SHABBAT SHALOM ~ Only Because of God

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwlMG1y2i2o)

Tonight is Shabbat.

There will be one more Shabbat before this month fades away this year.

These Shabbat’s are vital Shabbat’s: a lot is riding on them.

Our communication with our Father is vitally important this October.

The 2020 Election Year is wrapping up.

I have been very vociferous during this time.

I make no apology.

I am an American – my roots are deep in the soil on this continent, in this great Nation.

I love America – it has been a good place to live: I am blessed to have been born here, grew up here, married here, bore a child/raised her here, welcomed grandchildren here … and someday, if the Rapture is further delayed, my cremains will be laid with my husband’s in Eden Valley.

That said …

Earth is not my HO.M.E.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rUEyz1H2Fg)

I am privileged to be be granted the privilege to experience this beautiful planet with all it’s splendors … but this is not my final destination. Earth is not “Home”.

My home is a place called Heaven.

Both my Husband’s are there: Bob & Yeshua – they await my arrival; time is irrelevant beyond the clouds. What seems like “a lifetime” to me, down here … is but the flick of an eyelash to them.

They know I will arrive in due time 😉

And I have my ticket: I am just waiting for it to be called.

I am learning patience.

Patience was never a strong point of mine.

Both my Husband’s laughingly encourage me, “hang on Val; enjoy life in the moment. Soon you will be here too; there is no need to mourn.”

The weight of grieving sorrow is lessening.

Their love infuses me: and instills within me the joy of my new life unfolding.

It will be different … but it will be exactly as Yeshua planned for me all along.

I am being strengthened and graced to enjoy whatever 2021 has in store for me.

2021 is not a guarantee, so I am being encouraged to enjoy each day as it comes my way; with no plans or the ‘morrow.

I am okay with that.

The President of America – whoever that may be – is not my savior; the President is merely a tool used by Elohim as a disciplinary tool for unruly minions bent on a wayward path and unrepentant in ways that only Elohim knows about.

The President is not king; regardless of the republican’s conservative choice to hang onto the political scepter and dwell in The People’s gilded palace … or the demonrat’s chosen naked emperor desiring to be hailed as DC royalty, to hold court, and make mandated decrees heralded by their town criers.

The President is not the world’s savior.

IN America, we have the right to vote: but the decision has already been made.

Voting is a mere formality.

The final decision is made with hearts: the hidden heart is what ultimately tips the scale one way or the other.

Humans make plans … and Elohim laughs at the arrogance displayed.

There is only 1 King over humanity.

There is only 1 Savior for all the world.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v57R3T7Wyic)

I am a human – a female human; I am not ashamed of my created vessel, which is the female form.

I have strengths a male will never know.

I can experience love in ways a male will never be privy to.

I have no desire to be anything than what I am.

I delight in the way I was designed.

I am a Messianic Christian – I recognize Yeshua as Creator & Savior; I honor the God of the Universe; I recognize the Nation of Israel is the chosen race Elohei chose to use as an example of His Will/Love/mode of Salvation; I choose the Christian Faith because I love Life … the one I am privileged to enjoy and live here on Earth, and the promised eternal Life that awaits me when my earthen vessel wears out and sets my spirit soaring beyond the clouds to that celestial city where Bob now lives.

But, this Shabbat, here on Earth, I prepare to enter into my private Island of Rest.

I can do that openly & freely – without fear of retaliation.

I can do that “only because of God”.

My prayer this Shabbat is that the freedom I will be employing, and enjoying this weekend – and the next – will continue.

L’Chiam! Life, here – and life Eternal.

CHANGING DIRECTION

Fall has arrived, and Winter is quickly approaching.

Falling leaves are beautiful, and the evenings chills off fast.

But the chilly magical moments also bring early dusking and long lonely hours before bedtime; which has it’s own lonely tinge to it.

Already I am bored just thinking about all that empty time coming at me.

I am missing face-to-face convo.

There has GOT TO BE MORE to life than what we have been experiencing since March! It is hard to build a life when people are afraid to engage in life.

As my activities changes directions with the season, I am going to be actively searching for something to do indoors that will not be boring – I need to be intellectually and artistically challenged; so those are the areas I will be focusing on to get me through November 2020 to March 2021.

