I'm struggling with today: LOTS of memories built around this date on the calendar; didn't matter what year. But April 19th, 1974, was the most important memory because that date was the beginning of our lives together. It was our first date night.
As I mentioned in
earlier posts, my mother wasn’t happy with me that I was bucking her and going out
with Bob against her concerns. My way of thinking was that she’d never been
concerned before about anything I did – why was this date enough to set her
teeth on edge? Well … because it would embarrass the family. And that was taboo.
We were raised bohemian and could basically do anything; as long as it didn’t
embarrass the family. Me, choosing to go out with a separated man – who may
end up staying married in the end – would be an embarrassment to my mother.
And I didn’t care. My parents
and siblings, with their own choices, had … and were … embarrassed/embarrassing
me. And no one was worried about that.
So.
Bob would be coming: and I would go.
He called me around 6
PM telling me he’d be calling for me around 7 PM; and I said, “Just honk your
horn and I run out to your truck.” I did not want a showdown on this particular
night.
Bob showed up on the
front porch, promptly at 7 PM. He refused to honk for me, and instead walked up
the front porch steps and knocked – I answered the door – my mother gave him
the evil eye … and I rushed Bob out to his truck.
He was reaching to
open the passenger side door, when my hand got there first. On purpose. He went
around to the driver’s side, got in and asked me what I’d like to do. I asked
him, “Anything?” He grinned, and said, “Anything.” So, I said I had friends in
Longview who were moving into their apartment, and I’d like to help them if I
could. He said, “Okay.” I grinned wider, and said, “Good, because I didn’t dress
fancy.” And off we drove.
Neither of us were dressed
fancy, but I really hadn’t dressed in anything more than my patched ‘lucky’ blue
jeans, and one of my stepfather’s polo shirts. For my first date with the man
of my dreams! Bob was wearing jeans too, with an open-neck brown-print-on-cream
shirt. Nothing fancy. We were both playing it cool: no pressure. He liked
that.
I don’t know what Bob’s
plans were for that first date – I never did ask, and he didn’t volunteer info –
but, I’m pretty sure helping people move into their apartment was not in his
thoughts. But, he gamely went along with it. By 9 PM, my friends and all their worldly
possessions had been moved into their new home. Bob was comfortable with my
friends – and they were comfortable with him. People always liked being around
Bob: Bob was a people-piper; he just had a personality that put everyone at
ease ;-)
We left the apartment
and Bob suggested we go get a pizza. I agreed. Pizza was perfect! If there was
any messiness or awkward eating moments, it wouldn’t matter. Eating pizza is
messy, and can sometimes be awkward :-D
Bob took me to
Pietro's Pizza by Industrial Way, where we bought a half pineapple & half
pepperoni pizza and 2 Lowenbrau beers. Bruno (who later opened a pizza
parlor under his own name and brand) was the beer tap fella: we all became
fast friends, and remained fast friends through the years until he retired. Our
kids and grandkids literally grew up together, we were in his pizza place so
much.
But, today, 46 years
ago, we were eating pizza
at Pietro’s and getting to know more about each other. There was no awkwardness
to get past – other than me being very independent and insisting I open my own
doors and pay half of the meal tab. Bob was a gentleman and felt he should open
my doors and pay for the evening out; I was a very liberated teen and explained
that I did not want to be beholden to anyone for any reason: I would pay my
share, and fend for myself. That way, as the evening progressed there would be
no demands made and no faces slapped. Bob laughed, and understood my point of
view and respected it. I was always straight-up, and straight-forward with Bob.
From the get-go. He liked that.
I was 7 years younger
than Bob: I was 17 – he was 24. I really didn’t know much about him. At all. I
did not know his family background; I did not know his High School “star’
status. I think he liked that. I was out with him because he interested me – I wasn’t
fawning all over him because of who his family was; or because he’d been a
bigwig in his high school days. If I fawned over him (and I did), it was
because he had piqued my interest when we were thrown together by fate at his
house, a few weeks earlier … and because he had caught my eye and stole my
heart 7 years earlier; and I never got over that. He liked that.
Our 1st Date. April 19th,
1974.
