THE PRIZE

Today I left the sanctuary of our home and ventured into the fellowship of a small group of people Bob and I used to spend time with; seniors like ourselves, and Christians – also like us. “Keenagers” meets every Tuesday for an hour of companionship (chit chat; gotta keep those vocal cords limber), potluck (a must as some seniors may not be eating healthy meals due to financial strains), missionary updates (always good to hear about ministerial updates from around the globe), a short sermonette, and singing of a few selected hymns (worship is a part if every Christian gathering … at least it should be: and is here). I asked Bob’s oldest sister to go with me today because she is struggling with his passing and I thought it would be good for her to get out and mingle too. She went … and plans to go some more :-D She kept telling everyone, “She is a rock (meaning me)” – I don’t feel like a rock, but I KNOW THE ROCK (Psalm 18:1-2), and THAT is what sustains me.

I went today because I am tired of sitting around and I wanted to get out of the house and find out if I could mingle with people on my own without Bob by my side – he was the people person, not me: I was more than content to stay in the background when we went places, but now I HAVE to get out ‘on my own’ and I needed to find out if I could without breaking down … I could, and I did even though I did have 1 weepy moment while singing the song, “Ivory Palaces” when ‘eternal home’ was sung.

Also, I wanted to let our friends know that Bob was now setting up home in our celestial home. Several people got emotional – they loved Bob; and they were concerned for me. But, I comforted them by saying that I am rejoicing that Bob is with our Lord now, and is no longer in any more pain. I also said that since he had died a second death in 1981 (the first was 1978 when a blood clot broke loose and caused havoc), we had lived with impending death for a long time and understood that we were enjoying borrowed time: we kinda knew that we would not get a 3^rd reprieve if and when his ticket was called again and that is why while asking for a healing we also asked for a speedy and dignified death if that was what was to be; we always let Elohei be God and we always bowed to His Will. No matter the outcome. I stressed that we were okay with that because in 1981 he had been granted, by the grace of Elohim, an additional 37 years of life we wouldn’t have had, had Elohei not been faithful and favored us with compassionate mercy. I believe that Elohim granted those 37 years because we were so in love and so much a PART OF each other; we were together constantly except when he was working. Aside from living for Elohim, we lived for each other; and everyone who knew us knew that about us – including our children, and sometimes that caused friction between them and us. Those years graced to us allowed us to raise our 2 children to adulthood and to be gifted 4 grandchildren born into our small family. We were thankful. And we knew where he would be going when he went: some people don’t know that and their sorrow is devastating. Not so with us; we sorrowed, then we regrouped and rejoiced! And in doing so, I am strengthened; and can comfort those who struggle with coming to grips with Bob’s passing from this life to the next.

The Scripture passage today was Philippians 3:12 thru v.15. It was a timely message. Since 1981, Bob “pressed on toward the goal to win the prize” and he obtained it December 14^th when he answered Heaven’s call to ‘Bob! Come home good and faithful son!’ And “all of us who are mature should embrace this point of view”. Amen. Like I said … it was a timely and potent message.

These are the hymns we sang today – I only knew ‘The Solid Rock’ … the others I had not heard until this afternoon. But I like ‘em ;-)

O for a thousand tongues to sing

On Christ The Solid Rock I Stand Lyrics

Take The Name Of Jesus With You

Ivory Palaces - A Cappella Hymn

ORANGE YOGURT SCONES Recipe

Squawking geese are flying south over the house and it is a chill 32 degrees outside, so I flicked the fireplace on for atmospheric warmth:

I probably should not be using this electric fireplace until I know for sure how the finances are, but I have been good with the $'s so far and I don’t think – I hope anyway! – that it will cost too much to use it for a little bit.

And I have a hankering for stew for Supper … which put me in the mood for these delicious tasting scones :-D

This recipe comes from Ann Holmberg, owner of the Country ranch B & B in Coeur d’Alene, Idaho. It is a delicious breakfast bread, but I eat it with savory winter stews as I find the citrus flavors of the tasty bread blend well with the hearty spice & herbal flavored stews I enjoy ;-)

I use real fresh squeezed orange juice I do myself, and fresh grated orange peel I grate myself. From start to finish with this recipe, the house smells wonderful!

