Where Are You Christmas?

Streets are hung with holly and lights.

People are rushing to and fro, packing Malls and constantly on the go.

But for us, here at OHSU, it does not feel much like Christmas this year ...

MAKING A TURN

Lots of things happening.

Yesterday afternoon the ICU Ward was serenaded by the Oregon Symphony – such beautiful music! What a privilege :-) They played 3 sets before moving onto other hospital floors:

video of the Oregon Symphony

Late afternoon the surgeon team made it in to talk to us and I didn’t let them go before drilling them for straight answers. They took my 3^rd degree pretty well and answered me directly. So what I heard was … Drs. Gilbert & Morgan say that for the moment they have done all they can do for Hubs until the cysts ‘rind’ over enough to safely be drained. Right now the imaging shows that the cysts are located “in a bad place” (we have seen the imaging taken after the canceled procedure and agree) and that will make working on them very difficult at any time, so they want to be sure that the procedure proceeds as safely as possible when it can finally get under way: Wednesday was hard on all of us, and we want to make the next attempt successful.

So.

New plan is that Hubs will be released from OHSU Monday – or Tuesday – to be transported back to Longview to a Nursing Home Facility for a temporary rooming solution where he will undergo intensive physical therapy and continue tube feeding. Since the goal is to get him home as soon as possible, he will still be on the tube at home for a period of time; so I will be instructed on how to administer him his feedings using the tube. That’s a little scary because his nose is so tender already and I don’t want to hurt him any further. Plus the tube will need occasional deep cleaning, so I will be shown how to do that too. The tube will stay in until he can drink and keep down a 2000 calorie liquid drink without getting nauseous and vomiting it back up. At the rate things are moving forward (a snail’s pace) that will take some time.

In the meantime, cyst imaging will be revisited in 3 weeks’ time, and since Hubs will be an outpatient this coming week, he will need to be making frequent trips back and forth to OHSU from Longview; probably by OHSU Shuttle if his feet and legs are still swollen like the Michelin Tire Man …

MICHELIN TIRE MAN

… or if his feet and legs seriously counter back the serious edema caused by excess water in his body and get back to walking order, I will be driving him back and forth via Hyw. #30, switching to the 405 overpass and on to the Terwilliger/OHSU junction. I loathe Portland traffic but I WILL learn to do this drive because Hubs is depending on me to ‘man up’ and get him from A to B without hysterical road drama.

This little jaunt from our home in Washington State over the Rainier Bridge and down the Oregon side to OHSU will be a precursor of things to come because I made an executive decision earlier this afternoon and decided to move us to Oregon sometime in 2019; not sure when as that will depend on what we can find affordable and how soon we can find it/secure it. But all indicators are that Hubs will be a long-term outpatient of OHSU and OHSU is in Oregon … driving 1-1/2 hours several times a week or even several times a months does not make financial sense when living on a limited income. Selling the house and moving closer within a short driving range makes more sense. Our lives took a drastic turn in August and it will never be the same again: we simply cannot make where we currently live work for our new reality – for lots of reasons, and it is time now to rationally look forward and make adjustments. Hence the “executive decision”, and this time the contemplation of moving to Portland will be going through because it really is the only thing that makes sense financially; plus Hubs will be extremely tired being shifted back and forth on 1-1/2 hour drives: his health is not what it was before all hell broke loose in August. Things have changed, and we must change to keep pace with harmony and balance to walk in beauty. So while getting a crash course in city driving was not something I ever wanted to do, circumstances have thrust me into the thick of it and I need to buckle up and just DO it. I did half the shift driving to get us across the USA a year ago, for Pete’s sake! I should be able to get us across Portland, right? We’ll see. Portland, OR drivers are the worst road rage drivers on the West Coast – just thinking about joining their ranks makes me jumpy already.

ROAD RAGE – Goofy in Disney’s 1950 ‘Freeway Phobia’

I started this striped garter stitch Baby Blanket in ICU last week, and have turned a corner this afternoon, working now on the downturn diagonal and hoping to complete it before this time next week:

MOD Striped Baby Blanket. Pattern will be posted when completed.

There have been many corners turned the past few days. I am optimistic that they will all lead to a happy ending. While Hub’s current situation is not a joyous one, we do believe that it CAN BRING joy into our lives if we allow Elohei a free hand in our lives to bring about His Will in our lives.

PANCREATIC NIGHTMARE

‘Hurry up and wait’ has never been our forte … and it is getting old real fast.

