THE SHEPHERD’S STAFF

I woke up this morning around 4:30 a.m. feeling there was something left undone. What that ‘loose end’ was I did not know. So I began to pray. I prayed for the people I know and love; who I have recently learned are struggling with serious illnesses and did not want to burden me with their sad news in the midst of my recent sorrow: 2 are suffering bouts of pancreatitis and didn’t want to mention it to me because of our recent struggle with it – and probably because they have recently seen how serious pancreatitis can get and where it can lead. Though their situations were clearly brought on by alcohol, and my husband’s was not … well, they need prayer: so I prayed for them, hoping they will do what needs to be done medically and seek Elohim for salvation. The other 2 have been told they have cancer. Well, again, they need salvation. So I prayed; and I prayed hard and for results.

And then I realized that Elohim was dealing with me also.

I don’t need salvation, that is already secure, but what I did need was a clearing of accounts – a complete wiping clean of the wrongs done me and my husband. Though I had forgiven verbally and on paper in writ because I know I have to do that in order to successfully move forward and not get lost in mourning, I had not really forgiven in my heart because my sorrow is so great, so raw; and my feelings of righteous anger is so valid. But I listened to Elohei this morning as He spoke a soothing balm to my wounded soul. My desire is to be the woman He created me to be, to be His example and His ambassador as I finish out my walk of life on this earth before I join my husband in that glorious celestial home that waits me. I cannot be the woman He desires me to be, and I cannot be His example or His ambassador, and I may even jeopardize my entry into His celestial kingdom if I refuse to submit to true forgiveness: I must truly forgive and stand aside to allow Him to work in the situation – and as He works, I will stop feeling anger or bursting into tears every time I think of/catch a glimpse of those 2: I may even, through the grace of Elohei stop feeling anything at all towards either of them over time. He has already begun doing that, and Candy’s letter the other day was a start in the right direction (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/dreads-justice-and-cutting-ties.html) – her recent actions on my behalf will not change the disastrous facts, and my husband will not miraculously be coming back through the front door, but she is contrite and wrongs are being corrected as humanly possible. Yeshua is looking out for me and He is gently prodding me with His Shepherd’s staff to get out of life’s weeds, back on track, and stay on the straight and narrow path that leads to life. And I am thankful for that gentle prod.

The simplistic understanding of the dictionary definition of “forgive” is “to stop blaming”: but forgiveness actually goes deeper than that. To forgive someone means that you release them from the weight of the penalty they deserve for the hurt and harm they have caused you; harmful hurt done either knowingly or unknowingly. The benefits of true forgiveness are gifts to both the giver and receiver. Because to stop the blame and grudges … no matter how valid … and to forgive, ultimately releases us from resentment and allows us to experience freedom and peace; and it lifts the heavy weight of recriminating burden off the shoulders of the oppressor. Yet knowing this to be true, we still struggle with forgiveness (1) because we want our tormentors to know that we want them to suffer for what they have done to us (2) we feel righteously vindicated in any punishing action we take towards our oppressors. But, if we claim the Name of Yeshua as our banner, and if we claim kinship with Him as sons and daughters of the father, then we MUST forgive – not so much for the sakes of those that have done us great, and oftentimes, irreparable harm, but for our own sakes; for the simple reason that God has forgiven us when we did not deserve forgiveness. And living in His forgiveness is where peace is found.

for·give/fərˈɡiv – verb; stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Synonyms: pardon, excuse, exonerate, absolve

LOW KEY BIRTHDAY

This year will be a very low-key birthday celebration for me; normally my husband would have me up early, bundled up warmly, and in the car to "go find the snow" because he knew I loved the snow and wanted it on my birthday; he always got a kick out of hearing me squeal with delight when the first snowflakes started falling – if he saw them before me he was always quick to say, “Val, look out the window”, and smile indulgently when I got excited. One year he was working away from home - I believe it was the year loggers were allowed into the Mt.St. Helen's Red Zone to do cleanup logging of the blast fallen trees - and he had loaded the backend of his pickup full of snow, cab high, to bring it home so I would have snow on my birthday. Of course I shared it with all the kids on our block ;-) My husband was the block hero that day as the kids waited patiently for the snow to be shoveled out of the truck so they could play in it.

But he isn't here now … and I don't much feel like snow this year. So, it will be a low-key day today, watching some old black-white Youtube movies and enjoying the cookies Cheryl baked; and that she and Mike brought to me yesterday, checking on on me/making sure I am doing okay because they love me. The feeling is mutual: they are good people and I am blessed to count them as friends.

