2021 IS GOING TO BE INTERESTING

Not only is my life picking up speed, but life – in general – is being kicked into high gear.

Everything concerning my personal life is up in the air; and up for grabs.

Everything in America, for Americans, is literally up in the air; and up for grabs in 2021 … starting with the Presidential Seat, and Speaker of The House position.

This may have tickled the obamanites’ funny bone … but The People were NOT impressed by the hateful vindictiveness, and lack of respect for the Office of President.

biden will never be accepted as legit.

In my own life, I’m “going with the flow”, and just letting things happen as they will.

This afternoon, while working out a pattern for a new design, I watched a 1966 Jack Nicholson biker movie, and that brought to mind our biker friend, Dave (more family member than friend, actually: we loved each other); he came into our lives/home as a stranger, in 1982 when he wrecked his motorcycle and was recuperating from serious injuries to his head and tibia leg bone … and stayed in our lives until he died 6 years ago.

Bob & Dave ready to go camping at Millersylvania.

I am thankful I am getting back to designing.

I will get to work knitting this design up sometime this coming week – today I was being lazy 😉

Pattern Graph for MOD Mitts for 2021 Bazaars

I am thankful Dave was in our lives – he was a good friend: and we trusted him 100% with our daughter and granddaughter.

I am also thankful politicians are getting a taste of what they have dished out to The People all of 2020.

Hypocrite lori lightfoot “takes her personal hygiene very seriously”: but you are going to jail if YOU get a haircut – YOUR “root are not ‘essential’ … her’s ARE:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucCFFZQ9tuE

All year long, Americans were shamed for wearing the wrong skin color … and for defending themselves against blm {protestors} who trespass on their private property and threaten their lives – obamanite mayors and governors told The People to “apologize to blm protestors” and “understand their angst when they trespass”. They also demand the police be abolished and The People give up their right to feel safe in their neighborhoods … BUT the mayors and governors do not think they should have THEIR private property trespassed; and they alone, should demand the police protect them.

HYPOCRITES!

lori lightfoot’s elite egomania:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=osB2jPVgXts

seattle mayor’s home vandalized:

https://www.lawenforcementtoday.com/vandals-hit-homes-of-seattle-mayor-and-city-council-members/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWZYnUubUTc

Payback is a bitch – the twisted people these obamanite political morons pander to, hate them as much as they hate President Trump.

pelosi earlier this year eating gourmet ice cream while Americans were not eating, because she and her obamanite pals had mandated demonrat states shut businesses down, and trap people in their homes “for safety’s sake” … people lost their income; they were not allowed to enjoy ice cream while blm anarchist fires raged across the PNW.

pelosi’s house vandalized: https://www.tmz.com/2021/01/01/nancy-pelosi-house-vandalized-pigs-head-fake-blood-spray-paint-stimulus/

pelosi's calimexarabia Pacific Heights castle

pelosi's house vandalized

pelosi's house vandalized; police were called. MPO is that they should have refused to respond.

Fence straddler, mitch mcconnell’s house vandalized: https://www.10tv.com/article/news/crime/mcconnell-home-vandalized-in-louisville-overnight/417-8b03a220-f1a9-4997-acbc-6f35df39d856

mcconnell's Kentucky home vandalized.

It is really hard to feel sorry for these deluded egomaniacs.

2021 is going to be ushered in with political fireworks, that is going to make life in American very interesting and volatile for years to come – already, demonrats are saying their lockdowns could carry into 2022.

The People are fed up. 

But, of course, pelosi is not going down without a fight; and without trying to further her man-god – barak hussain obama’s – twisted agenda.

pelosi wants to erase gender from communicable speech: https://www.businessinsider.in/politics/world/news/a-new-proposal-in-the-house-of-representatives-could-eliminate-gendered-language-from-its-rules/articleshow/80075520.cms

And media hosts are taking their talking points on the road, to reach people where they live: it may work.

