One thing I’ve learned about being a widow, is that there will always be ‘first’s’. Everyone always talks about the ‘firsts of first year’ … but there are also the firsts of the second year, the firsts of the third year, the firsts of the fourth year, ect. I am of the persuasion that the ‘firsts’ n.e.v.e.r.e.n.d.
They just never end.
Everytime a widow does something new without her husband – it’s ‘a first’.
Everytime a widow does something new, that she’s never done before – it’s ‘a first’.
The first’s just never end.
It was another hell day with Toyota and AT&T; I swear I do not know how much more I can take and stay sane.
Both places have become my second homes. And I gotta tell you, I don’t like spending time at either place.
This afternoon, I spent 2 and a half hours at Toyota. I noticed Tuesday, when I hauled the garbage cans out to the curb, that the back right tire didn’t look right … but, I wasn’t exactly feeling ‘right’; I’ve been pretty tired lately while the shingles virus was running through my body, so spent every day I had to pop in and out of the house, between shed and house/garbage cans and house – peeking at that back tire. It always looked ‘off’. So, this afternoon, I was feeling confident enough to drive to Toyota Dealership to have it looked at by ‘a professional’ eye. Sure, enough, it was leaking air. I didn’t have an appointment, so they said they would “get to it when we can get to it.” That seems to be the standard response over there. Like I was supposed to KNOW my tire would start going flat, and jump right on the phone last month and call it in for a scheduled appointment so they’d get right on it. The car is an all-wheel drive, so if 1 tire has to be replace – they ALL have to be replaced to keep the undercarriage straight and the vehicle in tip-top working order. So, biting my tongue, I started counting to 10 while I grabbed my coat and backpack purse, and went inside the lounge. To wait. And wait. And wait
Because I had been up since 4 AM, I fell asleep twice while waiting, to the droning of “The Bold & The Beautiful” (which was boring and awful), as well as “The Talk”, which – I gotta say was mind rape – if a man was talking and laughing about women the way those women were talking and laughing about men – there would be protests around the block! It was very sexist, very demeaning, and very politically biased: {modern feminism} in all its horror. And I am a feminist! But, I do not recognize, nor do I support that kind of bitchy female sluttery. It is shameful that women would lower themselves to that level of low-class behavior. And very telling about those that support; and are supported by the demoncrat hypocrites. They will bitch nonstop about men’s locker-room talk, WHILE OPENLY talking trash gutter talk about men: AND LAUGHING LIKE DERANGED HYENAS.
I, personally, do not like that kind of tearing down by either sex.
Dozing off was a blessed relief; I prayed that my ears would not be subliminally assaulted while my body rested.
Eventually, I was informed the tire was repaired and all was fine again: a nail was found in the tire. I just shook my head – if I didn’t have bad luck, I’d have no luck at all. I hope the repair will last long enough for me to successfully squirrel away enough money to replace my tires when necessary.
I picked a few more grocery items up on my way back home. And grabbed the mail before I parked in the carport. I packed the grocery bags into the house, putting the perishables in the ‘fridge before anything else; which was smart, because I decided to open the mail while I drank a cup of coffee before putting the rest of the things away.
I choked on my coffee when I opened the AT&T envelope, and the rest of the things didn’t get put away until around 5:35 PM.
At 3:45 PM, I grabbed my coat and backpack purse, and hopped back in the car to run back into town to AT&T to find out WHY I was being asked for $3.62 MORE. I was not late with payments … I had paid them AT THE DOWNTOWN OFFICE, on time, with the {helpers} help.
I did suffer a crying jag on the drive into town: I am sick and tired of AT&T’s bullshit, and frustrated that I can’t indulge in my fantasy of real-time slamming heads together.
As usual … no one had a clue. Instead, they placed a phone call – handed me the receiver – and beat feet to all corners of the store where I was not. They freaking OUTSOURCED my question. To a man somewhere in India, with a very bad staticky connection; and who did not speak English very well. After about 20 minutes of shouting on both ends of “I can’t hear you!”, “Excuse me, can you repeat?”; the call finally commenced without interruption and I was told that WA State had AGAIN hit me with another State tax. Well, the State legislators STATESIDE who seem to think stateside freeloaders should live like kings and queens on a Senior Citizen’s dime, must have heard through the grape vine that I recently received a 27-cent increase in my monthly allotment … therefore their shifty minds immediately thought I should be billed another $3.62 phone service fee. Yeah – doesn’t make any sense to me either. But then, my mind isn’t criminally hard-wired. So, now my monthly phone bill is $130.82, instead of the 127.20 after the last tax hike.
I asked if $130.82/mo. was my new monthly billing, several times, to be sure/confirm with everyone listening; before I ended the phone call. But, I am sure next month there will be more hell to deal with, with AT&T. Those demons never leave me alone. It has literally been 12 months of billing hell with those morons.
I paid the rip-off fee, there, in the downtown store. The fella that I snagged to help me with the kiosk pay-center, didn’t how to use it any better than I did … we laughed the whole way through the process. And when we turned around, the other helpers were standing around, watching us with their mouths open: they were surprised I could laugh. I felt like saying, ‘Yes, I laugh; when I am not being treated like I am dimwitted by assholes with superiority complexes.’ Instead, I pinched my receipt as the kiosk spit it out, thanked my gracious and humorous helper, and said – as I left and looked at each asshole straight in the eye – “Can you believe it? I am leaving this store with a smile and laugh – that is a first: I think it may even be a miracle.” It certainly was a first :-D And the fella held the door open for me, and said, “I’m glad you are leaving with a laugh; that’s what we’re here for – customer satisfaction.” Now, if the other helpers could understand that, there would be less rancor next month; when I am sure, the AT&T bigwigs and WA legislators will have me storming through the store doors again …
I really just need to find another phone service company and divorce myself from AT&T – it has been a contentious relationship from the get-go; and the fact that they continued to bill my dead husband’s account FOR A YEAR, thinking to double-bill me, did not endear them to me. The demoncrat socialist leaning AT&T is nickel and diming me into the poor house with their poor service, their raising of the dead for profit, and ridiculously hefty price tag.
The nail punctured tire that Bob would have caught right away – and taken care of right away.
The State tax increase on the phone … and upcoming Space Rent coming up in June – that wouldn’t look so big if Bob was still here and we were pulling in 2 Social Security allotments, as planned; and anticipated.
I’m really am doing okay financially. For the time being.
But, M.A.N!
I just felt so overwhelmed after being laid low for 2 weeks.
It sucks when your Friday turns out to be ‘a Monday’.
And there is no one to hug you and say, "Everything will be fine, honey" … or listen to your pre-store-bitching while you blow off steam, so that there doesn’t need to be a need to indulge a head-slamming fantasy.
I miss my man in my life.
I need a freaking break.
I haven’t worn fingernail polish since 1988: brushing a swath of bright color across my nails is another first step into my new life. Maybe painting my fingernails and toenails will color my world and make it seem brighter until that ‘break’ breaks ;-)
I love you, Babe.
Always ~ OX
L'chiam!
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