IF …

Sorting through my husband’s things a couple days ago, I found these pictures – of all the things he could have kept while weeding stuff when we downsized a year and a half ago, he chose to keep these pictures as prized possessions. They are not in fancy frames, but they encapsulate our entire life together … one could go so far as to say that they are a kind of time capsule ;-)

So I took them out of the ‘safe place’ he had kept them in, and set them up on the fireplace mantle. Looking at them, a thousand memories dart past my misty eyes. 44 years seems so short; we were so young when we started our life together – he was 24, I was 17.

A lifetime ago.

And yet not long enough.

I never got tired of looking at his handsome face: not even when the passage of time ... and the toll of his incurable condition August thru December 2018 had left its mark on it. To my eyes, he never changed from the first time I set eyes on his face – he was 18, I was 10; and I instantly fell hopelessly in love. He didn’t even know I existed until 7 years later.

And I believe he felt the same about me; he always told me I was beautiful … even in those final days at OHSU: and I know I am not. The image that looks back at me from the vanity mirror today tells me otherwise – I look every bit a 62 year old ‘curvy’ grandma ;-) But, in his eyes, I was still the young girl in the picture he fell in love with; and joined his life with. He told me several times a day, every day, for 44 years that he loved me. He cherished me. Because he believed I was beautiful, I believed I was beautiful. I feel blessed to have had his exclusive love.

If, as the song says, “a picture paints a thousand words” and “a face can launch a thousand ships” … there is so much left unsaid and nowhere left to go now.

If I could be anywhere I wished to be right now, I’d be with him beyond the clouds.

But, that is not possible. Yet.

So I’ll content myself with the “If” face on the fireplace mantle.

DOUBLE CROCHET & SHELL STITCH BABY BLANKET

This is not an original pattern – either my own design, or the original Jack Frost Booklet pattern: it is an adaptation for an up-to-date baby blanket. I shortened the length and width & left off the original shell edging, keeping the edges straight and plain. The original yarns are no longer available, so I have substituted Lion’s Brand Baby Soft yarns and 1 skein of Bernat Softee Baby yarn in the colors I had on hand, and they work fine. You can choose your own color scheme or simply work this pattern in one main color throughout – either way, this is a nicely patterned baby blanket and works up quickly because the pattern stitches are so simple and basic.

DC & SHELL BABY BLANKET READY TO BE DONATED

Materials: 2 skeins Lion’s Brand Baby Soft yarn in Twinkle Print (main color); 1 skein EA Lion’s Brand Baby Soft contrasting yarns in Lilac & Sweet Pea and 1 skein Bernal Softee Baby yarn in Lemon. OR you could use 5 skeins Lion’s Brand or Bernat Softee Baby yarns in a main color of your choice. #5 steel Susan Bates crochet hook

PATTERN: With Twinkle Print & hook, ch 169.

Row 1: Crochet 1 dc in 3^rd st from hook, and in each st to end of row. Ch 2; turn.

Row 2: Work 1 dc in each st. Ch 2; turn.

Row 3: 1 dc in each of the first 7 dc, *skip 2, 2 dc-ch2-2dc in next st, skip 2, 2 dc-ch2-2dc in next st, 1 dc in 8 sts*: finish with 7 dc at end of row. Ch 2, turn.

Row 4: 1 dc in 7 st, *skip 2, 2 dc-ch2-2dc in next st, skip 2, 2 dc-ch2-2dc in next st in same place as previous row, 1 dc in 8 sts*; repeat as previous row, end with 7 dc at end of row. Ch 2, turn.

Rows 5 thru 8: Work first 7 sts in Twinkle Print; attach Lilac yarn and work shell and post pattern from * to * as established in in previous row to last 7 sts; attach 2^nd skein of Twinkle Print and work last 7 sts in that color. At end of row 8, cut Lilac, tie off, and finish row in Twinkle print. Ch 2, turn.

Rows 9 thru 12: With Twinkle Print, work these rows in established pattern.

