My life has changed so much since December 2018. I remarried January 7th, 2023 ... we sold the house, sold our vehicles - and bought a new 4x, a puppy, & a 5th Wheel to travel the mainland States and experience life in the slow lane. As always I record e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. happening in my life: I will share lots of pics & vids of our USA travels: I hope you enjoy our Blog.
Just listened to music all day … and finished up this simple preemie receiving sacque gown with matching 1 x 1 rib hat.
I think I’ll finish the Stephen
King novel tonight; there aren’t many pages left to read.
Just that kind of day ... my thoughts are a
million miles away.
Rory Gallagher – ‘A Million Miles Away’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXOwDDBhT80)
All of my life revolves around music - and Bob was a good sport about it.
We drove backroads with music blaring; we made love to the backbeat of music; we went to sleep with music playing in the background; we woke up to music tripping the alarm clock beeping; we danced to music on the weekends - preferably live, and always without fail ... stationed next to the supersized amplifiers that made the floor under our feet heave and sway: baby had to have her eardrums bleeding, even if hubby had been up since the crack of dawn and was seriously beat by midnight - I married a good man. Bob was a priceless gem.
My thoughts are a million miles away.
Beyond the clouds.
Rory Gallagher – ‘I Take What I Want’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FUrCryXItcU)
Rory Gallagher – ‘I Don’t Know Where I’m Going’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90v15ES_RRQ)
Rory Gallagher – ‘Do You Read Me? song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ClvqM6dj7M)
Rory Gallagher – ‘Shin Kicker’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GazzTFxXGeE)
Bob used to laugh and tell
people he “had a tiger by the tail” when my dander was up 😉
Rory’s ‘hellcat’ description fit best 😊
Rory Gallagher – ‘Hellcat & Wayward Child’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bb9MeF2LY6A)
Rory was just about the BEST guitarist in my lifetime … then came Eric Clapton, Peter Frampton, and Stevie Ray Vaughn. In that order 😉
Rory – Interview 1976: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yuv_mYB29-0)
My day started out deliciously 😁
I woke up with a craving for Cherry Pie &
Beef Stew ... so, I got right on it!
Rainy Fall days always bring out the domestic
side of me 😉
The house was filled with the scents of Fall.
Now, I'm gonna kick back and enjoy the rest
of my day with Pumpkin Spice coffee; shared with Bigfoot and Stephen King: it
should be an interesting day unfolding 😂🤣
I ate Supper to the electrified flicker of
fireplace flames … while sitting by the window, watching the wind whip tree limbs; and hail pelt windows and
street.
Fall has officially arrived in my neck of the
woods.
It
has been raining all day long – and the rain will continue into next week; and
beyond. The rainy season has begun in the PNW.
I spent
the day knitting, watching (and hearing) the rain fall; and watching
movies to beat the boredom.
After
Supper, I listened to some Octobery music … and thawed a bag of cherries to
make a pie with, tomorrow 😉
“That” week is starting …
Time to crank things up a
bit
My mother always started
this week off with Screaming Jay Hawkins – I grew up with this: Screaming Jay Hawkins – ‘I Put A Spell on You’
song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=toeLYKor3og)
Bob liked this version of
the same song … Creedence
Clearwater Revival – ‘I Put A Spell on You’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwCALR8ZAm8\)
A ‘just because’ song
… Rockwell – ‘Somebody’s Watching Me’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNBilAoaCjs)
I like Edgar – Bob didn’t. I
stayed up to watch his band on ‘The Midnight Special’ … and cranked it up every
October, anyway 😉
Edgar White
Group – “Frankenstein’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8f-Qb-bwlU)
Bob didn’t like this band either;
so, I played it when he was out-of-house.
Black Sabbath –
‘Iron Man’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qS2cCyx7nM0)
Bob liked this band … and
had an 8-track we practically burned up, driving the back roads with the truck
stereo as loud as it would go 😊
Steppenwolf –
‘Magic Carpet Ride’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4WiyxXpyZc)
The first year we were
married, Bob grew his hair out (he was the only guy I ever dated with short
hair, and he wanted me to be happy –silly man! I just wanted him: short hair,
and all 😉); and it resembled John Kay’s hair (lead
singer/white muscle tee). The long hair didn’t last long because Bob’s hair
was very thick, and he got hot at work. I didn’t miss the long hair when it was
gone. I wanted the MAN 😊
This was one of the rare
bands we both liked, at the same time 😉
Steppenwolf –
‘Night Screaming Hog’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_v5_4yuXRo)
Bob didn’t want to hear the
stereo at top volume first thing in the morning … and he really hated Black
Sabbath: so, I stopped getting up at 3’in the morning to make his lunch – and I
stopped going to day school; I married Bob when I was 17; and he had promised
my stepfather that I’d finish high school. I was a night owl: (“I
need the music to keep my eyes open, honey!”) 😉
I played my music all day
long; and went to school in the evening, and made his lunch before we went to
bed. Everything got done, I graduated – and everyone was happy 😊
Happy marriages are built on
compromises: pick your battles, and don’t sweat the small stuff.