I need to find in-house activities to do through the Fall-Winter months. 

I am determined to find in-house things to do that do not bore me out of my ever-lovin’ mind.

Solitaire only goes so far.

Movies will put you to sleep after a while

Phone calls slack off when there is nothing new happening in ANYONE’S life.

There has to be something to do indoors that is exciting, stimulating, and engaging.

I am growing … but it is stunted growth in the present environment of distancing run amok.

Thinking of setting up an exercise room.

Hoping for a 20 -pound weight loss.

Celine Dion (before: above pic) looks AWFUL now (after widowhood: below pics). She was always thin … but this widow weight loss is skeletal. It is unhealthy.

Cutting down on 'comfort foods'.

I will be chomping at the bit in February … but by then I can focus on plotting/designing the garden area; and starting seedlings to be transplanted in late February, early March & mid-April.

I’m a high-energy person with a low tolerance for sitting on my butt twiddling my thumbs. I have to be moving. I have to be actively engaging in life; not in the fast lane, but at a quick pace.

And I need someone to actively engage with: not every day, not all day. But at least once a week, would be nice.

So, that is what I will be focusing on.

And trusting Elohim to provide.

Praying for a friend-companion.

The type of relationship I am praying for offers heterosexual companionship without romantic drama or turmoil – and no sexual interaction; but it will be a close, compatible friendship, built on mutual interests and trust: trust is a very big issue with me; the person I am praying to come into my life will enjoy hanging out together, without romantic inclinations.

That new life change will not change.

The person Elohim sends across my path will also want this type of relationship.

Bob was a loving man.

Bob was a passionate man.

Bob was a gentle and pleasing lover; I am not interested in changing direction in that regard.

I am content to warmed by those memories.

The person Elohim sends across my path will understand this about me, and not push the boundary line.

Focusing on THIS … and working on telepathic abilities 😉

No explanations necessary.

Patience was never my strong point …

Meanwhile, I am – at the moment – busily tagging Bazaar items for next weekend’s Bazaar in Rosburg.

This will be the first time I’ll be going back to the Grange Hall since Bob’s Celebration of Life, August 30^th, 2018.

Bob and I, together, had only done 1 Bazaar there: 4 years ago.

My stomach is a little queasy; this is Bob’s family’s stomping grounds. Every single table will be hosted by one of his relatives.

I am no longer ‘family’; without Bob by my side, I feel like an intruder.

I was asked to host a table, but this may be the last Bazaar I do there.

I feel a directional change.

Normally I am excited, and looking forward to a Bazaar … but right now all I feel is nervous – almost like the Hall will not be welcoming. I’ve almost called Frieda twice and begged off – that how uneasy I am about carrying through with the promise to be there.

Crochet Holiday Pencil Toppers & Display. MOD (my own designs)

Knit Baby Jackets. 6 MO

Tagged Crochet Pot Covers for cactus'.

But a promise is a promise.

So, I will finish tagging, and enjoy the sunset.

Sunset tonight.

And listen to the voice of the changing winds blowing through the autumn of my life.

AUTUMN’S CARESS

Fall has arrived, and with it the Bazaar Season.

This year, there is only 1 Bazaar happening.

I’m normally a very artistic designer and crafter, but I did get the invite late (like maybe 2 weeks ago) so, I didn’t have a lot of time to prepare.

Even if I did, my enthusiasm level is at a very low spike.

Forcing enthusiasm doesn’t work for me: I either {feel} it, or I don’t.

Feeling of any nature is pretty “ify” at this point in my life.

I am trying.

I have a small cache of leftover items in bins I can use this year, but I am adding a few new things; not much, but some.

I am adding a couple plants, so I thought I’d crochet a few pot holders for them:

Crochet flower pot holders for Bazaar items. Nothing fancy, but more 'festive' than the black plastic holders.

Bazaar offerings in simple crochet pot covers.

I used to spend a lot of time designing and crafting.

But everything, anymore, happens in spurts.

And I have no idea where my life is headed – what I want to do, continue to do, or if I just want to say “bag it!” to everything, and start fresh with a whole new thing completely.