We arrived at OHSU November 24^th around 2 p.m. … Hubs by ambulance and Hub’s son, Alex, drove me from home to OHSU … and it has been a whirlwind ever since. I am glad Hubs is finally here. For the first time since being thrust into this medical hell we are beginning to feel hopeful. St. John’s Peace Health was really in over their heads trying to help Hubs - they really set his recovery backwards and that was why the situation there was so up-down-scarily dire. Here the docs and surgeons are the best of the best in their field of expertise and the outlook we were given was very positive; with proper nutritional needs specific to his needs, removal of the gall bladder ... even though at this point it is nothing more than a precautionary move ... and people who actually KNOW how to deal with the complications of this type of situation, docs say that Hubs should be back to his old self within a 6 mo/1 year timeframe. THAT optimistic and positive diagnosis was worth coming here. All we ever heard at SJPH was doom and gloom that had us hanging by our fingernails trying to sort through all the conflicting drama. Here at OHSU there is talk of a real turn around and NO need to shop for a coffin any time soon. The docs also concur and agree that while they can help pain management, only Elohei can heal the body. Medications and surgeries cannot heal. If docs can - and DO - agree with us on that point, then we feel confident in their helpful support in getting Hubs back on the road to a recovery.

SUNDAY afternoon. Finally made OHSU ... aka ‘Hospital Hilton’. LOL

View outside 14A - enough of a drop to cause vertigo. Fancy deco design.

RS view from our perch

LS view - eye-catching window design and a kinda L-shape building design.

Fancy etched window glass

OHSU hole-in-the-wall. Mysterious {why ???} factor has me curious.

November 25^th Dr. Yip stopped in to Hub’s room and the news was not encouraging – Hubs will have to undergo a procedure to remove most of his pancreas due to dead tissue; that is why he is in so much pain and has so much trouble keeping anything down.

It is assumed that this is a hereditary issue since there are no other indicators as to why Hubs was suddenly struck with this in August. Apparently where there is familial history of gall stones and diabetes, pancreatitis will also raise its ugly head. Hub’s siblings have all suffered with gall stones, and his dad was a diabetic.

Hubs was shell shocked to say the least, and I can’t stop crying. This news is not at all what we were anticipating or hoping for.

But we will continue to lean on Elohei, trust in Yeshua, and rely on the Ruach Ha’Kodesh. We know the Word of God is true, Yeshua’s healing is always on time, and the Ruach’s peace that passes all understanding never fails. In this we are unshakable though all other ground is sinking sand.

THURSDAY afternoon. View of Mt. Hood from OHSU "penthouse room" - we were there all of 3 hours before being shifted to ICU. Very roomy. Very nice.

OHSU Air Trams. Always reminds me of the cartoon, “The Jetsons”. LOL. Penthouse view

The Tram Garage-Elevator Block. Penthouse view. ALL of this is OHSU Campus

Our 3 hours of luxury ... cut short too soon. Darn it.

THURSDAY evening. ICU Room. OHSU

Countdown to procedure day ... between 140 to 117 heart beats per minute have to be in the lower 90's to move forward.

FRIDAY. Skywalk view from ICU. Leads to the Veteran's Hospital.

View of upper floor Penthouse Room from ICU window.

Skywalk and OHSU Parking Garage outside ICU window. Vet Hospital in background across the way

SATURDAY. Hubs being lifted with the sling to sit up a while in the recliner. Will help his lungs.

Hubs … sucking on ice chips … sat up for 2 hours. Helped his lung capacity a lot.

MONDAY. Hubs spending a leisurely day doing a Word Search page. Heart beats per minute vacillate between 105 to lower 90’s.

TUESDAY - 87 beats. EUREKA! Procedure day happens tomorrow ... Wednesday

Tuesday morning frost, and I am headed home in LV for a couple hours to take care of business on the home front.

My white Christmas Cactus is in bloom. A nice welcome home. The pink has not bloomed yet; maybe when I go back home 2 weeks from now it will be in full bloom.

The scheduled procedure was called off last night ... WHILE IN PROCESS! ... because it was too risky to go forward – I couldn’t believe it when I was told. Poor Hubs! After all the waiting and anxious anticipation, it was a no-go because the cysts did not “rind” :-( The surgeons had planned another procedure today, but that fell through also after imaging came back earlier this afternoon – we saw the imaging results and agree with the professionals: TOO RISKY. The cysts are indeed “in a bad place”, so now we have to wait another 3 weeks and hope they harden enough to actually go inside and drain them safely, as was planned last night.

