ALARMED ~ But, Not Fearful

A 2:45 AM text woke me up.

The text alarmed me … and I pushed fear out of my immediate environment.

Brain surgery is dicey; this is alarming.

The rest of the texting did not end on a good note; Sara’s mother (my youngest sister) is not being rational, on any level. This situation is not about anyone else, no matter who they are: it is about Sara - period.

I am glad Sara's mother reached out to me – that she reached out at all tells me how scared she is; but I didn’t feel like butting heads at 3 AM, so I responded to the last self-absorbed text by shutting the phone down; and going back to sleep.

Sometimes the best response is no response.

Seven hours later I woke up crying.

I miss Bob; especially in situations like this one. I miss his soft, soothing voice. I miss his long arms reaching out and pulling me into his chest, in a big bear hug while he kissed the top of my head. I miss his large, comforting hand, reaching out and enveloping my small hand with an assuring squeeze that told me her shared my concern; and felt my feels.

As my eyes started focusing in the morning filtered light, my thoughts also turned to thinking of Sara: alone, in a Nevadan hospital. In isolation. Scared with a life-altering surgery hanging over her head.

When I talked to Sara a few days ago, she was scared – but also being brave: she was considering her situation rationally, and making logical decisions.

I indulged the tears for a few minutes … then went for a drive. Sitting at home crying won’t change the situation. Rehashing the AM text wouldn’t help anything either. Driving doesn’t change the situation either – but driving relaxes me, and gets me out of my head: spinning wheels on pavement is better for me than spinning mental wheels.

I know Elohim is in control, no matter how dire situations are: He has the final say.

And He gives rest in times of unrest.

PERIOD OF TESTING

It’s a good thing I like the Book of Job – it’s my “go to” Book when life gets tipsy-turvy.

All day long … too bad we can’t just cut to the chase and embrace the end result 😉

I was up at 4:30 AM: I had gone to be early the night before, and I just couldn’t sleep any longer.

I changed the sheets on the bed, showered, dressed – and even had time to paint my fingernails before leaving the house for Fellowship.

I was feeling pretty accomplished; and thinking about a Pumpkin Spice Latte as I rounded the backend corner of Highlander … and was brought up short with a gasp, and a quick frustration.

This was how I parked the Highlander last night, after topping the gas tank.

This is what greeted my eyes this morning as I rounded the back end of the Highlander. 7:50 AM.

candy scott does not vet new Park tenants - she just passes them in because she personally knows them.

candy and her pals must be demonrats – they show all the signs of devilry.

I top the gas tank $40.00 a trip ... I am on the road practically every day of the week.

The thieves did not get any of my gas; thank You, Yeshua!

The thieves have no fear; they know there will be no repercussions because they have it 'in' with the {manger}.

The Park is in a downward spiral with candy at the helm.

It would be so easy to get furiously angry with candy for her lackadaisical managing of the Park, but frankly I’m burned out on hot anger towards her for (1) my husband’s death, which she played a huge part in (2) her lax attitude when it comes to background checks on new tenants here – that is part of the Rules/regulations of this Park; a Manager’s responsibility (3) she is a sneaky, conniving, bullying thief herself … having her get after the thieves running rampant in this Park would be worthless: they are probably people she personally knows.

I had to be careful of my thoughts this morning, as I left for Fellowship.

Matthew Ward – “Moment By Moment”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sN7AYTE2C0U

In this solo lobo life I live now, it’s a tightrope walk mentally, and spiritually, when it comes to dealing with candy and her ghetto minded cohorts.

I intend to get to Heaven: I can’t let being angry with candy 24/7/365 keep me from the goal.

Matthew Ward – “Trust In You”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDhvVCTdGmk

candy believes in karma.

I can let karma deal with her.

I saw the opened gas tank.

I got peeved; then gave it to God.

she won’t be able to tune Him out.

candy believes in karma.

I can let karma deal with her.