We can only hope, that at some point, Americans will WTFU and regain their senses before all is lost.

Tucker Carlson – who your real enemies are: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpplYbCnkGM

My take on what is happening, is that the Book of Revelation is coming to life right before our eyes: those who have read it, understand exactly what is happening – those who haven’t, and aren’t interested in anything beyond their own noses, are in for a very rude awakening.

When the vaccine was introduced a few weeks ago, there was a politician named Lee, who stated he’d like to have people who have been vaccinated chipped, so it would be known who was ‘safe’ and who was not – safe to move about freely, and to make purchases without being hassled.

That article has since been scrubbed from the internet (no mention of it at all anymore); same with Youtube and my personal FB Page … totally erased.

But, it WAS available, because I shared it to my personal FB Page, and commented, “this is NOT okay!”: now the article and my post has been eliminated.

But it WAS said, it WAS reported, and it WAS seen.

That’s it … I’m off my Soap Box now, and off to bed.

Peace out.

LEAVING THE WASTELAND

Dawn was lighting the sky when I woke up this morning around 7:30 AM.

Today, January 1^st, 2021, is the first day of the rest of my New Life.

I am stepping over that line; from my Old Life to my New Life.

I don’t know what’s in store for me … and maybe that is a good thing.

I can’t say I am happy making this step, but I am satisfied that I’m now at the place where I can make that step forward.

All of 2019 I was constantly looking for some remainder of my life with Bob.

I spent the majority of 2019 looking for resemblance/impression of Bob’s character in people; and places. And, he wasn’t there – the people that always hung around Bob (and the kids that only came around when they smelled extra $$$ available – though any $$$ they got, came to them from me: I held the purse strings: Bob’s decision Day 1 of our married life) didn’t know him. It was sad. These people had been in our lives for 44 years … but they didn’t know Bob. There was nothing recognizable of him, in them.

There was no impact, as there should have been.

They hadn’t loved him.

They were all shallow people.

I could find no comfort in/with those people; comfort comes from love, and there was no love in them.

And places: finding Bob’s essence in places I visited, was slow to find.

Mostly because I was still shell-shocked: I wasn’t actively looking in places, yet. I wanted the warmth of people … and the warmth just wasn’t there.

All of 2020, I started getting comfortable being in the car alone for any significant length of time. I started figuring out/getting used to the GPS feature of the car. Once I realized I was actually driving for an hour or so without breaking out in tears, or breaking down and needing to pull over to calm down … I started planning Daytrips, and set off to look for any lingering essence of Bob’s spirit in those places.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/sundayfunday-20-deep-river-eden-valley.html)

And in some places, I did find it; but mostly, I was sad.

I was sad because once I arrived at the destination, I realized that the magic of the places we’d been to together, was because he had been there with me, in those moments: and Bob was no longer here. He was no longer with me ‘in the moment’.

The magic was gone.

That saddened me.

2019 & 2020, I was chasing after remnants of Bob.

But all there really was – was my memories of those remnants.

Of the people I had hoped could comfort me, no one else seemed to have had a real connection with Bob. And ghostly memories were the only things present in the places.

I found no comfort in people and places.

I found that even in a crowded room, or a busy place … I was still alone in a barren wilderness, devoid of any life sustaining abilities.

So, as I step into my New Life in 2021, I am literally starting out with nothing: no people, no places.

2021 will be all me.

And that is a weird place to be – I haven’t been ‘all me’ in 46 years. I was a couple from April 1974 to December 2018. I was a step-mother from August 27, 1974 to July 4^th, 2019. I was a mother from May 1975 to July 1^st, 2020. I was an active grandmother from 1990 to September 1^st, 2018; there was still a tenuous connection until July 1^st, 2020 … and a slim connection until recently.

That connection has been severed.

There’s no going back; there’s only a going forward momentum now.

And, surprisingly, I find that I’m ready.

I didn’t think I’d ever reach this point.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LXsm9y-z3I)

Being totally on my own is a weird place to me; for the majority of my life, I have always had people in my life.

