I woke up around 4 AM this morning; everything was frosty outside – roofs, cars, street, ect. The black sky was clear though: the stars were brightly visible, and sparkling. While I drank my coffee, I thanked Yeshua for bringing me to where I am today; for easing the sorrow, for giving me something to look forward to – I know that since He has restored my hope, He’ll keep it alive and make sure I have something, every day, to look forward to: I thanked Him for the companion I know He’s sending my way. I thanked Him for giving me peace in these turbulent times; for helping me to let go (not to forget, just to loosen my grip on the past), so I can move forward.
I know also that He’ll help me find something to do with my time that is worthwhile and profitable (not necessarily in a monetary way). I thanked Him that he gave me enough self esteem to be comfortable in my own skin – that has been my saving grace since December 14th, 2018. I thanked Him that He is always a constant … and a steady … in my life. I thanked Him, that even though some days get totally upended and stood upside down; they never get too hard to bear, because I know He’s always with me.
And I told Him that I also know I need to be in fellowship – and that I will go where He leads me to go, when He impresses me that it is time to go. We’re told to do that … and I haven’t done that since becoming a solo lobo.
I didn’t apologize for hanging back: I needed that alone time with Elohei – just me and The One; without any outside influencers, without any pressure from anybody to do things a certain way. I needed that time, alone with Elohei, to sort myself out – to get myself upright, again; and my spirit settled. I’m pretty sure I’ve reached that point, now, and I need to be fellowshipping: so, I’m asking now … I’m asking for direction. Like I said before, most churches are caught up in the vineyard doctrines, and I don’t want to have anything to do with that. It’s really hard to find a church that adheres to pure and basic Scripture, but I’ll stay open and ready to move when He say’s “Go”; there is power in fellowship.
As long as I stick with the 10 Commandments, I know I’m doing okay, and I know that Elohim has no problem with me. Other people may have a problem with me … I’m not always socially acceptable (I’m pretty upfront, and blunt), and what I say or do is not always “church appropriate”: the social church rules are pretty strict, like orthodox judaism. I’m not a strict kind of person; I’m not a very good goose-stepper. Most people get hung up on what you wear, how often you are in the church building, and how you talk – my talk, and jeans aren’t always acceptable: and there are times that Sundays just go a different direction than pew sitting. So, I’ve always felt, that if I’m reading my Bible and doing what I’m supposed to be doing (according to the 10 Commandments), I’m good to go – and if I’m not, He’ll let me know. Elohei has a way of getting my attention when no one else can.
Most of the people I know outside of fellowship are rough people; they have rough edges, but hearts of gold. They don’t use prissy language – and most pew warmers have a problem with my language … in particular, a specific 4-letter-word. Bob didn’t particularly like to hear me using that word either, but he knew that under certain times of stress … it would be used: it’s a safety valve for me, a stress reliever. It doesn’t mean anything other than I’m frustrated – and I feel trapped. This is nothing new, even though it was kinda controlled when Bob was still here – but now, Bob is no longer here, and it’s been peppering my convo’s in stressful situations and circumstances. Yeshua knows this about me: He created me with my character and personality; nothing I do surprises Him, or catches Him off guard. He has provided an escape route for me, called grace. And I am thankful for that.
I’m thankful for His kind of love that {get’s} me; that doesn’t judge me, or paint me into a corner to watch me squirm under rules and regulations that have absolutely nothing to do with the 10 Commandments (the only things Elohim demands of us).
So, fellowship – for me – is tricky. And if that’s for me … He’ll make it happen. And I’ll “fit” 😉
I know I was out of bed around 4 AM, because I checked my phone to check the time. And, also saw, that right on cue … the foreign bought media sources are trying to put it out there that ‘biden’s inauguration drew more viewers than President Trump’s did’: the obamanite cartel really knows how to use the manure spreader and they aren’t wasting any time fouling the air (and airwaves). They are trying too hard to make anything they say, stick. Everybody knows obama’s 3rd coup is a sham (even THEY KNOW it). Everybody knows it wasn’t at all, legit. But they are going to try … and they will use the same obama tactics.
They are practically wetting their pants in their excitement to push harris forward as ‘the first female vice president/president’ … but that scenario won’t fly either: they did away with male/female genders in their mad rush to create 150+ alternatives! They have erased their big moment; the gender they are pushing no longer exists – in fact, that party of stoopids, have pushed forward legislation to make it illegal to even refer to anyone as male or female.
And, really all that is beside the point since harris, like obama’s ‘wife’ doesn’t look feminine – they both look like men in drag. The obamanites have shot themselves in the foot, and they can’t even limp across the finish line because they have eradicated their prize – the prize is no longer in play. The whole thing is ridiculous.