I don’t know if we can handle 6 months to 1 year of constant yo-yo uncertainty, anticipation, stress, and frustration. This is extremely HARD to go through.

Hubs on breathing tube. HORRIBLE to watch him come off it and start breathing in his own! Never want to go through that again >:-P

THURSDAY/TODAY. Hubs playing Solitaire on his laptop that I brought back with me from home on Tuesday. We are disappointed that yesterday’s procedure was halted and today’s procedure was canceled due to the riskiness of going forward with it. Word is another 3 week wait. We NEED a miracle at this point.

My home away from home in Hub's ICU room ... in my own little corner in my own little space. At least Hubs and I are together at OHSU and everyone is going out of their way to make me comfortable during this trying time.

We have only been here at OHSU for 13 days but it seems longer. We’re tired; between the stint at St. John’s Peace Health and our stay here at OHSU Hubs has been hospitalized since November 5^th – a full month, and STILL no relief in sight due to the nature of this fickle disease.

We want this nightmare over.

We need a miracle.

PSALM 43 (a musical setting)

Yesterday the hospital Chaplain visited Hubs in his room and read this Scripture with him and prayed with him; Hubs also asked prayer for me – he is always thinking of me, even  in this time of great pain & suffering to himself. At first when heard of the visit I was naturally concerned and asked the primary nurse why a Chaplain had visited my husband - my stomach was throwing fits yesterday so I stayed home in case it was catchy; turns out it wasn't. I was told that Chaplains routinely visit patients, and if the patient wishes, remains with them to comfort them as requested: that eased my mind because normally Chaplains visit patients that are very near death. And Hubs has been giving his medical team concerns not only with this horrific pancreatitis ordeal, but also with a rash of racing heart palpitations all week long – twice since I visited him throughout the week one of the CNAs came in to give him a dose of metoprolol to calm his heart down. Guesses are that the pain is causing these rash of palpitations, but it is concerning just the same.

When Hubs told me the Chaplain had read Psalm 43 to him, I was puzzled. “Why?” I kept asking myself each time I read it and reread it; it didn’t make any sense. I read it again tonight … and suddenly (!) it (((clicked))); it made perfect sense :-D And while it does not specifically deal with healing, it sums up EVERYTHING we have been dealing with since August 30^th. While we logically KNOW that Elohei has NOT ‘cast us off’, it feels like it sometimes when we are at our lowest ebb physically & emotionally. But when we turn our eyes to Him and remember that He is our 'exceeding joy' especially in turbulent times, He ministers peace of mind and soothes our troubled souls with His light and His truth that upholds His children. And because of His great love towards us, we will not stumble and fall over the hurdles the enemy throws in our path hoping to trip us up:

PSALM 43

Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; Oh, deliver me from the deceitful and unjust man! For You are the God of my strength. Why do You cast me off? Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?

Oh, send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle. Then I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy; And on the harp I will praise You, O God, my God.

Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God; for I shall yet praise Him – the help of my countenance and my God. 

I like this beautiful musical rendition …

GINGERBREAD CAKE Recipe

Gingerbread Cake

With the graying Fall days …

Gray skies over Heron Pointe: looking river side

Looking river side towards Willow Grove road

… and the thick low-laying a.m./p.m. river fogs banks that settle over the area from where we live to R.A. Long High School by Lake Sacajawea where it surprisingly clears up while I drive back and forth to the hospital every day, I have had a hankering for gingerbread the last 2 weeks and finally broke down and made it this morning ;-)

This recipe is an old one and comes to me here in the PNW all the way from Louisville, Kentucky. And I am thankful :-D The house smells wonderful with that gingery/cinnamon/clovey scent and it tastes as good as it smells!

GINGERBREAD CAKE (Sweden)

1/2 cup Butter * 2 cups light Brown Sugar * 2 Eggs * 1 teaspoon Soda, dissolved in a small amount of warm water * ½ teaspoon ground Ginger * ½ teaspoon ground Cinnamon * ½ teaspoon ground Cloves * 2 cups sifted Flour * 1 cup Milk

Cream butter; add sugar, mixing well with electric beater. Beat eggs until light – add to sugar mixture. Add soda and spices; fold in flour, alternating with the milk: mix well.

