MY SWAN-MAN

Tom Jones - 'You're My World' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gla6bkc2Spk)

We woke up to snowflakes falling this morning, so we found some in-house things to do.

Holland checked his emails, and I was going through some of last year's widow journey files, when I came across an October'22 File that should have clued me into Holland's arrival on my life change radar ...

A.M. dream - I mistook Elohim's meaning ...

My rough drawing of what Elohim showed me.

The intent was accurate - my interpretation was not; I attributed the dream to missing Bob, instead of realizing it was Elohim's way of showing me it was time to move on and accept His Plan for this new chapter of my new life.

My January 2022 'Redeeming the Time' Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/02/shabbat-reflection-redeeming-time.html

The Ocober'22 Swan Dream was like Elohim was giving me hope that things will get better.

I'm glad I finally accepted the dream's full intent :-)

At the time of the swan dream, I had been attending Oak Point community church for an entire year at that time, studiously avoiding Holland's obvious flirtations: I wasn't ready to engage in romantic interludes. Plus, Holland was a Board member ... and the Board (jeanne paulson and luroy douglas, spearheaded the outright hatred towards me) had very specifically let me know I was unwelcome, and was very voiciferously making it known they wanted me gone. I did not know that Holland had gone to bat for me at every board meeting - I did not know because I was avoiding romantic entanglements. I was, in effect, putting Elohim's Plan on hold by keeping Holland at arm's length.

I was still dealing with widowhood adjustments.

I was also - through no fault of my own - dealing with naked hatred aimed at me by a greedy man fixated on money issues, and a bitter old harpy fixated on demeaning me in any way she could, because she could.

I was clueless - due to everything going down, as well as my self-imposed ignorance - that Holland was the swan Elohim had shown me in my dream.

But Holland wasn't clueless.

Tom Jones - 'There's Something 'Bout You Baby I Like' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZfA0okHVOo)

And he was letting me know, without actually verbalizing what I should have been paying attention to ;-)

My swan-man was getting bold; I was taking too long in noticing his courtship maneuvers ;-)

Tom Jones - 'Help Yourself' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMz_JSU8TxI)

Holland in 1989; my swan-man has told me that Elohim gave him a vision of me at this time - there was also a prophetic word given ... with a witness, that confirms the vision.

Dan Seals - 'Saw You In My Dreams' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFnRKShLghE)

Holland's {swan song} text; this was a complication risk that reaped lifelong blessings.

Bread - 'Baby, I'm A-Want You' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYG1VsWSZl4)

Bellamy Brothers - 'More Of You' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zvMXBeF9f2c)

This morning, my swan-man and I talked things over.

Marrying a widow is not for the weak hearted man. Holland has weathered a lot of insensitive talk. My younger brother actually posted on his FB Page - after someone (pretty sure it was that miserable old harpy from Oak Point) sent him a picture of Holland and I announcing our marriage: {Well, I'll be a...My older sister remarried. Good on her and very, very good on him. Congratulations, Sis and whoever. (Not like I'll ever meet him...sis and I have been estranged for going on 50 yrs. But I wish her, nor him, any ill will, but he's got a mark to reach to beat Bobby Hargand (but anybody would). Anyway, good on them both.} 

Holland took this crappy posting better than mw. I saw red: 98% of Sam's post was unadulterated bullshit, posted to gather sympathy for himself (1) I love Holland, else I would not have married him (2) Sam didn't even know Bob - I think they only said 'hi' to each a handful of times during our entire marriage (3) my siblings cut themselves out of my life ... and I told Sam about Bob's passing myself following Bob's physical death; and invited him to Bob's Celebration of Life, along with my other siblings. NO ONE RESPONED OR BOTHERED TO COME. Any 'estrangement' is on them (4) Holland is confident in my love for him; he is not in competition with Bob, who now resides in Heaven! That's just crazy talk - and it's disrespectful to me, as well as very hurtful to a man my brother has never met. Bob was ... Holland is. I love Holland for who he is; there is no comparison.

When I run into friends or get calls from them; and I tell them I've remarried, they are surprised and will usually say, "Wow. Congratulations." Then they follow that up with, "I just can't imagine you with anyone but Bob." (((HELLO PEOPLE!))) Holland is standing within hearing distance of that remark ... the insensitive remark didn't need to be verbalized.

Marrying a man who has been a bachelor for decades is not for the weak hearted woman. Thankfully, I've always been an independent woman who doesn't need a man to boost my personhood: I get along quite well solo lobo. If a man is in my life on a steady basis, he's in it because I want to share all of my life with him - not because my life is meaningless without him. I choose to make a place for him in my life. Just sayin.

I've only opened my life to 2 men: Bob and Holland ~ both are my swan-men in their own right; each fitting my life completely, in two totally different scenarios. I loved Bob while he walked this Earth with me for 44 years. I love Holland as equally deep - and I will walk this Earth beside him, for the rest of whatever timeframe of life Elohim grants us.

