PERSISTENCE

Today is the 4-year mark of Bob’s graduation Home.

This afternoon I had plans to meet a friend in town for lunch – I was thankful when she texted me earlier this week to make this lunch date; it would redirect my thoughts, and the convo would keep things light and lively. I would not be sitting at home feeling edgy this year. My thoughts would not be in rewind mode.

I am thankful Becky called. I am glad we are keeping our monthly lunch dates, no matter what: persistence is the name of the game 😉

So, instead of moping around wondering what to do with myself, at 8:05 this December 14^th … I was getting ready to enjoy this day, this year.

Exterior maintenance ...

 

‘Pearl’ for eyebrow & ‘Plum’ eyeshadow; sparkly ‘Navy’ eye accent & 'liner'; ‘Auburn’ Eyebrow Gel & ‘Burgundy’ Mascara; ‘Nude Burn’ Crème Blush, ‘Primrose’ Lipstick & ‘Pink Quartz’ Lipgloss.

 

My pants are fitting looser ... YAY! I may have to make a shopping trip in the Spring ;-)

Lunch date with Becky was a Godsend; it helped ease the ache of today - Bob's 4-year Deathiversity.

Lunch was good. The companionship was good. The convo was good. Becky shared news about her job and her family; she said, “It don’t seem like Bob’s been gone four years – it seems like only yesterday.” I said, “I know.”

THERE WILL NEVER BE A DAY WHEN I DON'T MISS YOU.

Dolly Paron – ‘I Will Always Love You’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hHw5xA24ZlE)

She asked me if I was still sticking to my guns about staying single, adding, “Bob would want you to get on with life, Val.” I told her I’ve recently started doing what Bob told me to do – I’ve had three ‘coffee dates’ with Holland. I laughed and said, “Mr. Complication finally wore me down – he flirted persistently for a solid year; and around Thanksgiving this year, I finally accepted the invites. He knows I will always love Bob, and he knows there is a place in my life for him, too: I do like him; he’s a fun guy, and he makes me smile. But life got a little more complicated last week, and things are on hold right now, with Mr. Complication, until they get worked out.”

I also added this little tidbit: “He’s also six years younger than me.” She said, “So?” And I replied, “I’m not sure how I feel about that; it’s weird, to my way of thinking.”

And then … my phone notified me of an incoming text … Holland.

I laughed; and Becky said, “He’s persistent.”

I said, “I know! I haven’t dated in 48 years, Becky – I’m not used to being pursued; I don't know how to do this. Hahaha.”

After we finished our lunch and convo, she picked up the tab – and headed back to work – and I drove home listening to Christmas songs (first time since 2018). Holland is responsible for this year's good mood, even if everything is wrapped in complications ;-)

Grieving the loss of Bob's presence in my life, is very different this year.

I spoke with Holland on the phone, around 6:30 PM. He apologized for what went down at Oak Point, and made sure I got the message that he is trying to remedy the break between us: "I believe in us Baby, and you will too. I'll make this right."

We’ll see, and time will tell.

Leon – ‘I Believe In Us’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xlmbZPzec0)

I am persistently doing my best to move forward as Bob told me to do – and as Elohim expects me to do: living in the past is not living to the full potential of the time given me. I know that. I am moving forward, inch by inch, in unfamiliar territory. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that this year has opened my eyes – and heart to possibilities I never imagined possible a year ago. I’m looking towards a future now 😊

RIP DEAR FRIEND

 

I was checking my FB Page this evening, when I got a text at 5:33 P.M. from Lori: “Greg is passing. I’m on my way to St. John’s. I hope I make it on time.”

I texted back: “I’ll be praying for you.”

I posted on FB about the situation; and asked for prayer. Most of my FB Friends would know who Greg was.

Then, I thought … he shouldn’t be alone: no one should ever die alone. I was closer to the hospital than his sister was, so I shut the laptop down, kicked my slippers off, and slid my feet into my hiking boots; grabbed my coat and purse – and jumped in the car. I texted Lori on my way: “I’ll meet you there; green coat, green pants.”

