Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Friday, March 27, 2020

46 YEARS AGO TONIGHT ~ Love walked In


Today is one of the ‘Specific Grieving Days’ I have earmarked throughout the 365 days of the years. I never want to forget Bob – or the love he lavished on me from the first connection to the last and final separation.


46 years ago, tonight, I didn’t have a clue as to how my life was about to forever be changed by 10 PM, when Bob would literally walk into my life. And stay.


46 years ago, my then boyfriend, Doug Moss, called me earlier in the evening and insisted I come to a kegger he was throwing at the house he was renting a room – from a fella he was working with. He told me the name of the fella, but I didn’t pay too close attention: the name didn’t ring any bells with me. I didn’t want to go to the kegger, but Doug was insistent. We’d been dating off and on since Middle School … and were currently “on” again. He said he had something he wanted to talk to me about: I was curious, so I reluctantly went.

When I arrived, the kegger was unfolding in full force. Everyone was underage (16 to 20; Doug and I were 17 and 18), and Doug was moving  through the crowd, taking his time getting to me. The air was heavy with colognes, perfumes, sloshed beer, and the stench of weed; I wasn’t interested in getting drunk or stoned … so I set myself up as door monitor and carded everyone who looked older than 20 while I waited for Doug to make his way to me to tell the important thing he insisted I be there to hear.

Doug was moving slowly in my direction … when my direction was suddenly changed.

Around 10 PM, in through the open door walked a tall figure of a man wearing a blue plaid jacket fitted to a pair of broad shoulders owned by a man who looked – and walked through the door – as if he owned the place. My “over 20!” radar kicked in: and I stepped up to him, halting him with an upraised palm and a no-nonsense, “You gotta go. You’re too old to be here, and we don’t want trouble with the cops.”

He stopped his forward momentum.

His right eyebrow went up and a slow sexy smile was aimed at me.

I was unmoved.

“You gotta go”, I repeated – motioning to the open door.

The sexy mouth spoke, “I live here; this is my house.”

“Right”, I sarcastically said in my best badass/smartass teen voice. “Bob Hargand owns this house, and you aren’t him.”

I was unmoved. And determined this fella wasn’t going any further than where he stood.

Bob stood firm too. Still amused.

“If you are who you say you are; prove it,” I said. I held my hand out, palm up – wiggling my fingers in his direction. “Show me some ID”. 

He laughed and fished his wallet out of his back pocket, looking me over. He handed me his Driver’s License with a ‘here you go, little snip’ gleam in his twinkling eyes.

Me. 1974

I took the license, saw the Name, and conceded he had the right to be standing there in his own house. Regardless of his age. I stood there looking at the license, thinking of a way to get him out of there without causing a scene: when I noticed the face on the license.

IT WAS THE FACE!

 
Bob. 1967

My mouth fell open in startled surprise and I breathed out in stunned surprise, “Oh, my God. You’re HIM! The face; oh, my God.”


When I looked back up and handed him the license, my hand was shaking. And my face was red. I was embarrassed when I realized too … that I had spoken my private thoughts out loud.

Bob was looking at me while he slipped his wallet back into his back pocket. He was curious. He’d heard what I said, and asked me what I meant. 

So, I told him. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I spilled the beans about how I’d first seen him 7 years ago when he walked past me after lunch in the school cafeteria – and how I waited every day by the corner of the school to catch a glimpse of him; and how crushed I was when I found out the next year that he’d graduated and never walked past that corner of the school again.

Bob’s High School Pic. 1967

I was laughing by the time I finished my peek-a-boo confession. And Bob was laughing too; he was intrigued. As if we’d always known each other, we moved together towards a quiet corner in his livingroom and talked together until just before my midnight curfew hour. Door monitoring was forgotten ;-)


Doug, who had been slowly moving towards me had been waaaay to slow getting to me, and was watching everything happening between Bob and I from the sidelines – he knew that whatever we had together had ended: and I was no longer thinking of Doug – at all: my attention was captivated by The Face my heart had yearned for 7 long years. Doug and I never dated again – but we were lifelong friends until the night Doug died; and Bob came home after work 23 years ago to tell me about the accident.


