RYDERWOOD ~ Day 2

All of yesterday evening, after I got back home from Ryderwood … and spoke with my internet service and cell service … the house in Ryderwood kept pricking away at my subconscious: even well into the wee hours of the morning.

Most of the early morning hours were spent weighing the pro’s and con’s of the internet situation out there: at the end of the road.

Before I caught a quick catnap before the sun came up, I’d made up my mind to give that house a chance and deal with the internet issue by driving back to Ryderwood and quizzing residents about the actual internet service – instead of assumptions of what I knew about Qwest CenturyLink from decades ago: we’d had a horrible time with their service on Sparks Drive in Kelso, and finally ended up cutting ties with Qwest, and signing with Comcast; a server that has been good with us … and very helpful to me in my solo lobo life.

But, as I stated yesterday on this Blog … Comcast will not run service to Ryderwood.

That being the case, I wanted to find out everything about CenturyLink in Ryderwood, as that is the primary server out there. I needed to find out how the service has progressed over the passed time; if it has.

So, when I woke up this morning, I waited until 8:20 AM – and shot off a text to Shay; telling her the house wouldn’t leave me alone, and I’d still like to do a walk through (even though yesterday afternoon, I’d said it was off the table). She knows me, so I think she was kinda expecting a text like this 😉

She has been a good friend to me.

She has been very patient with me.

She understands me.

She knew Bob & I, as a couple.

She knows me as a solo lobo.

She has remained a part of my life.

She loves me – and the feeling is mutual 😊

Shay and I had already had plans to have lunch at the Country Folks Deli at noon – to enjoy each other’s company, share our lunch hour, and to finalize the paperwork for the sale of my house here at Heron Pointe.

I arrived at the Deli earlier because I wanted coffee to jolt my system into wakefulness before Shay arrived, and finishing touches to paperwork commenced.

While I drank my coffee, and read a few paragraphs of my new read, Edgar Winter’s ‘Frankenstein’ was playing in the background: it made me smile – and as weird as it may sound … it gave my heart an encouraging lift 😉

Backdoor entrance to the Country Folks Deli; I prefer a booth in the back.

‘Frankenstein’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSLP1FCREBA

Excited about doing a walk-thru at the house tomorrow.

And I thought of Bob, too, as I waited for Shay – who had texted me that she had scheduled a walk-through tomorrow; for the house that has been badgering my thoughts 😉

This move I am planning would not be happening, if not for Bob – and his absence in my present life.

Bob taught me, as a new Bride, how to get comfortable with the math I hated – and he stressed was important. I learned to keep the checkbook up to date, and the Bank Statements on target. I learned to budget, and squirrel $$$$ away in Savings for those lean months where the work contracts were scarce, or the woods were shut down due to weather or fire danger. I learned how to increase the monies Bob trusted solely to my care. I learned how to spend that money wisely, so we were never in the red with big ticket purchases (vehicles, houses, ect.) – things may have gotten a little tight at times as we treaded water, but our heads were never under water.

We had a good life.

Bob’s confidence in me, carries me today.

And Bob prepared for his eventual death, too, from Day 1 of our married life.

A logger/truck driver’s life was not an easy life; and some loggers died on the job site: Bob signed several Beneficiary Papers, as a hedge against the day he would no longer be walking beside me this side of Heaven.

Those hedges are a bittersweet help to me in my new Solo Lobo Life.

I am able to move forward to a new home because of those precautions Bob set in place when we were young and full of life, love, and hope.

Our life together ended 31 months ago: but the love and hope, continues.

It is up to me, now, to make my own way in my new life.

And Bob’s hedges are going to get me to the country 😊, even though he never wanted to live the country life with me. Bob was a country boy who grew into a man that loved the right lights if the city (big city/little city; it didn’t matter).

Bob’s first wife was a city girl – and Bob lived in Longview, and spend a lot of time in Portland, from 1968 to 1973. When we married in 1974, we lived in small towns and suburbs on the skirts of cities (Bob was good about keeping me as far from the citified portions as possible when we set up house in various locations).

Because he loved me, Bob gave me as much country as he could (trips to the mountains, looong country roadtrips, homes in countryside settings, ect.), that when he wanted a retirement home in Heron Pointe, I agreed; even though it was too ‘citified’, and restrictively confining.

‘Bright Lights, Big City’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJ26_x48hJk

Moving here killed him.

And since December 14^th, 2018, I have honored his last request to ‘keep the house, Val.’

But now, it’s time to move forward: I need a new start; in a new home, in a new location.

I want a home in the country.

And even though Bob no longer walks this Earth – he and the love he always lavished on me, is gonna help me accomplish that 😉

After Shay and I spent an enjoyable hour together, and she left with the finished paperwork … I drove back out to Ryderwood.