All the way to the hospital, flashback memories of Greg played through my thoughts and prayers:

GREG - standing; Lori - sitting, white blouse. 1970's

{{Greg had just graduated High School when I first met him – we didn’t date, but we did “have a moment”. Greg was a good-looking man. Greg was a good-hearted man with a killer smile, an infectious laugh, and a fun-loving attitude. He was a troubled man later in life due to bad life decisions, but he always treated his friends good: I wanted to be there or him – he was always there for me. Greg immediately became a Friend on FB when he learned Bob had passed: he helped me tremendously during those first 2 years of widowhood – we often texted every day, and through most nights: nothing ‘fresh’ … and he remembered Bob – he would have been a Freshman, when Bob was a Senior. I learned things about Bob that I never knew. I was thankful Greg had known Bob, and was that he was my friend in present times.}}

I got to the hospital and parked. I walked through the sliding doors and said I was there to see Greg Wika … a mask was thrust at me and I was pointed toward the elevator that would take me to ICU. I didn’t need directions. I had spent all of the Fall and Winter months of 2018 in the ICU Ward of the local hospital. When the elevator cruised to its stop at Floor 3, and the doors whispered open, I pressed the intercom button and was asked by an attending floor walker who I was there to see – I told her and she went to check; coming back to tell me that “a family member is with him”. That was good news! Lori had made it 😊 I informed the floor walker that I’d be in the waiting room when Lori came out.

I called two intercessor prayer warriors and asked them to pray for Greg – that he would (if he hadn’t yet) make peace with his Maker before his spirit left this Earth.

Then I waited.

The wait was a short one. I had barely settled into my chair when Lori came into the room to notify me that Greg had passed. We hugged. I asked her if she was alright; she said “yes”. We sat down from each other. And I listened for 45 minutes as she talked about her memories of her older brother; I shared my memories of Greg, with her. She remembered Bob – she said, “he was a handsome man, and he had the most beautiful eyelashes”. And I smiled, and said, “Yes, he was handsome, and he did have beautiful eyelashes; they were long and the envy of every girl who didn’t have them – including me.” We laughed thinking about Bob’s eyelashes. The laughter helped take the edge off her grief shakiness. She said, “I’m sorry; you must have something better to do than sit here.” I said, “I’m retired. Greg was a friend – I can stay with you as long as you need someone to be with you.” I stayed until her husband came to get her.

Lori said Greg passed peacefully, and that he’s in Heaven: I’m pretty sure that’s true, because I felt peaceful about his passing, too. Lori also showed me the scar on her chest between her breasts, and said she recently a few mild strokes – which led to open-heart-surgery (6 months ago!): a triple bypass; heart issues are hereditary in the Wika family. Lori is only 2 years older than me.

Greg was 70 years old when he took his last breath: he’d has a series of heart attackshis heart just quit working.

RIP dear friend.

Terry Jacks – ‘Seasons In The Sun’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tPcc1ftj8E)

CHRISTMAS GROUP THERAPY

 

JUST DO YOUR BEST

Well.

The past six days have been interesting ☹

I have been teaching Life Coaching classes at Oak Point Community Church for a while, but Wednesday afternoon an 89-old-biddy named jeannie paulson who thinks she is the voice of God, decided she had the right to know what was said in those classes. I thought not. She staged a showdown … showing up to listen (and we all just quit talking = it’s private personal stuff) … we just went silent until she left; she didn’t have a right to know – the Pastor knew about the classes; he sanctioned them. He knew what was being discussed: it was all kosher. But it was all private too, being discussed amongst myself and those wanting to better their lives and living situations. Everything was above board; but I wasn’t going to let the biggest bullying gossip in three counties listen to what was being discussed. She didn’t like that. She called two secret {board meetings; aka bitch sessions}, demanding the discussions be shared with her, for her approval, I refused. The Pastor refused. Four of the five board members insisted: again, we refused.

Thursday afternoon, that black-hearted gossiping biddy jumped on FB and started a gossip-fueled wildfire that stirred up all of the Oak Point community (backwoods hillbillies scared of their own shadows), and it’s still continuing today! The Pastor walked out Sunday, and I won’t be going back either; I’m not going to be bullied by a geriatric cadaver who thinks she’s a god to be pandered to >:-P

This is what also landed Mr. Complication back on ice: he is a board member, and though he agrees with me, he won’t rein jeannie’s tyrannical tirade’s in – so, I walked, and he’s in the dog house.