That all-night chat session in Bob’s Cathlamet livingroom was not ‘a date’ – it was happenstance. Bob was still officially married though he and Gloria had been separated since November 1973: he had come home that night from visiting his 4 year old son in Portland, OR. When Bob walked me home (about 3 minutes away from his house), to make my midnight curfew, I made it clear to him that I didn’t date married men, and though I was happy to finally get to meet him face to face, I would not be a backdoor girl caught up in a messy marital situation. If the divorce he talked about ever happened, he could call me then … but I would be permanently unavailable until then. 

The next time Bob talked to Gloria – who was living with another man and dragging her feet getting a divorce because she was Jehovah Witness (the excuse didn’t make any sense to me or Bob) – Bob put it to her that he had the right to move on with his life too: she quit stalling and filed for divorce on April 1st, 1974 … and Bob gave me a jingle April 15th, asking me out Friday the 19th.


I accepted :-D

And the rest is, as they say, ‘history’.


Bread: Baby, I’m-A Want You - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-QGgGG6QDo
Todd Rundgren: Hello, It’s Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLeCB7Kn-VE
England Dan & John Ford Coley: I’d Really Like to See You Tonight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA0LXsIZXBI
Lobo: I’d Love You to Want Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V633PprL4DM
Spanky and Our Gang: Like to Get to Know You - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqxkdV3Odj0

Thank you, Doug, for insisting I be at that kegger!

Thank you, Bob for finally noticing me all grown up; and making a place for me in your life!



Thank you Yeshua, for blessing my life with Bob’s presence in it for 44 years!

Bob lives on in the DNA of our grandchildren.

I love you, Babe.


Always ~ OX


Thursday, March 26, 2020

DEMONCRAT HYPOCRISY & CORONAVIRUS HYSTERIA


The Pelosi Pork Bill – the reason the stimulus package was held up for 2 days while nervous nancy played queenie.



The Pork list is long. There is over 1400 pages of this crap.


Here's a summary:


• $100,000,000 to NASA


• $20,000,000,000 to the USPS


• $300,000,000 to the Endowment for the Arts


• $300,000,000 for the Endowment for the HumanitieS


• $15,000,000 for Veterans Employment Training


• $435,000,000 for mental health support


• $30,000,000,000 for the Department of Education stabilization fund


• $200,000,000 to Safe Schools Emergency Response to Violence Program


• $300,000,000 to Public Broadcasting


• $500,000,000 to Museums and Libraries


• $720,000,000 to Social Security Admin / but get this only 200,000,000 is to help people; the rest is for admin costs


• $25,000,000 for Cleaning supplies for the Capitol Building / I shit you not it's on page 136


• $7,500,000 to the Smithsonian for additional salaries


• $35,000,000 to the JFK Center for performing Arts


• $25,000,000 for additional salary for House of Representatives


• $3,000,000,000 upgrade to the IT department at the VA


• $315,000,000 for State Department Diplomatic Programs


• $95,000,000 for the Agency of International Development


• $300,000,000 for International Disaster Assistance


• $300,000,000 for Migrant and Refugee Assistance pg 147


• $90,000,000 for the Peace Corp pg 148


• $13,000,000 to Howard University pg 121


• 9,000,000 Misc Senate Expenses pg 134


• $100,000,000 to Essential Air carriers pg 162 This of note because the Airlines are going to need billions in loans to keep them afloat. $100,000,000 is chump change


• $40,000,000,000 goes to the Take Responsibility to Workers and Families Act. This sounds like it's direct payments for workers. Pg 164


• $1,000,000,000 Airlines Recycle and Save Program pg 163


• $25,000,000 to the FAA for administrative costs pg 165


• $492,000,000 to National Railroad Passenger Corporation (Amtrak) pg 167


• $526,000,000 Grants to Amtrak to remain available if needed through 2021 pg 168 (what are the odds that doesn't go unused)


• Hidden on page 174 the Secretary has 7 days to allocate the funds & notify Congress


• $25,000,000,000 for Transit Infrastructure pg 169


• $3,000,000 Maritime Administration pg 172


• $5,000,000 Salaries and Expensive Office of the Inspector General pg 172


• No voter ID to get a ballot, & anonymous “ballot harvesting” pg 650


• $2,500,000 Public and Indian Housing pg 175


• $5,000,000 Community Planning and Development pg 175


• $2,500,000 Office of Housing


• $1,500,000,000 Tenant-Based Rental Assistance Office of Public and Indian Housing. $1,000,000,000 of which can be used as "additional administrative and other expenses". pg 176