Black Sabbath – ‘Children of the Grave’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vr9vMOIttrM)
Operationally, the simplicity of logistics should rule; but that doesn’t apply to widowhood. Widowhood is a mish-mash of tangled emotions and realities that just shoot simplicity right out of everyday life in the moment. The simplest of things, situations, and circumstances … can suddenly morph right into a complicated moment in a hot second.
Recently I have been asked by several people, “when
do you think you might be done with the ‘widow thing’”.
Hmmm: ‘done’.
I used to ask myself that question, too:
mostly when I was grieving hard, and wanted the raw pain to end.
Now, at the four-year-mark of my New Life, the
pain has settled down to a dull ache; and I know the ‘the widow thing’ will
never be done – even considering all the various definitions of {done}.
I will always be widowed. Nothing new that
happens in my new life, in-the-moment, can ever change that. Bob – the love of
my life, and my husband for 44 years, is irrevocably gone. That can’t be
undone. A new relationship wouldn’t erase the memory of Bob; make me love Bob
any less; or change the fact that I am his Widow. Bob can never be replaced.
So, trying to figure out what {done} would be, escapes me.
Logistics fail to compute.
Also, trying to pin {done} down, isn’t
possible. On any level.
I have lived through four years of “done” – every
second of every day: I survived all the heart-wrenching “firsts” of memory
pings and solo lobo actions and activities, of the first year of widowhood. I
am moving into the fourth holiday season … which always, without fail …
catapults me into mentally reliving those Fall and Winter months that moved
me from Wife to Widow before Christmas 2018, my 62nd BD, and the
2019 New Year (I doubt I will ever be “done” with this “widow thing”, no
matter how long I walk this Earth: it had a sharp impact on my life, that
seriously changed the course of my Life).
People – those who knew US as a couple; and even
new people in my New Life, who never knew Bob … look at me with startled eyes (as
if it’s a new revelation to them and me) and say, “But, it’s been four
years, Val!”; and act as if I should be done mentioning his Name. Done with the
silent, slowly falling tears. D.o.n.e. and moving on.
I am moving on, but the {done} thing isn’t done.
Operationally, the simplicity of logistics
should rule; but that doesn’t apply to widowhood.
Done has different interpretations now.
Done, in this my new life – is a blend of
facing another day, another experience, a new life adventure, a new anything
with a healing process that happens every second of every day without Bob in
it. Today’s happiness and joy, restructuring and rebuilding a Life, and facing
the world solo lobo … is never-ending. And all of it coexist with my widowhood
journey forward.
Done, in my widowhood journey, will never
truly be “done”.
Done will always mean finishing one day effectively
solo lobo; before/if another one begins.
In this new Life of
mine, {done} has come to mean that I no longer try to predict the course of my
daily life, in the moment.
All daily life predictions ended when Bob’s breathing ended. I’ve learned to
take each day as it comes, and go with the flow. That wasn’t so easy that first
year. But now, four years down this solo lobo road, I’m getting used to that
mindset and doing okay flying by the seat of my pants as I move forward,
getting things “done” by day’s end 😉
I’m not sure what
people think {done} is – but I’m pretty sure their definition will never fit my
Life.
And I’m okay with that 😊
Stripping things down to the
bare bones concerning fellowship, and rebuilding by the Ruach HaKo’desh moving
among/through us: this is a good thing!
The message was good this
morning – personal soul searching to keep us in line with Elohim’s purpose was
touched on; accountability with the Body was touched on; sticking to the purity
of wisdom found in The Word, instead of weaving worldly/cultish ‘knowledge’
through it was touched on; leaning on/in nothing but Christ – Christ alone
is the bedrock of our salvation’s foundation 😊
The pastor was pretty transparent
this morning in repentance and asking prayer for his entire family – and his
family knows Scripture: they can read it awesomely; I’ve heard his
grandfather, cousins, and uncle, minister … this is a family of ministers: but
they’ve all allowed worldly philosophies, and lifestyles, to mingle with it.
And he’s acknowledged that, and is determined to turn things around.
‘O HELL NO!’
Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/10/o-hell-no.html
‘IF IT BE ELOHEI’S
WILL’ Post: https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/10/if-it-be-eloheis-will.html
Nothing else we try to keep
our souls balanced, and our lives on a happy keel works … and it’s always
polluted: it becomes toxic over time, and will lead us into spiritual death if
we continue down the road of self-satisfying desires that may let us feel good
for a brief period of time, but always lets us down eventually.
You know, Lucifer knows
Scripture, and He knows how to tweak it to lure the unwary and unwise into a
spiritual trap: we’re to use The Word to keep our spiritual self, strong and
healthy, as well as to encourage/reprove/strengthen in love. And
where there is love, there’s a willingness to maintain unity; and make relationship
work. The Christian is in relationship with the Body, as well as with Yeshua, Himself.
This morning’s service was
very good.
And … I went on a nice, long
(4 hour), country drive. Just because 😊
The day was dry; no rainfall
today.
The day was full of Fall overtones.
The day was perfect for ‘getting
out and about’.
1930’s Animated Skeleton Dance: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOGhAV-84iI)
I saw a lot of road kill along
the route: racoons, possums, a deer – and carrion feeding. The furry corpses
will be down to bones in short order 😉
Five Times August – Jesus … What Happened to Us? Song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xu0GPo7GkPk)