There’s a strong possibility he may stay there permanently.

All day yesterday, I was fielding calls and texts from those who were attending the classes: “what’s going on?” – “where are you?” – “are you still having the classes … if so, where?” – “we need these classes!”

So, I told them what that old hag did, and said everyone was more than welcome to get together at my house if they want to go forward with the classes. Everyone of them replied they would be at my house, today 😊

I decided to wear green today – nothing fancy, but an inspiration color that implies hope, positivity, and growth 😉

Simple prep today; eye color in the Greens ...

Pale Green for eyebrow color, Lt. Green for eyelid & Dk. Green for liner; 'Deep Green' Mascara; 'Auburn' Brow Gel, 'Coral Ember' Blush & 'Primrose' Lipstick.

One of the attendees needed a ride to my house, so I went and got them – and was backing into my carport when the other’s started arriving: good timing 😊

Game on - play to WIN!

I haven’t had in-house company since the covid hysteria started in March, 2019.

The life affirming class today hinged on “doing your best in adverse situations” – a perfect dove-tail, all the way around 😉

After the discussions ended, everyone hung around for an extra hour; drinking coffee, chit-chatting, and eating the goodies that came through the door with several of the participants (two of which quit Oak Point church today, before coming to the meet).

Today was a great day despite the domineering battle-axe’s attempts to shut the meets down; all she did was dwindle the 15 steady church congregants down to a measly 7 … all as decrepit and ancient as she is. It’s a sad situation when a tyrant rules the roost.

These meets are important gatherings, and need to continue forward. I’m glad those gathering again tomorrow, are sticking with their resolve to better themselves and improve their lives 😊

I’m so proud of them for not allowing jeannie paulson to bully them.

To God be the glory! Amen.

YOU'RE GOLDEN, BABY

This morning, I went to two different Fellowships with Chrystal – both in the same town, a street apart: the second one was her uncle’s church.

Chrystal is Holland’s cousin – and also my friend. The first Fellowship started at 10:30, which is earlier than Oak Point’s church, so I didn’t spend too much time with makeup this morning: just simple, quick applications 😉

Maintenance tools ...

‘Gentle’ for eyebrow line; ‘Glory’ for lid color, ‘Groovy’ & ‘Adventurous’ for liners; ‘Glam Brown’ Mascara, ‘Coral Ember’ Crème Blush, & 'Nude Intense' Lipstick.

'Liquid Gold' Nail Polish, & 'Crystal Clear' Topcoat polish.

There has been a lot of manipulative hassling going on with the Oak Point church for the better part of the fifteen months I’ve attended there every week – four times a week: there is an old 89-year-old-harpy there, named jeannie, who has gone after the pastor e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y.2.4.h.o.u.r.s.a.d.a.y. – basically forcing the board to get rid of him: no valid reason, other than he can’t be broken by her continual attacks. She needs to be in control – I, personally, feel she’s demonically possessed and fueled by pure hatred. Holland is a board member. Yesterday, the pastor resigned (just tired of the constant attacks) … and I left (also tired of the continual maliciousness): Holland stayed. Strike 1, against our budding relationship. He called me last night – I said I was never going back to Oak Point church; and during the course of the hour-long phone call asked him to join Chrystal and me at his uncle’s church the next town over. He promised he’d meet us there: it was an olive branch move.

Or so I thought.

He pulled a no-show, and called later with a lame-assed excuse. Strike 2. So, I said, “We can be friends Holland, but no more dating. Trust is a sticking point with me – when someone breaks trust with me, I’m pretty much done; broken trust can never be fixed.”

So, that’s that. Holland is history … BUT I am thankful for his place in my journey. He helped me smile again – with feeling. He helped me heal. My brief interaction with him, taught me that I can comfortably accept attention, advances, and affection from men – other than Bob; for that lesson I am thankful.

I’m okay with the break, and moving forward as a happy, carefree Senior single 😉

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

Already there is trouble in Paradise.

