U.N.F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E!

I am so pissed, I could slam heads together.

Bob's mother and sister, rosie.

Mind you ... these are THE SAME TWO who could not be bothered to come see Bob when he was in the hospital dying - but NOW they WANT TO RUN HIS FUNERAL!

In August, when I called rosie to tell her Bob was in ICU, DYING, she said, "John wants me to wait a few weeks; we have a business deal we're working out." And his mother didn't want to come see him unless there was a funeral following.

U.N.F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.B.E.L.I.E.V.A.B.L.E!

BUT! They found the time to come up and see him when they staged a coup to kidnap him and hijack him to Emanuel Hospital in Oregon. That earned them a freeze-out for a month and a half. Bob forgave them in November because he wanted to meet Yeshua with a clean slate - hard feelings had to be laid to rest at that point.

They carved out time to come see him December 13th, 2018 FOR 5 MINUTES - all I could think was, "Why even bother coming at all?" HE IS DYING! They could at least have stuck around longer that 5 fucking minutes! But, all they did was come in the room, pat his hand, AND WALK OUT. It pissed Stacey off. But it was so typical - Stacey had never seen that side of them ... but then, how would she KNOW? She never saw much of them all her life: Bob & Rose would stop at Ralph's to visit and spend time with his girls ... but couldn't be bothered to walk the extra 10 steps to see Bob, or Stacey: it was ridiculous behavior - and a total snub. Alex was ALWAYS included in birthday parties, holiday celebrations, and grandma babysitting - but Stacey was never included in the grandkid days ... and Rose refused to babysit her (she conveniently had a "bad back" when Bob would ask her if she'd watch Stacey for half an hour - the OTHER grandkids were there: WE COULD SEE THEM; often Alex was even there!). It HURT Stacey. It hurt me. It hurt and embarrassed Bob that his mother would treat his wife and daughter so indifferently. When rosie was getting married, the OTHER nieces were asked to be in the wedding party - Stacey was asked ONLY AFTER Bob found out about the slight (again … Ralph, rubbing salt in the wound) and brought it up to his mother ... and Rose was quick to let us know that she was "put upon" by having to include Stacey, and make a matching dress for her to wear with the other girls. Bob, Stacey, and I felt the heat of his mother’s ire. I, personally, wanted Bob to tell his mother that since it was such a belated inclusion, Stacey wouldn’t be joining the others after all; BUT Bob insisted that she be included with the other girls. It was misery.

And NOW, they are planning "a memorial" ... WHICH IS MY RESPONSIBILITY. It is not theirs. It is NOT about THEM! It is not about what THEY WANT!

It is ABOUT BOB; AND WHAT HE WANTED - IT IS ABOUT WHAT ((((I)))) DECIDE HAPPENS IN EDEN VALLEY ON AUGUST 30th!

DAMN IT!

WHEN WILL THEY STOP INTERFERING????

I swear I am ready to cancel the whole thing and just go celebrate Bob's life BY MYSELF in Eden Valley on the 30th; and give everyone else the 1-finger-salute.

Yesterday, I got a call from rosie, asking me if it was okay if she did an obit and posted it on FB - and then she said, "come to my page and read it. And what about flowers?"

So, right then, I KNEW it WAS ALREADY A DONE DEAL! Why even bother asking?

I had already TOLD EVERYONE IN DECEMBER THERE WOULD BE NO OBIT! Bob did not want one.

But his mother & his sisters do - so he will get one whether he wanted one or not.

IT IS DISRESPECTFUL.

TO HIM.

TO ME.

TO HIS DAUGHTER AND GRANDCHILDREN.

Bob did not want a big deal made out of his death: NO OBIT - NO FLOWERS.

HE IS NOT IN THE GRAVE!

HE DID NOT WANT TO BE MOURNED AS THE WORLD MOURNS!

He wanted HIS LIFE TO BE CELEBRATED WITH HAPPINESS AND JOYFUL REJOICING!

But his mother and sisters INSIST on mourning as if he were dead ...

What could I say? She put me on the spot - and I HATE being cornered. I said, as politely as I could, "do whatever you want to do." It was already done when she called me.

Then I came home to check her page to see what she posted ... AND I COULDN'T SEE HER PAGE - so, I sent her a Friend request so I could gain access to her Page to see what she posted ... totally ignored. Again, it was expected. She really didn't want me to visit her Page - she was just notifying me in a passive-aggressive-bullying way that she was steamrolling ahead with her wants ...

Bob's niece, Michelle, asked me to Friend her, yesterday; so I did - and finally saw what rosie had posted.

