My life has changed so much since December 2018. I remarried January 7th, 2023 ... we sold the house, sold our vehicles - and bought a new 4x, a puppy, & a 5th Wheel to travel the mainland States and experience life in the slow lane. As always I record e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. happening in my life: I will share lots of pics & vids of our USA travels: I hope you enjoy our Blog.
Last night, while listening to the blowhard
demoncrats say the baseless crap o.v.e.r.a.n.d.o.v.e.r.a.n.d.o.v.e.r.
again … I hauled out my scrap paper, colored felt pens, cotton yarn,
knitting needles and crochet hook; and spent the time productively designing and crafting a new Spring kitchen towel - my other ones are getting pretty thin - even cotton yarn starts breaking down over the years.
I had saved a pattern detail I liked (found on Pinterest),
so I made a handmade grid using that design to fit MOD towel pattern:
Once the grid fit the gauge, I started knitting.
It made listening to the painful and annoying demoncrat twaddle a bit easier to stomach …
MOD Knit Floral Kitchen Towel hemline.
By the time C-Span wrapped up the torturous ordeal,
my towel was completed :-D
MOD Knit Floral Kitchen Towel finished - I think it turned out pretty good :-D
This morning, I was getting ready to make crab
cakes for freezer meals, when a friend called and insisted that I needed to get
out of the house … and join her for lunch downtown at the County Folks Deli on
Commerce. She knows I am not “peopling” at the moment, but she said, “Val, you
still have to eat: join me.” So, I got dressed, and drove into
town – I am eating at home (full course meals, not just snacks), but it did
sound inviting to enjoy her company sans judgement.She knows me: she
knows my background. There was good convo, good food, no judgement.
I also went for another reason, which I related
to her when we were enroute – this is the first time I have been back to
the Country Folks Deli since becoming a widow. Bob and I had eaten here
at least once a month since they opened for business back in the 1980’s: there
are A LOT OF MEMORIES connected to that place. I needed to KNOW that I could
walk into that restaurant without breaking down.
I laughed when I sat in our booth and saw this notification above the menus :-D I got a Reuben, a Root Beer; they didn't have Coke, and a slice of Cheesecake (Bob always got a root beer) - and she got a Salad and a Diet Pepsi.
This sign made me smile, because we were 2 old country hens enjoying a peaceful lunch; surrounded by an atmosphere that caters to country pleasures.
This recipe comes from my ‘Weight Watcher’s
Favorite Homestyle Recipes’ cookbook.
Because my body does not process some foods safely,
I have to be very careful what I eat … and because I enjoy a wide variety of
foods – including those on the medical “no-no list”; I have to find ways to incorporated
the foods I like into my strict eating regimen. I like nuts and cornmeal; so,
these things have to be ground as finely as possible, to cause as little/no harm
to my body as possible.
Today, I ground cornmeal into a powder:
Cornmeal ready to be ground.
MARYLAND CRAB CAKES Recipe~ Makes 4 servings
14 ounces cooked Crabmeat (I use imitation crab meat)* 12 Saltine
Crackers, crushed * 1 large Egg, beaten * 1/4 cup. Chopped Onion *
2 Tablespoons + 2 teaspoons reduced-calorie Mayonnaise * 2
Tablespoons fresh Lemon juice * 1 Tablespoon dried Parsley * 1
teaspoon Worcestershire sauce * 1/2 teaspoon hot Pepper Sauce, or to
taste * 1/4 cup Cornmeal
In large bowl, combine all ingredients except
cornmeal until thoroughly blended, Shape mixture into 4 patties.
Place cornmeal on medium plate; coat both sides
of patties with cornmeal …
I breaded my cakes on a wax-papered cookie sheet: laid a layer of cornmeal down - topped with patties; sprinkled cornmeal on the patties.
Spray large non-stick skillet with non-stick
cooking spray. Heat skillet over medium-high heat 1 minute; place cakes in
skillet and cook until golden brown, about 3 minutes. Turn over and cook until
other side is golden – about 3 minutes longer:
I used imitation crab meat - tripled the recipe & made 12 patties; freezing them in portions for future meals. Cooked imitation crab meat is safe to refreeze, cooked.
Each serving: 130 calories, 5 g Protein,
5 g Fat, 15 g Carbohydrate, 18 mg Calcium, 214 mg Sodium, 64 mg Cholesterol, 1
g Dietary Fiber
“Through His mercy, we
have taken up this service; therefore, we are not faint-hearted. We have put a
ban on secret and disgraceful methods. We refuse to practice deceit and to
falsify the Word of God. But, by an open statement of the truth, we would
commend ourselves before Elohim to the conscience of every man. And if there is
a veil also over our Gospel, it is there only to those that are lost. They are the
unbelievers whose minds the god of this world has blinded. They are kept from
seeing the radiant light of the Gospel of the glory of mashiach, Who is Elohim’s
own likeness.