• $720,000,000 to the public housing fund pg 177


• $100,000,000 for Community Block Grants for Native Americans pg 183


• $250,000,000 for Housing Block Grants for Tribes pg 182


• $130,000,000 for AIDS Housing pg 185, $20,000,000 of which goes to one time grantees whatever the hell that means pg 186


• $15,000,000,000 for the Community Development Fund pg 188; Only $10,000,000 of which is set aside for infrastructure for fighting infectious disease pg 191


• $5,000,000,000 in Homeless Assistance pg 193


• $100,000,000,000 for Rental Assistance - pg 198


• An additional $7,000,000 enforce the Fair Housing Act - 203


• Paid Family Leave for Sickness is 2 paid work weeks pg 213


• Emergency Family Leave 
Now applies to all employers not just companies over 500 employees pg 208


• Guarantees paid leave to employees who have an in-law who gets sick pg 209


• Opens up leave for some you are in a "committed relationships with" pg 212


Every time the country faces a crisis, real or perceived, there is a rush in Congress to pass massive bills that go far beyond responding to the matter at hand. These phonebook-sized emergency acts are too long and detailed for any legislator to read and fully comprehend.


But we the people can read it and find it's stuffed with gimmicks, giveaways, sweetheart deals and ill-advised policies with no bearing on the COVID-19 crisis itself.


Democrats are feeding Republicans a crisis response bill packed with poison pills, placing them in a no-win situation. Either they go along with this nonsense, handing the bill to Trump to sign, or face gaslighting and blame coming from Democrats and the media.


Bunch of bullshit $9.5 billion giveaway to colleges and universities. It gives $100 million to juvenile justice programs, and suspends various aspects of enforcement of immigration laws.


Hundreds of billions in Green New Deal subsidies. And this Election Safety and Security” or ‘‘ACCESS” Act. This section imposes requirements on states for early voting, voting by mail, required mailing of absentee ballots to everyone, ballot harvesting!


Those unfamiliar with Ballot Harvesting, it's how they manufacture votes in California, (i.e., having third parties deliver absentee ballots), online voter registration, same-day registration and other practices which undermine confidence in the integrity of the ballot.


It's a setup for outright voter fraud, these SOBs are out of their minds, this bill would be a radical step in the wrong direction.


It is hard to quickly to root out whatever other aspects of this bill bear no relationship to COVID-19, but to its backers that is the point.


Remember "We can’t really know what’s in it until they pass it", to  paraphrase petulant Pelosi on another such memorable occasion?


We have been there done that before and got screwed that time, this bill is straight crap.


Playing political games as people watch their jobs vanish, their businesses collapse and their life savings evaporate while they sit in quarantine, this not just bad politics for Democrats, it is simply bad for everyone.



These people have no shame whatsoever.

THIS VIRUS WILL PASS


I can’t spend a lot of time right now on this coronavirus.

Most people think this is a shameful thing to think – to feel – to say out loud.

But … I CAN’T.

I am still trying to come to terms with being a Widow.

I was raised military; but I buck following blindly.

My family background (before Bob) is sketchy … death is nothing new to me: I’ve seen it ALL, and have experienced death on every level; though no death ever affected me like the absence of Bob in my life.

I am STILL reeling from that.

Some days I’m good … other days, like when nonstop dramas and hysterics never let up – it’s hard to stay focused and I get stuck on second-guessing everything. That may be joke for the rest of you – but when there is NO ONE to help redirect and refocus your thoughts, it’s NOT ‘okay’. It's nothing to joke about. It's frustrating to deal with, and a little scary to be feeling.

All my life, until 15 months/12 days/9 hrs. & 29 minutes ago, I NEVER second guessed anything I thought, said, or did. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. I was focused ‘like a laser’ Bob used to teasingly say. Things have changed. A lot. Squirrely people (all over the place) annoy the hell out of me – and now I have become a squirrely person. I don’t like it.

I don’t like being hemmed in.