I was a woman on a mission 😉

I want my move to go as smoothly as possible: no matter where God leads me.

Drove to Ryderwood again this afternoon to quiz people there about CenturyLink Internet.

If Elohim is leading me to Ryderwood, I will be thankful: but, I will also do research before I sign on the dotted line.

There is much to like about the area.

There are also concerns; the internet connection being the primary one.

3 Internet Servers, and a HOA Fee for road upkeep.

I’ve quizzed several residents – the accord is that CenturyLink is the Server most utilized in Ryderwood; with the ‘yays’ outnumbering the ‘nays’ of those quizzed.

I also called my granddaughter, Alyna, to ask her opinion on Server gigabytes … and she was more interested in Servers: CentryLink won her approval over all those mentioned that serve that area.

So, I’ve done the research – and I’ve gotten the answer I was seeking.

If the house walk-through goes well tomorrow (I will be skipping my Naselle Coffee Hour with friends, there), Ryderwood will be my new home.

Life can be good where the blacktop ends 😊

‘Wildflowers’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oRKS8Nd-SjA

Wildflowers are hardy plants that thrive in adverse circumstances.

I’ve suffered adverse circumstances since August 30^th, 2018, that resulted in the tragic loss of my husband December 14^th, 2018.

But Bob, even in the most dire of situations, never allowed his life-sucking circumstance to destroy his upbeat mindset – he faced his medical prognosis’s with faith and humor … and, in faith, he walked into Heaven with Yeshua’s arm around his shoulders. I was there with him 24/7: of that, there is no doubt.

I have learned throughout all my life, not just those trying hospital months, that everyone suffers tragedy at some point in their life; you can either wail, wrong your hands, and let tragedy overwhelm you … or, you can dry your eyes, determine to live despite the sorrow, and learn to fly above it all.

I’m learning to fly.

‘Learning to Fly’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v-LsnQPwHzI

‘End Of The Line’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UMVjToYOjbM

RYDERWOOD

A few days ago, I saw a house on the internet that piqued my interest.

This morning I woke up wanting to eat lunch at the Little Crane Restaurant, in Vader … and thought I’d take a drive further along the road, to Ryderwood, to talk to some of the people that live there; and gather info about life in the community.

Bob and I had considered buying a house there, about seven years ago – the drawback was internet and cell service: there wasn’t any; and that would be a deal-breaker today, as well.

So, that is what I did.

The getting there was slow going, as traffic was held up twice along the route: once, at the junction of Virginia Way/Columbia Heights roads – where two police SUV’s with flashing lights pulled a rehab vehicle over; and about half an hour later, when traffic was held up behind a garbage truck, before it finally turned off Westside Highway, onto Cook’s Ferry Road.

2 cops stopped traffic on Virginia Way-Columbia Heights junction; because of a car repo. Lights flashing, the whole shmo.

Vader is about half an hour from Longview when traffic is flowing smoothly; Ryderwood is 45 minutes away.

Vader is in Lewis County … Ryderwood is in Cowlitz County: the boundary line between the two old communities snakes backwards.

Checking out a house in Ryderwood.

I really liked what I saw on the internet.

Ryderwood is a 55+/retirement community at the end of the road, past Vader.

When I reached Vader, it was lunch time … so, I pulled into the diner there, and placed an order – and read my book and drank coffee while waiting for it 😉

Little Crane Diner in Vader.

Chili Burger ... lunch and Supper.

After I finished lunch, I drove to Ryderwood.

I like the area.

I like the Community – a very strong county small-town vibe 😊

I like the way the town was designed, and the streets laid out.

The people there, are generally friendly.

I talked to several people gathered at the Post office, shooting the breeze: I learned that there is only once Internet Server, CenturyLink (disappointed to hear that); and several Cell Phone Servers (I hoped my Cell Server was available).

I made friends quickly today 😊

I drove the few streets, and liked what I saw of the house that interests me.

I like what I saw of it online (LOTS of windows with a wide-open view); and I like what I saw standing before it, in Ryderwood, this afternoon. It needs a new roof, and a paint job … but that’s typical of seller’s (except for me: whoever gets my house, will get a very good deal). But the grassy front lawn was small and manageable; and there were graveled areas behind the house that would work well for potted plants, and a small container garden.

I believe I could be happy living there.

Ryderwood is a county community at the tail end of Highway 506 – 45 minutes from Longview: that’s no biggie. We drove that distance from Cathlamet to Longview, decades ago.

Ryderwood is at the tail end of the blacktop; the road literally ends in Ryderwood.

‘Where the Blacktop Ends’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5347wMozv2c

‘County Roads’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5yTD8wupeQ

Deer roam freely in Ryderwood – they are everywhere: in the yards, in the alleyways, in the streets … they will literally lay down in the middle of the road and stop traffic.