Surely, what we preach
is not ourselves, but Yeshua Ha’Mashiach as Adonai ; and about ourselves we simply
say that we are your servants for Yeshua’s sake. For Elohim, Who once said, ‘Let
light shine out of darkness’, has shone in our hearts to give us light and to
give us knowledge of Elohei’s glory, as seen int eh face of Yeshua Ha’Mashiach.
We keep this treasure
in bodies of clay, to show that the surpassing power is from Elohim and is not
in us. And so, though we are at times perplexed, we are never crushed; and
though we are persecuted, we are not forsaken; ad though struck down, we are
not destroyed. In our bodies we always carry with us the death of Adonai Yeshua,
so that the life of Yeshua may also be set forth in our lives. That is, if
while still living we are always suffering death on account of Yeshua, it is in
order that the living power of Yeshua may also work in our mortal frame. So,
while death is at work in us, life is also working in you.
We have the same kind of
faith as the one who wrote, “I believed, therefore, I spoke”, and so we speak
as we believe. We know that He also raised Adonai Yeshua from the dead will
also raise us with Yeshua, and will give us, together with you, a place in His glory.
We are doing all these things for your sake, so that, as grace reaches out to
more and more, the thanksgiving that will go up in praise to Elohim will also increase.
No, we do not lose
heart. On the contrary, even when our outer nature is wearing out, our inner
nature is, notwithstanding, being renewed from day to day. We have trials, but
they are light and for the moment only, and they work out for us a blessedness
that is beyond all comparison, and everlasting. Oh, if we could turn our
thoughts to things unseen, rather than to things visible! For the things we see
are transitory, but things unseen are eternal.
Despite the tempestuous rain storm happening outside my livingroom windows, my day was a happy one ...
12:30 Noon
I'm enjoying rich, hot, coffee to chase away the rainy chill. And happily chewing a chunk of banana bread my granddaughter, Alyna, made :-D
While munching, and sipping hot coffee, I checked FB Pages and came across this notification on a Page:
That irked me.
This old T Rex (moi!) will NEVER be 'decimated' ;-)
I can be considered a dinosaur in today’s society – and it is clear the poster is meant for people like me: old and with a moral code that doesn’t fit the insanity of the ‘new norm’, which is nothing short of an altered reality, with no basis in the real world: we live in America … not the ‘Fantasy Island’ sitcom movie set.
The demoncrat party will NEVER eradicate "dinosaurs": dinosaurs evolve - and still walk among the racist browners (aka: people of color racists), the mentally unbalanced queers, and the powerless witches: while it is true that they are loud and proud … I argue the stronger pitch, because IF they were {stronger} they wouldn’t need to go on the attack to prove themselves. Strong people don’t advocate for the death of those they oppose.
Just sayin’.
Nirvana and Shangri-La are not real destinations ...
Neither are the CHOSEN lifestyles thought to be enjoyed there.
That the demoncrat party actually believes they can kill off an entire sector of society … or that that sector of society WILL die out … is blatantly narcissistic and highlights a distinct break with reality.
Where is their touted 'tolerance'?
Babies and the elderly apparently cannot be tolerated.
Obviously, blinded by their self-righteous and snowflake protests, they have forgotten about evolution, by which DINOSAURS STILL WALK AMONG US.
And speaking of dinosaurs – the Live coverage of Senate Impeachment case this afternoon was a ridiculous dog and pony show spectacle: by which the hate-filled, whiny, bug-eyed, racist, and geriatric House members attempting to take down another T Rex that refuses to die out, continually found themselves up against real Constitutional Experts; and knocked to hang on the ropes, disoriented and losing ground fast. The incompetent House gorillas have already lost control of their monkeys.
The demoncrat House HAS NO CASE; those snarky, impetuous monkeys need a hard spanking – starting with that painted spider-monkey-faced-pelosi witch … and working down the line through the imps: the 'squad', nadler, schumer, and shiff; and slapping cuffs on hellery and the bidens. barak hussain obama will be consigned to Hell; where he belongs. And no doubt his monkeys will join him there.
Total waste of time and The People's $$$$$$$$$$.
