE JEANS SNAGGED

I had breakfast with a friend this morning; then I zipped over to Dick Hannah’s to have the Highlander’s back end and right back tire checked – the other afternoon; in Oregon, on the stretch of roadway between Astoria and Svenson, a moron in a jacked-up pickup literally ran me off the road … and I hit the shoulder at road speed, bumping into and over a ragged pothole.

MPO is that Oregon driver’s are the worst driver’s on the planet.

They are mean spirited. 

They are self-centered. 

They are rude. 

They are obnoxious.

They are very aggressive. 

They are stoned 24/7/365.

I really do not like Oregon driver’s.

I heard the Highlander’s backend bounce as the dust settled. When I crossed the bridge at Rainier, and set down in Longview – I drove to Dick Hannah’s Toyota Shop to have the car and tire checked: the pothole was pretty ragged and I worried I may have skinned the tire on the sharp edges. I was told by a stuffy attendant I’d have to bring the car in for a checkup in the morning, at 10 AM., because “it could take hours to check out.”

Matt checked it over – and gave it a good report: no damages. And, he refilled the windshield wiper fluid. I was relieved it did not “take hours” – I was in and out in half an hour.

And I decided that I’d make another trip to Warrenton, instead of waiting until next Monday. I’m no good at putting things off … if something needs doing, I just want to get it done so I can move onto other things that also need doing.

So, off I went.

Making my way across town to the bridge that would drop me on the Oregon side, I saw a VW Bug tricked out in a woman’s obsessive fantasy.

She had had her VW Bug painted to match dalmatian dogs – and the nose of the car was painted to mimic a red dog collar. 

What an amazing sight … 

Her car seat covers were dalmatian print.

Her back window was filled with stuffed dalmatians.

SHE HAD 2 DALMATIAN DOGS in the back seat!

I got the feeling she really, REALLY liked the 101 Dalmatians movie 😉

Warrenton from Longview is a little over an hour away, and I didn’t plan on staying any longer than it took to return the clothes that didn’t fit/replace them or take the $$ and run; I wanted to make this my last trip to Warrenton, until I pass through there in July sometime.

Clothes returned to Warrenton - OR, again.

Warrenton, OR from Longview, WA - 1 hr.11 mins.

Bob & Aza feeding the seals at Seaside. 2017; Aza barked with the seals, who were barking for fish tidbits. It was hilarious.

Seaside, OR from Longview, WA - 1 hr.23 mins.

I had returns for two different stores.

I had just about given up any hope of ever finding regular jeans … and then, I spotted them 😊

2 pairs of jeans: actual jeans, not the ‘jeggings’ (stretchy cigarette leg jeans that fit like leggings).

I found 2 pairs of jeans! Hallelujah ...

I snapped them up and headed the car towards home 😉

The temperature had soared to 83-degrees by 4 PM.

I just wanted to be home.

The 3 trips to Warrenton – practically back-to-back – was giving me road fatigue.

So, I was happy to catch sight of Mt. St. Helen’s, the Port of Longview, and home base; coming into Rainier.

Even though Mt. St. Helen’s is now lopsided, she still beckons.

When I got home, I watered the garden area as well as my geranium pots under the carport; rain is forecast for tomorrow (50%), but the humidity today was very drying, so I gave everything a drink of water to stave off heat stroke until tomorrow arrives.

And I noticed that the yellow tea rose bush Bob bought for me as a gift 20 years ago, is blooming this week.

I am glad – it is a living link to Bob. 

When I see it, I smile all over.

The Tea Rose Bob gave me 20 years ago is still thriving; and blooming this week.