MOD STRIPED BABY SWADDLING BLANKET PATTERN

MOD Striped Baby Swaddling Blanket

I designed and started working on my simple stitch baby blankets while my husband was in and out of the hospitals November thru December 2018 before his spirt stepped off this planet and entered into eternal Shabbat Rest and life with Yeshua: I chose this simple design because while I needed to keep my hands busy; my mind was too occupied with my husband and his immediate needs and starting a complicated fancy design was totally out of the question. As far as I know this pattern has never been done before … at least to my knowledge. I designed and worked my simple baby blanket pattern after the simple knitted dishcloth – minus the openwork edging.

I started the red striped blanket at St. John’s Peace Health hospital and carried it with me to OHSU in Oregon where I worked on it and I never left my husband’s side except for brief 4 hour periods when I had to come back home to WA State and take care of business that had to be done in person.

I finished the red striped blanket; and then started the blue striped blanket at OHSU (my home away from home) and worked on it between Hub’s testing’s, scans, and eventual death … I finished the blue striped blanket at home Thursday evening. 

My simple pattern makes a baby swaddling blanket and is worked entirely in garter stitch measuring about 36” square before washing/drying; I use Red Heart worsted, which shrinks very little and is reliable to hold shape.

Working on these blankets while my husband was fighting for his life – and eventually losing it despite all that was being done medically with the best medical specialty staff in the best medical facility in the PNW that caters to the most medically complex patients (OHSU ranks among the best hospitals in America in 7 specialties; my husband’s condition being one of those specialties) – kept me from going crazy during the most trying period of my life.

The instructions are very simple and straight-forward. If you have any questions, feel free to contact me and I will be happy to help you move forward :-D

MOD STRIPED BABY SWADDLING BLANKET PATTERN

MATERIALS: 1 pair EA #6 knitting needles – straight & round; Needle Point Stoppers; Red Heart knitting worsted; Scissors, Tapestry needle

PATTERN: CO 2 sts; knit 1 st, inc.

Row 2: K 2, inc, k to end

Row 3: K 2, inc, k to end – repeat this row until you have 180 sts on the straight needle, then change to the round needle on following row. Continue Row 3 until you have 240 sts on needle.

This blanket started at St. John’s Peace Health in our hometown and carried with me to OHSU grew too big to keep on the straight needles; so on the first brief 4 hour trip back home to WA State, I switched all the stitches to a round needle and packed it in a large plastic bag inside the duffle I hauled back and forth.

DECREASE ROW: On this row you will begin the decreasing part of the pattern which will make the blanket evenly squared; K 2, dec by knitting the next 2 sts together, k to end.

Next Row: K 2, dec, k to end – repeat this row until you have 180 sts in round needle, then change to the straight needles and continue dec’s. Continue dec’ing until you have 3 sts on needle. EO and weave in loose ends.

I like the way these blankets look and I hope you will too ;-)

DREADS, JUSTICE, and CUTTING TIES

This morning I took the car into the Toyota dealership we bought it from last year for a much overdue maintenance check – it was supposed to go in before my husband ended up in the hospital for 4 months straight; but this morning I had the time, and it was time, so in it went. While in their lounge waiting for the shuttle to take me back home, I saw the most interesting dog:

Hungarian Puli dog

It was covered with dreads! So I struck up a convo with her owner because the dog really interested me … I don’t want one, but I was curious. The woman said she acquired the dog 6 years ago while her army unit was stationed in Germany; the dog was brought across the Hungarian border and was 1 of a litter of 6. It is and ancient breed and was a female, and her name is Huffy. I asked her if it was easy to keep clean, and she said, “Oh yes. The hair self-cleans because it is not oily hair and the dirt and debris just falls off; any loose hair just winds itself into the dreads. And under all the dreaded hair, Huffy only weighs 25 pounds – she just looks large because her hair is so bulky.” So I told her about the 1/2 Timber/1/2 Gray wolf I was blessed to have as a furry companion before I had to put her down due to spreading foot cancer: Precious was self-cleaning too because her outer coat hair was hallow and the dirt and debris just fell off – it also dried very quickly. But unlike the Puli, Precious did shed her insulating undercoat and her neck ruff in the Spring, leaving a trail of “cotton” hunks everywhere she went.

And when I got home and checked the mail I saw a letter from Candy; so I opened it and then called to thank her … it appears she did actually read my letter (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/that-woman.html) and took the necessary steps:

We didn't “dispute” anything ... we had the property line SURVEYED … the colored markings are still on the rock; had Candy actually come to LOOK she would clearly see that Ron is an unrepentant liar. The bricks are unimportant to me … it’s the principle of the issue that matters. And the quip about wandering veggies – never a problem from MY side because I always made sure my veggies did not wander beyond the boundary line. Ron, on the other hand cannot truthfully claim the same.

I believe in karma, and Ron will eventually have to face reality because karma will slap him in his smug lying face faster than I can. But, for now, as long as that pathological narcissistic killer leaves me alone and stays out of my way … I will be content.