Apparently, the demoncrat House wants to hold America hostage with a drawn out trial that will drag into a 6 month ... OR YEARS ... spectacle. Unwanted by anyone but the House morons.
Hopefully, cooler heads will prevail, and the Senate will dismiss the baseless and shameful ordeal forced on The People by a raging House that refuses to accept their Party loss, with the overwhelming WIN by Donald John Trump.
President Trump is undoing their man-god, barak hussain obama's ILLEGAL {laws}. And THAT is what is behind this congressional charade >:-P
(((HEAR THAT?)))
Old dinosaurs roar - they refuse to lie down and die off ;-)
I finished the ‘Tyrannosaur Canyon’ novel tonight; it was a good read, and I know Bob would have enjoyed it too. I liked it because it involved my favorite dinosaur, T Rex – and Bob would have liked it for the man stuff woven throughout the plot.
Bob taught me math concepts, and I taught Bob to spell and read; he was passed in school because of his athletic abilities, but he was pretty illiterate: I realized this one morning when he left a note for me. Bob was dyslexic, and no one had bothered to take the time to help him. So, when he insisted I finish High School after we were married, and keep the checkbook balanced; I struck a deal with him when he got home from work, the day of “the note”: I would suffer the kitchen table math lessons, and he would learn to spell and read ;-)
And that is what we did for the first 6 months of our marriage. We were always a team, pulling together. Once Bob grasped the concept of reading and spelling fluency … he was off and running! And competing with me in speed reading :-D I like to read, and am a voracious reader: I was reading a novel in a day then, because once I started reading, I never put the book down – I read sitting, standing, walking, riding in the car, cooking, loading the washer and dryer, and sometimes in bed if the book really grabbed my attention. Bob got as hungry for reading as I was – his first jump in the water was the book ‘Papillon’ – and that was a read! But Bob never did anything half way; if he was going to do something, he was going all in ;-) He read that book without any struggle. I am a GOOD English and Literature teacher: LOL! And then it was on to Word Search books (which he switched back and forth between, while reading my KJV Bible front to back/back to front after coming home to recoup and heal following his second death in 1981); and later, he started playing computer Word Games (Book Worm, Flip Words). He uploaded the Alpha Betty app onto his Smart Phone. And, he even did a Word Search book and Flip Words during blood transfusions at OHSU, when there in December 2018:
Bob doing a Word Search book.
Bob doing Flip Words on the iPad.
But, our favorite pastime was reading all the 6 Jean M. Auel Earth’s Children novels; starting with ‘The Clan of the Cave Bear’, which kickstarted the series in 1980 … and I snapped the rest up at garage sales when I found them: we’d read them over and over again; the story line never got old. The 1985 third novel in the series, ‘The Mammoth Hunters’, really got to Bob – that one took him a while to finish because the storyline was so upsetting to him. And I cried the whole way through the book too: it was a very emotional storyline, and touched every nerve. We couldn’t wait to get our hands on the follow-up book to see where the story had gone. Ayla and Jondalar’s Cro-Magnon love story really captured our attention, and we found ourselves rooting for them in every book and anxiously awaiting the continuing storyline. We were sadly disappointed to learn that ‘The Land of Painted Caves’ would be the last book in the series … but at the point in time, Jean Auel was 75 years old, and ready to retire from writing.
The Clan of the Cave Bear – 1980 * The Valley of Horses – 1982 * The Mammoth Hunters – 1985 * The Plains of Passage – 1990 * The Shelters of Stone - 2002 * The Land of Painted Caves – 2011
Life, lived in real time; or fictional, like the novel plots mentioned in this post … and sung about by Gary, “ain’t always beautiful”.
But since being bumped from Wife to Widow, the untrustworthiness of Monday has been ratcheted up.
Possibly because my new life modus operandi has completely deviated from my old life’s living patterns. The most obvious and major change, is of course, that Bob is no longer here – and that significantly changes how I view, and deal with, Mondays. Bob was always my steadying factor for whatever Mondays threw at me. And back then; in my old life, as compared to what Mondays are throwing my way now, in my new life: Mondays then were pretty mild … compared to the ramped-up ordeals of Mondays now.
Mondays, always, since December 17th, 2018 (3 days into widowhood) seem to tortuously assault my thoughts with unwanted remembrances. Mondays have become a cruel silent-movie-drama observance I don’t seem to be able to rein in and halt the reel. It’s not that I want to observe the silent viewing: it’s that my mind replays it regardless.
Whether the Grief imp is androgynous, or not – it is a bitch just the same.
All day long.
