DON'T GIVE AWAY CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE

This is so spot on.

And a real word of cautionary wisdom.

When December 14th, 2018 dawned and I found my life seriously altered from 'wife' to 'widow' ... I was initially grateful Bob's son stepped up to help me.

I remember thinking, "I wish Bob were here to see Alex behaving like a son
he could be proud of."

He was attentive.

He called to check up on me.

He drove up to help me do what needed to be attended to.

But THEN, in March, he started acting like his old self.

He reverted back to manipulating situations to benefit himself.

I started hearing things like, "I'm doing this because I may need to ask you a favor" (he was setting the stage to move me over, and move himself into my home - that way he could take charge and take over: he had tried to do that for 35 years); "better save that money - we may need it" (I mentioned the house needed to get painted this year: he was planning on quitting his job and having ME spend my meager SSA check on him!); ... and saying other things that were raising a red flag.

The familiar Alex was back with a vengeance - he thought that now his father was no longer in the picture, I was easy prey.

I'd been down that rocky road with him for decades.

And then he said what I knew he would eventually say to me: "This is my dad's house."

BOOM. He was making a stand, thinking that I was oblivious to his staged coup attempt.

But I was ready to meet him on the battlefield he set up.

He had thought I was so grief stricken he could manipulate the situation

It was sad.

It was infuriating.

It was arrogantly ignorant - as usual.

He was putting me on notice, and putting me in my place.

But, I had known it was coming.

Bob had known, before he graduated to a higher level of life, that it would come: it ALWAYS came.

And now, Bob was not here to defuse the situation.

So ... I defused the situation.

Alone - and with a bite he was not expecting; because before, I had Bob's feelings to consider: I loved Bob.

I still love Bob, but Bob is not here now.

And I do not have to be considerate anymore when dealing with his bullying son.

"No!" I said. "No, Alex; you cannot move in with me" (he was already telling me the changes that would have to come - I would become a stranger in my own house!); "No, Alex; you cannot take another thing home with you (he had already filled the back-end of his car with things from the shop, as well as the antique rifle from our bedroom closet) - you have a sister, and a niece and nephew to consider when it comes to dividing the spoils" (in his mind, EVERYTHING was his because he "is the son: the legal heir"); "No, Alex; ((((I)))) will make decisions concerning the things your father & I jointly owned during our marriage: you do NOT get a say one way or the other"; "No, Alex; you cannot take over."

I admit, my mind was foggy the first few months of widowhood.

But NOT to the extent of losing a grip on who was going to run MY life.

I have never, EVER given control of my life over to anyone else - not even to Bob: and I loved him.

I ALWAYS was in ... and AM IN ... CONTROL of MY life.

I hope you will retain control of your life too.