I thanked Elohim that I still had a full tank of gas as I drove to Fellowship.

The drive was lovely, with gently falling leaves. And the air was crisp, with a hint of Fall on the gentle breeze.

I was excited to be excited about Fall again: Fall was always my favorite time of year, but since Bob went into ER in the Fall of 2018 – and passed from this life to the next in the Winter of 2018; I haven’t felt anything but profound sadness when Fall comes around. Today, I was actually enjoying the swirling falling leaves, and tipping my nose to the Fall scent on the breeze.

My life is being infused with life again.

Fellowship was enjoyable, too.

I always enjoy time spent with people who love God as much as I do 😊

After Fellowship, I thought I’d change the drive home scenery, and enjoy driving the Astoria-Rainier loop drive home instead of the Raymond-Pe Ell loop I’ve been doing for months.

That turned out to be another surprise I wasn’t prepared for.

There was back-to-back slo-mo traffic on the Astoria-Meglar Bridge: traffic was backed up the entire 4-mile length … from the WA side, to the Or side.

Back-to-back slo-mo traffic on the Astoria-Meglar Bridge, this afternoon.

Stuck on the bridge in snail mode traffic.

Please don't let traffic stall at the high point of the bridge ...

And I got stuck for about 5 minutes at the tip-top!

Apparently, Elohim thought I needed a lesson in viewing that slice of Earth’s vantage view from the crow’s nest height of the Bridge.

I didn’t agree.

But what do I know of the outcome of that unwanted lesson?

I don’t mind being a BadAss … but I really hate the testing.

To my left; ships waiting to dock.

To my right; where I will eventually get to – Warrenton Shopping Complex.

Stuck on the bridge, my palms were sweaty on the steering wheel – deep water terrifies me … and I was literally stranded on the longest bridge in North America; and it spans seriously deep water (196 feet depth!) that leads to the Pacific Ocean. A sudden Pacific Ocean storm could slam the bridge with 150 mph winds.

I was not happy to be stopped on that bridge for any length of time!

I had kept wiping my sweaty hands on my skirt. It was rayon fabric: it was not a very good sweat absorbing fabric.

I prayed. 

A lot. 

I hate that bridge. 

A lot.

I was thankful when traffic started crawling forward again – and I was thankful Elohim mercifully graced me to get through that testing time without a panic attack. I get antsy being confined in any area without an escape route.

I’ve been over that bridge several times solo lobo since Bob graduated to Heaven … but this was the first time I was stranded on it (bottom and top) without Bob’s calming presence beside me.

Yeshua got me through 😊 

There was no wreck on the bridge: traffic was just not flowing smoothly due to cross-traffic at the bridge’s exit, in Astoria.

God will keep the minds/lives of those who love Him in perfect peace (Isaiah 26:3) – and He will make them to lie down is peace and safety (Psalm 4:8).

The flat tire (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/08/history.html).

Dudley Doright/Jim Dandy (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/08/jim-dandy-to-rescue.html & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/09/gold-lining-day.html).

The scott’s (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/08/stay-my-hand-jesus.html).

The broken glasses (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2021/09/blindly-moving-forward.html).

The attempted thievery of gas (this post). 

These are all testing interludes in my solo lobo life. 

Matthew Ward – “Psalm 61”: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wM3zOBd3s5A

Thank the Lord, I know HE has everything under control, and gives my spirit peace like a river 😊

Peace Like A River: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C5B0MUGzxfs

Now, I’m going to put my Pj’s on; and snuggle under the bed covers with Clive 😉

Tonight's Read.

HOUSE THAT SCREAMED DANGER

I was up early this morning, so I decided to have breakfast at Peper’s 49r Restaurant on my way through Castle Rock; I like their homemade Hash 😊

Another house hunting venture.

Peper's 49r Restaurant in Castle Rock, from Heron Pointe; via Delameter Road - 26 mins.

