Merry Christmas Mr Bean | Full Episode | Mr. Bean Official

MOD CROCHET CHRISTMAS HARD CANDY CROCKPOT DUST COVER

This past year has been a year I wouldn’t wish on anyone. For me, it has been 12 months of learning to live solo after being in a couple relationship for 44 years – that relationship came to an end December 14^th, 2018; and I have spent the past 365 days learning to solo with a broken wing (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/widowhood.html & https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/1-year-since-bobs-been-absent-from-my.html).

Today is the first real day of the rest of my life. I grieved hard for 12 months: now it is time to get back to living fully, as hard as I grieved.

I don’t know what the future holds for me; and I really have no plans at all for how to proceed forward, other than just placing one foot in front of the other and moving forward. It has been a loooong while since I have been solo with no responsibilities, other than just taking care of me.

What I do know, is that from this day forward … as in all the previous 365 days, Yeshua will walk by my side and see me safely through until I, too, join my husband beyond the clouds.

While I was thinking on the significance of this day, and all the implications of what this day means; I designed and worked up another kitchen appliance dust cover – this one is for my oval crockpot:

MOD Crochet Oval Hard Candy Crockpot Dust Cover; ribbon candy and asst. hard candies trim.

Counter top appliances line up ...

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/12/the-hen-house_11.html). 

Designing these things keeps my mind occupied, keeps my hands limber, and adds color back into my life. And they are purposeful too – the dust covers will help keep the lids of the appliance’s dust and grease free. I only have one more to design and work up ;-)

Today I am moving forward in slo-mo mode – I always take a 3 day weekend. But tomorrow, I’ll grab the bull by the horns and set this new life in motion ;-)

It is hard no longer having your other half physically in your life anymore. But, like the song says, “Me? I’ll bounce right back and be fine and dandy. I’m barely getting through to tomorrow, but I won’t let sorrow bring me way down.”

Bob would not want me lost in sorrow. And our Faith encourages us to move past sorrow - sorrow is a part of life; and Yeshua, Himself, was well acquainted with sorrow while he, too, walked earth as a man - BUT, we were not created to remain in a sorrowful state.

And, I WAS thinking of this song, sung by Dolly, while my fingers were busy crafting this dust cover :-D

1 YEAR SINCE BOB’S BEEN ABSENT FROM MY LIFE

This morning, last year, I was standing by my husband’s bedside in OHSU, watching him struggle to breathe. He wanted Southern Gospel music, so these are the songs I played for him on the ipad, that last morning:

Take My Hand, Precious Lord - Jim Reeves

Dailey & Vincent - When I Reach That Home Up There [Live]

When the roll is called up yonder

What A Day That Will Be

The Unclouded Day [Live]

The Reggie Saddler Family - I've Got Me a Home [Live]

I glanced up and saw my BIL Kerry standing at the threshold of the doorway to Bob’s room. He said he had slept in his truck in the parking garage. I said I was thankful he was with us, and that he could have slept in the room with me – it would have been more comfortable, I was thinking. Kerry came into the room and sat in a chair opposite where I stood.

My legs were tired from standing so long, so I went to my padded chair in the corner, under the window … the chair I had been sleeping in off and on since Bob was moved from ICU/ER Ward a few days ago.

We both watched Bob.

Suddenly, something changed in Bob’s breathing, AND I KNEW he would breathe no more, this side of Heaven.

I remember watching Bob breathe his last earthly breath out, and my head swiveling to where Kerry sat, and seeing Kerry suddenly jerk forward – back straight; eyes fixed on his big brother’s form. I said, “I think he’s gone, Kerry.”

I got up and walked over to the bed, and put my hands on both sides of my husband’s face; turning his face to me. There was no response. I looked at Kerry; and said again, “I think he’s gone, Kerry.”

Then my eyes lifted to the clock on the wall: 8:05 AM.

I was bumped from Wife to Widow on December 14^th, 2018, at 8:05 AM.

It was startling. It felt surreal.

At that point, a nurse walked past the room’s open doorway and saw me standing by Bob’s bedside. What she saw on my face must have alerted her, because she came into the room and took Bob’s vitals … and gave me a pitying look. Then she went out of the room and across the hall to the Nurse’s Station.