Grease large tube pan and dust with flour. Pour in batter. Bake in 350-degree oven for 35 minutes. Let cake cool before removing from pan.

I always have gingerbread in the house – cookies or cakes – around this time of year, but lately it’s been a a bit hard to get into the upcoming holidays because my husband will not be here with me to celebrate them; but last night I happened to notice that my holiday cactuses have been putting out buds in my lengthy absences from home …

White Christmas Cactus; larger buds

Pink Christmas Cactus; smaller buds

… and that revived the holiday spirit within me enough to at least hang the wreaths on each door and change the welcome mats ;-) And that’s about all that will get done this year because I will, of course, be spending the holidays with my husband in his hospital room cheering him up – which cheers me up.

We are hoping he will be coming home soon, but only Elohei KNOWS what the future holds. Today’s concerns are sufficient for the day, I won’t borrow tomorrows’ troubles. Today I am going to enjoy the gingerbread cake I made!

And work some more on MOD Candy Cane Baby Swaddling Blanket I started last week:

MOD Candy Cane Swaddling Blanket – half completed

This blanket is a donation item, but I can’t l help thinking while working on it that I wish our grand-daughters would give us great-grandbabies … nothing would make me happier than to make up layette sets for my longed for great-grandbabies. I don’t think my husband and I will live long enough to see our grandson’s children (he’s only 4 yo this year), but our grand-daughters are all in their 20’s, ranging from early twenties to late twenties and it would be nice if they started reproducing while Hubs is still on this planet ;-)

SONG: I Will Survive Thanksgiving

KNIT DIAMOND PATTERN SWADDLING BLANKET

Finished blanket. 28” x 28” square

This pattern is an old one – I found the baby patterns book at a sale decades ago and made this particular baby blanket 27 years ago when our first granddaughter was born.

The original pattern calls for skeins of 1-oz Columbia-Minerva yarn called ‘Precious Nantuck’ but that yarn has since been discontinued, and my understanding is that it was a light weight sport weight yarn. The pattern is based on a multiple of 8 sts + 7 pattern. The original pattern using a sport weight yarn will measure about 27” x 31” when completed. But I make my blankets using Red Heart Worsted for a sturdier Fall/Winter weight baby blanket so my blankets are a bit plumper and sturdier though I do follow the original pattern.

I really like this pattern design and I think you will too. I makes up pretty quickly and this blanket I am working on will also be another donated item when it is completed.

KNIT DIAMOND PATTERN SWADDLING BLANKET

Materials Required: Columbia-Minerva PRECIOUS NANTUCK, 1 oz. pull skeins (or Red Heart Super Saver Jumbo worsted, 1 skein); one pair “Boye” size 6 knitting needles; one crochet hook size 1 (or size 8-H) if using worsted yarn); 2 stitch markers.

Gauge: 11 sts = 2 inches; 15 rows = 2 inches

PATTERN STITCH: Multiple of 8 sts + 7.

Row 1 (RS): K 7, *P 1, K 7; repeat from * across.

ROWS 2 and ALL EVEN ROWS: K the K sts and P the P sts as they face you.

ROW 3: *P 1, K 5, P 1, K 1; repeat from * across: end with P 1, K 5, P 1.

ROW 5: K 1, P 1, *K 3, P1; repeat from * across: end K 1.

ROW 7: K 2, P 1, K 1, P 1, *K 5, P 1, K 1, P 1; repeat from * across: end K 2.

ROW 9: K 3, *P 1, K 7; repeat from * across: end P 1, K 3.

ROW 11: Repeat Row 7.

ROW 13: Repeat Row 5.

ROW 15: Repeat Row 3.

ROW 16: Repeat Row 2.

Repeat these 16 rows for pattern.

BLANKET

Approximate Size: 27 x 31 inches using sport weight yarn; (28 x 28 if using worsted weight yarn)

Cast on 151 sts. K 4 rows. Next row K 4, place marker on needle, knit to last 4, place 2^nd marker on needle and K 4.

ROW 1: K 4 garter sts for border, sl marker, work in pattern on the center 143 sts; sl marker, K to end. Keeping 4 garter sts on each side, continue to work in pattern on the sts between markers …

Patterned swaddling blanket being worked using worsted yarn

When piece measures about 30-1/2 inches (27-1/2 inches using worsted) from start, end with Row 2. K 6 rows. Bind off. On right side, crochet 1 row of sc around blanket, increasing at corners.