Tom Jones & Dusty Springfield - 'You Got What It Takes' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rb0gzExYdPM)

The Every Brothers - 'Let It Be Me' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnJQf1B-OUk)

A true blessing. Just for me :-)

Tom Jones - 'Love Machine' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EcSiZM9nis)

Holland recently got his hair cut; I miss his curls. The good-looking boy is still visible in my handsome man :-)

We've only been married 46 days.

Adjustments take time.

Thankfully we are both retired and can make the most of our days; we have the time to sort things out; and talk them out. We don't want anything to come between us - we are still honeymooners. I've apologized for my family and friends' insensitivity ... and Holland has apologized for the recent Oak Point snafu: he understands now why I was so upset.

Change only comes to a person from the inside out; true, substantial, lasting change must come from a person's own heart, not from external pressure.

Elohim is working in our life for the betterment of our life, and we are taking a step back from life's snafu's.

And, as an added bonus ... we are engaging in a particular retirement activity that brightens the day and chases away any gray clouds that threaten to mar our happy place :-)

Starland Vocal Band - 'Afternoon Delight' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wu1UXCdyNo0)

I was reading my cousin's FB Page this morning, when I saw a pattern for these cute crochet sloths. I started laughing, and said, "These are perfect for a retired couple statement; I'm going to make a pair" :-)

I love my swan-man.

Friday looks like a good day to drive to the beach; Holland likes the beach, and a beach day would be good for him. He spoils me - Friday will be a day to lavish a little spoiling on him, too ;-)

#1 SUNDAY~FUNDAY 2023; Live & Learn - Seminary Hill, Centralia Daytrip

Oy.

Marriage: the blending of two into one.

It gets dicey at times.

Love always triumphs ... but the hurdles that need to be leapt can hurt like hell.

I've been solo lobo for four years - no dating. No one to answer to but me-myself-& I.

Holland has been solo lobo for seventeen - no dating. No one to answer to except him-himself-& he.

There are people, and things, I do not want in my life.

Holland like Bob, makes room for everyone and everything.

This is causing some issues. The issues are being ironed out - they will take time, but they will get settled. Until then, the hurdles are a hinderance along the path to happiness.

Holland is a Christian; so am I. Christians deal with the same {life issues} as everyone else ... we just handle them differently.

Since we are currently not going to Fellowship following the ridiculous blowout fiasco at Oak Point two months ago started by jeanne paulson (and the current hurdle needing laid to rest permanently; MPO), I decided to enjoy a Sunday~Funday out-of-house yesterday morning.

It's been a while since my last Sunday~Funday adventure, and sitting around the house wasn't setting well with me given the current mood :-(

I reached for my Ambitions Jar, plucked a folded piece of paper out, and read it. Perfect! I needed to walk the knot in the piriformis muscle out anyway, and today's adventure would help me do that :-)

My Ambitions Jar was started in November of 2020 to beat boredom; and continuously filled with fun local Daytrip suggestions.

Today's 'suggestion'. From last year's Columbia River Reader ...

Holland was invited to join me, but he opted to stay home. His shoulder was hurting (it's really painful); and he doesn't make a very good passenger - that's pretty much a man attitude ;-)

He agreed it would be good for me to get away for a few hours - I told him I'd probably be gone most of the day; he kissed me and said "You probably need a break to relax (aka: I don't want to argue with you anymore about my OP 'friends'); it's okay Baby, I know you gotta get out and about. And you will probably spend your driving time talking to God."

He was right.

And I did.

Holland knows I don't want anything to do with those devils from Oak Point - I don't want them in our relationship in any way, shape, or form: anyone who treats your spouse horribly (as jeanne, luroy, dan, dawn, heva, betty, perry, ect.; HAVE DONE TO ME) should not be in your life. He agreed. He has reneged. I am justifiably upset. And he doesn't understand why - like I said, he's been a solo lobo for quite a while; being married is an adjustment he's lagging behind in ... when it comes to those devils on the hill, herded by jeanne paulson.

This is a serious hurdle. Honesty is a BIG DEAL with me. Hiding things from me so I "don't get upset", will upset me! Hiding things is equal to lying = not okay in a marriage.

Billy Idol - 'One Breath Away' song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlvuyTFPUww)

While it is true that we have agreed not to change each other ... I still insist he be trustworthy in all respects - specifically in regard to the people we agreed should not be in our lives; so, I am sic'ing Elohei on Holland, and HE can change my husband's heart and mind.

Elohim knows best how to handle the hurdle jumping we are both engaged in, as we live and learn.

I didn't get gussied up for my walkabout - I was just plain old me. There's no point in dolling up to go walking in the misty rain.

I assured him that I would not be hiking in the wilds: "Hon, the address given is a street address, so I'll be okay." I told him the route I'd be driving: he worries about me hiking alone.

Then I hopped in the Highlander and headed out of Longview.