What I liked was that I never had to question Bob’s
interest in me. Ever. There was never any doubt at all about his intentions –
he liked me. A lot. From the first meeting; and he went out of his way
to get that message across to me.
But I was cautious.
He was still legally married.
And Gloria was cunning;
she didn’t want him … but she didn’t want anyone else to have him either.
Bob was a good-looking man.
Bob. 1974.
He was well-built and
handsome of face. He was kind, generous, gentle, and attentive. I couldn’t
understand why she jumped the fence. But, even at 17, I understood that
there are things that happen behind closed doors that only the 2 people
involved know about. And that is what was causing the breakdown. It was none
of my business. I didn’t ask – he didn’t volunteer: it was their business. And
it was being taken care of.
But, marriage and divorce
being a complicated matter – especially with a child involved, I was no fool. Gloria
could come back and restake her claim. That was a very real possibility.
I was stepping out cautiously.
When we got back to
Cathlamet from Longview, the night was still young: midnight seemed a long way
off. I threw caution to the wind and we made love that night. Our first date
night. And I didn’t feel any guilt at all. It was MY decision:
there was no putting out because Bob had put up. I had early on drawn a line in
the sand and Bob had respected that line. Now, I was stepping over the line; of
my own free will. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again - I wasn't passing up this chance to be with him. Completely: no demands put on him for declarations he wasn't ready to give. No recriminations. Just tonight. It was my choice and he would be absolved of any fault if things went south. He liked that.
I loved Bob. And Bob
was ready to be loved. He
was the oldest of 6 kids – and he’d been legally bound for 6 years … but before
I came into his life, he’d never been fully loved. He’d never had anybody’s
attention focused solely on him. I gave him all my attention – without putting
demands of ownership on him. He liked that.
From the moment our
eyes met over his driver license, in the Spring of 1974 – until the time we
said our final goodbyes in December of 2018, looking into each other’s eyes … my
attention had been focused on him. He liked that.
Bob was not a vain
man, but he did like that I loved him deeply and that I put him above anyone
and everything else: except Elohei, of course. I tried valiantly not to
cry those final hours; but sometimes I couldn’t stop the tears. And always,
there was that smile beaming across his face when he looked into my eyes and
tried to instill strength in me during those trying times. And I would look
into his eyes, and touch his face, and remember that first date. The conversations
we had that first night … and all the nights that followed for 44 years
together. Remember how we walked, hand in hand; happy to be together, even
after 44 years together. I couldn’t stop the tears. I wanted to be brave – I
was brave. But my heart was already missing him, and was longing for the
happiness we shared: all the moments he took my breath away.
It’s now 15 months/5
days/8 hours & 25 minutes since I last held Bob’s hand and we looked into
each other’s eyes. If it were not raining, would I have escaped to enjoy a long drive in the countryside, instead of feeling my nose burn with the onset
of tears to come? I don’t know. Would I be inviting friends over for Supper if there
were not a lock-down in place? I don’t know.
What I do know, is
that April 19th has arrived … and Bob will never arrive again.
Today, I wanted to
remember this First Date date, with a pizza salute to the man of my dreams and
the love of my life. But because it is such an emotional day for me, I didn't
want to drive into town and risk breaking down in public during pickup: so I
put feelers out. I posted this post on FB's Takeout Food - Central Cowlitz
County: {{Pizza places that will deliver to Heron Pointe in Longview?
Bruno's won't deliver "that far out" ... it's only 10 minutes, for
Pete's sake! The girl on the phone said "our insurance won't let us
deliver that far out." Today is a special day for this widow. I'd really
like a Pepperoni Pizza. My husband loved pizza.}}
And a kind woman and her husband answered ... AND DELIVERED TO MY DOOR :-D They refused to be repaid the money the pizza cost, or gas costs for running it out to me. THEY WILL BE BLESSED.
And a kind woman and her husband answered ... AND DELIVERED TO MY DOOR :-D They refused to be repaid the money the pizza cost, or gas costs for running it out to me. THEY WILL BE BLESSED.
And now, if I break
down and cry; no one by Yeshua - and Bob - will see me.
And they both understand.
Always ~ OX