Justice is a fine thing.

Ramona called me again this evening and I was very cold to her, having very little to say UNTIL she said, “What are you doing tomorrow for your birthday? David thought he might drive me down …” And then I said, “No. No; I don’t want either of you here tomorrow: or ever. My husband, on his death bed in ICU in September stated that now it was time to stop the familial bullshit and start being a family – and the 2 of you verbally agreed. But you didn’t stop, did you? No, you didn’t. You stabbed us in the back in October, less than a month later. You LIED to a DYING MAN to his FACE in his own home. You LOOKED at him and lied, knowing neither of you ever had any intention of doing what you were mouthing. I don’t want either of you here tomorrow. I don’t want you here ever again.” And I hung up when she went into a defense laced with more unadulterated bullshit. Of all the nerve! I never want to hear her voice again and I will continue to hang up on her every time she calls using a new number. I should have cut these ties years ago: she was always a liar, and her husband has always been a self-serving jerk. They are both judgmental and overbearing. I don’t want to deal with it anymore … I don't take time to make time for it anymore.

CHEESE TOPPED MEAT PIE Recipe

This is a tasty dish and leftovers freeze well. Good source of protein.

CHEESE TOPPED MEAT PIE Recipe ~ serves 8

1 pound ground Beef * 1 small green Bell Pepper, chopped (about ½ cup) * 1 small Onion, chopped (about ¼ cup) * 1 jar (2 ounces) diced Pimento, drained * ½ cup all-purpose Flour * ½ cup Milk * 2 Egg yolks * 1 Egg * 1 tsp. Salt * 1/8 tsp. black Pepper * 1 Tbsp. Margarine * 1 TBSP all-purpose Flour * ½ tsp. dry Mustard * ¼ tsp. Salt * Dash Cayenne pepper * ½ cup milk * 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (about 4 ounces) * 2 Egg whites

Gather all ingredients measured out for easier flow in the cooking process ...

Cook and stir ground beef, green pepper and onion until beef is browned; drain. Stir in pimento. Spread beef mixture in ungreased pie plate, 9 X 1-1/4 inches:

Beat ½ cup flour, ½ cup milk, the egg yolks, egg, 1 tsp salt, and black pepper with hand beater until smooth. Pour over beef mixture in pie plate:

Heat oven to 375-degrees. Heat margarine in 1-quart saucepan until melted. Blend in 1 TBSP flour, mustard, ¼ tsp. salt, and the cayenne pepper; cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until smooth and bubbly – remove from heat. Stir in ½ cup milk. Heat to boiling, stirring constantly; boil and stir 1 minute. Add cheese and cook over low heat just until cheese is melted:

Beat egg whites in a medium sized bowl until stiff but not dry. Fold cheese mixture into egg whites; spread over beef mixture:

Cook uncovered in oven until golden brown and knife inserted halfway between center and edges comes out clean – 20 to 25 minutes. Serve immediately.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ACTS ~ Chapter 27

                                          

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ACTS ~ Chapter 27

And when it was decided that we should sail to Italy, they placed Paul, together with some other prisoners, in the care of a captain named Julius, a member of the imperial regiment. We went on board a ship from Adramyttium, which was about to sail along the coastal places of Asia Minor. And as we set out to sea, we had with us Aristarchus, a Macedonian of Thessalonica. The next day we made a stop at Sidon. There Julius, who was kind to Paul, gave him leave to visit his friends and to refresh himself.

Then setting out again, we sailed along the south coast of Cyprus so as to avoid the contrary winds. And then, having crossed the sea along Cilicia and Pamphylia, we arrived at Myra in Lycia. There the captain discovered an Alexandrian ship that was bound for Italy, and transferred us to it. We sailed along slowly for several days and had difficulty reaching Cnidus. As the wind would not let us go on, we sailed along the south of Crete, passing Salome. And though hardly making any headway, we came to a place called Fair Havens, near the town of Lasea.

Since much time has been lost, the fall festival was already over and navigation had become dangerous. Paul therefore gave warning. “Sirs,” he said, “it seems to me that this voyage will likely end in disaster and great loss, not only of the cargo and ship, but also of our lives.” The captain, however, put his faith in the pilot and the owner of the ship rather than in what Paul had said. Furthermore, the harbor was not fit to winter in, so the great majority favored the idea of setting out to sea again, in hopes that they might possibly reach port and winter in Phoenix, a harbor in Crete facing northeast and southeast.

Then, when a gentle south wind started to blow, they supposed that their plan was favorable, so they weighed anchor and set sail, keeping close to the Cretan shore. But it was not long before a terrible gale, known as a north-easter, burst down upon them. The ship was caught in the grip of the wind and could not face it, hence we gave up and were driven before it. As we passed under the shelter of a small island called Clauda, we managed with great difficulty to make the ship’s boat safe. They hoisted it up and then they bound ropes around the ship to brace it. But from fear that they would be thrown upon the Syrtis quicksands, they lowered the sail and let the ship drift.

