The holidays are upon us.
Again.
Hard times for
those who are alone – with no immediate human contact.
10 months out of the year I
do fine: I have good friends. I can get outside the bulk of every day, most
every day. I have activities that keep my body, soul, and mind occupied the
majority of awake hours.
I’m happy.
I’m healthy.
I’m reasonably {adjusted} to my new station I life.
But 2 months out of the year
I am scrabbling to hang on.
I’m told this is normal.
I want something different –
Bob would want something different for me.
I
know Elohei has Plans for me that won’t include this deep sorrowing; I am
patiently waiting.
But, some days … waiting is hard.
I woke up punk this morning;
and when I did fully wake up (without rolling over again and trying to shut the
day away), I didn’t want to get up.
There’s no rush, anymore, to get up.
When that
thought tries to dominate my thoughts … I jump out of bed quick; and find a
reason to get out of bed.
The reason I settled on this
morning was, Christmas greenery 😉
I want to do something
different with the front porch this holiday season; and I thought a trip to
Centralia might help me with that – I knew just the place I wanted to go
looking, for what I had in mind 😊
Control the Day; or the Day will control you.
I figured it would take me a little under 2 hours one-way, safely driving the backroads in the driving rain. I changed the furnace filter, put the garbage/recycle cans at the curb; grabbed my travel coffee mug, book, coat ... and boogied.
Falling leaves were
fluttering on the wet breeze, and woodsmoke was in the air.
The drive was enjoyable –
the temperature, even with the chilly rainfall, was okay. The music playing was
uplifting, and soothing. The scenery was enjoyable; even though the mountains
were being shy, and hiding themselves in the shrouding clouds.
Toledo Airport
Officially Listed as Possible Site for Major Commercial Airport in Washington
State: https://www.chronline.com/stories/toledo-airport-officially-listed-as-possible-site-for-major-commercial-airport-in-washington,260200#:~:text=Toledo%20Airport%20Officially%20Listed%20as
I don’t know what it was
that triggered the tears, but something rubbed my fur the wrong way … and all
those emotions I was hoping to distance myself from, started putting their hooks
into me ☹
The missingness comes and goes.
There have been significant
periods this year where the missingness has not been acute (I’m aware of the
absence, but it doesn’t tear at my heart anymore): but, then there are
days like today – where it really sucks me in: it hits my heart with a
vengeance, and hooks my thoughts. I just have to ride the tears out. They
eventually stop.
Most of the time, the tears
happen suddenly – no warning: no apparent reason for them (no thoughts had
been whipped up). But when they start flowing … the reasons make themselves
known.
My heart misses Bob’s heart.
Always at this time of year.
Centralia is a city: but
it’s half the size of Longview. Literally. It might be fun to spend
an entire afternoon kicking around Main Street, sometime in 2022 😉
I made my destination
without any snafu’s; and found what I could use.
After I stashed my purchases
in the Highlander, my stomach was urging me to feed it – so I nipped over to
the Country Cousin.
Highway 603 to Napavine is
where things took an interesting turn 😉
I thought I’d bypass Vader
by going over Military Road from Winlock: GPS led me off the beaten track to N
Military Road … which does eventually tie into S Military Road (which I
wanted); but GPS took me faaaar afield – totally missing
the Military Road I was aiming for.
It was raining so hard, I
wanted to make sure I didn’t miss the familiar turnoff spur, so I used GPS: what
a mistake.
Highway #505 dropped into
Jackson Prairie, near Mary’s Corner … then onto Jackson Highway: backwards
from where I was wanting to go. It was a schizoid GPS drive!
If a squirrel
has rushed into the roadway, and GPS followed it, I wouldn’t have been
surprised.
Jackson House – Bob’s family is related to Matilda Jackson (not
sure if she is blood-related, or widowed from a blood relative; but she is definitely
in Bob’s Family History notations (https://parks.state.wa.us/1060/Jackson-House)
When I eventually made Castle
Rock, I drove home over Delameter: daylight was fading, so I called it a day,
and will top the gas tank off tomorrow.
I was still laughing about
GPS snafu when I walked through the door at home, and hauled my stuff inside
from the car.
It was a crazy
round-about-drive home … but it
dispelled the gloomies: and I am thankful.
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