HARD LESSONS

OMG ...

This is SO HARD!

So … I took care of most of the name changes the day before Christmas after Hub’s Death Certificate finally arrived; couldn’t do anything until then. Today I am still trying to switch everything into my name, and was totally unprepared for hidden transfer fees and delayed transfers - taking Hub's name off the house title/property tax is $46.00 ... not large, but when you don't have it, it IS a large sum. Ditto for the vehicle title transfer, which is $37.50: I hope and pray I will have these sums available the end of February to get it done. I thought that since both our names are on everything it would just be a simple procedure to pull his name and switch everything to my name only – but ((((NO))))!!!! – I have to also have the Titles on hand with Death certificate and Marriage License; WHO walks around with these things on their person? And then AARP has UPPED the Insurance costs to an additional $22/yr because now "there is only 1 driver instead of 2"; uuhh … oookaaay. Seems to me the price should go down since there is only 1 driver. Right? And the Bank wants me to WAIT 3 months - at least - to be sure "any forthcoming checks in his name can be cashed instead of held up if you do it now." I get it, kinda: but I just don't want to be dealing with grieving and crying anew for months on end when having to put things off.

I just want all of it o.v.e.r already! Losing him is hard enough without revisiting it again, and again, and again just to make the tax man happy. How can I move forward if I am kept in suspended limbo or am dragged backwards time and time again?

No one tells you these things beforehand so you are prepared. Hubs and I discussed life after death many times over the past decades, and he did everything he could to make sure I would not be left struggling if he went before me. I thought we had everything covered: apparently not. I hope there are no more sudden surprises.

It is hard to find them out unexpectedly when you are already dealing with so many other things you now have to do on your own :-(

VIEWS ON CREMATION

For years my husband and I debated and struggled with the topic of physical burial v.s. cremation, but 3 years ago we finally settled on cremation: it is cheaper and we could not find in the Scriptures ANY DIRECT FORBIDDANCE of cremation. People from Jewish and Christian background have their differences of opinions, but opinions are just that: o.p.i.n.i.o.n.s.

What sealed the deal for us was the fact that the process of cremation is by far less invasive and less expensive than the process of a physical body burial. We did not want an autopsy, and we did not want to donate our organs; these are things that we felt very strongly are unnecessary invasive practices that dishonor the body. Some disagree, but be that as it may, this is our viewpoint and we aren’t going to change it: when my husband recently passed from this life into the next, I was asked at his bedside if I wanted an autopsy, and I said, “No. We all know how and why he died – there is no point.” Then I was asked if I wanted to donate his organs; again, I said, “No. We believe our bodies were created for us specifically, and we believe in the resurrection of the dead … we want our organs to be buried with us.” Plus, my husband was 69 years old when he passed; his organs were pretty much worn out.

And we believe, according to our Faith, that when our physical body ceases to function as a living entity, our spirit (aka: soul) departs and is immediately in the presence of Adonai Yeshua. Scripture bears this belief out in Luke 23:43, 2 Corinthians 5:8, and & Isaiah 43:2. It is clear in Scripture that for Christians, death is NOT the end of our existence – death is merely the separation of body and soul, not the end of who we are or what we were created to be. Plus there are NO DIRECT SCRIPTURAL FORBIDDANCE concerning cremation, even though there ARE direct Scriptural references concerning the handling of a dead body.

In that understanding we made the decision to have our bodily remains cremated. So, while making funeral arrangements for my husband on the 14^th, I saw that it was so economical that I also made arrangements for MY OWN cremation and internment at a future date when Elohei calls my name – 2 for the price of 1 makes sense, and doing both also took the pressure off survivors so they don’t have to make a decision they don’t agree with, and their grief won’t be made more difficult. As of today, while I am typing this post, my children and grandchildren are not Christians … and they have no desire to become Christians: death hits them hard because they see death as a final farewell and the end of all existence. I, on the other hand, consider death a graduation and the beginning of real living. So I do not mourn as the world mourns.