Dr’s. Gilbert and Morgan soon appeared. Dr. Morgan came to stand beside me for moral support, and Dr. Gilbert asked me, “Are you alright?” I said, “Yes, I am okay. Death does not frighten us. I asked that I would be granted grace and strength to let Bob go, and Elohei answered my prayers; Bob is in Heaven now. I do not mourn because I know where my husband is – and I know I will be with him again, some day. And I know, that right now, his spirit is enjoying a new body that will never again fail him; and I know he is having the time of his life with Yeshua, the Life Giver.” She said, “You are a remarkable woman.” I said, “We serve a remarkable God. Thank you both for everything you have done for us while we have been here at OHSU: thank you for taking such good care of Bob. We both appreciated it.” Dr. Morgan squeezed my arm, and then they were gone … and the same nurse that called them came back into the room to inform me that a doctor would be in shortly to announce the time of death. I said, “the time of death was 8:05 AM” – and she said, “A doctor has to make the pronouncement, and the time will be when that pronouncement is made.” I just looked at her.

When she left, I said to Kerry, “The time Bob’s spirit left Earth was 8:05 AM; that is the time I will tell everyone, when they ask.” He agreed.

I called family members & intimate friends, and told them, “Bob’s spirit left his earthen vessel at 8:05 this morning. It was peaceful. It was easy. And it was dignified.”

A doctor arrived about 20 minutes later, and made the “official” pronouncement, and told me someone would be arriving shortly {to go over details} with me. In about half an hour, a nervous young woman arrived to ask me what I wanted “to do with” the body – organ harvesting? I said, “no – my husband was not a young man, and he was critically ill … and our Faith does not make allowances for that – there will be no organ harvesting.” She asked about disposal (she used politically correct terminology, but that is what she was asking), and I said, “My husband wanted to be cremated; I will make arrangements for that when I get home later today.” She wrapped up her rehearsed speech and left. I was thankful the questioning was over – for her, for me, and for Kerry … who could hear what was being said. Obviously, she was new to the necessities of bereavement fallout, and Kerry and I were grieving the loss of a loved one in our lives moving forward. We needed space.

Getting ready to leave OHSU and head home, I dragged a chair over to the bedside and stood on it: I am a small person, and the bedside was high – the railing came up to my chest when I stood next to the bed: I needed the chair, so I could stand on it and lean over the bed railing to kiss Bob’s lips and tell him I loved him and was glad he had been in my life for most of my life. I caressed his bald head, the side of his face, touched his lips with my fingertips, ran my fingertips across his chest and a down his arm to the end of his long fingers. So MANY memories! A lifetime ended. Love with nowhere to go anymore. A life tilted, with me wondering if it would ever be righted again …

And then, I gathered my laptop & ipad off the window sill, and packed it into the duffel alongside the padded chair in the corner, under the window. I zipped the duffel closed, pulled out the wheeled handle, gathered my coat, and walked out the door – glancing back just one more time at the manly form I had loved since I was 10 years old: the manly form that had housed such a vibrant life for 69 years, and loved me like a man for 44 years.

Kerry loaded my duffel into the back of his truck and drove me home. We chatted periodically, but basically; it was a very subdued drive back home. My car had been parked at Bob’s sister Merry’s house, so that is where Kerry took me. When we got to Merry’s, Bob’s mother and sisters were all there & we talked, and after a while I said, “I need to get to the funeral home to make arrangements, but I don’t think I should be driving, as emotional as I am. And, I think I’d like to be alone over the Holiday – I think I can get through this better if I don’t have to deal with people for awhile.” No one questioned my need for solitude: they heard that I needed space. Bonnie agreed to drive me to Steele’s Memorial Chapel (the local funeral home): and she was a tremendous help in helping me make arrangements there … and for helping me order Bob’s Cremains Box and Remembrance Urns for the kids & grandkids. The fellas at the funeral home were very kind and efficient – they said they would contact OHSU themselves, and that way I would not have to do that. I thanked them. After the arrangements for Bob was made, papers signed, and monies paid … I went ahead and took care of my future arrangements also: that way it is done, and the kids do not have to deal with it later on, down the road. Then, Bonnie drove me home; and we talked a little more about Bob and how he influenced and impacted our lives. When Bonnie was ready to go back to Merry's, Merry came and got her.

Bob was a good man. Bob was a loved man.

This morning, last year, somewhere around 1 PM, I was suddenly all alone. Facing an unknown and uncertain future. Alone. “We” had now morphed into “Me” … and it was a weird reality. My life, as I had known it for most of my life, had been undone – and there was no way to go back to that life.

