There are times you just need to distance
yourself from the world’s insanity and find some peace of mind.
Yesterday was such a time.
It makes me sad to lose people in my life (because
I am very careful letting anyone into my private space – trust issues); and
I’d lost one Sunday afternoon – the covid-19 hysterical fear started her
withdrawl … and the animalistic riots with city burnings, lootings, and racial
violence just cemented it. I don’t spend all day glued to the idiot box,
drinking in and swallowing demoncrat swill; I don’t believe everything my kids
tell me simply because they are my kids, and they are telling me what they perceive
given their own political leanings.
By the time her call to me ended Sunday
afternoon - and she'd let me know how she'd felt for months; I looked at the blank screen on the phone and wondered why we were
even friends … she let me know there was nothing about me that makes her glad
we were friends – I’m too loud (my voice hurts her ears), I’m too
opinionated (I don’t agree with her, and I don’t think she’s the voice of
God because she listens to dr. phil and oprah all day long), I’m too vocal (she’s
an introvert and I am not introvert enough for her comfort), I’m too
animated (I make her dizzy), she hates Trump and doesn't understand why I don't (uh ... I'm AN ADULT. I don't have to explain myself to anyone), I’m a Christian (she is not – her faith
is in science and humanity, which will always fail).
In short, I’m too MUCH ME for her comfort.
Wow.
All I could think was, “Why
bother calling me at all and bring up topics you know we will not agree on, if you just want to hear your own voice; and live in
your own head?”
I’m 63 years old – I have been
out of school for a loooooong time … and even
in school, I never followed the herd mentality: I was always an individual;
with individual thoughts and individual actions.
Bob understood that about me.
Bob loved that about me.
My lifelong friends – now laid to rest for
several years – understood that about me.
Real friends don’t try to control you and
force you to behave the way they decide you need to behave so they
“feel comfortable”: aka: they want to dominate you.
I don’t even let my kids treat me badly.
Real friends love you BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE –
that is what drew them to you in the first place. And THAT is like any relationship that
involves real love.
If a {friend} does not allow for disagreement,
individual thought and opinions; and flat out tells you that you stress them
out because you are not wanting to “fall in line” and be in solidarity with
anarchy (or any activity you find objectionable and destructive) … it’s
time to let them walk if they want to walk away. They are shallow people,
wanting their own way; and wanting to mold you into their opinion of
acceptability.
They will never be satisfied – and there will
never be enough that can be done to make you acceptable in their eyes.
I am trying to sort out - and rebuild my life after my husband's spirit left this Earth 17 months/28 days/7 hours & 46 seconds ago ... I do not need someone else deciding for me how to 'become'.
So, yesterday I woke up knowing I was going
to get out for Dodge for the day to shake off the blue mood (I loved her – I
will miss her; but not enough to let her heckle me); I left home in Cowlitz
County a little after 9 AM for Toledo, and crossed into Lewis County a little
out of Castle Rock – reaching Toledo’s South County Park at 10 AM.
Crept past a County Crew topping trees, out Coal Creek Road.
Back way to Toledo
Cowlitz and Lewis Counties Boundary Lines
Backroad way
Crews laying line this side of Toledo - thick, bulky, and orange ...
The morning air the breezed through the Park was
refreshing after the night’s rainfall.
Though Bob & I had many times visited
this little Park in Toledo, we never walked the trails … and I only walked one
trail – half way; one time, with Cheryl & Pam last Fall: today, I decided
to try another trail and see where it went. It didn’t go far – it ended a short
way along the riverside Park perimeters, and cut back into the Park via a
short, rough footpath that wound around the outside perimeters.
Little yellow mushrooms dotted the grass everywhere …
Restrooms were open. Some parks still have their restrooms locked tight.
New trail ... for me, anyway.
Trail led to the outer perimeters of the Park. Bob & I would have laughed together ...
Both sides of the lake were busy...
The blackberry brambles were in full blossom.
It only took half an hour to go around the
entire Park … that includes the elk trail adventure. The time was 0.06 miles:
very short.
But it was a nice morning walkabout, out of
town.
Leaving Toledo, I decided it was really too
early to go back home and start dealing with the new day’s political madness running
like wildfire over this Nation; so, I extended my day’s outing by taking the
Mt. St. Helen’s crossover road – I had ¾ tank of gas when I turned off onto
that road with a hope and a prayer ;-)
Mt. St. Helen’s crossover Road.
There was wide open flat land for miles on the Mt St Helens Road; good farmland.