And being held hostage to the silent showing, that fills my mind’s eye with remembrances of death/grief/trauma related images; and makes my heart feel heavy, and thump uncomfortably – makes me want to run and hide.
But there is no hiding from Grief.
That imp will find you, and plague your thoughts relentlessly until you are a pain wracked mess of sobbing flesh.
But this morning - like clockwork, before dawn had even lit the sky, the torture began.
Pricks into my memory cells probed the possibilities that Bob actually knew he was seriously ill and kept that fact from me. The pin-prick of hazy 7 year old memories before he retired, started the ball rolling: I’m not going to go into details. I’m just going to state what I now believe – having relived these slideshow trauma dramas for the past year: h.e.k.n.e.w.
That’s why he told me in the car as I was rushing him to ER in August 2018, “I don’t think I’ll be coming home this time, Val.”
That’s why he was able to face his impending death so calmly: he NEVER broke down. Ever. He stoically digested what the various physicians were telling him, and calmly got his spiritual situation in order.
And daily asked prayer for me.
His only concern for those 4 months he was hospitalized and undergoing rigorous testing, and that failed surgical procedure at OHSU, was to prepare me to emotionally and spiritually let him go Home.
I’m thinking he probably knew after we left Kirkpatrick’s office 7 years ago. And he never went back to another doctor. Until I forced him into the car and rushed him to Peace Health’s ER Ward on his 69th birthday, the end of August 2018.
I believe now – being forced to watch the silent showings every Monday that he guessed how seriously ill he was. He chose to live his life full-on, no-holds-bar. And the little signs I missed then, have slowly been coming into focus; in bits and pieces, every Monday – forcing me to KNOW.
This would be the ONLY THING BOB EVER KEPT BACK FROM ME. In 44 years, this would be the only time.
He didn’t want me worried. He didn’t want me curtailing our life to settle for a life less lived. He would not give the Grim Reaper a single moment of surrender, until absolutely forced to – and even then, Bob went out under his own terms: making sure I was prepared for his exit in December 2018: there would be no sudden snatching this final death; Bob would not leave me in despair. The other two deaths (1978 & 1981), were sudden deaths, and he was returned back to life: we enjoyed each other for 37 extra years.
As a Christian, and as an adored and deeply loved Wife, I know in my widowed heart that there is nothing I could have done to change the outcome of the events that unfolded, and concluded at the waning of 2018. Neither one of us could have controlled the situations – Elohim was always in control of our lives, and of our life together: there is no arguing that fact. Bob understood that; and I understand that. But, just the same … when Grief visits me in the dark before dawn, and invades my thoughts on Mondays, {knowing} does not help.
But Elohim is compassionate.
Elohim is faithful.
And Yeshua, well acquainted with sorrow Himself, does not let my heart get overwhelmed with sadness during this healing process where I have gained enough in soul strength over the past 478 days (since the beginning of our medical nightmare), that the revelations Grief is forcing on me can’t destroy me. It just reinforces how much Bob loved me, and adds more steel to my backbone.
I am blessed to have been honored by Bob’s incredible love towards me. In all things, my husband was a dying breed: to the day he expelled his last breath, he was a man of chivalry.
Some people … and Mondays … may try to cast doubt on Bob’s character; to question his wisdom in keeping this one thing back from me, and consider that personal decision a flaw in our marriage; but I KNOW the facts of our life together. Bob always told me, and said so many times to his attendants and visiting physicians, that he considered himself lucky in love to have me for his wife. He would hold my hand as I stood beside his hospital beds, and tell them, “I’ve put my little wife through a lot, these 44 years; but she’s stuck. She must love me an awful lot. I know I love her”. And then he would squeeze my hand and smile that sexy smile at me.
And in the end, then – and at the end of every Monday, now: that love Bob honored me with is all that really matters.
It doesn’t matter that h.e.k.n.e.w.
It doesn’t matter that Grief is forcing me to know that he knew.
All that matters, is that we loved each other fiercely. And I love him still.
Physical death sucks.
Grief is a pain in the ass.
But love is powerful.
And my life is blooming again in brilliant color BECAUSE of that love, so fierce and protected.
Would it have mattered if he told me what he suspected and deemed prudent to hold back from me? All I can say to that question is - the choice was his; and I respect that. Bob did what HE THOUGHT BEST for him. For me. For us.
Mondays may be untrustworthy, but Monday’s silent slideshow stirred up by that jabbing imp Grief, can never undermine my husband’s love from me.
Bob wanted to make sure I had my wings before he walked with Yeshua through Heaven’s Pearly Gates.
It took a year for me to learn to ride the updraft.