ORANGE YOGURT SCONES Recipe ~ Makes 8 servings

2 cups all-purpose Flour * 1/3 cup + 2 teaspoons Sugar * 2 Tablespoons Baking Powder * 1/4 teaspoon EA Baking Soda & Salt * 3 Tablespoons cold Butter or margarine * 1 carton (6-oz, or about 2/3 cup) orange or lemon flavored Yogurt * 2 teaspoons grated Orange Peel * ¼ cup Orange Juice

In a bowl or food processor, mix or whirl together the flour, 1/3 cup sugar, baking powder, soda, and salt:

Cut in or whirl in butter until mixture forms fine crumbs. Mix yogurt, peel, and juice; add to flour mixture and stir just until evenly moistened:

Remove dough from bowl and mound dough on an oiled 12 x 15-inch baking sheet (I used a round deep sided broiler pan). With well-floured hands, pat mound into an even 9-inch round:

With a floured knife, cut through dough to make 8 wedges; leave in place on sheet. Sprinkle with remaining sugar:

Bake in a 375-degree oven until scones are golden brown – about 25 minutes. Serve hot, or slide onto a rack and let cool until warm. Cut into wedges:

Per serving: 221 calories 22% (49 calories from fat); 4.2 g protein; 5.4 g fat (2.9 g saturated fat); 39 g carbohydrate; 529 mg sodium; 12 mg cholesterol

GOODBYE 2018 - WELCOME 2019

While the tail end of 2018 ended with sorrowful rejoicing, there were many happy and memorable moments before that awful day of August 29th that forever changed the fabric of our household.

Mid-January 2018 found us enjoying a very scenic, and very long roadtrip through the Gorge. There is place there on the backside of the reservation that is very wild and filled with ancient prehistoric landscape of towering volcanic spires and basalt rock outcroppings; my husband knew I loved this wild looking place. The tail end of January found us on the road again – this time to Carnation, WA, which is famous for the Dairy that makes the Carnation Milk products. It was a fun spur-o-the-moment exploration.

In February we walked the local dike and watched the otters frisk and the ducks splash; we even saw a fuzzy-wuzzy. Rosy Finches visited our bird feeder and we finally got snow on the 18th, but Hubs took me up the Toutle towards Mt. St. Helens anyway because the snow was much deeper and he knows I love snow.

March ushered in Spring with a Robin sighting, and I got 2 of my longed for rain barrels: had I known then that THAT was what would send Candy over the edge and lead to my huband’s eventual death, I would never have gotten them; but hindsight is not foresight. So now I have the barrels, but I do not have the love of my life. We also enjoyed 3 mini vacas to Richfield’s Wildlife Refuge, where we enjoyed the wildlife and oohed and awed over the snow white swans; the NW Flight Museum in Olympia; and we also visited the Veteran’s Museum in Centralia. All very interesting.

In April we did several more dike hikes to watch the ducks and threw ends of my homemade bread to them so they came real close to the riverbank and gobbled the bread before it sank; my husband scouted for turtles and pointed them out to me. The end of April found us at the Seaside Aquarium in Seaside, Oregon laughing at the clowning seals and enjoying a sunny walk on the boardwalk.

The month of May was busy with many dike hikes to observe the baby ducks; and at home, we eagerly watched the bird house Hubs built and placed outside the livingroom window – there was a swallow family being set up there and we waited with baited breath for the first sign of baby birds: however, it was not to be; for reasons of their own, the couple abandoned the nest in the birdhouse and the lone egg I found later never hatched. We took a day off from household chores and drove to the Portland, OR Zoo. Then a week later I started a garden in the few planter boxes my husband had built for me in the Fall of 2017, and I made a little tiny scarecrow out of a pair of little Batman PJ’s that had glow-in-the-dark-outlined bats on them and hung them from a shepherd’s hook screwed securely in one of the planters boxes: we wanted to see if they would glow in the night. THAT upset the neighbor, Ron. So now there are TWO things happening that will eventually lead to the August 29th showdown on the front porch that will subsequently lead to a trip to the local ER which will end at OHSU in Oregon. Small and petty grievances that will cost a life and leave a huge hole in our family tapestry. But … we didn’t know that; we were enjoying our life. We didn’t know that these would be the last experiences and adventures. We thought we would have many, many, more years together while making these memories.

Still ignorant of the festering eruption building on the homefront, June found us on an over-night roadtrip around the Olympic Peninsula where we enjoyed an entertaining and adventurous roadside tour of the exotic animals in the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, WA. – and we drove to Neah Bay to view the beautiful Native American artifacts in the archaeological and anthropological Makah Museum where we were awed by the lengthy skeletal remains of a whale hanging above our heads; and on our way home, we also made time to check out wild and beautifully scenic La Push too, which is part of the Quinault Indian Reservation: Hubs had wanted to go there for a long time, but something always cut into the time and it got put off … I am glad now that we made the time and did it. It was worth it and I am glad he experienced that while he could still experience life. Later in the month, we also drove to Lake Tipso, which lies between the Mt. Rainer National Park and the Wenatchee National Park … but we couldn’t walk around the lake because the late season snowpack was too deep; so we just enjoyed the snow and came back home thinking we would go back later – like in August, or September. That never got to happen.