I WAS INSTANTLY PISSED.

Bob was called "Bobby".

HE HATED THAT pet name!

And there was NO MENTION AT ALL OF ME - or that he was even married!

None.

Nada.

This is what was posted: {{MEMORIAL NOTICE:

Robert Allen Hargand, better known as “Bobby”

August 30, 1949 ~ December 14, 2018

On August 30, 2019 at Noon a Graveside Memorial for Bobby will be held at the Eden Valley Cemetery. Family and loved-ones are welcome to share memories of him and scripture to honor his life. A Potluck Style meal and gathering will be held following the Memorial at the Rosburg Hall. Please feel free to bring food, memories and share time with us as we honor and celebrate Bobby’s life.}}

One would THINK the WIDOW would at least GET A MENTION.

But, then again, THIS Widow has never gotten a mention other than "Bobby's wife" UNTIL Bob put his foot down and INSISTED they recognize me as such.

So, I posted a CLARIFYING OBIT on MY Page to counter the bully tactic of the interfering Hargand women.

And I called rosie around 9 p.m. tonight to tell her, "no flowers - Bob did not want flowers." The response I got, almost made me add ... "And tell everyone to cash in their plane tickets - the 'memorial' has been called off."

I am at THAT point.

I have a raging migraine and a stomach ache.

I am dreading August 30th in Eden Valley.

I hate showdowns - especially when I have to show up with a bazooka gun to make sure my gentle giant peacenik is placed at the front of the line ON HIS DAY.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS NOT ABOUT his mother.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS NOT ABOUT his siblings.

Bob's Celebration of Life IS ABOUT HIM!

Bob's Celebration of Life is ABOUT HIS IMMEDIATE FAMILY: HIS WIFE AND CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN!

And the joyful celebration I had planned is already ruined with stressful bad feelings before it even begins 22 days from now - ((((I)))) don't even feel like attending!

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I will go ahead of everyone - spend time with MY HUSBAND before the family arrives - and leave before the family arrives. That way, they can do whatever the hell they want to do, since they are not considering me or Bob. They are, as usual, totally self-absorbed.

Bob was never considered when the family got together anyway - in fact, 9 times out of 10 they didn't think about him UNTIL the event was over; then his mother could be heard saying, "Oh! I forgot about Bobby!"

WEEKS OR MONTHS LATER BOB WOULD FIND OUT THAT A HAPPENING HAD HAPPENED at Merry's.

HOW THE HELL CAN a mother FORGET her FIRST BORN????

The other kids had been notified - EVEN THE OUT OF STATE ONES - that there would be a gathering at Merry's ... and Bob had to hear about it weeks - or months later AFTER THE FACT; when everyone was sitting around TALKING ABOUT IT!

Ditto for cribbage nights. Ralph couldn’t stand to lose to Bob – therefore, Bob was not invited.

Or golf days. Ralph could not stand to lose to Bob – therefore, Bob was not invited.

Or fishing days. Bob would have just gone to spend time with his father … but Ralph’s jealousies kept that from happening.

Ralph was always in attendance at family gatherings - but Bob was noticeably snubbed.

And Ralph LOVED TO RUB THAT SNUB IN.

How do you think that made Bob feel?

They remember him when it is convenient to remember him ... like racking up the "sorry for your loss" condolences.

IT’S MY FRICKING LOSS.

I KNEW BOB BETTER THAN ANYONE – certainly better than his family, who never took the time to get to know him. Or me. Or Stacey.

The whole thing PISSES ME OFF.

Like I said in my video earlier this week - when August 30th comes to an end, so will my ties to his family: I am already being phased out and out-voted ON IMPORTANT ISSUES – LIKE MY HUSBAND'S FUNERAL.

But Bob KNEW this would happen.

He knew that when he went Home, I would be set afloat ... and alone.

It is a sad commentary to Bob's life, that even in death, his mother and sister TOTALLY DISREGARD HIS WISHES - and they DISHONOR him with their bully tactics.

And the joyful celebration I had planned is already ruined with Alex's bitterness overload, July 4th, that led to his banishment; and now this passive-aggressive maneuver to have their own way, come hell or high water - ((((I)))) don't even feel like attending!

Maybe I won't.

Maybe I will go ahead of everyone - spend some peaceful time with my peacenik, rejoicing that he is now ... and will forever BE loved beyond measure in that Celestial City beyond the clouds; and remembering the love we shared and enjoyed 'til he took his last breath, before the family arrives - and leave before the family arrives.

Fuck it.

I'M D.O.N.E.