I knew Bob’s mother was hurting – but I just couldn’t deal with her emotions when I was dealing with my own. I knew Merry, Bonnie, Rosie, and Kerry were hurting too – but I needed to focus on me right then, in the moment. I knew our kids were hurting – but I just couldn’t go there yet: I needed time for me to adjust to the loss of my husband, the loss of love, and the need for peace. I knew my grandkids were hurting … and our little grandson was confused … but I had to trust that their parents would help them get through it – I just couldn’t. I hoped everyone could understand my decision to separate myself and come to grips with how severely my life had changed. I didn’t care that I was being selfish – I NEEDED TO BE SELFISH at that time. The only person who ever loved me, who ever cared about me, was gone. There was only me now, who cared about me. I had to be selfish, or I would fly apart and never be whole again.

Mike and Cheryl called sometime around nightfall. And just listened to me cry. For at least half an hour. No words were said by anyone. They are good people. They became my Tribe this day, last year – they became my Family, this day, last year.

And so, this morning, this year, I am reflecting on this day, last year, and crying some … not a waterfall like last year, but just slow tears. I am no longer gasping for breath either. But my chest does hurt a little where my amputated heart continues to beat with a halting pulsating tempo that sends out the message: “I miss Bob … I miss Bob …”

This morning, this year, I am thankful for friends who loved me and stuck with me – friends I wasn’t even aware I had, until they silently came alongside me; lifted me up, and helped me learn to live again. I am blessed.

This morning, this year, I am thankful for my BIL Kerry, who has become a brother to me and has helped me every month for the past 12 months – doing things for me that need doing with a man’s strength, and showing me how to do things on my own with the strength I have. Kerry is a good man, a kind man, a compassionate man. When I told him that recently, he credits those qualities to Bob’s influence in his life. I am blessed to have Kerry in my life. I was blessed to have Bob in my life.

This morning, this year, I am thankful for my SIL Merry. She has helped me several times over the course of these past 12 months. I am appreciative. I have been blessed.

And this day, this year … same as this day, last year, falls on the Sabbath day of Rest: the PREFECT TIMING on Elohim’s part. What a blessed memory!

I am truly blessed.

COMFORT CARE DECISION - When I'm Gone

This afternoon today, last year, was a hard one. I did not make another ‘executive decision’, like I had to do a couple months earlier in September, but it was hard just the same.

Bob had been struggling pretty severely to breathe over the last 2 days – the inhalers and nasal oxygenizer were not helping; and the bed had been lifted as far as it could be lifted to rise his head above his chest. This afternoon, last year, Bob had stopped breathing twice. Drs. Gilbert and Morgan had stopped by the room to ask him if he would prefer being put back on the breathing machine … and he shook his head “no”. They came back in a little bit, with the breathing machine Team and had them talk to Bob – explain the procedure and ask him again if he would like to go back on the machine: again, he shook his head “no”. Everyone left, with Dr. Gilbert telling me, “If he changes his mind, let us know.” They wanted to put him in suspended animation hoping the edema would eventually be controlled.

Bob knew it was hopeless and intimated to me that he wanted me to pray with him; I did.

I knew Bob would not change his mind.

So, at 2:27 PM this afternoon, last year, Nicole (one of the people on Dr. Morgan’s Surgical Team assigned to Bob), took me into the hallway outside his room, to talk to me. She said, “I am sorry, Mrs. Hargand, but we have done all we can do; there is nothing else we can do. The inhalers are not working because the spreading edema is pressing and his body is shutting down. He has refused the breathing machine … that means that he will now be placed on Comfort Care status. Everything will now be removed from his person, and he will be periodically given pain medication to keep him 'comfortable' through the process.” I refused to cry. I asked, “Should I contact the family.” She touched my arm in a sympathetic manner, and said, “Yes, I think the sooner, the better.”

She was kind. She was sad. She had come to love Bob in the short time we had been there.

So, that is what I did. I called Bob’s siblings, and our children and grandchildren; and told them what was going down. As I was going back into his room, a woman from the hospital’s Bereavement Program was entering his room as I was turning towards the door – we entered together. She explained what was happening to him, and I asked him one more time, “Are you sure you do not want the breathing machine?” Again, Bob shook his head ‘no’. Then I smoothed out his covers, and I said, “Well, then, you are going to be going Home.” The woman from the Bereavement Program looked at me and said, “You are a very brave woman.” I said, “I am not that brave … I love him. I will honor his wishes.” She stood with me as the nasal oxygenizer and the heart monitor were removed from Bob’s person.