July we traveled to Troutlake via Cougar access to view the Osprey  nests, view Trout Lake with Mt. Adams in the background, and visit the Cedar Creek Grist Mill on the Lewis River in Woodland on the way back home. The Osprey nests were no longer on the ends of the bridge where they have always been, Trout Lake is disappearing; but we did have an awesome view of Mt. Adams, and we did see several colorful moths and butterflies, so the day was not a total bust.

In July my husband built me the rest of the planter boxes I need for a full garden harvest, and I designed/planted a wrought iron sedum planter stake, and Hubs set it in place. He installed 2 more rain barrels for me, which gave me a total of 4, to see me through the gardening season with rain water gathered; it rains a lot in Washington, so these will rarely be dry – now every time I look at those planter boxes, the rain barrels, and that sedum stake now, I will remember my husband doing these things for me because he loved me. And I will refuse to allow the neighbor’s pettiness and the Park manager’s ignorance to rob me of that happiness. Had I known that my husband’s thoughtfulness would rob him of his life, I would gladly have sacrificed the want to garden. We still made time to do short hikes along the dike where a large Blue Heron was in residence.

It was at the end of August that our world began to crumble: Ron ran complaining to Candy with nonsense; and little hitler showed up … and as it goes with all pissing wars, the rest is history. My husband ended up in ER; and in and out of hospitals for the next 4 months. And he never came home, alive, again. September through December 2018 was a nightmare as I came to grips with the reality that my husband was not going to be coming home.

September through October, I spent every day with him at St. Johns hospital coming home only to fitfully sleep before going back in groggy early mornings.

November through December after he had been moved to OHSU in Oregon, I packed a duffle and literally camped out by his bedside not wanting him to be alone … and needing to be with him for as long as I could be. It was emotional. It was healing. It was scary. It was liberating. We were both going home … but to separate homes, where we would live separate lives until Yeshua brings us together again. Will we know each other when we meet again? Yes; we believe so – Yeshua was easily recognizable when he rose in his eternal body, so it stands to reason that we, too, will recognize each other when we get our eternal bodies. But our lives will be different because the realm in which he now lives – and in which I will eventually live in too – is different than what we experienced here on earth.

And so, looking back on the past year, I am reminded of the MANY LOVING things said and done, and I am thankful that Elohim favored me with 44 years of a good marriage to a good man who was a joy and gave me joy. 2018 was 97% GOOD and that is what I will take away with me when it fizzles out at midnight tonight.

And I will embrace ALL that 2019 will bring me. Because that is what my husband would want me to do. By the grace of Elohei I will.

THE SHEPHERD’S STAFF

I woke up this morning around 4:30 a.m. feeling there was something left undone. What that ‘loose end’ was I did not know. So I began to pray. I prayed for the people I know and love; who I have recently learned are struggling with serious illnesses and did not want to burden me with their sad news in the midst of my recent sorrow: 2 are suffering bouts of pancreatitis and didn’t want to mention it to me because of our recent struggle with it – and probably because they have recently seen how serious pancreatitis can get and where it can lead. Though their situations were clearly brought on by alcohol, and my husband’s was not … well, they need prayer: so I prayed for them, hoping they will do what needs to be done medically and seek Elohim for salvation. The other 2 have been told they have cancer. Well, again, they need salvation. So I prayed; and I prayed hard and for results.

And then I realized that Elohim was dealing with me also.

