CONSTANT REMINDERS & LIFE ALTERATIONS

This year, I am going to do 1 Bazaar and see how it goes … I am hoping I can do this. I NEED to do this. Bob would WANT me to do this.

It is hard to get out and do things without Bob; it is hard to get back into the swing of doing things solo, when for so long I had been doing things as a couple.

In about an hour I will be heading out to Pleasant Hill Grange to set up my Bazaar tables there – it has been a while since I have been out that way; it is a nice country drive. I haven’t done a Bazaar event since 2016. Bob had done Bazaar events with me since retirement; he would haul the bins in/out of the vehicles on the folding dolly; and I would unload them and set things in place for display/tear the tables down afterwards, and restock the bins with what did not sell. In the between times, Bob would visit with other vendors and people watch, occasionally helping with the selling when I needed to stretch my legs a bit.

2017 I did no Bazaar events because we had finally gotten into our new home after all the remodeling, and I was setting our home up to make it comfy and cozy for Bob & I.

2018 I did no Bazaar events because I was sitting death watch with my husband in 2 hospitals in 2 different States; coming to terms with the loss of my friend, husband, soul-mate.

Never a day goes by that I am not reminded of those heartbreaking days of Bob's impending physical death.

And to add salt to the wound, 10 months, 24 days, 1 hour & 5 minutes following ... there is no family left.

No husband.

No children.

No grandchildren.

No relatives.

Nothing.

Death changes e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Everything is surreal ...

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{{1 Year Ago, today – November 7, 2018/6:30 AM (Posted to our FB Page: I want to thank everyone who has prayed for Bob and me during this trying time.

Bob has stabilized as of last night before I left ICU to come home; but he still has a long row to hoe. He has consented to and is now using potent narcotics to dull the severe pain. He will more than likely remain in the hospital until Thursday - possibly the weekend, depending on what happens between now and then. I did talk to his nurse around 4:30 a.m. this morning and she told me he managed to sleep a total of 5 hours after I left until my phone call this morning ... that is great news! But we would prefer him to be supernaturally healed, off the meds, and back home in his own bed. BUT he has managed to give his testimony of how he got saved in 1981 to all his attendants, and to the chaplain that visited his room last night while I was there :-D

Please continue to hold us up in your prayers. Pray this is a good day for Bob, that he won't miss me too much or be too bored after I leave, and that I can safely get back home tonight; I will leave the hospital before dark tonight as the fog was very thick last night and the road was hard to see.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. Elohim hears them, Yeshua acts on them, and the Ruach Ha'Kodesh helps us to confidently stand strong while they are being attended to. It really helps knowing we are not alone. Elohei will bless each of you that stand with us and for us. Shalom ~Val

1 Year Ago, today – November 7, 2018/4:04 PM (Posted to our FB Page: I was up at 4:30 a.m. this morning and at the hospital by 7:30 a.m., but didn’t get to spend much time with my luv because the day was ate up with appointments to discuss financial arrangements for everything the docs want to do that we simply cannot afford: it all sounds good and the docs feel good when they are telling it to us, but most of it is out of our reach unless we can tap financial resources to pay for all of it. 98% of what they are talking about is NOT covered under the Hospital Bridge Program.

I talked with the hospital social worker twice today – the first time she was not really understanding what we are dealing with and was kinda talking down to me like I was a spoiled simpleton telling me, “I deal with people who have nothing – zero – you have resources to draw from …”; I pretty much tuned her out at that point. It was clear she was ignorant of the grand scope and severity of the situation. But when I spoke with her the second time, she was a little more compassionate and had been schooled by her co-worker as to what we are actually dealing with … and ended up in tears while going over “the plan” and sheaves of financial resources with me. I actually felt sorry for her and ended up soothing her!

Then when I got home and collected the mail I whooped for joy when I read this letter that said: ((((APPROVED)))) This is a HUGE load off our shoulders. This approval is GOOD FOR A YEAR!

Doing the happy dance :-D}}

Bob coming to terms with impending physical death.

Surgery was approved and ALL medical bills were covered - they racked up fast.

Bob was prepped for the approved surgery. Neck stint put in; waiting for the call from OHSU. We went through this THREE times because OHSU did not have a bed for Bob immediately and transport kept being put on hold.

Leg massaging cuffs were put on his legs – they really didn’t stop the spreading edema, which was a direct result of the saline IV drip.

But, as you all know, the surgery was not a success … 

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/pancreatic-nightmare.html; https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/widowhood.html; https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/inconviences.html)

 … and Bob now resides beyond the clouds in our happy celestial Home where he waits for me.

It is a battle; every day.

I still believe this … 

I NEED this Bazaar this year to jump-start my new solo lobo life.

I need color in my life again.

This Bazaar event will not bring Bob back. It will not fix the shattered familial damage. It cannot change the landscape of my new and untraveled life’s journey. BUT it CAN bring color back into my life. And it CAN help ease me back into a social life.

Even as a solo lobo.