THE HOT DOG HURDLE

My Supper tonight: 2 hot dogs - I have avoided eating a hot dog - hot dogs was Bob's favorite food ... he was eating hot dogs almost exclusively when we started dating 45 years ago. In fact, I teased him about it because he never deviated from at least 2 hot dogs in any given day. Eventually, he started eating other foods when we married because I went on a kitchen strike until he agreed to sample a variety of meals; I was tired of hot dogs, mac 'n cheese, pizza, and San Francisco Rice-A-Roni.

That said, ever since December 14th, 2018, I have studiously avoided even walking past the hot dog isle in the stores - I just could not face it without crying. And, I have been cooking and eating meals Bob refused to eat ... and when I do bring home take-out meals, I always bought things Bob didn't like to eat: this is my way of dealing with things as they are. In order to heal and keep my sanity, I had to distance myself from things that would constantly chip away at the resealing of the cracks in my life. Hot dogs was one of those things I avoided. Even now, I tear up.

But, tonight, I decided "would be the night" I slayed the hog dog shakiness and got past the lump in the throat - I managed to bite-chew-swallow without choking, crying, or vomiting it back up.

Bob's pancreatitis was a rare type of inflammatory disorder – his attack was not food or alcohol related at all. It was stress related. Even so, even the thought of a hot dog; and a beer with Supper was making me nervous! Rationally, I KNEW that neither a hot dog, or a single beer could seriously hurt me; and it has no relation at all to my widowhood.

But it kinda freaked me out.

More things to hurdle in my move to rebuild my life …

It may sound irrational to some, but the grieving/healing process is irrational.

One step at a time.

One day at a time.

One scab at a time.

DAWN'S FIRST LIGHT

For 7 years I dreamed.

And played this record.

Then, suddenly HE appeared.

And my dream became a reality.

A 44 year reality.

Thank YOU, Lord, for answering my prayers.

Bob was a good man.

Bob gave me love.

Bob gave me a good life.

And now, like before: whenever I want him, all I have to do is dream ...

I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE

Bob was the only person who ever loved me just because I exist.

  

  

 

And I loved Bob just the way he was, too.

I love him still ... and I always will.

  

 

 

 

 

We didn’t step on each other – we didn’t try to change the other; we loved each other just the way they were: warts, and all.

But we each changed: we became better people because of the love we received from each other. Because we were both loved unconditionally by the other, we strove to be better people – as an individual person: for each other; for US as a whole.

We didn’t change to try to fit the other’s futuristic perception of us … we changed to become better people – individually – and THAT became change for the betterment of US; and our marriage thrived and strengthened.

Love was the foundation.

And US was a continual work in progress.

We loved each other just the way we were – in the moment.

Love was the foundation.

Tomorrow is my 63^rd Birthday.

I miss Bob – Bob was my greatest gift.

I miss the love Bob lavished on me.

Bob was the only person who ever loved me just because I exist.

How does one rebuild a life where love no longer exists?

I GOT THIS ;-)

It's the little things that tickle me; and make me feel proud of myself :-D

The home security system has been cheeping with low batteries since Thanksgiving - drove me nuts! But, I didn't know what to do ... again, did not pay attention when Bob was here ... but I remembered that this same thing happened last year, and Northstar sent a repair man to fix it. I don't have the extra $$$ this year, so that option was off the table.

Next thought: "How fricking hard can it be, Val?"

The repair man just changed the batteries, for Pete's sake.

So, I called Kerry. Kerry came last week to show me how to get to the batteries; and he showed me what kind they were - thank YOU, Yeshua! Thankfully, the batteries needing replaced were NOT those round watch type batteries that are hard to find. Kerry stuck around to make sure I could get the batteries in and out of their placements without too much hassle - he's a GOOD BIL :-D Kind, patient, a lot like Bob - he never made me feel stupid; he just waited until I assured him I could do it myself; and I thanked him. I am blessed

This morning, tired of the cheeping & feeling up to facing traffic, I ran into town to grab some batteries: A LOT CHEAPER THAN A REPAIR MAN! Despite the dizziness and nausea from the migraine, I managed to get home safely - park the car without taking the carport pillars out - and got the batteries into their placements correctly: the system is now up and running without the annoying chirping ;-)

Back in business :-D

Bob is proud of me: I am proud of me - thank you Kerry!