I don’t need salvation, that is already secure, but what I did need was a clearing of accounts – a complete wiping clean of the wrongs done me and my husband. Though I had forgiven verbally and on paper in writ because I know I have to do that in order to successfully move forward and not get lost in mourning, I had not really forgiven in my heart because my sorrow is so great, so raw; and my feelings of righteous anger is so valid. But I listened to Elohei this morning as He spoke a soothing balm to my wounded soul. My desire is to be the woman He created me to be, to be His example and His ambassador as I finish out my walk of life on this earth before I join my husband in that glorious celestial home that waits me. I cannot be the woman He desires me to be, and I cannot be His example or His ambassador, and I may even jeopardize my entry into His celestial kingdom if I refuse to submit to true forgiveness: I must truly forgive and stand aside to allow Him to work in the situation – and as He works, I will stop feeling anger or bursting into tears every time I think of/catch a glimpse of those 2: I may even, through the grace of Elohei stop feeling anything at all towards either of them over time. He has already begun doing that, and Candy’s letter the other day was a start in the right direction (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/dreads-justice-and-cutting-ties.html) – her recent actions on my behalf will not change the disastrous facts, and my husband will not miraculously be coming back through the front door, but she is contrite and wrongs are being corrected as humanly possible. Yeshua is looking out for me and He is gently prodding me with His Shepherd’s staff to get out of life’s weeds, back on track, and stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to life. And I am thankful for that gentle prod.

The simplistic understanding of the dictionary definition of “forgive” is “to stop blaming”: but forgiveness actually goes deeper than that. To forgive someone means that you release them from the weight of the penalty they deserve for the hurt and harm they have caused you; harmful hurt done either knowingly or unknowingly. The benefits of true forgiveness are gifts to both the giver and receiver. Because to stop the blame and grudges … no matter how valid … and to forgive, ultimately releases us from resentment and allows us to experience freedom and peace; and it lifts the heavy weight of recriminating burden off the shoulders of the oppressor. Yet knowing this to be true, we still struggle with forgiveness (1) because we want our tormentors to know that we want them to suffer for what they have done to us (2) we feel righteously vindicated in any punishing action we take towards our oppressors. But, if we claim the Name of Yeshua as our banner, and if we claim kinship with Him as sons and daughters of the father, then we MUST forgive – not so much for the sakes of those that have done us great, and oftentimes, irreparable harm, but for our own sakes; for the simple reason that God has forgiven us when we did not deserve forgiveness. And living in His forgiveness is where peace is found.

for·give/fərˈɡiv – verb; stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Synonyms: pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve

LOW KEY BIRTHDAY

This year will be a very low-key birthday celebration for me; normally my husband would have me up early, bundled up warmly, and in the car to "go find the snow" because he knew I loved the snow and wanted it on my birthday; he always got a kick out of hearing me squeal with delight when the first snowflakes started falling – if he saw them before me he was always quick to say, “Val, look out the window”, and smile indulgently when I got excited. One year he was working away from home - I believe it was the year loggers were allowed into the Mt.St. Helen's Red Zone to do cleanup logging of the blast fallen trees - and he had loaded the backend of his pickup full of snow, cab high, to bring it home so I would have snow on my birthday. Of course I shared it with all the kids on our block ;-) My husband was the block hero that day as the kids waited patiently for the snow to be shoveled out of the truck so they could play in it.

But he isn't here now … and I don't much feel like snow this year. So, it will be a low-key day today, watching some old black-white Youtube movies and enjoying the cookies Cheryl baked; and that she and Mike brought to me yesterday, checking on on me/making sure I am doing okay because they love me. The feeling is mutual: they are good people and I am blessed to count them as friends.

MOD STRIPED BABY SWADDLING BLANKET PATTERN

MOD Striped Baby Swaddling Blanket

I designed and started working on my simple stitch baby blankets while my husband was in and out of the hospitals November thru December 2018 before his spirt stepped off this planet and entered into eternal Shabbat Rest and life with Yeshua: I chose this simple design because while I needed to keep my hands busy; my mind was too occupied with my husband and his immediate needs and starting a complicated fancy design was totally out of the question. As far as I know this pattern has never been done before … at least to my knowledge. I designed and worked my simple baby blanket pattern after the simple knitted dishcloth – minus the openwork edging.

I started the red striped blanket at St. John’s Peace Health hospital and carried it with me to OHSU in Oregon where I worked on it and I never left my husband’s side except for brief 4 hour periods when I had to come back home to WA State and take care of business that had to be done in person.

I finished the red striped blanket; and then started the blue striped blanket at OHSU (my home away from home) and worked on it between Hub’s testing’s, scans, and eventual death … I finished the blue striped blanket at home Thursday evening. 

My simple pattern makes a baby swaddling blanket and is worked entirely in garter stitch measuring about 36” square before washing/drying; I use Red Heart worsted, which shrinks very little and is reliable to hold shape.

Working on these blankets while my husband was fighting for his life – and eventually losing it despite all that was being done medically with the best medical specialty staff in the best medical facility in the PNW that caters to the most medically complex patients (OHSU ranks among the best hospitals in America in 7 specialties; my husband’s condition being one of those specialties) – kept me from going crazy during the most trying period of my life.