It’s difficult to face this point of moving forward without figuring thoughts of Bob, or considerations concerning the kids, into the process at all points along the way; but Bob, while he was still present and could talk, gave me the encouragement to move forward. And the kid’s bitter angsts gave me the freedom to take this very important step forward.

I’m going to embrace the excitement and adventure in stepping across the line.

One of the things I want to expand on, is travel – I’d like to go to new places; places I’ve never been to with Bob. Places that will create new memories.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMVjToYOjbM)

I’ve always been a gypsy at heart: Bob’s the only person in my life who’s every been able to slow me down and keep me in one place long enough for moss to grow under my feet. Bob is the only person in my life that ever made me want to slow down, or stop long enough to let moss grow under my feet.

Of course, I’m not going to be a willy-nilly gypsy: I’m not going to sell the house, and live on the road. In my younger years, I would have happily done that – I even mentioned that to Bob a couple times. But Bob wasn’t interested in that type of lifestyle, and I was interested in Bob … so I settled down and he gave me a free hand when it came to domestication: we found a middle ground that kept us both happy on every level of our married life. Living like a gypsy on the road may have worked in my teen/young adult life … but that won’t work now, in my adult Senior life.

Some people do do that – I’m not that type of person anymore. I got used to being settled. I got used to having roots; and even though those roots have been seriously uprooted the last 24 months/18 days/5 hours & 25 minutes, I like knowing there is someplace I can ‘nest’ – even gypsies need to hole up somewhere, at some point 😉

So, I’ll keep the house and keep it maintained.

The house will be my compass: my homing roost 😊

Even though I’ll be traveling, I don’t think I’ll be traveling too far from home (1) it’s just no fun traveling that far from home without Bob (2) there’s no reason to go too far from home – the places I wanted to experience, I only wanted to experience with him. And he’s not here. He’ll never be here again.

And really, the want to travel (Sunday~Funday Daytrips, spur-of-the-moment-roadtrips, ect.), is my idea; I don’t feel that Elohei is motivating me to do that. And going forward, I want to be 100% in Elohei’s Will – whatever He wants to do with my life, for my life, I’m open to/okay with. I’m not feeling an urge to give into wanderlust any further than a 5 to 6 hour radius: that covers a LOT of territory in which to have a lot of fun.

In this, my New Life … if I’m not feeling it: I’m not gonna be doing it. The only person I have to consider/please now, is me-myself-& I.

I will be moving forward, but I won’t be moving forward recklessly.

I won’t be overly cautious either.

I’ll be centered – I want to be in the center of Elohei’s Will.

That is where the blessings are: that is what I want.

I’m moving forward a better person for knowing Bob and sharing most of my life to date, with him.

Things I wasn’t sure I could do; I now know I can.

In faith, I’m stepping over the line a better, and more confident person because love never fails: Bob’s love taught me to trust, and Yeshua’s love gives me the faith to trust that trusting God’s Will, will make my New Life a success.

I love You, Yeshua: thank You for Your supporting love, and Your strengthening grace to embrace the passion of life again.

I love you, Babe: thank you for everything you taught me, and the unwavering love you lavished on me ~ OX

THINKING OF SPRING

Tonight, at midnight, will be the last of 2020 … and GOOD RIDDANCE!

Last night, before I shut FB down and closed the laptop, a notification of “People you may know” flashed across the screen.

A face I knew; a person I do not know.

The face is a blend of her father’s face – and my face.

But I do not know the person named.

I gave birth to a baby girl in Spring of 1975.

I do not know this person wearing my daughter’s face in December of 2020.

I used to know Stacey … I do not recognize jules: and I do not want to know that twisted persona.

My daughter is dead; she killed herself, and is trying to foist this twisted persona off as reality. It is NOT reality.

I will never recognize it.