Rows 13 thru 16: Work first 7 sts in Twinkle Print; attach Sweet Pea yarn and work shell and post pattern from * to * as established in in previous row to last 7 sts; carry 2^nd skein of Twinkle Print along side of work and work last 7 sts in that color. At end of row 8, cut Sweet Pea, tie off, and finish row in Twinkle print. Ch 2, turn.

Rows 17 thru 20: Repeat rows 9 thru 12.

Rows 21 thru 24: Work first 7 sts in Twinkle Print; attach Lemon yarn and work shell and post pattern from * to * as established in in previous row to last 7 sts; carry 2^nd skein of Twinkle Print along side of and work last 7 sts in that color. At end of row 8, cut Lemon, tie off, and finish row in Twinkle print. Ch 2, turn.

Rows 25 thru 28: Repeat rows 9 thru 12.

Continue in this color scheme until you have 4 Lilac bands in the blanket pattern; end blanket with 2 rows Twinkle Print double crochet & shell st pattern … and 2 rows Twinkle Print double crochet rows – directions below. 84 rows completed from start to finish if you are making a solid color baby blanket.

Double crochet rows are worked over the double crochet & shell rows as follows: work 1 dc in EA double crochet st and shell st across row, leaving no space between sts – 167 dc posts:

Finish up with 1 row of 167 double crochet sts worked on the double crochet sts of previous row. Cut yarn and neatly weave in loose ends along top row and of all colors along blanket side …

Everly Brothers-All I Have To Do Is Dream (Live) HQ

PROPHECY UPDATE: CONNECTING TRUMP'S PROPHETIC DOTS OF 2018

Interesting.

My husband and I believe that a 3rd temple will be built ... and in this lifetime: my husband obviously will not see that happen as he now resides in Heaven, and I believe in The Rapture - as my husband did also, so I doubt that I will see that happen either. But it is a surety that it WILL happen.

I, personally do not believe anything a muslim says; their religion FORBIDS FRIENDSHIP WITH Jews and Christians, so anyone who claims to be a peace-loving muslim that embraces Jews and Christians is either a liar ... or practicing their deceptive and destructive religion as they are instructed to do (both lying and being deceptive is considered holy activity with muslims): deceive and then kill with a swift action. There is NOTHING in islam that encourages peace. Nada.

COPING WITH CHRONIC ANGINA

Most of you already know how I feel about doctors – I avoid them unless absolutely necessary. My husband was also of the same mindset – and many of the doctors we were forced to deal with before he left this earth, respected our decision and choices. So, knowing that I have chronic angina and environmental asthma, and knowing that I will not be making monthly check-up appointments to be retold what I already know … this morning I was lying abed and reading on how to live productively when living with angina. Now that I will be living out my life alone, I need to pay more careful attention to taking care of myself because there is no one in my home to be my backup man; that man is in Heaven now. While doing research on angina, I learned that drinking Olive Oil is beneficial. So I tried that this morning:

It tasted thick, slick, and a little weird … so I followed up the swallow of oil with a tasty Oatmeal Brownie (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/oatmeal-brownies.html), and a hot cup of Green Tea ;-)

While angina is caused by a narrow artery in the heart, it can lead to a heart attack when that narrow artery is blocked either through calcium blockage or by a spasm that squeezes the coronary artery, disrupting blood flow to the heart and seriously depleting oxygen in the blood flow to the heart. Angina pain mimics a heart attack; though it is not of itself a heart attack … it will lead to a heart attack if left unattended.

Angina pain is a discomforting chest pain that feels dull, heavy, tight … feels like a squeezing of the chest; some feel a stabbing pain. Sometimes it spreads to the left arm, across the neck, along the jawline, and sometimes there is back pain. Sometimes there is shortness of breath and or anxiety. Some people will sweat. Some people experience abdominal pain. Sometimes people will vomit. There is dizziness or fainting spells: I have experienced all of these symptoms at one time or another throughout the years – usually after a particularly stressful time, or while doing excessive physical activity: sometimes while sleeping and I was jolted awake; at one time I thought I had had a heart attack. So I have learned to pace myself, to pay attention to my body's signals, and eliminate stressful periods when I can – this can mean cutting people from my life that cause unnecessary stresses; some of those people are family members. When I can’t avoid stressful situations, or get rid of stressful people that make life difficult (like when I have to deal with Candy and Ron, or go to the Social Security Office downtown), I pray for the peace of God to get me through; and tuff out the painful onslaught until it abates. Just making moderate changes in your life and diet can help prevent heart disease, but it won’t be enough to reverse the damage already done.