The instructions are very simple and straight-forward. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me and I will be happy to help you move forward :-D

MOD STRIPED BABY SWADDLING BLANKET PATTERN

MATERIALS: 1 pair EA #6 knitting needles – straight & round; Needle Point Stoppers; Red Heart knitting worsted; Scissors, Tapestry needle

PATTERN: CO 2 sts; knit 1 st, inc.

Row 2: K 2, inc, k to end

Row 3: K 2, inc, k to end – repeat this row until you have 180 sts on the straight needle, then change to the round needle on following row. Continue Row 3 until you have 240 sts on needle.

This blanket started at St. John’s Peace Health in our hometown and carried with me to OHSU grew too big to keep on the straight needles; so on the first brief 4 hour trip back home to WA State, I switched all the stitches to a round needle and packed it in a large plastic bag inside the duffle I hauled back and forth.

DECREASE ROW: On this row you will begin the decreasing part of the pattern which will make the blanket evenly squared; K 2, dec by knitting the next 2 sts together, k to end.

Next Row: K 2, dec, k to end – repeat this row until you have 180 sts in round needle, then change to the straight needles and continue dec’s. Continue dec’ing until you have 3 sts on needle. EO and weave in loose ends.

I like the way these blankets look and I hope you will too ;-)

DREADS, JUSTICE, and CUTTING TIES

This morning I took the car into the Toyota dealership we bought it from last year for a much overdue maintenance check – it was supposed to go in before my husband ended up in the hospital for 4 months straight; but this morning I had the time, and it was time, so in it went. While in their lounge waiting for the shuttle to take me back home, I saw the most interesting dog:

Hungarian Puli dog

It was covered with dreads! So I struck up a convo with her owner because the dog really interested me … I don’t want one, but I was curious. The woman said she acquired the dog 6 years ago while her army unit was stationed in Germany; the dog was brought across the Hungarian border and was 1 of a litter of 6. It is and ancient breed and was a female, and her name is Huffy. I asked her if it was easy to keep clean, and she said, “Oh yes. The hair self-cleans because it is not oily hair and the dirt and debris just falls off; any loose hair just winds itself into the dreads. And under all the dreaded hair, Huffy only weighs 25 pounds – she just looks large because her hair is so bulky.” So I told her about the 1/2 Timber/1/2 Gray wolf I was blessed to have as a furry companion before I had to put her down due to spreading foot cancer: Precious was self-cleaning too because her outer coat hair was hallow and the dirt and debris just fell off – it also dried very quickly. But unlike the Puli, Precious did shed her insulating undercoat and her neck ruff in the Spring, leaving a trail of “cotton” hunks everywhere she went.

And when I got home and checked the mail I saw a letter from Candy; so I opened it and then called to thank her … it appears she did actually read my letter (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/that-woman.html) and took the necessary steps:

We didn't “dispute” anything ... we had the property line SURVEYED … the colored markings are still on the rock; had Candy actually come to LOOK she would clearly see that Ron is an unrepentant liar. The bricks are unimportant to me … it’s the principle of the issue that matters. And the quip about wandering veggies – never a problem from MY side because I always made sure my veggies did not wander beyond the boundary line. Ron, on the other hand cannot truthfully claim the same.

I believe in karma, and Ron will eventually have to face reality because karma will slap him in his smug lying face faster than I can. But, for now, as long as that pathological narcissistic killer leaves me alone and stays out of my way … I will be content.

Justice is a fine thing.

Ramona called me again this evening and I was very cold to her, having very little to say UNTIL she said, “What are you doing tomorrow for your birthday? David thought he might drive me down …” And then I said, “No. No; I don’t want either of you here tomorrow: or ever. My husband, on his death bed in ICU in September stated that now it was time to stop the familial bullshit and start being a family – and the 2 of you verbally agreed. But you didn’t stop, did you? No, you didn’t. You stabbed us in the back in October, less than a month later. You LIED to a DYING MAN to his FACE in his own home. You LOOKED at him and lied, knowing neither of you ever had any intention of doing what you were mouthing. I don’t want either of you here tomorrow. I don’t want you here ever again.” And I hung up when she went into a defense laced with more unadulterated bullshit. Of all the nerve! I never want to hear her voice again and I will continue to hang up on her every time she calls using a new number. I should have cut these ties years ago: she was always a liar, and her husband has always been a self-serving jerk. They are both judgmental and overbearing. I don’t want to deal with it anymore … I don't take time to make time for it anymore.