Deer roam freely here ...

Deer, bear, cougar, and foxes ... life in Ryderwood, would not be boring.

When I got back to Longview, I stopped at my Internet Server’s place of business and told them I was thinking of moving, and asked if they did business in Ryderwood: they said “no: we have had requests to make connection there, but it would be too expensive.”

Well, c.r.a.p.

It would be too expensive for me to make a connection with CenturyLink for their unreliable spotty, and all too often, non-existent ‘service’.

Looks like Ryderwood may be off the table as far as country living goes. I will get good Cell reception; but not good Internet reception.

I then drove to my Cell Server and found that they do have a connection in Ryderwood – a very good, strong, reception.

But the Internet connection is a big issue with me: I need internet availability to continue with my Blog. I honestly would not mind letting go of internet as far as FB bitching goes … but my Blog is helpful to other widows; I’m not sure I want to let that go – I remember how hard it was for me, as a new widow, and how scary it can be to make those steps forward.

My Blog is helpful to those seeking encouragement, and strength, to go on.

But, though I have pulled Ryderwood off my ‘Home Seeking List’ … the house in Ryderwood has held my thoughts captive all long: the internet issue is what’s deviling me.

It been a constant brain tease.

Maybe Ryderwood is not as {off} the List, as I think it is.

Maybe the internet isn’t that important to my life anymore.

I only got the internet, and a computer, to stay in touch with family: and they have cut me loose after Bob’s spirit left Earth; is the internet really a ‘necessity’ at this point in my life?

Maybe my Blog has run its purpose.

Maybe my time would be better put to use elsewhere, doing other things in this growth spurt I’m engaged in; living fully in the moment.

If the thoughts of that house, and the community, in Ryderwood continue to prick my thoughts – maybe I’ll have to rethink things and shift gears.

HELP ME, Yeshua.

‘Just Give It To G-d’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBldegpMVDs

THOUGHT PROVOKING DAY

I woke up this morning with the thought that I’d walk the dike trail at Riverside Park in Lexington; I hadn’t been there for a while, and it’s a nice walk.

I’ve been missing it.

I’ve been missing it, because I’ve been avoiding it.

Bob and I walked that trail for decades … and every day when we lived in that area.

So, today was a good day to get back there again.

I felt I could face Bob’s lingering essence everywhere, there.

Riverside Park from Heron Pointe; via Nevada Drive & Westside Highway - 24 mins.

I had eaten a bowl of cream of wheat, with blueberries earlier in the morning, but I was hungry for a light lunch when I reached Lexington – so, I bought a corn dog at the Lexington Chevron, where I topped the gas tank (I was too tired to do that last night when I got home).

As I bit into the corn dog … globs of ketchup and mustard dripped onto my shirt.

I saturated the stain smear with wet-ones ... and looked like I had a leaky nursing pad in my bra.

I cleaned the mess up as best I could, but decided to scrap the Park idea: I couldn’t go out in public looking like my boob was leaking.

It was a thought-provoking moment.

Finished eating the corn dog: I decided to drive back home, change my shirt – dab it with stain remover; pay the bills … and surf the internet for houses for sale in the areas I am interested in.

The sun was shining, and mentally I had been prepared to enjoy the morning, out-of-house.

I’d take a leisurely route back home.

I scratched the hike, and decided to drive a forgotten road, on the way home.

Sandy Bend Road, from Lexington - via WA-411 & Sandy Bend Rd; 10 mins.

I'm thinking a little clearer this year.

My life on repeat, is not about dealing with dementia … it’s about dealing with all the complex nuances of grief; over, and over, and over again: the halting steps of forward progression when all the hugs/applause received {in the now} are echoes in your head of the loving encouragements given to you from the one who was leaving your life – the one, who told you, in a thought-provoking tone, to “Live!”: and forgot to tell you how before they took their last breath.

Getting through those mental landmines can sometimes be crippling.

Thinking gets foggy: and speech can become a stuttering, stammering, halting endeavor.

You can feel stupid when this happens.

People, who do not understand the complexities of widowhood, will consider you stupid.

Sandy Bend turn off Westside Highway; I hung a right: uphill and over the crossover Sandy Bend Road.

Sandy Bend to Wren Loop; 3 mins.

Wren Loop Road; off Sandy Bend Road, past Hicks Road - ties into lower end of Delameter Road.

Wren Loop-Delameter junction; lower end of Delameter, just off Westside Highway, near Castle Rock.

The drive along the Sandy Bend crossover road was an enjoyable country drive. I’m glad the memory kicked in and prodded me along 😉

I didn’t get very far up Delameter Road, before I turned off it – loose gravel was all over the road for miles: even on the freshly blacktopped areas. The pebbles were really kicking up a fuss on the underside of the Highlander … and a car was bearing down on me from behind; it was making me nervous. I did not want to risk another cracked windshield – I didn’t want to be responsible for the rude driver behind me getting a cracked windshield. I didn’t want to have pit marks in the Highlander’s paint job.