I held my husband’s hand, and watched all this happening. And I refused to cry.

I would ‘keep it together’ until Bob’s spirit entered Heaven: so, help me, God.

Slowly, as time went by and family members started arriving, the little room began to fill up until it was pretty packed. A serving table was wheeled in with coffee, water, juices, and snacks for those who wished it: I, to this day, don’t remember if anyone ate or drank anything from that tray. I think I was numb; and mentally removed myself from the situation.

All I DO remember is nodding to those that showed up, and holding Bob’s hand while looking into his eyes that held mine, thinking, “soon he will be ushered into Heaven where he will be walking the streets of gold with our wolf, Precious, our Pomeranian Tyson, and at least 2 of our many cats – Sox and Chase, all of whom have been patiently waiting with Yeshua, for him to arrive and join them in that place beyond the clouds where we have been promised life eternal with no more pain or tears.”

And still, I refused to cry.

Bob was preparing to step off this planet Earth – I was determined he should do so boldly and confidently. I would be as strong as I needed to be until that happened.

I was grieving, yes; but I did not then … and I do not now, this afternoon, today … grieve as one who has no hope: I KNOW that I will see Bob again, when we are together again in the future. How long that will be, I can’t say. But I know that it will happen.

And this afternoon, last year – just like this afternoon, this year; truth be told, I was a little jealous that my beloved would actually get to see, walk, and talk with Yeshua soon, while I am left behind for the time being.

This afternoon, last year, I did not mourn – nor, do I mourn, this afternoon, this year. Instead, then, as now, I celebrate Bob’s life. Then – as he began to shed his earthen vessel … and now, because I know that for the past 11 months & 29 days, Bob has really LIVED like he never lived before. His spirit is enjoying being housed in a new body – specifically designed and created just for him; a new celestial body that will never age-wear out-or decay.

This afternoon, last year, I was sad: I won’t deny that fact. I was sad because I knew, while holding his hand in mine and ingraining his face in the data bank of my brain, that I would no longer be able to look at my husband’s handsome face, cuddle into his loving embrace, or hear his reassuring  and soothing voice ever again this side of Heaven. And, I was happy that his days of torturous pain and unrelenting agony was coming to an end.

I was thankful for all my Friends on FB that were praying for us – and had been praying for us through our ordeal. I was thankful that those who attended to Bob throughout that long night of solo journeying, were compassionate and tender with the love of my life. I was praising Elohim, that even in the end of his life, Bob ministered that faithfulness of the God he served – the God Who was ever present, covering Bob and I with His wings and giving us peace that passes all understanding.

The holy hills of Heaven were welcoming a faithful son Home. His father awaited him there. And Yeshua had a crown in his hand to place on Bob’s head when he walked through the Pearly Gate.

I was thankful that a good majority of family came to see Bob off on his journey. They came to say their farewells and to tell good stories about their son, brother, dad, and grandfather. There were some tears: mine, included; but mostly there was love and laughter as we gathered together. And once or twice Bob roused himself and looked at everyone. His hands were held, and his legs were stroked – his mouth was kissed, and his head was caressed. Love was lavished on Bob. He was able to step off this planet knowing he was loved, appreciated, blessed, and honored. He was able to enter into a new life knowing that he could rest easy with the assurance that we will all be okay while he is enjoying himself up yonder beyond the clouds where tears will never stain the golden streets of that longed for Celestial City.

After everyone left, and went home, I finished the Reuben sandwich Alyna had prepared for me at the Deli/Restaurant she manages – and I played music through the night and prayed with, and for, Bob (he could not talk, but he was able to hear). Bob liked Southern Gospel; so that is what I played the most of; with some easy-listening country music that spoke of the glories that awaited him on his fast approaching journey.

And, of course, I played Joey + Rory’s song, “When I’m Gone” because it is such a beautiful brave song that speaks directly to facing death and the day following death.

This afternoon, this year - just like this afternoon, last year, this song resonates and soothes:

I will not tell of what my eyes saw as my husband's body was shutting down - it is private and personal; and it is hard to watch someone's body die. It serves no purpose to describe those things to you. I will say this, that during that time, Dr's. Morgan and Gilbert, did come in periodically to check on me and make sure that I was not freaking out. I was not; but they were concerned because watching death happen is a hard thing to do, especially if you love that person, like I loved Bob. But, Elohim was faithful, and I was able to do it without hysterics. I wanted Bob to know he was not alone on this solo journey, and that I was there for him as always. I loved him; I would not fail him.