Thank You, Elohim for giving me confidence to do what needs to be done :-D

PERMANENTLY IN LOVE~FOREVER

A sexy smile that made me feel special.

Beautiful blue eyes with gold flecks that pulsated around the iris.

A hug that made the angst of the world disappear.

A person that is irreplaceable.

I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX

Bob. April 10th, 1976 - we'd been together for 2 years; & married 20 months. Our first official date was April 19th, 1974.

Bob. Christmas Eve 1976 - our 2nd Christmas together.

Bob. June 2016 - we had been together for 42 years; happily married for 42-3/4 years. I MISS BOB ~ the great love of my life.

I have been a Widow for 1 year/12 days/13 hours & 16 minutes.

Widowed ... and still in love with my husband.

Widowed, and still very much married.

I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX

2 CORINTHIANS ~ Chapter 1

2 CORINTHIANS ~ Chapter 1

“This is from Paul, n Apostle of Yeshua Ha’Mashiach by the Will of Elohim, and also from Brother Timothy, to the Church of God in Corinth, as well as all the other Saints in the whole land of Greece. Grace be to you, and peace, from Abba Elohim, and Adonai Yeshua Ha’Mashiach!

Blessed be Elohim, God and Father of our Adonai Yeshua Ha’Mashiach; the merciful Father – the God of every comfort! He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we may be able to comfort others who are in trouble, with the same comfort that we ourselves have received from Elohim. The sufferings of Mashiach have, indeed, come int our lives plentifully, yet through Mashiach we have received abundant consolation.

So, too, if we have trials to endure, they should be for your comfort and salvation. That is, if you have been tried and have endured, you will receive comfort as we have. Again, if we receive comfort, that is also intended for your comfort and salvation. It makes our hopes for you all the more sure when we know that you share with us both in sufferings and encouragements.

Brethren we want you to know something about the sufferings that came upon us in Asia. They we so overwhelming that our strength could not hold out, and we despaired to life itself. It seemed to us as though we had been sentenced to death, but the purpose of this was to make us lose confidence in ourselves and place it in Elohim, Who is able to raise the dead. Yes, He saved us from imminent death, and He will save us in the future. You also can work together with us, and for us, by your prayers. And may will thank Elohim for His favors to us, no doubt answers to the prayers of many people.

We boast of this, and our conscience backs us up, that our general behavior in public, and especially together with you, was one of holy living and godly sincerity, which was not by human cunning but by Elohim’s grace. I am not saying anything that you cannot understand as well as read, and I trust that you will admit this even to the end of this letter. You have already in part recognized us, that we are your pride as you are ours, and so it will be on the Day of Adonai Yeshua.

Because of my confidence in you, I planned on coming to you first, so that you would enjoy our two visits. That is, I should stop at your place in going to Macedonia, and in coming from Macedonia I should again come to you, and you would see me off on my way to Judea. This is, indeed, my intention, and was there anything fickle in that? Or do I make my plans like some worldly man, saying, “yes, yes”, and changing it to “no, no”, according to circumstances? As surely as Elohim is faithful, or word to you was not of the “yes-no” variety. Yeshua Ha’Mashiach, the Son of Almighty God, whom we (Silvanus, Timothy, and I) preached among you, was not a “yes-no” Man, but in Him was “Yes”. In Him all the promises of Elohei are “Yes”, and in Him they are “Amen”, and for this we give glory to Elohim. For it is Elohim Who has confirmed our faith and your faith in Mashiach, and Elohim Who has anointed us. He has set His Seal on us, and has given His Ruach in our hearts as a pledge.

Upon my soul, I call Elohei as witness that the reason that I did not come toy u at Corinth was to spare you. We do not aim to rule over you or your faith. Rather, we are working together with you to make you happy. It is, of course, by faith that you stand.”

**1 CORINTHIANS 16: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/1-corinthians-chapter-16.html

WINTER TIME SERENADE