This interesting named road sign kinda tweaked my weird sense of humor …
Baby fawns: twins! Mama doe split first, and will find them as soon as they hit the bushes too. They were all standing in the road with Mama taking inventory, when my car spooked the little family.
I'll take the West Toutle – it leads homeward.
This is a general idea of where I’ve been this afternoon.
Backward glance at where I had just come from … and where this crossover road leads.
Turning towards home, I take a right; off of the Mt. St. Helens crossover Road from Toledo.
By the time I reached familiar territory at
Tower Road road in West Toutle, I had only burned about ¼ tank of gas :-)
Tower Road is starting to slide, and there
was a bit if a rough patch of a bad repair job (it slid pretty good), but I don’t
think I jarred the car’s undercarriage too badly – I was careful driving over the
rough patch; letting Bob’s words in concerning situations like that, run through
my mind.
Tower Road is a nice backroad county drive –
I’ve always enjoyed that road. Tower Road road melds into Spirit Lake Highway
in Castle Rock, coming in on the backside of Drew’s Shell Gas Station/Minit
Mart.
I’d only ever been in the Toutle area, and up
the Spirit Lake Highway with Bob: last September was my first solo daytrip that way –
it went good. I’ll be going that way more often; not to see the volcano (Mt.
St. Helen’s is just an ugly shell of herself now; and it doesn’t excite me),
but to drive the backroads ;-)
I’m on familiar territory here.
Can you seeing me Baby: I DID hear you ... and I am drawing on everything you ever said to help me along my way. I love you ~ OX
Drew’s Shell Station & Minit Mart. Back in Cowlitz County again.
It was still early in the day – not quite
noon yet; so, I decided to try the dike hiking trails in Castle Rock …
I was curious.
And once my curiosity is tripped …
it’s in full out adventure mode ;-)
The dike hike was a new thing – Bob and I had
planned to do that together, but life plans changed suddenly in the Fall of
2018, and by the Winter of 2018 those plans would never materialize because Bob
was no longer on this Earth: my husband would never again walk by my side.
But, I did the hike yesterday.
And it went okay.
Even if it was 70-degrees H.O.T.
I’m still not used to Bob being physically gone
– but solo loboing is getting easier.
Day by day; step by step.
An emotional moment at the start of Castle Rock’s Dike Hike Trail.
What a colorful boulder! I like stuff like this :-)
And another one too ... this picture does not do the coloration justice – there was bright splashy yellows and a pretty baby blue – the blue was what I had hoped to capture.
Riverside color along the trail - california Poppies, Foxgloves, Wild Daisies, Dandelion, Wild Sweet Peas ...
Street-side/Parking Lot area had been planted with rose bushes; the heady, pungent scent of the red Wild Roses was worth risking a deep breath for!
I learned something new today about a town I really like.
Decision time …
Bridges & overpasses make me nervous.
I prefer gravel roads; this one is supposed to tie in at the Bike Park.
I veered off onto a gravel road because it
looked like it would add extra mileage to the hike … and it DID, in an
unforeseen way ;-)
Backtracked to the Park’s Bike Park …
I researched ‘Biosod’ when I got back home – apparently, ‘Biosod’ is a Trademark Name for Biograss from a Utah Sod farm. Hmmm.
I had an enjoyable walk along the trail, and
I know I’ll be going back. I have always liked Castle Rock; the hiking trail
is another reason to spend the day in that small community :-D
Yarder tower.
River beach accessed through Camelot Mobil Home Park, off West Side Highway – across the river.
EEWW! A sewer outfall is any pipe or conduit used to carry raw sewage, or treated sewage, to its final point of discharge into a body of water. Disgusting … and people SWIM & FISH (for food purposes) IN THAT RIVER!
Castle Rock 1933 Flood Plaque.
Copy of the 1933 Castle Rock Newspaper Page covering the flood.
Background info on the 1933 Castle Rock flood.
Skinny footpath to the river ...
Leaving Park perimeter and entering the Castle Rock's Lion's Pride Park - a pubic fishing-picnicking area.
Taking a short break and looking downriver to how far I have to backtrack to the car.
Return hike loop past Castle Rock’s Pioneer Memorial.
Castle Rock’s Pioneering Families listed.
HOT! The shade feels good!
The darkening clouds look pretty ominous – I was only wearing a light tee ... it did cut loose while I was on West Side Highway, headed home.
1 of castle Rock’s founding businesses: Robin's Wood Shingles Mill.
3.4 mile hike – 1 Hr-30 mins loop hike.
Next time I’ll be taking my walking stick
with me so I can get to the top of that hill trail ;-)