Heading out after gassing the Highlander at Baker's Corner.

My first stop along the way was in Lexington to watch the sealions swooping and dipping into the Cowlitz River waters - I make a lot of stops on my daytrips, and that is why it takes me all day long to get back home ;-)

Sea lion's barking up a storm, on a sandbar in Lexington; Cowlitz River.

Flag Vendor on Westside Highway; I thought of Holland when I read the white flag.

Tracy Byrd & Mark Chesnutt - 'A Good Way To Get On My Bad Side' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XISmfc7YZyk)

My next stop was not the stop I had planned in the morning; Plan A didn't work out, and Elohim rerouted me to Plan B, later on in the afternoon.

I was missing my husband. I was missing his presence, even though he does not make a good passenger. I was missing his gentle voice. I was missing his sexy laugh. I was missing his hand reaching out to hold mine.

I wasn't missing the hurdles ... but I was missing Holland.

I know he loves me, and he knows I love him; the hurdles will eventually disappear - we know that what we have together is "a God thing" - and we are both familiar with the Book of Job: nothing, or no one, is going to divide us as we forge a life together and learn about each other. We know that blending two lives together successfully will take time. Neither one of us are going anywhere; when we said, "I do", we meant "I will" no matter what.

Holland would have driven the freeway; I avoid the freeway, driving N Pacific Highway, towards Castle Rock.

Pretty horse seen on Bond Road; backroad nearing Castle Rock.

Text to Holland, crossing overpass towards Toledo.

Billy Idol - 'Rebel Yell' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdphvuyaV_I&t=198s)

'Dr. Pierce' remedies barn; coming into Toledo.

'Making Memories; Roadtrip to Huff & Puff' Post:

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2023/02/making-memories-roadtrip-to-huff-puff.html)

Upcoming Meat Sale in Toledo; Proverbs 31:14 came to mind.

I am not familiar with the streets in Centralia, so I had punched the address into GPS before leaving the carport at home: as usual GPS took me on an unnecessary wild goose chase - if I had known how simple it would have been to get from A to B, I could have skipped this hurdle jump. But I didn't know ...

Seminary Hill is a very small pocket-Park. IN NO WAY did it fit the reporter's "small piece of Paradise" description :-(

GPS took me a round-about-way to my destination, downtown Chehalis.

My thoughts about GPS: had I known, I would have just stayed on the road I was on - it would have been quicker, and straighter!

 Park entrance; Centralia. I seriously doubt the 'surveillance' notice - the Park looked very derelict/abandoned.

I didn't hang around the Park - I didn't like the vibes surrounding the area.

Holland's understanding, "all was not lost; you enjoyed your out-of-house drive", reply eased my disappointment.

So, I aimed the Highlander towards Napavine, to begin my drive back home on the backroads.

That's when Plan B came into play :-)

Walking is back on track ...

Gotta love Spell Check - it's as good at screwing things up as GPS is. LOL

I'm guessing this is the middle portion of the 'familiar walk'.

A good amount of foot traffic today ...

Right off, I spotted swans in the field. Seeing swans is a good omen. Swans symbolize love, devotion, romance, inner beauty, grace, and elegance. Swans mate for life, and stay together all their lives; swans are "lovebirds" in the truest sense of the word - seeing them signifies peace and contentment.

I felt blessed twice: a walk to work the kinks out ... and a clear view of the swans. It was like Elohim was telling me, "I hear your heart. I will help you two clear the hurdles as you live and learn."

And I know He will. People may let me down, but Elohim never does :-)

A bit further into the trail walk, I figured I must be in the middle portion of the hike because none of it was familiar to me of the trailhead: the metal green bridge was nowhere to be seen, and that is at the trailhead - this portion is nothing at all that I recognize. But that's okay; it was still a nice walk :-)

White Swan couple; zoomed in.

Spring's announcement - frogs.

Another Proverbs 31:14 thought, along the trail.

I'm glad I got out and about today ...

Hmmm

Abandoned railway car.

I've done the trail-head end & the tail-end; today I'm doing the middle portion.

Heading back to the Highlander, from here.

Paul Revere & The Raiders - 'Fever' song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkNm8Rt6oOM)

I never walk alone.

Psalm 121.7-8

When I got back to the parked Highlander, the mile meter reading was right where it should be. I headed the Highlander towards home. I had fun on this Sunday, but my big bear of a man was missing me as much as I was missing him ;-)

A bit over what the doctor recommended last time I spoke to him; a 1-mile limit was suggested.

Almost home; Westside Highway, Vader.

Delicious Supper; toasted sandwich, deep-fried chicken hearts, and mixed pineapple salad.

Eating the supper my handsome husband made for me, I smiled thinking of a song Holland mentioned the other night as we turned in.

It fits ;-)

Barbara Mandrell - 'Crackers' song:(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wIbQcC-IbUM)

We are living and learning as we blend our lives together.