I have always been short of breath and needed to rest after physical activities … I loved sports, but could never participate fully, so being on a team – track, baseball, basketball; sports I loved and still love – was not an option for me. When I was a young bride and moved into my husband’s house where we lived in Cathlamet, just making it to the top of the 2^nd story floor once a week to clean the rooms up there, I would have to sit for a bit on the top of the stairs to catch my breath: 14 steps is a LOT of steps when every breath counts and your chest is being squeezed. Once the demand for extra oxygen to the blood abates, so do the painful symptoms.

The “4 E’s” of angina that need careful attention are eating, emotional stress, exercise, and exposure to cold. Watch what you eat; RESEARCH! Avoid unhealthy fats and eat beneficial foods: eat plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains (my body does not digest a lot of fruit or whole grains well, so I cut back on those and only eat them when my body craves them. And I pay for it later on with internal flare-ups. Skinless chicken, fish, and beans. Non-fat/low fat dairy products; again, my body has trouble digesting these things, so I only eat them sparingly. Avoid high levels of sodium). Avoid emotional stress when possible. Exercise wisely – without excessive physical stress to the body. Bundle up when outside and keep the temperature inside of your home at a heathy level – between 68 and 75 degrees: I feel comfortable at about 70 degrees, but will bump it up when a cold snaps hits. If you have outdoor chores to do, like shoveling the driveway, clearing gutter debris, prepping garden areas … anything that requires excess physical activity needs to be monitored or outsourced, which means wise budgeting that will allow the funds needed for outside help.

Though there is no cure for angina, there are ways to reduce an angina attack and live a long and healthy life. Some of those ways are …

Baby aspirin – reduces the risk of blood clots that will cause a heart attack * Cut caffeine. Decaffeinated drinks/foods hold no danger * Cut down on alcohol * Stop smoking if you smoke * Lose weight if you are overweight – not easy to do during menopausal years; but I have lost 20 pounds since my husband’s death in December because my diet has changed * Exercise regularly – gentle exercises are usually safe; be wise in duration * Stop, rest & relax. Lie down if possible * Call 911 if pain lasts more than 5 minutes * An angina attack can be triggered by stress and exposure to cold – I have had a LOT of stress lately!

Here are 10 of the best foods to eat to free your arteries of build-up:

Asparagus is one of the top best foods to cleanse your arteries – good thing I love asparagus :-D * Avocado – ditto for avocado * Broccoli – I like broccoli, so eating it is no hardship for me ;-) * Fatty fish – I do not like salmon at all! It stinks no matter how it is prepared, and the taste is not at all appealing to me. Vitamins and Fish Oil supplements are also tricky for my digestive system, so eating healthy is not an easy or enjoyable undertaking for me … it is always a tight-rope-walk * Nuts – I like nuts and know that they are a brain power food, but my body does not digest them well, so I avoid them in their whole state and try to break them down to a powdery or pasty state before using them. Even then I only eat them sparingly … or pay for it with stomach pain and colon inflammation for weeks * Olive Oil – use it in and on everything; now I have taken to drinking it! * Watermelon – I like watermelon, but again, it is one of the foods that cause havoc with my digestive system. I eat it sparingly * Turmeric – I use this spice freely; never have enough of it on hand ;-)

The Olive Tap link: https://www.theolivetap.com/blog/why-you-should-try-drinking-olive-oil-/

This is the research I did this morning before leaving our bed. I generally do not stay in bed long now that my husband has stepped off this planet because our bed can quickly become “the danger zone” if I lay in it too long and allow depressing thoughts to steal into my mind: my husband would not want that to happen to me, and our faith does not make allowances for crippling depression to become a way of life. But I woke up thinking about being alone in this house now with physical limitations such as angina and asthma, so I did a quick research on angina to refresh my memory of what I was told by doctors 30+ years ago so I can make the necessary adjustments to my life and live a fulfilling life in my widowhood years. I could always depend on and rely on my husband to help before … but now he is not here, and I find myself in a period of adjustment on every level of my life. We have done what could be done to stave off an asthma attack when we moved in here – pulled the carpets, laid wood/stone flooring, minimal window coverings, and sparse furniture/nick knacks. I keep the house fairly clean without overtaxing my heart, and have to be careful when stirring up the dust bunnies – when I have the $$$ put aside, I call a housecleaning service to do a thorough in-depth cleaning: it helps them, and it helps me.

