Yesterday, I was in quite a bit of pain: not as bad as it has been, but it was hurtful. I used one of the Aspercreme Lidocaine Patches and 1 Ibuprofen tablet; and it did help with freer body movement – but the lower leg and sole of the foot pain in both legs was pretty powerful.
The patch,
yesterday, was good … but it was not enough; I was still in a lot of pain – and
I went to sleep crying for relief, and begging Elohim for mercy.
It was a pretty easy day today, pain-wise.
I woke up to rain, checked the weather report – and was just about to call the fella I was expecting at 9 AM to help me winterize the house … when my phone rang, and he asked if we could bump the scheduled window washing/gutter cleaning to 10 AM: I agreed.
I dressed and walked to the kitchen to make a bowl of Malt-O-Meal, with cinnamon; and stood at the kitchen island, watching the leaves spiral and gather on the street.
The guys arrived to wash the wildfire ashy residue off my exterior windows, clear the rain gutters of leaves – and also treated the moss that had taken root on my carport, street tree side. That the moss even happened pisses me off – if Park Manager had been doing its job, my roof would still be in good shape: it was laid brand new, September 15th, of 2017.
(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2017/09/2-state-hop.html)
I can’t afford to have a leaky roof just because candy scott won’t get up off her fat ass, and do her fricking job.
Yes! I am righteously angry.
The house next to – tessa’s house … candy’s friend, has roof issues; and now has tarp covering the entire length of it. The house is smudged with black mold on all sides, and the lot looks like a pig-pen: yet, candy never issues citation notifications to tessa like she does everyone else in the Park. It’s inexcusable. That house really needs to be condemned and removed – Park Rules.
That 27 months ago, candy stormed our front porch over ridiculous bullshit complaints (absolutely no merits, whatsoever) from a jealous neighbor, which lead to my husband’s death 23 months/13 days/15 hours & 10 minutes ago … and she refuses to do anything about the decaying monstrosity to the left of our home, and allows her tree to be unruly to the point of sending out suckers and destructive overhang on my side of the lot border seriously irritates me.
Everyone on both sides of the street … and everyone on the street behind mine … has complained to candy about tessa’s messy lot, and her dilapidated house: candy does nothing. Candy makes everyone else follow the Park Rules strictly – but turns a blind eye to tessa’s rat-hole, and has permanently shut off her ears to tenant’s complaints that she do something.
And now, Tessa’s overhang-tree-litter has compromised our new roofing.
Roofing is not cheap.
I am not a rich Widow.
I am righteously pissed.
And I am thankful the moss was attended to this morning, by this gracious stranger. Bob always took care of our roofs – he stayed on top of it, and we never had roof issues.
But Bob left Earth before he could do his annual roof check of our new home; and Kerry and Casey were as grief-stricken as I was the Winter of 2018, when they graciously and lovingly cleared my gutters for me after Bob graduated.
If the moss was there then; it was unnoticed.
Our hearts were heavy.
Our thinking was sketchy.
Looking at the roof was not something I thought to do throughout 2019; or 2020.
I will do it going forward.
I thanked Jared and his helper, paid them, and smiled when I looked out my clean windows, no longer streaked with wildfire ashy residue from the ‘summer of love’ fire torching’s.
(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020_09_11_archive.html)
Warmed by nature’s brightness, and the generosity of strangers; I decided to dust, and wipe down surfaces that have been neglected since my leg started acting up.
All day long, I only used 1
prescribed Ibuprofen tablet (roughly 2½ regular
tablets). I cleaned house and did laundry; there was some discomfort, but
it did not incapacitate me; for that I am thankful. I want to get back to a
normal life again. I have to drive. I have to grocery shop. I have to clean
house, do laundry, cook meals … no one is going to do these things for me: and
I don’t want them to, even if people were available.
And I don’t want to be reliant on painkillers.
I want to do for me – with clarity.
I was able to do that today.
THANK YOU, YESHUA!
Not at turbo-speed like I normally do; and not all in one fell swoop, like I used to do. I worked in slo-mo, one room at a time – with breaks between.
I want whatever is wrong with my back, to heal.
I am changing the way I do things, now.
Bob, I am sure, is as proud as Yeshua is; to know I am finally learning patience in the autumn of my life 😉
After I had finished cleaning, the rain started again.
And I started laundry – I was walking pretty good, and there weren’t too many loads to do. I sorted/washed/dried … and switched out the Fall kitchen towels for the Christmas themed kitchen towels.
The rain had stopped long enough for the Park Maintenance Crew to sweep the leaves up and haul them away.
Today is also the day, 2 years ago, when our life was sliding south on the slippery slope between hope and acceptance of the inevitable.
The night before, at 7 PM Pacific time; the team at OHSU had prepped Bob to surgically place a stent between stomach and pancreas. It was a good Team – OHSU is one of the best medical facilities in National USA: regionally, it is the top hospital, and the surgical teams are phenomenal. Bob was in the best of human hands, for the condition his body was in.
The procedure was scrapped when his heart started giving everyone concern. And he was brought back to ICU.
ICU is a lonely place where we have to face the shadows of death alone.
We trusted Elohim – He was our strength.
Bob, while his heart still beat, was my courage.
That night, 2 years ago … alone, in a state that was not our home state; in a hospital critical unit, was hard.
Very hard.
(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/11/this-time-last-year-anticipated.html)
Watching Bob sleep off the effects of whatever he’d been put under for the failed procedure, I needed the comfort and the peace of that hard and lonely Shabbat. These are a few of the songs I listened to on the Notebook while I updated friends and family on FB:
FATHER OF LIGHTS SHARON WILBUR WITH LYRICS
Sharon Wilbur Beginning and the End lyrics
On this night, one year ago, Elohim granted me a big favor 😊
And He turned a hard day, into a day of thanksgiving and praise; topped with a budding friendship 45 years in the making 😉
(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/11/giving-shout-out-to-yeshua.html)
I am forever grateful.
I have a GOOD GOD.
I have a good life 99% of the time.
The remaining 1% of my life is filled with missing Bob: and reliving every Fall/Winter the heartbreak of those 106 days that changed our life forever.
I don’t
consciously look back to those days … but from August 30th to December 14th… they arrive, on schedule to prick the memory circuits of my brain:
and forward motion is momentarily halted for 106 days.
I wouldn’t call Bob back even if I could.
He’s happy.
His spirit is housed in a new body that will never know pain, ever again.
But my heart is stabbed with sharp shards of memory, and my spirit is temporarily crippled.
I do let the sunshine, and Sonshine, flood the windows of my life; but I don’t expect that 1% of missingness will ever change.
No comments:
Post a Comment