Just East of Eden : HEAVEN ON EARTH ~ Widow's Shabbat

Sunday, November 21, 2021

HEAVEN ON EARTH ~ Widow's Shabbat

I have been thinking about this drive for a while: two and a half years, to be exact. But I had a beef with the pastor – a justifiable beef, and it needed to be put aside in order for me to successfully move forward in life.

This afternoon was the reckoning.

Last night, I went to bed, and prayed the same thing I have been praying since the first night I was bumped from Wife to Widow. It’s a puny, pathetic prayer considering I am a Prayer Warrior; but it’s all I can dredge up. My spirit felt delated.

“Help me, Yeshua – I don’t want anything to hold me back, or keep me from coming Home when You call me. My whole life has been that one goal … don’t let me screw up, now. Help me; I miss Bob so much. Help my heart to heal; don’t let me screw up now. Thank You for loving me, caring for me, and providing for me. I love You: always You, first and foremost. You are my Hallelujah (aka ‘praise’); in You, I live … and breathe … and have my being. Help me.”

I miss my husband, even though I am glad he is enjoying his life with Yeshua beyond the clouds. I miss my husband. I miss his presence in my life. I struggle with that every day. It can seriously handicap me, spiritually, if I dwell on the missingness. I know I need Yeshua’s help in this area of my new life: only He can help me. By Elohei’s mercy, I am doing better this year … but, I know I can do much better. I know I have to do much better.

And I missed my messianic friends. I missed messianic music. I missed messianic fellowship cohesiveness: so different than mainstream protestant fellowship, which I also enjoy and have a circle of friends, also. I wanted to enjoy messianic fellowship again, but was intimidated by the drive to get there – and I was still chewing on the two and half year {beef}.

I’m no fool. I knew the {beef} was sapping my joy, and crippling my spirit.

So, last night before I drifted off to dreamland, I found myself praying the same prayer; with a few additional twists.

“Help me, Yeshua – I don’t want anything to hold me back – justified, or not … don’t let me screw up, now. Help me; help my heart to heal; don’t let me screw up now. Thank You for loving me, caring for me, and providing for me. I love You: always You, first and foremost. You are my Hallelujah (aka ‘praise’); in You, I live … and breathe … and have my being. Help me to be the woman You know I am, and to do what You want me to do.”

It was said.

It was meant.

I don’t welch.

So when “Vancouver” was dropped into my thoughts, I said, “Okay, I’ll go.”

Heaven on Earth is a choice.

I felt peace and excited joy with that decision, and I drifted right off to sleep.

This morning, I was up at 4 AM with road routes meandering through my thoughts, before drifting off again with a sleepy, “Okay, I’ll go if I’m up in time.” I hadn’t set the alarm clock because I really hadn’t planned on going so soon.

I had been thinking “sometime in the Spring”.

Elohim was thinking something else.

At 6 AM, I was awake again … and checking Map routes on the phone: I was relatively certain I could drive there without any snafu’s – the new route looked pretty straight, with just a hint of ‘a turn here/a turn there’. It was also a deliberate different route than Bob and I had gone. Bob always took the freeway to Hazel Dell, and then drove straight on Minnehaha until we parked. The route I was thinking on, was a backroad route most of the way. I set the phone on its charger, and drifted off to sleep again.

By 8 AM, I was up and in the shower; 9 AM found me on the road, wondering if they started services at 10:30 AM or 11 AM (I couldn’t remember) … and if I’d make it on time.

Driving to fellowship in Vancouver.

I knew it only took us about half an hour to drive there when Bob drove. But Bob isn’t here now, and I was driving backroads to get there: which adds time because the country roads speed limit isn’t as frantic as the freeway. I sipped my coffee and decided that no matter what, the drive would at least be worth it – and I’d know the time slot for next time 😉

I was sipping coffee, keeping my eyes peeled for rising creeks and deadfall roadside litter (I was dressed kinda fancy, I didn’t want to be stranded on a backroad pullout); and browsing for songs to fill the car interior with. Most of the songs I was browsing hadn’t filled the car interior since Bob stepped of Earth. Don’t Let Me Fall Away came on, and though it lifted my spirit and encouraged me in Elohim’s unfailing love … it also squeezed my heart with memories of Bob holding my hand atop the car console and singing this song with me.

“Don’t Let Me Fall Away” song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lybx9MPQVn0

My eyes misted, but I didn’t cry.