And I personally believe Elohei can raise a body reduced to ash as well, and as readily, as he can raise a body reduced to decayed sludge; for us, we began to view cremation as a valid Christian burial practice. And, for us, cremation also seems a more humane way of caring for the deceased than some of the death disposal practices of ancient days … or even current days in some ethnic cultures.

JESUS OF NAZARETH Full Movie HD - English

MOD ALIEN SLIPPERS

The weather outside looks worse than it actually is; it’s not really cold here – 49-degrees – but the continual falling rain and wind gusts blowing in off the river makes it seem bitterly cold.

Yesterday while it rained, I worked up a pair of Alien Slippers …

MOD Alien Sippers. FINISHED!

I like ‘em; and I think the recipient will too ;-)

Again I used the public domain Slipper Socks original pattern (http://www.knitting-crochet.com/crochet/slisoc.html) and tweaked it to fit the design I had in mind:

Marking facial feature dimensions

Mouth sl st in place

Eyes made separately and sewn into place.

After the head features were designed and sewn in place, I worked the body as directed in the original pattern. The first slipper took the longest because I was designing as I worked it up – the second slipper went much faster.

I am soooo thankful for these orders because they helped redirect my thoughts and kept me from slipping into crying jags.

Today I got busy and cooked 4 Dinner meals (5-Bean Soup, Meat Loaf, Spaghetti Sauce, & Tuna Noodle Casserole) to be divvied up between this week’s meals and leftovers frozen for future meals; I do this all the time, but the difference this time is that I am freezing 1 serving portions now, so they will go further (8 to 12 future meals now). I also went over the checkbook balance and the little savings I had squirreled away – squared those figures up with the Bills Tally January through February 2019 – and it looks like Elohim has been gracious to me :-) It appears that I will be able to skate through the next 60 days with little to no financial worries until the pitifully slashed Social Security check arrives the end of February … at least, THAT is WHEN I am hopeful it will arrive if there are no more unforeseen bureaucratic snags. When widows are dealing with all other death fallouts, they should not have to jump through government hoops or dodge government loopholes on top of everything else. But for now, it looks like I have ducked a well-aimed bullet and Elohei is watching out for me :-D

I will be able to “make it through December”, as well as January and February 2019.

Thank You, Yeshua!

INCONVIENCES

I woke up this morning thinking I would call Steele’s Chapel funeral home to find out if Hub’s cremation remains were ready to pick up; but while I was downing a 2^nd cup of coffee and working up the nerve to reach for the phone, they called me and informed me that the cremains, the Death Certificate, and the kids’ memory remains (to later be slipped into their own personal Urn Vials) were ready for pickup. So I called SIL and asked her to go with me. When we got there, the receptionist bagged up the container and said, “He had big bones … lots of density there.” I thought that was kinda insensitive, but yeah, he did have big bones: Hubs was 6’2” tall and built husky – solid as a rock. He did have big bones, He also had a big heart.

It was sad to see my gentle giant reduced to ashes stashed in a container no bigger than a teenager’s shoe box …

Later I had to go down to the Social Security Office to show the Death Certificate and Marriage License. ((((SURPRISE!)))) Hub’s benefits were cut 25%! I was NOT expecting THAT. The fella doing the subtraction was trying his best to be kind while doing an unkind activity (I actually felt sorry for him). He did what he could to give me every financial break allowed, including a pitiful widow’s portion (aka; “surviving spouse’s beneficiary), which allowed me a pitiable $25.80 addition to a drastically reduced income. And to add injury to insult, I was informed that I won’t receive a stipend from Social Security until the middle of February 2019 because I won’t turn 62 until December 29^th, 2018 … and “the office is backed up for the next 42 days” in which my claim will be reviewed and handled. This wonderful bit of bureaucratic news should tickle January’s bill collector’s funny bones :-(

I came home and refigured the family budget and I think I should be able to manage the bills and steer clear of the cat food isle if I am very, very frugal – I AM very, very frugal: every lose penny around our place already screams when I pinch it; now I will have to pinch until they are black and blue ;-) The kids are concerned and are being as helpful as they can be, but I really NEED to work this out on my own. I have to KNOW that I CAN DO this on my own. Hub’s always had confidence in me, so now ((((I)))) have to have confidence in me. I did take pictures of the ‘fridge, the freezer, and the cupboards … and sent them off to the kids and grandkids so they can see for themselves that I am eating healthy and there is not a can of cat food in ANY pictures.