And I have a ‘check-up’ schedule in place with the kids and niece once a week. I think, all things considered, I’ll be okay. I have done all I can humanly possible think of, to make sure I am safe and can live a reasonably healthy life here on my own. The rest is up to Elohei and I confidently leave that in His hands - he has given us 1 life with a limited lifespan set specifically for each of us as individuals: as you have heard if you listened to the video above, doctors play God and interfere with that lifespan ... one of the many reasons we have avoided doctors as much as possible: we did not want to interfere with Elohei's plan for our lives, and I will not do so now. When He calls I will be ready to step off this earth too, I am desiring to meet Him face to face and be with my beloved husband again; but in the meantime Elohim expects me to live wisely and I will be taking measures to make the life He graciously grants me profitable and enjoyable.

I posted this video to inform others of what Angina is: not to promote the medical field.

OATMEAL BROWNIES

Had a craving for brownies tonight, so thought I’d whip up a batch of these Oatmeal Brownies ;-)

OATMEAL BROWNIES ~ 4 dozen cookies

BROWNIE MIXTURE: 4 squares (1 ounce each) unsweetened Chocolate * 2/3 cup Shortening * 2 cups granulated Sugar * 4 Eggs * 1 teaspoon Vanilla * 1-1/4 cups all-purpose Flour * 1 teaspoon Baking Powder * 1 teaspoon Salt * 1 cup chopped Nuts, if desired

OATMEAL MIXTURE: 2-1/2 cups Oats (regular or quick) * ¾ cup all-purpose Flour * ¾ cup packed Brown Sugar * ½ teaspoon Baking Soda * ¾ cup Margarine or butter, melted

Heat oven to 350-degrees. Grease baking pan, 13 x 9 x 2-inches. Mix oats, flour, brown sugar, and baking soda; stir in margarine. Reserve ¾ cup of the oat mixture. Press remaining oatmeal mixture into baking pan and bake 10 minutes; cool 5 minutes.

Prepare the Brownie mixture as follows: Heat chocolate and shortening in a 3-quart saucepan over low heat until melted (or use a double-boiler pan); remove from heat. Stir in sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Mix in remaining ingredients. Spread mixture over baked oatmeal mixture in pan:

Sprinkle with reserved oatmeal mixture …

Bake until brownies begin to pull away from sides of pan – about 30 minutes. Do not overbake … I don’t like doughy foods, so I ‘overbaked’ by about 10 extra minutes ;-) Cool; cut into 1-1/2-inch squares.

Jehovah Jira – My Provider

Got some very welcome news in the mail Wednesday afternoon … the Social Security Administration Office has decided to give my husband’s December benefits after all. ((((THANK YOU ELOHIM!)))) This is a direct answer to my morning prayers; Elohim has heard and He has answered:

Of course the withheld benefits being returned to me won’t come until sometime around March – but at least is will be coming :-D

Wednesday afternoon I called the Tumwater Office to find out how to get the documents the government wants (do they have nothing better to do with their time????), and was told that they can get a certified copy of our Marriage License to me overnight for $50 (!!!!), or I can drive up to Tumwater and pick it up in the office there for a $20 fee … on top of topping off the tank of gas to make the trip; another $20. My Birth Certificate I would need to request from Illinois for another $50 certification/mailing fee; I was born in the Naval Hospital there, and WA State doesn’t handle out-of-State documents: well, shoot, had I known I would be living in the PNW at the time of need, I would have demanded it as soon as the attending doctor spanked my tiny little fanny 62 years ago ‘just in case’. Then I calmed myself down and remembered that when we got our enhanced drivers licenses 2 years ago so we could cross the Canadian Border without hassle, my Birth Certificate had been accepted for that – so I went and dug it out, and sure enough it was a certified copy ;-)

But would it be acceptable to the government harridan at the local office here? I put it in my purse anyway and braced myself for tomorrow’s battle.