I don’t like having thumb screws applied - especially by Big Brother.

I don’t like being at loose ends when my thought process gets fucked with.


So, aside from posting links to my Blog – where I post pictures and such – I’m seriously practicing social distancing: from social mediums (FB, news outlets, gatherings. ect.).

I don’t want updates on conflicting and confusing coronavirus “updates” – I am confused enough, trying to heal from the greatest upset of my entire life: life without Bob is a confusion my heart & mind are having a hard time coming to terms with. I can’t deal with everyone else’s upsets right now.

I don’t care how that sounds.

I am still in survival mode – dodging fallout from the past 15 months.

THAT TAKES ALL MY ENERGY AND FOCUS. Hysterical trauma dramas set me back weeks - I am tired of finding myself back at Square #1 when second guessing kicks in and my focus is thrown for a loop.

I don’t want the added stresses of reading on family Pages that people I know, and love, are embracing socialism: that adds a whole new hurt that I just don’t want to feel right now.

I am an American. I am a Christian. I don’t want flagrant and misinformed socialist-communist-antiAmerican-babykilling-elderly, Christian, American abandonment twaddle in my face 24/7.

I have enough heartache to deal with right now.

I can’t spend a lot of time on coronavirus and the political hysterics everyone is caught up in.

The virus will pass: History tells us that.

History also tells us that those who willingly give up their freedom to chase after doomed political causes do not deserve freedom.

I choose freedom.

Freedom … in ALL it’s meaning, purpose, and intent.

And I don’t care if that labels me as being “selfish”.

{{Be Tolerant of Your Physical and Emotional Limits: Your feelings of loss will probably leave you fatigued. Your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired. And your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. Lighten your schedule as much as possible.

Ask yourself: Am I treating myself better or worse than I would treat a good friend? Am I being too hard on myself? You may think you should be more capable, more in control, and “getting over” your grief. These are inappropriate expectations and may complicate your healing. Think of it this way: caring for yourself doesn’t mean feeling sorry for yourself; it means you are using your survival skills.}}


We all, Widowed and Married and single people everywhere are concerned about the spread and the effects of the virus. However, things like this have been happening throughout the history of the world ... and life goes on.

There are many things we can do to protect ourselves from contracting the virus. The number one way is HAND WASHING with soap and water and not touching your face with unwashed hands. But you can still get outside and go for a walk. Play with your dog. Dabble at your hobby. Read a good book. Call friends. And all the other daily activities that make you smile.

Refuse to let every news story be a trigger.

Refuse to be a government pawn to save political careers.

And make good choices.

I TRUST ELOHEI WITH MY LIFE.

This virus emergency shall pass, and worrying about it does not make it go faster, staying busy and productive does!

WILD ROSES ARE A LANGUAGE OF LOVE ~ MOD Wild Roses Oval Crockpot Dustcover

A few weeks ago, I made this striped dust cover for my oval crockpot lid … but I didn’t finish the trim on it until this afternoon:

MOD Wild Roses Oval Crockpot Dustcover

I wasn’t sure which flower to highlight; nothing seemed to ‘fit’.

This morning, I looked at it again.

And roses came to mind – not overblown, gaudy roses … but the small, wild, appealing roses.

I chose to use those :-D

Small crochet wild roses used for Spring flower trim ...

I chose the small, wild rose because true love is not showy. True love is not overblown, or gaudy.

The small, wild, appealing rose is the language of love that comes unannounced and spreads its appeal with wild abandonment to take root in hearts and bloom prolifically.

The wild rose is strong and can weather the elements; its delicate flower pleases the eye. Its unobtrusive aroma pleases the senses. And its potent seed boosts the immune system.


A hybrid rose cannot speak the language of love – it lacks the stamina of strength needed to flourish without worried pampering. It’s gaudy flower, which at first catches the eye … eventually offends with its strident boldness. Its heady aroma which lures with scent … eventually assaults the senses and keeps admirers at a distance. And its sterile seed has no purpose.


In this time, in our American History, we need the strength and the power of the small, wild, appealing rose.

The small, wild rose speaks loudly the language of love.

And America needs love – true love – like never before, right now.