Bob most definitely got Home before me, but I will be following as soon as my chores here are done: I haven’t been clued in yet just what those chores are, exactly, but in due time I will be. And when I have completed what I was left here to tie up, I, too, will be going Home.

Vestal Goodman, Dottie Rambo - The Holy Hills of Heaven Call Me [Live]

Dolly Parton - I Will Always Love You - 1974

Vince Gill - Go Rest High On That Mountain

Collin Raye - If You Get There Before I Do

Johnny Cash - I Won't Have To Cross Jordan Alone

Alan Jackson I Want To Stroll Over Heaven With You!

Lord, I'm Ready to Go Home - The Louvin Brothers

Jimmy Fortune - Far Side Banks Of Jordan (Live)

Dailey and Vincent - Mansion Over The Hilltop

Dottie Rambo, The Crabb Family - Tears Will Never Stain the Streets of That City [Live]

Gospel - Jim Reeves - Where We'll Never Grow Old

1 CORINTHIANS ~Chapter 15: Resurrection, Rapture, & Victory Over Death :-D

All of you reading my Blog and reading my posts on FB know that I have not posted a Thursday Bible Study post in months – I have been grieving with remembrances of “first’s anniversaries”. The other morning, as I woke up, I remember thinking, “I need to get back to Scripture reading”; this was not a condemnation, but simply The Ruach prompting me that I have grieved enough, and that after December 14^th, I need to give myself wholly over unto the plans Elohim has for my new life.

I can do that ;-)

Circumstances and situations as of late, are already moving in that direction. And today’s Scripture passage is the perfect Bible Study to catapult me forward … and to remind others that death, while being the end of life in the flesh, is NOT THE END for those in Mashiach Yeshua.

I actually smiled the entire time I read this passage.

It is perfect for what I have been through this past year of widowhood, and an exhortation not only for me – but for ALL those who belong to Elohim :-D I have known this passage of Scripture all my life, but it is good to be reminded again.

And it differs greatly from the vineyard doctrine being preached in the majority of churches now which tell people they do not need the salvation of Yeshua to be saved, they do not need to leave their life of sin, and there is no resurrection. These are lies from the pit of Hell – they are NOT what Elohim tells us, and they are NOT Yeshua taught.

If anyone is telling you different than what Scripture tells you – GET UP AND LEAVE. It is better to suffer mockery for doing what is right, than to suffer the flames of hell later for following the crowd into perdition.

KNOW YOUR BIBLE! READ Scripture for yourself do not rely on someone else’s perverted interpretation. If you need to readjust your thinking and get right with Elohim – do it; if you are not yet saved – get saved; if you have given your life to Yeshua, and are not sure how to live your new Christian life – get an older version of the Scriptures (before the obama era, when blasphemous ‘bibles’ were printed) and read it/amend your life accordingly: and fellowship with other Christians – this does not need to take place in a church building, which many have become questionable in relation to true and real Christianity.

Let us, together, bring in 2020 with gladness, joy, peace, and love.

Amen.

1 CORINTHIANS ~Chapter 15: Resurrection, Rapture, & Victory Over Death :-D

“Brethren, I want to remind you of the Gospel which I preach to you, and which you accepted, and on which you stand. And by this you are saved if you hold to the teaching that I left with you, otherwise you have believed in vain.

First and foremost, I passed on to you the teaching I had received, namely, that Yeshua dies for our sins according to the Scriptures; also that He was buried and that on the 3^rd day He rose again, as the Scriptures said He would; and also that He was seen by Cephas, and then by the Twelve. Next, He appeared to more than 500 brethren at one time, most of whom are still alive, though some have passed on. Later, He was seen by James, and then by all the Apostles. Last of all, He appeared to me also – coming to me as to one untimely born. For I am the least important of the Apostles, unfit even to be called an Apostle, because I persecuted The Church.

But by the grace of Elohei, I am what I am, and His grace towards me has not been without results. I have actually done more work than all of the others, although strictly it was not I who did it, but Elohim’s grace which was with me. But whether it was I or they who labored, this is what we preach, and this is what you have believed.