I ran into Carl and the boys (young men now, actually) at Peper’s; Matthews baby girl is due August 26^th – Grandpa Carl is hoping for the 15^th 😉

After leaving Peper’s, GPS wanted to direct me to Toutle to reach the house I was to meet Shay at … I decided on the Jackson Highway route. I wanted to make my appointment on time; and I can’t afford to be wasting gas right now – it’s escalating in price, and I’ll be doing a lot of running around to check houses out: I have to be very frugal now.

I arrived in Toledo earlier than anticipated, so I waited time out in a graveled roadside pullover; finishing a thick novel I had started a few days ago … and watching traffic pass by.

While I waited and watched passing traffic, I happened to notice a big house on a distant hill: and the hilltop being leveled to make room for more houses to be perched up there.

Waiting for Shay, just outside of Toledo ... I saw a house on a distant hill; and land being cleared for more.

Clearing in the clouds that reminded me of Bob's beautiful asian eyes - I had specifically asked him & Yeshua to help me in my new home search: today there was an 'eye in the sky' ;-)

I have specifically asked Bob & Yeshua to help me find a new home; to help me find the roads, and secure a new home that won’t cripple me financially: any house I find and agree to terms with, will need fixing – I am hoping the one I agree to will not end up costing me a fortune to bring up to date.

I did try to find something ‘workable’ in that house, but it truly was a disaster waiting to happen!

Every sloppy attempt at self-carpentry room in that house was a safety disaster, and a remodeling nightmare! I honestly do not know what the owners were thinking when they picked up a hammer and a bag of nails …

Plus, Shay could reach the ceiling with her fingertips and outstretched arm: not a big deal for me … I’m short … but she did have a point when she said, “Val a 6-foot man could not stand straight in this house.” I looked at her, like, ‘do you know something I don’t know? Currently there are no men in my life; and I have no plans to include one.’ Then she said, ‘If you decided at some point to sell any house you have – you have to figure in for tall men at some point.’ Point understood 😊

Safely exiting that house of dilapidated horrors, I laughed most of the way home thinking of that house that screamed {DANGER!} from the moment the front door was opened, and Shay was catapulted halfway into the livingroom/dining room when she tripped over the excessively high threshold made of at least 3”-thick wooden planks cut in a crescent at the door … so the door could easily swing open – but that 3” height was a real, and present, danger. And that sorry attempt at {remodeling} was not the only clear and present danger; the entire scabbed together house needs to be restructured from the porch boards to the house ceiling. Like I said … I don’t know what the heck the owners were thinking when they took hammer and nails in hand.

I sincerely hope Shay did not seriously tweak her back during that forward momentum entrance. I wanted to grab her, but I was worried my attempt to help steady her would only throw her further off balance and cause her to fall.

The self-appointed {carpenter} created a trip-hazard-boobytrap.

I was not laughing because that house almost killed Shay – I am laughing because you have to laugh at life’s unexpected/unguarded moments. If you don’t, you get sucked into the insanity of the moment.

Life is a trip (pardon the pun).

I was on roads I'd never been on before - so even though the house was a bust, it was still a 'gain' day.

Country backroad attraction; I love seeing people honoring and respecting Old Glory.

The demonrat covid mandates that led to job losses ongoing, have made building materials scarce & expensive.

Interest rates are really low ... but everything else connected to housing is really very, very high.

Houses, to me, are like men: they are a dime a dozen … but there’s that one special one that will steal your heart and make you go all in.

I had that special man, for 44 years.

I’m still waiting for that special house: I’ll know it when I see it, and there will be no doubt it will be worth the time and effort to merge my life with it.

For the remainder of the day, I’m going to kick my shoes off – throw my bra across the room – relax in Bob’s recliner with a beer to celebrate Shay narrowly escaping a serious fallout with that dangerous house … and start a new read.

New Read.

It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

‘It’s 5 O’clock Somewhere’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfqtO88ZlBQ