America needs a National boost to its immune system in order to withstand the daily assaults of anti-American twaddle being forced on us from enemies of America determined to infect the weak minded and the soul sick with the disease of socialism, communism, and terrorism – the unholy three that are the hallmark of the demoncrat party headed by the pope’s special ambassador of ill-will, pelosi; obamanite rabid dog, schumer; and the clueless binky bitch squad (alexandria ocasio-cortez, ilhan omar, annaya presley, and rashida talaib).


The small, wild, resilient rose is definitely needed and appreciated right now.

So that is the trim I chose :-D

MOD Wild Roses Oval Crockpot Dustcover
MOD Wild Roses Oval Crockpot Dustcover takes it’s place as the final addition to my own designed and crafted Spring Theme kitchen appliances Dust Covers :-D
MOD Tulip Electric Skillet Dustcover:
MOD Tulip Panni Grill Dustcover:
MOD Viola Crockpot Dustcover:


Wednesday, March 25, 2020

30th DIKE HIKE ~ Walking In The Rain

I logged into FB this morning, and saw that Big Brother is now cyber bullying me – with the help of obamanite lapdog, zukerberg:

This angered me. What part of “NO!” does Big Brother not understand? And how dare the government tap me on FB! Of all the fricking nerve!!

I shut FB down – giving BB the cold shoulder, finished my morning coffee, and decided to practice social distancing from the internet and other social media sources.

I decided to go for a walk. I called around to a couple County Parks to see if their trails were open; they were, and I was cautioned to practice the 6 feet distancing and to avoid the restrooms even if they were open, in case of contagions being on hard surfaces. While dressing and putting my shoes on, I thought and planned to drive to Riverside Park in Lexington, walk the dike there and see if I could spy a seal or two swimming in the Cowlitz River.

Driving through downtown this afternoon, it looked like Longview was open for business – I didn’t see a single business shut down. Fred Meyer parking lot was full; as was Les Swabb, Wal*Mart, Subway, Hart C’s Thai Food, Safeway, Walgreen’s, Lowe’s, the Dollar Tree, Harbor Freight, Big Lots, JoAnn’s, Church door were open and people were coming and going, ALL the gas terminals … the bank buildings were closed with curbside windows open, Winco was busy: only selling bottled water in 48 packs now (pretty heavy to lift and shift) & still NO TP (I do have TP - but it won't last forever). If there was any business closed downtown, it wasn’t apparent. It was business as usual here in Longview.

So, I stopped at Winco to grab water, paper towels, pringles, and some fried chicken to munch on while I hike the dike at 30th. While I was in the checkout line, a woman in front of me was nervous about placing her groceries on the checkout counter – and then she held up the entire line while she bagged her groceries that were piling up in front of the cashier because she didn’t want them moving down the conveyer belt and ‘getting germed’…

Lady holding up traffic because she doesn’t want her groceries moving onto the conveyer belt.

I moved around her and waited to bag my groceries as soon as she got her stuff bagged and moved along. While I was waiting, and watching her paranoia play out, I shook my head when she stood there with gloves on her hands, nervously making sure none of her food touched any surface that would make her head spin around like the exorcist movie … and then, she slapped her phone and her calculator down on the touchpad counter while she slid her card into the touchpad slot. And as fate would have it, when I reached my car outside, she was parked directly across from me; she loaded her groceries from her cart into the back end of her car, pulled the plastic gloves off and threw them down on top of the groceries she had held the line up to protect. 

All that paranoid protectiveness undone in a flash. I felt like shouting, “BOOM!”

Instead, I went across the street to Country Village – the local Health Food Store – and picked up an herbal supplement I am adding to my Senior health regime. They were open for business … if you donned plastic gloves; which was ridiculous because the 6-foot-distancing was not practiced.