We preach that Mashiach Yeshua was raised from the dead, and yet some of you say that there is no resurrection of the dead. How so? If there is no resurrection of the dead, then Mashiach was not raised. If Mashiach has not been raised, then our preaching counts for nothing and your faith is groundless. And we are found also to be false witnesses about Elohim, for we have proclaimed about Elohim that He raised up Mashiach from the dead, which is not true if there is no resurrection. For if the dead are never raised, then, surely, Mashiach was not raised either. But if Mashiach has not bee raised, then your faith is in vain and you are still in your sins. And those who died trusting in Mashiach to save them are lost forever. And if our hopes in Mashiach applied only to this life, and not beyond, then we, of all people, would be the most to be pitied.

But now Mashiach has been raised from the dead, and has become the first of those to be raised who have fallen asleep in death. Jut as death came into the world through a man, so also has the resurrection of the dead come through a Man! Just as all die because of Adam, so also shall all be made alive again because of Mashiach. There is a proper order in this unfolding: Mashiach first, then at Mashiach’s coming, those who believed on Him. After that the end will come when He will turn the kingdom over to Elohim, the Father, after having destroyed every other government, authority and power. He must reign until He puts His enemies under His feet.

Death, also an enemy, is the last to be destroyed. Scripture says, “He has put all things in subjection under His feet.” But when it says that “He has put all things in subjection”, it is self-evident that Elohim, Who reduced everything to subjection, is not included. And when Elohim shall have put all things in subjection to the Son, then the Son Himself will also become subject to Elohim, Who has given Him power over everything, so that Elohim will remain all in all.

There are some who practice baptism on behalf of the dead. Why do they do that, if the dead do not raise again at all? Why should anyone be baptized for the dead? And why do we live in danger every hour? I face death daily, not withstanding our boasting because we have safety in Yeshua Ha’Mashiach, our Lord. Humanly speaking, what dd I gain by “fighting for my life against wild beasts” at Ephesus? If there is no resurrection from the dead, why not say, “Let us eat and drink, for tomorrow we die?”

Don’t be mislead by such reasonings. Bad company harms good manners. Come to your senses and stop sinning. Some of you do not know Elohei at all, I say this to your shame.

Some will ask, “How can the dead rise?”; or, “What sort of body will they have when they come back?” Don’t be foolish. You know that when you sow a seed it has to die before it can grow again. And you know that when you sow, you do not sow the body that is to be, but a bare seed, such as wheat or some other grain. Elohim then gives each to each seed a body according to His own plans, that is, to each seed its own body.

In a similar way, not all flesh is the same. One kind is the flesh of men, another kind is the flesh of beasts, or of fish, or of birds. And there are heavenly bodies and earthly bodies, and the glories of the heavenly bodies are very different than the glories of the earthly bodies. For instance, the sun has one kind of beauty, the moon has another, and the stars still another. In fact, each star differs from every other star in its splendor.

In some such way is the resurrection of the dead. The body is sown in corruption; it is raised in incorruption. It is sown in dishonor; it is raised in honor. It is sown in weakness; it is raised in strength. It is sown in a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. As Scripture records it, “The first man, Adam, became a living soul.” The Last Adam was a life-giving Spirit.

It was not the spiritual that came first, but the physical. The spiritual came afterward. The first man was from the earth, made of dust; the second man was The Lord, Who came out of Heaven. The nature of man made of dust is repeated in all men – all made of dust; the nature of the Man from Heaven id repeated in those who are of Heaven. And just as we have been like the man made of dust, so also we can become like the Man from heaven.

I want to say, brethren, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven, nor will the perishable inherit the unperishable.

And I shall tell you a secret: we are not all going to die, but we are all going to be changed. It will come about suddenly, quickly, in the twinkling of an eye. There will be the sound of a trumpet, and the dead will be raised, and we shall be changed. For it is necessary that this perishable nature must change to the unperishable, and this mortal must put on immortality. And when this perishable nature shall have been changed to the imperishable, and this mortal nature shall have become immortal, then the words of Scripture will be fulfilled: “Death is swallowed up in victory! Where, then, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (Isaiah 25:8 & Hosea 13:14).

It is sin that gives death its sting, and it is the Law that gives sin its strength. But thanks be to Elohim, for He gives us the victory through our Lord, Yeshua Ha’Mashiach!

So, my beloved brethren, stand firm, immovable, always busy in the Lord’s work, knowing that what you do in the service of The Lord is labor not thrown away!”