I kinda-sorta hoped I’d find out by joining clubs and groups things this year … but the demonrats went crazy with covid-rouse-house detentions, and everything has been locked tight since March.

That route has been scrambled.

Indefinitely.

I don’t like to be told what I can and cannot do by strangers, so I bucked the rules and jumped the line in the sand. I got out pretty frequently all Spring and Summer – and I am invited to Supper every other week by friends who are kind and generous to include me in their family time.

They don’t like me to be left alone – I appreciate that. They are good people. They are good friends.

But there has been no real purpose in my life for 22 months.

No sense of direction in spur-of-the-moment flights of fancy; my life is stuck on a hamster wheel I can’t seem to escape.

No direction = no enthusiasm.

I’m just going “with the flow”, hoping something {catches} and gets my motor moving a little quicker than the turtle pace I’ve been stuck in for 22 months.

Yes … I know a turtle’s pace is better than no pace … but I miss the umph my life had before.

My life has been stripped bare in 22 months.

My wounded heart has been sorely mistreated.

The slate has been wiped clean as if 44 years of my life never mattered.

Only I notice the fading smudges of the past.

Each loss carries its own brand of grief with it.

I am battle fatigued.

The shorter days and the early dusking of the season leaves me with too much time on my hands … and too many competing thoughts that send my brain into overdrive.

There are no in-house distractions to keep impish Grief from hurling my scattered thoughts into overthinking.

I’m trying to stay on top of chores.

I have to rely on hired help now for much of the ‘handy-man’ tasks.

Hired help can be tricky: it’s not always cast in stone.

Replacing hired help can be frustrating, overwhelming, and angering when you feel taken advantage of.

Ridiculously expensive.

I am not a rich widow.

I am living on a very limited budget.

Thankfully, I have good friends: have I mentioned how thankful I am for my friends?

I AM – they are the best!

A friend put me in contact with a fella that does her windows for a reasonable fee … and he has agreed to do my gutters also for a minimal tack-on price: I am scheduled for the end of November, which is workable here in the PNW here I live.

I am thankful.

Bob’s spirit must have thought I needed a good laugh, because I got one the other day.

I am still chuckling 😉

Guess Bob thought I needed a laugh today. LOL!

While I was laughing, my thoughts were triggered to the outcomes of the concept behind the laughter …

THIS – Wedding Day. August 27th, 1974

Led to this – Bob & kids. 1981

Which eventually led to grandchildren – middle granddaughter, 1996.

Fall will always mean Bob to me … we started building our life together, in the Fall; our life started ending in the Fall

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZEMCeymW1Ow)

Though none of these people are in my life, or in my home, anymore (for various reasons – those who have been following my posts know the reasons): I am glad they were part of it for the span of time, they were.

Knowing and loving Bob enriched my life in ways I will never be able to articulate.

The staggering heartache cannot alter that.

I regret nothing.

I would do it all again.

Exactly the same way.

I was happy with the way my life was.

Bob was happy with our life.

I am sorry the kids were not.

I am sorry they always chose alienation – the most recent, being their fascination and involvement with gender-bender and socialism agendas.

As a mother and grandmother, I love them.

Nothing can change that.

Ever.

As a Christian, I can’t support their {ideals} because they are destructive concepts – not only to themselves; but to humanity, in general.

Only they can change that.

And they are unwilling to do so.

I can only respect their decision to cut me out of their lives – which they finalized July 1^st, 2020.

And so, this year, I am throwing myself headlong into Autumn’s caress.

Hoping with everything in me that I will be rewarded with a new life vibrant with color and filled with mutual love and contentment.

I am trusting Elohim to know where these loving hearts are in a world that has been turned on it’s ear with the unleashed hate of Hell.

I am trusting Elohim to drop at least 1 of those loving people in my life.

I am trusting myself to recognize that happening.

I am trusting myself to allow that happening to happen.

I am trusting the boundaries I have set.

I am trusting 2021 will be a very prosperous year in regards to the new life I am embarking on as a wayfaring Solo Lobo, in the autumn of my life.

As 2020 begins to wind down, to make room for the dawning of a new year, I am trusting I will learn to love my new life with all the life I have left in me.

Winter is coming.

And with it, the promise of rebirth.