At the Dollar Store where I picked up some garbage bags for the kitchen, there were slashes of red tape across the floor, “measuring 6 feet” for safety precautions. And the cashier very dramatically said, “We have to have it because the police check us to make sure we’re following the guidelines”:


I don’t know it that is a truth or not, but what I do know is that as the cart in front of me moved forward to stand before the cashier, and I moved up to stand behind the red line … I was told, “Miss; Miss! You’ll have to move back.” I pointed to the red line and my toes that were clearly behind the red line, and she said, “You’ll have to move back”. She had me move back further: twice. When I gave her an exasperated look, she said, “The lines aren’t exactly 6 feet apart.” She totally contradicted her earlier self-important statement. I rolled my eyes and waited. When I finally stood in front of her cash register waiting to pay, the fan she had set up was blowing at about 100 mph right up my nose cutting off my breathing – I asked her if she could please redirect it until after I paid … and she snipped out a curt, “No!” I moved to the left and told her I couldn’t breathe with it blowing that fiercely up my nose (I’m a shortie), and she shrugged and tapped the touchpad: more fearful paranoia – all that fan’s forceful blowing is doing, is actually insuring she will get hit with a coronavirus bug if an infected person stands at her register sneezing and coughing. That hurricane force blowing is not doing a damned bit of good protection wise. But, people are caught up in hurricane force fearmongering insanity right now; there’s no reasoning with idiots. I moved back into the hurricane force wind of her {protective} fan and punched out my code.

By the time I left Dollar Store, I was not thinking kindly about people – at all. From Big Brother bullies down to snippy Dollar Store peons. I was d.o.n.e. peopling.


Chucking the bagged garbage bags into the back end of my car, I noticed there were angry gray clouds hovering over Kelso, so I also chucked the idea of going to Riverside Park … and decided to hike the dike on 30th, instead. I hadn’t been there for a while; it’s closer to home, and it’s shorter. In case I get caught in a rain shower.

George Carlin’s take on stupid people ran through my thoughts as I drove out of the Dollar Tree parking lot: George was right.

Bob & I used to walk the dike on 30th – it was Bob’s favorite place to walk – if walking was on the day’s docket: and it usually was … I like to walk ;-)

We liked to watch the ducks that swim here; and we saw some interesting species. But we really liked it when the babies made appearances.

Parking, I noticed the trail along the dike was empty of people as far as the eye could see.

Good – I was wanting solitude.

I clipped the walk-a-meter onto my jeans pocket, grabbed my walking stick out of the back of the car, and started walking …

Northern Pintail duck couple. Blue billed ducks.
Gadwall duck couple.
A Mallard & his hens resting.
Rural setting along the dike on 30th. We used to have that much property behind our home on Merritt Drive, 20 years ago – I’m glad we downsized: maintaining that much back yard is a lot of work.
Bufflehead duck couple.

About half way into the hike, it started drizzling:

IF YOU HAVE SENSITIVE EARS and a pious attitude, SKIP THIS YOUTUBE VID LINK:  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rh6qqsmxNs) - in today’s society, substitute pelosi and the rest of the hysterical minions for the Dan Quayle quip ;-)

Before I met and married Bob, I had never heard of George Carlin. Bob used to listen to the Johnny Carson Show (I hated that show; didn’t think Johnny was ‘witty’ at all: very dry – very droll), and Carlin was a frequent guest … one night I overheard George and thought he was a hoot: he perked up the Carson show tremendously – I watched him with Bob every time he was Carson’s guest.

Then, the rain picked up and started falling in earnest.

But, I was not deterred; I need to walk off some irritation, and I wanted to measure exactly how long this dike hike actually is.

Memories of Bob walking with me, holding hands and talking back-n-forth; and echoes of George’s off-color humor, kept me smiling while walking in the rain …

Angry female mallard duck.
Skittish Eurasian Wigeon duck (I researched it when I got home); Mallard in background.
Eurasian Wigeon duck: Bob would have loved seeing this colorful duck.
Nearing the end of the hiking trail.
End of the trail – time to turn around and backtrack back to the car.
Exactly 2 miles (1 hour) from start to finish. And 3/4 of that hike was done in falling rain.

By the time I got back to the car, I was soaked.

But, I was also stoked.

I did the hike in power-stride without breaking a sweat; and my knees aren’t screaming either. I actually felt more of a knee burn when I woke up this morning … walking kinda loosened the knees up, and helped alleviate that burning sensation.

I’ve noticed that when my knees are kept in a bent angle (aka sitting position) either at home – or while driving; that is when they pitch fits.

Walking helps stave off the burn.

Walking is what works for my fussy joints - and balances my pyche :-D


Sunset over the house ...
Sunset over the Columbia River.