And I knew I was doing the right thing by making this drive. The song was my hearts cry in my prayers. It fit.

Yeshua was helping me – He was making sure I wouldn’t screw up getting Home beyond the clouds 😊

My route was a mishmash of twists and turns, but I like those kinds of drives, and I actually made good time … 20 minutes longer than freeway time, but a whole lot easier on the nerves: I did a short hop on the freeway to Woodland, then veered off the freeway to La Center by way of the old NW Pacific Highway; then on to Fellowship through Salmon Creek via – NE Timmon Road, NE 10^th Avenue, NE 179^th Street, NE 15^th Street, NE Union, NE 20^th Street, NE Hwy 99, and NE Minnehaha. The route sounds more complicated than it actually was 😉

Salmon Creek; Vancouver-WA; slightly smaller in population than Longview.

I finally made it to my destination – 28 minutes late, and the parking lot was full: I was directed to the overflow parking across the street. When I walked into the building … I immediately felt cocooned in love 😊

I was glad I gave into Elohei’s prods.

The songs were perfect – from the opening service song, the Shema; to the closing song, the Aaronic blessing (which I love, and Bob always enjoyed).

“Shema” song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVZ-TO9Q_0k)

“Aaronic Blessing” song – where I was, this afternoon – (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4rVAe3fA_8)

The atmosphere was familial unity: agape love.

“Jew & Gentile” song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKZMbQOIYR4)

The song, I'll Raise A Hallelujah, ministered to my spririt in so many ways. This is the first time I've heard it: I like it.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRo7kFl7hBw)

"Up from the ashes, hope will arise"; THANK YOU, YESHUA.

The shofar! I have missed that sound.

Forgiveness is not optional for a Christian; Colossians 3.

Love = The Father.

In a metaphorical sense, Elohei puts our sins behind His back so that He does not see – or recognize – them anymore when Lucifer tries to dredge them up. (Isaiah 38:17)

Be thankful.

The reason for Fellowship.

Everything we say or do - do thru Yeshua, with thanksgiving to The Father.

"The Name" song:(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h04PghgHHx0)

The entire message was exactly what I have been discussing with Elohim.

Two and half years of “help me” prayers completely answered in one and a half hours.

The {justified beef} was erased; I knew I’d be going back 😊

Only takes about an hour to get from home to Fellowship – and the new route was a LOT easier.

I made Vancouver with no snafu's; another step closer to the Gorge via backroads.

I like doing 'loop' drives - it adds adventure to the day. I drive thru many little towns, so there is always handy help, if needed.

A new route back from Fellowship than the route to Fellowship, earlier.

Turn here to get to Ridgefield ... and home the back roads.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing - I'm glad I went today.

Passing through Woodland, on my way homeward, I decided to drag the drive out a bit longer 😉

While I drove and enjoyed the scenic route, I thought about the enjoyable time I had had … and how different it is from the fellowships I enjoy locally, as well as the one a couple counties north of home. Some people call me a “church hopper”, but I don’t care: I am fellowshipping the way Yeshua set forth – and the way the early Church did.

And I’m okay with that 😊

Heaven on Earth is a choice.

Green Mountain Road via NW Pacific Hwy and Green Mountain Rd; 18 mins.

Green Mountain Road, from the Woodland end.

I have been a messianic Believe since 1979; it's hard to communicate with mainstream Protestant churches.

It's hard for me to communicate with those in the Body that think 'The Jews' are lost people ... some are - some aren't; just like everyone else on the planet. The early Church was made up of Messianic Believers - saved Jews & Gentiles: 1 in Yeshua's salvation.

Lane Road - spur off Green Mountain Road, Woodland; ties into Kalama.

I like this high-perch view of the Columbia River from Lane Road; backside of freeway between Woodland and Kalama.

Burke Island View, cresting Lane Road.
(http://columbiariverimages.com/Regions/Places/burke_island_martin_island.html)
Slide area - downside of Lane Road, nearing Cloverdale Road junction; Lane Road.
End of Lane Road, nearing Cloverdale Road junction. I'm thinking I need to start taking the higher elevation Green Mountain Road.

Old Pacific Highway S; Kalama; parallels the freeway.

Passing through downtown Longview, and reflecting on the fellowships I frequent - I prefer Messianic Fellowship, when I can get there.

I believe that Bob is enjoying Messianic Fellowship with Yeshua & other Believers beyond the clouds. No doubt, whatsoever.