Honesty is a HUGE THING with me.

And any man in my life has to put me first, before anyone else.

Now, I understand that Mr. Complication wasn't aware of the second point ... but he certainly knew about the first point, because he's heard me stress it e.v.e.r.y.d.a.y., for 15 freaking m.o.n.t.h.s. - not specifically to him, but as a GENERAL RULE in my life.

The honesty thing today may not seem like a big deal to him; but it is a big deal to me: and I made SURE he got that message tonight around 5:30 P.M. And quick on the heels of that message I added, "and another thing, while we're 'clearing the air' ... any man who wants me in their life needs to MAKE SURE I come next in their life after Christ: Christ FIRST, because that is how it is with me; and I damned well better come in SECOND after Christ, because that is how I treat my significant person – if that's too hard a line for you to follow, then I am not the one you need. I know what I bring to the table. I'm not afraid to eat alone – better alone, than feeling insignificant. These 2 things are not a request: they are A REQUIREMENT!"

‘A Timely Message’ Post: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/a-timely-message.html)

Building a relationship is never easy, but SERIOUSLY?????

It's elementary, Sherlock.

Meatloaf – ‘Life Is A Lemon & I Want My Money Back’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KanegVORJYE)

UPDATE: Around 8:41 P.M., Mr. Complication called with an apology – and a promise to not hide anything else from me ever again, thinking he’s protecting me. And, he’s going to go to Fellowship with me tomorrow, at a different gathering; he’ll meet me there after taking care of a certain problem (afore mentioned problem #2, mentioned above).

It’s an olive branch moment 😊

A TIMELY MESSAGE

The majority of my Shabbat Rest was peaceful, today.

Fallout from last night's rain storm.

My 2nd Angel-Wing Begonia is blossoming.

These will go with me, tomorrow; I'll keep one aside for Becky.

Happy to get Becky's text.

No sad December 14th, this year.

The text is a timely message: next Wednesday is my 4 Year Widow Date. I’m glad I’ll be spending it laughing this year, with a long-standing friend who loves me like a sister; and I’ll get to catch up on news concerning her husband, that I love very much (like a goofy brother) – her kids, and toddling granddaughter, and the Fall vaca-trip they took down South. This year I am actually looking forward to December 14^th 😉

Things got a little sideways around 5:30 P.M., and I put Mr. Complication back on ice, for a while. He may think he’s ready for a relationship with me, but I think he needs more reflective time. There is a lot going on that I can’t get into at the moment, and it is pressing on our budding relationship; putting us both in a very difficult spot individually (we do not agree on it, at all); and once my intuition kicked in – and my suspicions were confirmed (not another woman – just some social nonsense that needs to be settled), I sent him a Dear John text … and that grabbed his attention real quick.

‘Trouble In Paradise’ Post: (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2022/12/trouble-in-paradise_10.html)

He immediately got on the phone, “Hey Baby, what’s up?”

I said, “My temper is up.” And I explained why – colorfully, and in minute detail so he couldn’t possibly misunderstand what I was saying. After several times of listening to his interjecting lame excuses; I just broke in saying, “Holland. Holland! You are not listening to what I’m saying …”, then, I just ended the convo with, “We aren’t talking the same language. I think we need to cool our jets for a bit until you figure out what you really want. I think you want a lukewarm tea type of woman – and I’m not that. I’m a hurricane when the wind blows the wrong way. I want a man in my life that doesn’t hide things from me, thinking he’s protecting me: I can protect myself. I want a man in my life that puts my peace of mind and happiness before anything, or anyone else – and what I hear you saying is that you aren’t with me on this, in this situation. I know you’re in a tough spot … but I am not; I don’t see this situation resolving itself, like you do. I’m done with that, and I’m done listening to excuses.”

I’ll miss him.

He really needs to spend some time thinking about what he really wants. And he needs to decide for him; not to get back in my good graces. As long as the problem stands between us, he’ll be on ice (not as a friend, but there will be no future for us to go beyond friendship): there will never be any agreement concerning the divisive circumstances – we just see it too differently. I will not enter into a relationship where I will be unequally yoked.