The next day, as the ship was violently tossed about by the tempest, they began to throw the cargo overboard. And on the 3^rd day with their own hands they threw overboard the ship’s tackle. For many days we saw neither sun nor stars, and a great storm continues to bear down on us, so finally we lost all hope of being saved.

And when they had not food to eat for a long time, Paul stood among them and said, “Friends, truly you should have listened to me and not set sail from Crete to undergo this disaster and loss. But now I want to encourage you to be of good cheer, for there will not be any loss of life among you, but only the loss of the ship. For last night there stood by my side an angel from the God to whom I belong and whom I serve.  The angel said, ‘Paul! Don’t be afraid! You must appear before the emperor, and Elohei has given to you the lives of all your fellow voyagers.’ Therefore, cheer up men! I believe in Elohei, and that it will turn out exactly as it was told to me. We shall, however. Be shipwrecked on some island.”

On the 14^th night of the storm, as we were drifting about in the Adriatic Sea, the sailors about midnight began to suspect that land was near. By taking soundings they found the depth to be 120 feet. When they had gone a little further, they sounded again and found 90 feet. Then, fearing that we might be dashed against the rocky shore, they dropped 4 anchors from the stern and waited for dawn to come soon. The sailors were planning to abandon the ship. So, under pretense that they were going to drop anchors from the prow, they lowered the boat into the sea. Then Paul said to the captain and the soldiers, “These men must stay in the ship or you cannot be saved!” Then the sailors cut away the ropes of the boat and let it go.

Just before the break of day, Paul urged them all to eat some food. “Today is the 14^th day,” he said, “that you have not had time to eat because of your being on watch. I beg you, therefore, to take something to eat. You need it for your own safety. For not one of you will lose even a hair of his head.” Having said this, he too some bread, gave thanks to Elohim before the all, broke the bread and began to eat. All of them, then, much encouraged, helped themselves to food. There were, all told, 276 of us on the ship. When they had satisfied their hunger, they threw the supply of grain into the sea in order to lighten the ship.

When daylight came they could not recognize the land, but they spied a bay with a bench and resolved to run the ship ashore there if possible. So they cat away the anchors and left them in the sea. Then they loosened the ropes on the rudders, hoisted the foresail to the wind and made for the shore. But they struck a shoal, made by 2 opposing sea currents, and the ship ran aground. The prow of the ship stuck fast and was immovable, but the stern broke up under the violent pounding of the waves. The soldiers had in mind to kill the prisoners, fearing that they would swim ashore and escape. But the captain wanted to save Paul and prevented them from carrying out their intentions. He ordered all who could swim to jump overboard and strike out for the shore. And as for the rest, some should use boards, and others should grab anything they could find on the ship. And in this way it came about that they all got safely to land.

**ACTS 26: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/the-gospel-according-to-acts-chapter-26.html

HARD LESSONS

OMG ...

This is SO HARD!

So … I took care of most of the name changes the day before Christmas after Hub’s Death Certificate finally arrived; couldn’t do anything until then. Today I am still trying to switch everything into my name, and was totally unprepared for hidden transfer fees and delayed transfers - taking Hub's name off the house title/property tax is $46.00 ... not large, but when you don't have it, it IS a large sum. Ditto for the vehicle title transfer, which is $37.50: I hope and pray I will have these sums available the end of February to get it done. I thought that since both our names are on everything it would just be a simple procedure to pull his name and switch everything to my name only – but ((((NO))))!!!! – I have to also have the Titles on hand with Death certificate and Marriage License; WHO walks around with these things on their person? And then AARP has UPPED the Insurance costs to an additional $22/yr because now "there is only 1 driver instead of 2"; uuhh … oookaaay. Seems to me the price should go down since there is only 1 driver. Right? And the Bank wants me to WAIT 3 months - at least - to be sure "any forthcoming checks in his name can be cashed instead of held up if you do it now." I get it, kinda: but I just don't want to be dealing with grieving and crying anew for months on end when having to put things off.

I just want all of it o.v.e.r already! Losing him is hard enough without revisiting it again, and again, and again just to make the tax man happy. How can I move forward if I am kept in suspended limbo or am dragged backwards time and time again?

No one tells you these things beforehand so you are prepared. Hubs and I discussed life after death many times over the past decades, and he did everything he could to make sure I would not be left struggling if he went before me. I thought we had everything covered: apparently not. I hope there are no more sudden surprises.

It is hard to find them out unexpectedly when you are already dealing with so many other things you now have to do on your own :-(