I have been asked time and time again, over these 3 years, why I am not interested in dating; or remarrying. Why, if there ever is another man in my life … I’d only want him in my life as a friend.
This is my answer: I do not want to waste my time making someone else feel comfortable in their own skin – and being penalized for having loved Bob before I met them.
Bob did not walk out on me - Bob's physical body died: we did not choose to end our relationship, that was chosen for us. Bob's body died - our love did not. I will always love Bob. I should not have to apologize/feel guilty for that endless love.
Pretty simple/pretty basic reason.
Bob was married before I met him. I had been involved in a few serious relationships, myself. Neither of us were pure as the driven snow: we both had a past. We both had been involved with other people.
Bob never talked to me about the ‘love’ part of his marriage with gloria … and I never asked. I wasn’t interested – and I didn’t need my security in his love bolstered: I didn’t need him to prove to me that I was better than gloria.
I always had a pretty healthy sense of self; and didn’t need my ego stroked.
What he had had with gloria, was none of my business.
While it is true, they were divorced … and divorce is different than death … I believe I would have felt the same about that relationship regardless of if she was walking on the earth, or lying 6 feet beneath it.
I understand fully the difference between divorce and death.
But I also understand that if you are going to grill your spouse about their past love in relationship to your love – you shouldn’t get married.
Everyone has a past.
Everyone had a first love – and first loves are hard to lay to rest.
I also happen to know that gloria was not Bob’s first love; I know because he told me, while we were dating who his first love was; I actually met his first love one day we were shopping in Longview. She was a very nice woman; and they had a nice long visit while I wandered the store aisles to give them “space”: first loves are hard to lay to rest.
And Bob never grilled me about my past relationships either: even though several of them stayed in our life for quite some time.
The past was t.h.e.p.a.s.t.
Period.
We loved & respected each other – we kept
things light between us.
There was no need for comparisons.
And that is why I will never date or remarry: I don’t want someone feeling they have the right to delve into my relationship with Bob and poke at the love we had between us.
That is mine; and it’s no one else’s business.
And I refuse to belittle our life together by downplaying the love, the passion, the importance of that life I had with Bob, so that some other man can have his insecurities pacified.
A companionable friendship is enough for me:
it will have to be enough for any man who thinks to be part of my life.
