44 years
ago, today, Bob called me for our 1st real date ... the all-night chat session
at his house in March 1974 where Doug Moss threw the kegger and I carded him,
was not a 'date' - it was happenstance. And Doug and I ended whatever it was we
had together too that night - he pretty much knew just by watching Bob & I
talk that he was history; but Bob was still officially married, though he and
Gloria had been separated since November 1973 ... and she was openly living
with another fella. When Bob walked me home - 5 minutes away - to make my
midnight curfew (and he ducked into Mickey's Tavern before going back home), I
made it clear to him that I would not be a backdoor girl and that though I was
happy to finally meet him and get to know him, I would not get involved in a
marital mess. If they decided to get divorced, he could call me: but not until
then. I would permanently be unavailable as long as he was married. Gloria was
Jehovah's Witness, so she was dragging her feet on ending the marriage even
though she was actively involved in adultery.
I know,
it didn't make any sense to me either ...
Anyway,
Bob put it to her that the nonsense had to stop and that he had the right to
move on with his life too. She filed for divorce on April 1st, 1974. I got the
phone call April 15th asking me out for Friday, the 19th. I accepted.
Then I
went into the kitchen where my mother was making Supper and asked, "Mom,
what is the oldest age I can date a guy?" She said,
"21". And I answered with a lie because I wanted to go
out with my dream man - "He is exactly that - 21 years
old!" She must have heard something in my voice because she
looked at me and asked, "Who is this guy 'exactly 21'?" I
told her "Bob Hargand": and she immediately said, "No!
You are not going out with him; I know who he is, and he is married." She
also knew his actual age was 24; and I was 17. Well, I dug my heels in and
said, "He is getting a divorce Mom; his wife is living with another man.
And I am going with him when he comes for me Friday after work. I love him Mom
- I have since I was 10 years old. I am going."
Needless
to say, Bob did not get a warm reception when he stepped up on the front porch
Friday evening. And I wasn't accepted any warmer at his parent's house later on.
But we
didn't care.
We were
in love.
From the 1st date ... half of which we spent helping my friends, Debbie & Walt, move into their Longview apartment (no fancy dates for us! It wasn't necessary I be wined and dined: there was never any getting-to-know-you-awkwardness with us) - Bob got drafted into that moving venture and took the change of plans like a trooper ;-) What a guy!
From the 1st date ... half of which we spent helping my friends, Debbie & Walt, move into their Longview apartment (no fancy dates for us! It wasn't necessary I be wined and dined: there was never any getting-to-know-you-awkwardness with us) - Bob got drafted into that moving venture and took the change of plans like a trooper ;-) What a guy!
From that time forward, we
were together constantly after Bob got home from work. If the woods shut down early
due to fire danger, or an accident on the landing, Bob was waiting for me
after school on school days (by the Park - he was not allowed on school
property because he was in his 20's) ... and off we'd go; first to stop at
Skamokawa Cemetery to put fresh flowers on Timmy's grave (my cousin who
had recently died: Timmy and I were close cousins), then either do some
backroad driving which I loved, or I'd caddy for him if he felt like a game of
golf (he later taught me how to golf and I enjoyed it too). Sometimes we'd go
dancing at a couple night spots (I had a fake ID I had never used until then -
and it was never questioned when I was with my 6'2" gentle giant: they
figured if I was with him, I was old enough :-D ).
Both sets
of parents were frowning and grumbling.
We were
deaf and blind to the complaints and sour puss looks: we were not going to
let them come between us.
It was
like we had always been a couple. We completed each other - we never had to
work at building a relationship; everything just fell into place. By July 1974
the divorce was final and Gloria was remarried.
And we
got married - against BOTH parental objections in August 1974. Our daughter was
born May 1975 - when pregnancy was confirmed (I was determined I had
"the flu" - Bob knew otherwise and insisted I make an appointment
with the Dr.), I asked Bob want he wanted this time around. He said,
"I have a son, I'd like a girl this time." Bob got his wish, and he
was proud as could be when his little girl was born. We did not know until she
was 18 months old that her immune system was flawed and that every time she got
her vaccines the vaccines would nearly kill her. Seriously - we did almost lose
her one morning; if it had not been for Bob's skillful race-car driving
tactics, we wouldn't have made the hospital in time. We lived in Cathlamet at
the time, which is at least 30-45 minutes away (depending on who is driving),
and he got us from home to ER in 10 minutes flat. She never got another vaccine.
Doug
Moss, my junior-high/high school on-again-off-again boyfriend remained a
lifelong friend of ours, oftentimes rushing me to the hospital ER with Stacey
when Bob was working and I needed a ride into Longview. It was Bob, after work
one night that brought the news home to me of Doug's death 20/21 years ago - he
didn't want me to hear about it from anyone else.
That was
the kind of man Bob was.
The dream
man who casually breezed past an unseen gawking 10 year old girl with stars in
her eyes became her magic man and never ceased to think about her comfort/peace
of mind, delight her, or work at pleasing her until his dying day in 2018 ;-)
Thank you
GOD for giving me this man for a blessing!
Thank you
David Almer for rushing Bob across Cathlamet's Main Street to meet me ... I
wish I had paid closer attention then. LOL!
Thank you
Doug Moss for insisting I be at that kegger: I shudder to think what my life
could have been had I turned it down!
Thank you
Bob for finally seeing me all grown up; and for loving me unconditionally,
talking me into marrying you, and giving me the best 44 years of my entire life :-D
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