Thursday I was at the local Social Security Office downtown bright and early … praying the entire time that Elohim would grace me to bypass the troublesome woman I usually have to deal with and give me someone who would actually be helpful, and perhaps a little kind. He did; the woman who assisted me was polite and kind, and very helpful: my Birth Certificate was acceptable, but I still had to get a certified copy of our Marriage License: my husband’s son said he would drive up from Salem, OR to make the drive to Tumwater with me – he knows I hate freeway driving and it is a long freeway drive from here to there. He also wanted to look at the ceiling crack in the TV room, and see what can be done with that.

Leaving the local office, I decided that before going home, I would check out the Courthouse and see if I can’t get a certified copy of our Marriage License there – I really did not want to drive to Tumwater because I wasn’t sure I would have enough time to get back home before the Grief Support Meet started later that evening. So I went to the Cowlitz County Courthouse and was told I would have to go to the Kelso Courthouse. When I got to the Kelso Courthouse, I was told that I had to go to the Wahkiakum County Courthouse because that was the county where we got married: a total waste of gas, and a LOT of governmental BS if you ask me … but no one was asking. So. I drove back home and decided to call ahead before hitting the road again because last time we were in Cathlamet on August 3^rd, 2018, the hillside at Stella had come down and blocked the road, narrowing the roadway to a 1-way-only passage …

… and I wanted to make sure that it had not been further compromised between then and now. It was open to traffic both ways, so the trip to Tumwater was scraped, but Alex came up anyway and we drove to Cathlamet together; Cathlamet was home for my husband for many years, and that is where we started our marriage and family. The road had been repaired to its full passage and it was a pleasant drive – I always liked that drive along the river. And I always liked living in Cathlamet too; I lived 20 years there – 17 years of those 20 living with my husband and daughter – with Alex staying with us weekends and summers before we sold and left in 1994.

My luv's Senior Class Picture/our 1974 Wedding Picture. Man - I sure miss my handsome gentle giant

I got the certified copy of our Marriage License at the Wahkiakum Courthouse for $6. And gave a shout out to Elohim ;-) And I was able to get back here and downtown to get everything copied, filled out, and sent off to the inquiring administration before the local office closed at 4 p.m. Another long day with a lot of running around, but at least it is d.o.n.e. and the budget, though still tight, won’t be a hair-pulling-stress. Once the $$$$ actually starts coming in. While in town, I ran into Roger who worked with my husband – they were friends – and informed him of my husband’s passing. He was shocked as expected because when we had all visited with each other the first part of August, before the insanity at the Park caught fire and did irreparable damage to our lives, my husband was the picture of health for seniors our age: his death is as surprising to others as it was an unwelcome surprise to us. Roger asked how I was doing, and I said I was doing as well as can be expected: 44 years is a long time to be with someone, yet too short a time to say goodbye to someone you love.

Alex checked the ceilings and said that while the major cracking in the TV room is unsightly (http://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/01/when-it-rains-here-it-pours.html), it is fixable; and he can do that for me. But we did find a few more cracks:

These cracks had to have happened when I was doing death-watch at OHSU in December 2018 because they weren’t present before then.

Again, he said that they are nothing too significant or worrisome – even along the main center beam – and he can fix them for me. His father would be happy to know that he is being so helpful. And I found some paint cans in the shed too, in all the shades the house was painted with, and it feels like there is enough in each can for the touch-ups required as soon as time and weather allows: the ceiling work first, then the porch steps. Another concern laid to rest; and more praises going up to Elohim :-D

Jehovah-Jira. My Provider Who provides for ALL my needs. I will, as always, be depending on His provision for all my needs. Now more than ever before … and I can trust that He will never let me down. I am a daughter of the Most High God, highly favored, and His grace is sufficient for me.