**1 CORINTHIANS 14: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/10/1-corinthians-chapter-14.html

IN 17 HOURS/15 MINUTES ... WHERE ARE YOU CHRISTMAS

Today, last year, I was standing by Bob’s bedside at OHSU, watching his labored breathing. The edema had not abated despite the massaging leg cuffs; and the excess water weight was not draining fast enough despite the water reducing medication they had him on.

Edema was pressing on Bob’s vital organs and lungs.

Bob had not been allowed even a tongue-wetting sip by mouth for days. No ice cubes either. Bob was trying to say something to me, but he could no longer talk … his tongue had swollen, cracked, and split due to dehydration despite the saline drip. I almost lost my lunch when I saw his tongue – I called a nurse in and brought it to his attention, and the nurse said to me … “Oh that: I’ve seen worse with cancer patients after radiation treatments.” I just stared at him and stare-shamed him about his callous remark.

I didn’t want to know what I already KNEW: my husband was in the end game of his life.

I remember standing there, holding his hand, looking out the window into the glooming darkness, and thinking that all over the city below the hospital on the hill, life was going on full force … streets and homes would be hung with holly, wreaths, and brightly colored lights. People would be rushing to and fro; visiting friends & family, packing Malls: and constantly on the go.

But for those of us, here at OHSU, trapped in a nightmare before Christmas, it did not feel much like Christmas today, last year.

17 hours and 15 minutes was the timeline allotted to us as time started ticking down and memories kicked in: not a lot of time to cram a lifetime of memories into. Memories of me first seeing Bob and falling head over heels in love with him. Memories of hearing he had gotten married and being crushed. Memories of me trying to move forward by dating - and knowing I could never say 'I love you' to anyone but Bob: so, I didn't date a whole lot; there was no point. Memories of meeting a soon-to-be-divorced Bob face-to-face, thrilled beyond measure that he was noticing me and talking to me. Memories of Bob making that first phone call to me and asking me out on our first date ... and being with Bob constantly after that; spending every moment together we could between my school and work hours, and Bob's work schedule. Memories of making love for the first time and crying because it was so perfect: we were perfect together; Bob took time to make lovemaking perfect and special for me. Always. Memories of Bob wearing me down, and me agreeing to marry him. Memories of pregnancy confirmation, and Bob being so happy to have a baby daughter. Memories of Bob holding our newborn granddaughter, Alyna ... and 18 years later, holding our newborn grandson - Alyna's brother, Azariah. Memories of Bob as a wonderful husband, father, grandfather. Memories of Bob smiling that sexy smile aimed at me. Memories of Bob's twinkling eyes when he was teasing me. Memories of Bob's gentle voice and gentle touch. Memories of Bob laughing, speaking, making that throaty growl like Roy Orbison when he was in a playful mood. Memories of us traveling to various States, and building a life in retirement that allowed for more traveling. 

Memories of a life well lived, well loved, well spoken of.

Memories of a lifetime wrapping up to fast.

Me loving Bob so much it was choking me with the intensity; and me wondering how I was going to live without him when he left my embrace for Yeshua's embrace.

Me loving Bob so much that I steeled myself and prepared us both for his journey to the Home we both looked forward to - our Home beyond the clouds, in that parallel world where real life happens: no more pain, no more sorrow - only joy, peace, and love eternal.

Bob was ready to leave.

I readied myself to let him go.

Everything, as I had known it; everything as I had always hoped it could be - and Bob went out of his way to make sure things went that way - until, even that, was out of his hands - ended.

And, today – this year, I am trying to {keep it together} knowing that in 17 hours/15 minutes … I will mark my first year as a Widow.

My heart has hurt all day long, it has been hard to breathe all day long, and the tears have begun to flow.

And, also like today, last year, I am asking today – this year: “Where are you Christmas?”

MY WINDOW VIEWS TODAY …

Stormy weather.

I was doing research on the computer and not really paying attention to anything but what I was focused on – when I looked up, I realized it was stormy weather going on outside:

I love my skylights; they brighten up the dreary PNW days. Bob gave me the perfect gift with the last gift he would ever give me in the flesh.

So dusky even the automatic street lights have come on! And it isn’t even noon yet ...

And, in this downpour, there are 2 hummingbirds flitting around looking for a meal … but there is nothing set out. Anywhere. I feel bad for them, but it’s winter time; they should be loooong gone from here by now.

When the hummingbirds caught my attention from my peripheral eyesight, I also noticed that my eggplant has set blossoms :-D

Eggplant blossoms; 3 ct. so far.

These are my window views today …