I turned my phone off, and refused to acknowledge any more {news}, that is actually false BS being spun in every direction like an agriculture fertilizer spreader.
A Lesson From 1930’s Germany – Beware State Control of Social Media:(https://www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2019/05/germany-war-radio-social-media/590149/?fbclid=IwAR3shfRSpy-bet-SGmGV8ESjfmiFHI1WT_N_aUyIgbdSY6TUNMI9_1LMkyk)
While I was enjoying my second cup of coffee, and working my way through cataloguing my Blog Posts; when I reached August of 2019, I decided to just put it aside and go for a walk. I’m still trying to find my solid footing, and those first two years without Bob were really hard. I was pretty lost emotionally in 2019 … and feeling the full impact of sorrowing, all of 2020. By the time I reached the August posts this morning, I was coming up on some pretty hard posts – it was time to take a breather by getting out of the house, and going for a walk.
A quick hair wash/blow dry – and I was out the door. I noticed my hair seems shorter and thinner after Wednesday’s cut: I’m going to stop asking for a shagged cut, and just show them what I want – I don’t want my hair thinned, or whacked off; I just want it layered in a long, shaggy cut.
Wednesday’s cut is fine, but it could be better next time 😉 I don’t like my hair cut back; I like length. And I don’t need my hair ‘thinned’ – it’s thin enough already, being baby fine, like it is. WHY do hair stylists think senior women need (or want) thin, short hair???
On a lighter note: It’s been an interesting day of frisky flirtations.
The guy at the Minit Mart where I stopped to grab a burger to eat while I walked, started flirting with me. I have noticed recently, that when I go in there, he always makes sure he waits on me (he actually engaged in chit chat this afternoon – a low key frisky flirtation): he’s very nice (personally & physically), but I’m not interested. IF I was interested, I’d be interested … BUT I am not interested in dating, so engaging in convo with him is a dance step I’m clumsy at (I don’t want to send the wrong signals). I think I’ll find somewhere else to frequent for a while. I don’t want him to get the impression that I am ‘available’ – I’m not available. But all this guy knows about me is that I’m a nice person, and I was coming in with a man … and now I’m not: I’ve been going in there, solo lobo for two years. But be that, as it may, I am just not drawn to any man, other than the one I had – Bob is still my man 😊
While I was standing around waiting for my burger to be prepared, I saw these ‘things’ that resembled a cartoon bird’s head, and thought to myself, “what on Earth?” … so, I walked around the isle corner and checked them out.
When I reached Lake Sacajawea, I walked the entire Lake Hike in 1 hour/45 minutes: it felt good to do the whole hike.
Walking past the new Basketball Court, a frisky fella there, said, “Hey you! This is for you!” … and before my startled eyes, grabbed a basketball and aimed it at a hoop: it missed. That didn’t deter him – he grabbed another basketball, gave me a thumbs up; and said, “Here, let me try again; this is for you” – and missed again. We both laughed at the obvious overt flirtation, and I kept on walking.
2 flirtations in less than a half hour – and I’m nothing special 😉
Continuing my walk, I saw a strange sight: a white goose! I have never seen a white goose before; but with its dark eyes, it did not appear to be an albino goose.
Rounding the lower end of the Lake, and making my way to the upper end, I was faced with a decision: what trail to take? I normally take the lower trails because they work my legs and lungs more … but this afternoon, I decided to remain taking things easy for a while more; so, I took the upper trail. Making it this far was an achievement: I did not want to set my body healing backwards by inflaming things with a strenuous uphill climb coming out on the other side of the lower trail.
There is time for that later in the year 😉
But I could not avoid the next lower trail; but the terrain here was relatively level. There was a light incline, but nothing like the previous lower trail – which usually has me huffing and puffing by the time I climb up the trail to flat ground.
I was pleased with myself that I had made it 3/4ths of the way around the Park, without any painful glitches. It appears I got my ‘Christmas Miracle’ 😊
((((THANK YOU, YESHUA!))))
When I got back to the car, I was reaching for the door handle and slipped on a muddy patch … catching my fingernail somehow on the handle, painfully pulling it away from the nail bed. It did bleed a little.
I have mentioned that I am not a graceful female, right?
Nearing 48th Street on Ocean Beach Highway, a frisky little brown dog ran out in front on my car, trying to get to the other side of the highway: I didn’t want to hit it, so I stopped – and didn’t care what the other cars behind me thought about that. But I was annoyed that people, living alongside Ocean Beach Highway, are so careless with their pets: this is not a country backroad! Ocean Beach Highway is a five-lane highway … pets will be killed on this road if they are running free.
I was
glad to pull back in my driveway – I’ve had all the friskiness I can handle for
one day 😉