My heart has been so broken/shattered with my husband’s physical death in December of 2018; my heart was further thrashed by Bob’s son, July 4^th, of 2019 (he is no longer in my life); and what was left of my struggling battered heart was subsequently wrung, and mangled, by our daughter July 1^st, of 2020.

With this latest episode of craziness … posted all over the internet, no less … for relatives and people who know us to SEE (I am shocked, angry, embarrassed, & blessedly numb – emotionally & heart-wise): my heart rate was off the charts, I was so stressed. I do believe she is trying to kill me off.

But, I will live, until Elohim calls me home.

The waves of change constantly knock me off my feet: everything in my life is changing so quickly – it’s enough to give me whiplash! But Yeshua lifts me up and keeps me balanced.

Devastated heart nevertheless.

I went to bed last night, praying for the strength to live a new life, devoid of everyone, and everything I ever knew.

This post is the last I will ever speak of this issue.

It is evilness. To speak of it would give it power – that I will never do.

I am glad Bob is not here to see the way the both kids have shredded the family.

When I wake up, the morning of January 1^st, 2021 … I will wake up as if my life with Bob never happened: no husband – no kids – old life blown to smithereens.

There is absolutely nothing left of my life with Bob; but memories.

2021 brings my New Life with the first rays of dawn.

I’ve never experienced this dawning before: it’s daunting.

It is going to require boldness; there is no place for tears in this new birthing.

It is necessity: the life I knew has no place for me in it anymore.

It requires want to to live life, fully; with no bleed-over from my previous life.

Yeshua! Give me the strength I need!

So …

As soon as I woke up this morning, I decided to make/bake bread; there is only 1 loaf in the freezer, so the bread is needed – and making bread is a good way to get rid of stressful tension: beating the hell out of the dough makes for nice loaves of bread 😉

I also did a couple loads of laundry, and received the first Spring Seed Catalog for 2021. Looking through it, I allowed my thoughts to entertain the idea of possibly driving to the actual seed source when it comes time to purchase seeds. It would be fun, but it would also be 2½ hours of freeway driving – I hate freeway driving, and avoid it at all costs (even going coastal route would include freeway at the tail end – and it would take an entire day to get there one-way).

But the coastal route would break my fledging wings in 😊

We’ll see what happens, come Spring.

While bread was cooling and loads of laundry were cycling between washer and dryer, I had the local radio channel on for weather updates (as well as background music) … and created another solitaire game layout – this time, in the form of Father Time’s scythe.

I get bored easily, so I have to keep things interesting 😉

MOD Solitaire Game; Father Time's scythe shape. Layout & play as a regular game. 1 ct. – face up; 2 ct. – 1 face down, 1 up; 3 ct. – 2 face down, 1 up; 4 ct. – 3 face down, 1 up; 5 ct. – 4 face down, 1 up; 6 ct. – 5 face down, 1 up; 7 ct. – 6 face down, 1 up; 8 ct. – 7 face down, 1 up.

 

December 31^st, 2020 is quickly coming to an end, and there are several things on my mind.

None of it looks bright and cheerful.

From December 2018 to December 2020, it has been adjustment after adjustment … and all of them have been hard adjustments.

I have to let Bob go …

My daughter is forever lost to me.

I think a shot of Fireball is in order. Cinnamon is a natural protector of the body – I could use that after the jolt my heart received last night. And whiskey actually helps the heart, while reducing stress and is a natural aid to fighting off colds: BONUS on ALL counts.

That’s my “truth”, and I’m sticking to it.

Fireworks are lighting the night sky.

Dawn, tomorrow morning, will usher in a new year.

A new year promise filled with possibilities.

I am eagerly anticipating Spring 2021.

I intend to go after every possibility Elohim has penciled into my future; if I want what He has for me: I DO.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYt78nZiiVY)

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jdLio8CiCk)

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TlRws5-Z8U)

I want peace.

I need peace.

I intend to have peace in 2021.

I am having Spring dreams 😊

Devastated heart nevertheless.

Life goes on … so will I.