Loose gravel all over Delameter Road – for miles.

So, I turned off Delameter at the Garlock Road spur.

Garlock Road ties into Hazel Dell Road – which ties into Westside Highway, near Lexington.

Garlock Road; off Delameter Road.

Garlock Road; off Delameter Road - ties into Hazel Dell Road, which drops into Westside Highway, near Lexington.

I turned back to spare my windshield and paint job.

Hazel Dell Road from Garlock Road; 4 mins.

Garlock & Hazel Dell junction.

I noticed that my shirt had dried with hardly a faint stain; so, I decided to go for the Park walk as planned, when I reached Lexington, again.

Riverside Park from Hazel Dell Rd - 12 mins.

My shirt dried ... and I followed through with the hike.

I kept the walk short … and on pretty even ground once I reached the top of the dike. As I was walking along, enjoying the sunshine and the dragonflies; I heard a distinctive sound: pool balls clacking together!

It was a thought-provoking sound that lured me by the ears 😉

Following the sound, I laughed out loud as I watched a couple playing pool in their back yard 😊

When the shot had been played out, I called out from my lofty view: “Who’s winning?”

The girl shouted to me, that she was – so, I shouted back, “Good for you!”

We all laughed, and I walked on: not too far though … I turned around at the bridge, instead of pushing forward like I normally would.

I’m still favoring that piriformis muscle.

Having my body force me to slow down and take things easy, is a thought-provoking action that is still taking me time to get used to.

I don’t like to be restricted in my movements … but I don’t like the pain generated by an inflamed muscle either.

Unexpected surprise.

I turned around here - a very short hike today. I'm still favoring that Piriformis muscle.

Piriformis Syndrome.

I had company on the return walk back to the car: a couple with 3 very big dogs.

I took the gentlest descent from the dike trail … which passes by the cement cistern Bob used to sit on once in awhile during our hikes.

The Park is filled with memories: trails we walked around the Park grounds on for decades, a bench he used to sit on, a picnic table he used to sit at with our little grandson – and feed squirrels Aza used to chase, after they grabbed their peanut and raced away, the dike trail we walked every day after moving to the area years ago: the Park air is saturated with his essence.

The memories still surround me – but my heart doesn’t go into overdrive anymore, and hot tears don’t fall in torrents anymore when I think of those precious years with the love of my life.

My heart is healing: it’s a thought-provoking acknowledgment.

I took the gentlest decline to the where the car was parked.

Sometimes Bob would sit on this cistern for a brief break, on hot days.

Sliding into the driver’s seat, and heading the car towards Heron Pointe, I thought of how blessed my life is because Bob was part of my life for most of my life. I am thankful that Bob’s loving confidence in me blossomed into my own confidences in myself; and the decisions I am making to live the life Bob wanted me to embrace and move forward into. I am grateful that Yeshua is my faithful Husband now, Who, daily encourages me with thought-provoking life choices that help me grow stronger in body, soul, and spirit.

I paid the bills at home … and started searching online for houses for sale that fit the budget I can work with.

And, I found one: I’ll get more information about it tomorrow. The house is in a location I hadn’t really given much thought to – but it fits my needs/requirements; and it fits my budget 😉

As I considered how my new life was currently taking shape, I happened to glance out the window – and saw a cloud, shaped like a lion, drift by high in the sky.

It was like Yeshua was activating encouragements in a thought-provoking manner 😊

At home, I saw a lion shape in the clouds; it was encouraging.

Buying a new home will be a huge step forward for me. It’s a monumental step forward. I filled out the paperwork Shay left for me – and I’ll give it to her Wednesday. I was nervous filling the paperwork out: Bob had always helped me do that with our last two homes we’d bought (plus this one, I currently inhabit) … it’s hard not to second guess ding something solo lobo that you had always done as a couple.

But, I remembered the lion cloud 😉

And I know I, in my new solo lobo life, am enough 😊

‘Already Enough’ song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr_yU40mvVo

I am actually quite excited about this new phase of my new life.

But, my life misses Bob.

Greatly.

Prior to experiencing intimate death in my personal life, I used to say to people in a comforting way, “It won’t always hurt so much.” Now, after struggling with my own loss, and going through my own journey of grief, I say, “It won’t always hurt so much, so often.” There is a huge difference between the two statements – the pain of losing a loved one never goes away: but as life moves forward, the waves of sorrow decrease in intensity.

That doesn’t mean that a big wave won’t suddenly rear up out of nowhere, and knock you off your feet; but you no longer flounder … you haul yourself up, and continue moving forward with thought-provoking momentum.