And I have to lean on Elohei a little more: He is ALWAYS available to lend an ear, to listen to my cries, to put up my tears in a bottle, and to support me when I am too weak to stand. He won’t rage at me out of helpless frustration, treat me like I am dense, or make me feel like an imposition. People are human; and humans will behave like humans.

I can’t help the timing of Hub’s death (holiday season); it was and IS “inconvenient” – neither one of us saw August coming down the pike; we certainly did not expect him to die at Christmas time and throw an unwelcome warp into everyone’s lives. Inconvenient things happen at inconvenient times … THAT is what MAKES them inconvenient. I, like everyone else dealing with this death, has BEEN inconvenienced. I do NOT want to be another inconvenience: I don’t know what I will do, but I do KNOW that I WILL DO what needs to be done; and Yeshua will help me figure that out.

Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday ... not.

MOVING FORWARD

Tuesday of this week my pink Christmas Catcus began to bloom and that bit of cheerfulness catapulted me into moving forward – that brilliant burst of color gave me a nudge to get on with a purpose and a goal; this is what Hub’s would have wanted: he would not have wanted me to shroud myself in mourning misery and despondency as most think I should. He is not dead … he is alive, and more alive than he has ever been! All that took place in OHSU last Friday – on that final day of his life here on Earth – was that he shed that ravished body that housed his spirit. Now his spirit will live on forever throughout eternity. And so I am getting busy with getting on with my life until I join him there ;-)

I did a couple decorations … nothing fancy, just enough to be festive:

The candles in my windows this year remind me that we are to be a light to the world ... Hubs never ceased witnessing to those who attended him in the hospitals, or to those that visited him. He believed that even if he was not healed, his testimony was supposed to be given/heard. He truly believed that whether he got yet another reprieve, or whether he left his body, “maybe I’m going through this because someone needs to hear my testimony about God’s love and faithfulness”. With every breath he took and expelled, he talked about God. He was a light to the world – and I believe that light will continue to go forward in the lives of the people he ministered to before Yeshua gathered his spirit home.

Christmas Ivy Basket

Hanging Christmas Ivy

Kitchen tinsel garland along archway leading to Dining Room

Dining Room tinsel garland along archway leading to kitchen

Tinsel garland running along hallway leading to back rooms. Same tinsel garland runs along the LV archways. I like tinsel garlands at Christmas time, but it is getting very hard to find locally.

I received some Christmas orders (Thank Elohim! I needed those to redirect my thoughts) that I started working on and finished in record time; now that I am the only one in the house, I can work for hours on end with very little breaks ….

MOD Santa Hat ready for pick up – started late in the evening Monday, and finished the next afternoon.

I worked 2 adult sized (XL/male) Slipper Socks Tuesday – just standard; nothing fancy – so no pictures of those;LOL. But these cute little slipper socks for a child were fun to work up ;-)

MOD Pikachu Slipper pair ready for pick up – I started these yesterday morning and finished around 9 p.m. last night

I went online and looked at some pictures of the Pokemon Pikachu figure, and added those features to the original ‘Unisex Slipper Sock’ pattern I found online a few years ago. I only took time away from working on them to get another cup of coffee and eat a few sandwiches now and then. I like the way they turned out, and I think the recipient of these slippers will too :-D

Started MOD Pikachu Slippers yesterday – face in place

Stripes along the side ...

Ears designed, worked up, and sewn on. Back closed up.

Finished slipper.

And I went into town this afternoon to do some grocery shopping … all the way into town, not just to Wal*Mart a few blocks away from home. It went better than anticipated and I even figured out how to work the car heater … don’t laugh! It was a big moment for me ;-) I have driven this car a lot, but basically Hubs did the driving since he retired, and I never paid attention to the little details. Now I HAVE TO … so I will. I only had one weepy moment when I stopped at AT/T and had Hubs & 1 phone removed from the account: I was fine until he was deleted, and then the tears came and rolled down my face before I could stop them.

