Going to Keenagers is not a do-or-die thing … but, it IS “a destination”; it fleshes out my Wednesdays – it gives me something to do/people to see 1 day a week. And people there are happy to see me: THAT makes me happy. And, I’m happy to see them too – we’re sharing our lives. It’s a destination. It may seem like a small thing to some people, but, you know … everyone has ‘a destination'. Men go to work, they come home – destinations; women go to work too, and they come home: sometimes, they go to their children’s’ games & come home. Sometimes they go to PTO meetings & come home. Sometimes they go to the mall & come home. These are all “destinations”.
Destination location connection came to a halt in my life last December – my “destinations” ended: I had no where to go/no where to be. I was at home … but, I didn’t feel “at home”; there was no “destination” feeling. I was at loose ends. Our home was incomplete. Bob was missing. Bob IN our home, made it our home – Bob was my “destination connection”.
And Bob is no longer here in the flesh, helping me flesh out my days.
So, I am slowly filling my new life with new places, new people, and new things to do – new “destination” points. And, sometimes I revisit old places because they are familiar; and they are “home” to my heart: there are “destination” ties in those old places. And sometimes I revisit familiar people and do familiar things for the same “familiar destination” connection.
So, today, I drove to Eden Valley.
Again.
I was missing Bob real bad this morning when I woke up. The {missing feeling} was intense – it actually started to scare me with the intensity: I can’t describe it, but it was a strange thing. So, I decided to go to Eden Valley on the spur-of-the-moment: I needed that “home destination” connection.
Bob is my first real heartache – I can’t put into words the feeling: he didn’t deliberately break my heart because he didn’t deliberately leave me. His longevity number was called last Fall … and the Grim Reaper collected before Winter kicked in; Bob’s leaving wasn’t a choice, so his breaking my heart was not intentional. Bob is really the first loss I have ever felt in my life. I mean, I have lost other people in my life, BUT it’s different. I can’t explain how it’s different other than to say, the absence of Bob in my life tears at my heart different than the absence of anyone else in my life. Maybe because his absence is a permanent one – he’s gone for good. I don’t know if that is why it’s different; I just know that it’s different. It hurts different. I miss him different. He affected my life different. Bob was my first real true love. And he’s my first real true loss.
It tears my heart up differently.
It was a beautiful day to make the drive – the sky was robin-egg-blue: not a cloud in the sky. The air was crisp, but not cold. It was a perfect Fall day. Aside from Bob’s cremains being in the family cemetery there, that area had always been a comfort to me: for as long as I can remember, and I have lived in this region for 54 years … and walked along the highway to visit Graysriver, Rosburg, Pillar Rock, Eden Valley, & Altoona for just about as long – sometimes, I even walked to Naselle. But, I am not a teenager anymore; now I drive that highway. I hoped the roads would be open and clear, and I would be able to get through with little to no hassle. Sometimes there are land slides along the road, which closes the road – sometimes, there is flooding in the Valley … which makes driving dicey if you aren’t familiar with driving through flooded areas (Bob was – I am not; I would have to turn back). I prayed real hard before I left the house; and asked my FB friends to pray for me too. I wanted out of town and into country destination connection; I wanted to visit our Plot Block and make sure everything was how it should be, and that there wasn’t anymore knock-overs, tip-overs, or otherwise damage in our Plot Block (a few months ago, the solar lamp I had placed was gone when I went to visit … and it was several feet from where it had been placed; the stake end had been snapped off). It can get windy there, and I believe Elk and Deer meander through the cemetery too, so I just wanted to go make sure that everything was how it should be.
There was road work along the way, between Bunker Hill & Abernathy. It looked to me that a tree had either fallen across the road and has to be removed … or it had been taken down for powerline safety concerns. Whatever, the reason, there was evidence that a tree had been down and cleared.
I KNOW Bob is not actually in Eden Valley, but it’s an {honor} thing with me to go there and tend to our Plot Block. And, it is a nice leisurely drive in the country; where my thoughts can unwind, my heart can be soothed, and my body can relax.
So, every couple of weeks, I drive to Eden Valley for that “destination connection”. Keenager’s or other Senior thingees are just things to do. Eden Valley is “home” – my destination location.
Eventually, I, too, will end up there – together again.
I brought a box of mixed perennial Crocuses to plant in our plot area. They’ll brighten the area in the Spring, and should die back before the caretakers arrive to mow the grass.
The cemetery soil bent my planting spade!
Marker Ivy switched out for a new Solar Lamp/Klitchy Christmas Tree/& a Kissing Ball for placement markers
Appeal to Bob & Yeshua.
Beautiful Fall Day
Evergreens for Christmas
Stand of Alder Trees
This side of Heaven, it’s the BEST place to be.
I have destination connection there ;-)
There were a few highlights to see along the way, on my way home.
A fisherman in the river near the Covered Bridge - he was moving at a pretty good clip in his motorized raft-boat.
Mt. St. Helens seen from atop Beaver Creek.
Back home, after I took the evergreen limbs out of the back of the car, I decided to bring into the house the Christmas Stars Bob had made for me 6 years ago at our last home – I’ll put them up next week, after Thanksgiving.
Evergreen branches at home waiting to be used ...
Bob’s homemade Christmas Stars & Bin. I should be able to do this myself. (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2017/11/holiday-anticipation-in-full-swing.html)
And I also brought in from the shed, the small tarp too: that will be spread on the foyer floor to dry the Christmas Swag on, after I remove it from the front porch railing with the dawning of the New Year.
Lifting the stars, I noticed that the blue bin lid looked to be stained. Hmmm. Not sure how or what … but I rubbed Gojo goop on it and it cleaned up pretty good ;-)
Gooped bin lid – it was stained; looks like a leak sat on it for a while.
Stain gone :-D
But seeing the stain got me to wondering – so I went out into the shed to see if there had been a leak: didn’t see any evidence of it, so maybe that stain happened at the last house: it is Bob’s bin, who knows what the heck was spilled on it.
I didn't see any wet spots; hopefully there is not a hidden leak ... I should save $$$$$ and get the shed finished up inside.
But it is clean now, and the Eggplant plant I brought out of the shed and into the house a few weeks ago, sits on top of it in the Livingroom now. I am experimenting to see what outside plants I can keep alive inside over-winter. So far, my experimental over-wintering indoors includes 7 potted herb plants, 2 potted coleus’, and 1 potted Eggplant plant. Everything seems to be thriving, though their actual destination locations will be outside come Spring ;-)
Eggplant plant on Bob’s blue bin.
And I am happy to see that my Video Feature on the phone is “talking” with the laptop again – and the videos are making their ‘destination location’ connection too. ((((HAPPY!)))) It has been a bummer couple of months without the use of that feature; glad to see it working again :-D
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