1 Year Ago, TODAY: {{But before I left, I leaned over to kiss
Bob’s hand that was holding mine and he said, “I’m seeing more and more gray in
your hair Luv.” And I quickly said, “For sure. And you are the one putting it
there, Babe. It’s been a rough 9 weeks.” We laughed.}}
Bob had had gray hair for decades ... started graying after his 2nd death in 1981 ... and he was waiting for the day my hair would gray. He would be tickled pink to see how much it has grayed up now! :-D
Bob had had gray hair for decades ... started graying after his 2nd death in 1981 ... and he was waiting for the day my hair would gray. He would be tickled pink to see how much it has grayed up now! :-D
Got my hair shagged,
and slipped into one of Bob’s old tees. Bob liked my hair long & shagged …
and I like wearing Bob’s tees and polo's ;-) The upper layers of my hair is a
silvery gray – the bottom end of my hair is still that dull battleship gray. I
like the silvery gray.
On second thought - HE CAN
SEE how gray my hair has become now. But, I wish ((((I)))) could see his face
while he is looking at it. There is still some – very little – of my
natural hair color, but it has significantly grayed over these past 10
months/13 days/23 hrs. & 56 mins.
I love you, Babe.
Always.
OX
I love you, Babe.
Always.
OX
**********
Last year, on this day,
this is what we had been dealing with at the local hospital; and what I had
posted to FB:
We have been at the hospital since Thursday afternoon (I leave
around 8 p.m. only to get home and crash until morning visiting hours). Today
was pretty much the same as yesterday with
many conflicting diagnoses with the “need to see a specialist”, and a serious
indication again today – about 3 hours ago – of being sent to OHSU or Vancouver
for surgery; this time on his pancreas because CT imaging showed pseudo-cysts.
That was upsetting to both of us: the looming {immediate} need for surgery as
well as the daunting ordeal of me dealing with city driving.
SO, WE PRAYED ABOUT IT! Openly, and confidently – not showy, but
determined to get this settled once and for all.
We (and the kids) waited on tender-hooks for a decision to be made.
As of 3 hours ago it appears the {immediacy} of the impending surgery has been
put on the back burner and the medical staff here is brainstorming for
alternatives to stave off surgery knowing that is not a preference for us if an
alternative can be worked out. The kids went off to their various jobs, Bob
settled in for some overdue sleep after being allowed to drink some broth and
agreed to overnight monitoring and a meeting with a personalized dietitian tomorrow (hopefully he will know by release time what foods he is allowed to
eat so he CAN eat safely and I can confidently prepare meals that won’t cause a
flare up) … and I came home to get some much needed rest. Emotional strain will
drain you quicker than a physical tiredness!
But before I left, I leaned over to kiss Bob’s hand that was holding
mine and he said, “I’m seeing more and more gray in your hair Luv.” And I
quickly said, “For sure. And you are the one putting it there, Babe. It’s been
a rough 9 weeks.” We laughed. And I do believe that before this ordeal is over,
my hair will resemble the white streaked hair of Frankenstein’s Bride. LOL!
On a brighter note … concerns for the gall bladder have been
permanently shelved: that was a misdiagnosis and every surgeon who consulted
with us said they did not understand why that was even a concern as the gall
bladder looks fine to them – it is the pancreas that is causing all the
trouble. And that looks like it will be a life-long issue (unless Elohim steps
in with merciful favor and heals it as we know He can) BUT it can be controlled
with diet, stress relief measures, and a serious change of lifestyle. So we
will be working on all those things to get this thing under control as soon as
Bob realizes that he needs to get serious about life changes (aka diet changes,
how he deals with stressors, and the ‘want to’ to DO what needs to be done to
alleviate the excruciating flare-ups) … THAT will be the major issue in all
this upset: the changes are severe and so far Bob has not been keen with them.
According to this internet search, the pancreatic pseudo-cysts can go away on
their own with the measures mentioned above; that is what I, personally, am
praying towards.
Yesterday
after all the various tests and scans to try to pinpoint what was causing the
pain, the overwhelming consensus is that Bob’s gall bladder, kidneys, and heart
ALL look as good as they can at 69 yo, and there is no real concern about them
at this point even though surgery was strongly pushed to remove the gall
bladder even last week; and docs are still concerned about the arrhythmia – but
meds have been ditched because of the recent seizure-like/black-out fall-downs
(they even unhooked the IV bag last night because there was indication THAT was
making his heart race … they are finally wising up to the reality that the IV
‘water’ is not good for Bob); and everyone had us believing he was a candidate
for kidney dialysis in the near future! But our God is greater!!! And HE did
what HE does best – supernaturally went to work to heal what the doctors could
not: ((((THANK YOU YESHUA!)))) for taking care of those issues; now we just
need the pancreas to start behaving ;-)
**********
There were SO many misdiagnoses. Bob’s pancreatitis was not the normal pancreatitis upset – it didn’t fit “the pattern”: Bob’s flareup was strictly
due to stress: which is a rare cause for this disease. Apparently that is
hereditary. And those saline IV Bags exasperated the situation; they should
not have been used with Bob’s medical condition - the nurses hooked them back up after that 1 short reprieve: the saline IV drips added to
the edema situation that literally crushed Bob’s internal organs and eventually
killed him. Bob was dying – but, he should have been able to die at home – like
he wanted to do – with a heart attack that would have taken him sooner with
less traumatic instances. I STILL get angry when I think about HOW his body
died. It was all so unnecessary. And too prolonged. He should not have had to suffer the way he did towards the end.
Bob’s spirit eventually left this Earth over the river at OHSU. Even
knowing he was dying, Bob was upbeat, positive, encouraging to the medical
staff & teams there, and concerned for and sorry to be leaving me behind. Bob,
never once, got angry over his situation; he DID briefly get angry with his mother
& sisters when they tried to override his DNR order & my upholding of his
decision, but he forgave them too in short order. Bob didn’t waste time and energy on
anger. Bob was love personified: some real love left this world with Bob last December.
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