One step at a time.

But at least I AM moving forward. I know some people who have stopped in their tracks when a death hits them where they live – I refuse to let that happen to me: that is not living, and we are meant to live until we are called home. I can … and will … live alone, but I will not become a mourning zombie.

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ACTS ~ Chapter 26

THE GOSPEL ACCORDING TO ACTS ~ Chapter 26

Agrippa then said to Pal. ‘You may now give an account of yourself.’ So Paul, extending his hand, began to defend.

“I consider myself fortunate, king Agrippa, that I may defend myself before you today, against all the charges that the Jews have made against me. And since you are so very familiar with all the customs and controversial questions of the Jews, I ask you to hear me patiently. All the Jews are familiar with my mode of life from my youth on, for it was spent from the beginning among my own people, and here at Jerusalem. Their earliest memory of  me, if they would admit it, would be that I lived the life of a Pharisee – the strictest sect of our religion. And now I am on trial for the hope in the promise that Elohei made to our fathers. In the hope of seeing that promise fulfilled, our 12 tribes served Elohei zealously night and day. And it is on account of that hope, O king Agrippa, that I am being accused by the Jews. Why do you think it incredible that Elohei should raise the dead? Yes, I too once thought it my duty to do many things in opposition to Yeshua of Nazareth. I did so in Jerusalem. There I locked up numbers of saints in the prisons by orders from the chief priests. And when they were to be put to death, I voted against them. In all the synagogues, many times I punished them and forced them to blaspheme. And in my burning zeal and furious rage against them, I kept after them even unto foreign cities. So when I was going to Damascus on such an errand, I had authority and commission from the chief priests. I was on the road at noon, O king, when I saw a light from heaven brighter than the sun shining around me and my fellow travelers. Then, as we all fell down to the ground, I heard a voice speaking to me saying in the Hebrew tongue, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute Me? It will be hard for you to rebel and resist.” And I said, ‘Who are You, Lord?” And He said, “I am Yeshua Whom you are persecuting. But get up and stand on your feet. I have appeared to you for the specific purpose of appointing you to serve Me and to bear witness of what you have seen and also of what I will reveal to you. I will save you from your people and from the Gentiles, to whom I now send you. You are to open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Lucifer to Elohei, so that through faith in Me they may have their sins forgiven and have an inheritance among those who are holy.’ And so, O king Agrippa, I did not disobey that heavenly vision. I witnessed first to those in Damascus and in Jerusalem, and then throughout the whole of Judea, and I preached even to the Gentiles that they must repent and turn to Elohei and live their lives consistent with repentance. That is why the Jews laid hold of me in the Temple and tried to kill me. And Elohei has helped me to this very day, therefore I have stood up and witnessed to both small and great, claiming nothing else than what the prophets and Moshe said would take place – namely this, that Mashiach must suffer, that he was the 1^st tor rise from the dead, and that He would give light to the Jewish people and the Gentiles.”

When he had spoken thus for his defense, Festus exclaimed in a loud voice, ‘Paul, you are insane! Much learning has made you mad!’

“Most noble Festus,” answered Paul, I am not crazy. On the contrary, I am speaking the sober truth. And since the king is well informed of these matters, therefore I I dare speak to him more freely. Nothing that I have said is news to him; of that I am sure, for these things did not happen in some obscure corner. King Agrippa, you believe the prophets, don’t you I know you do!”

Then Agrippa said to Paul, You almost persuade me to become a Christian!’

To this Paul replied, “Oh, I could wish to Elohim that not only you, but also everyone who hears me today, whether with little or much persuasion, would become such as I am, except for these chains!”

After this was said, the king rose, as did also the governor and Bernice and those sitting with them. When they had gone out, they talked the matter over together and concluded, ‘This man has not done anything punishable by death or even imprisonment.’ And Agrippa added this remark to Festus, ‘If he had not appealed to the emperor, he could have been set free.’

**ACTS 25: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/the-gospel-according-to-acts-chapter-25.html