IT AIN’T ME ~Keep Searching

So ... Mr. Complication is on ice. Permanently.

This afternoon was the “let’s see where this thing goes” moment; we were going for a drive after Sunday Morning Service … so, I wore jeans and boots since it was raining; and I was reasonably sure we’d be in the country somewhere.

'Celery Ice' Green for eyebrow, Med. Gray for eyelid, Green for lower lash liner; Pink lash primer, Green Mascara, rose-tinted Creme Blush, Tinted Lip Balm & ‘Pink Quartz’ Lipgloss.

'Quest' for upper lash liner & eyelid accent color.

'Looking at the pale 'Millennial Pink' Lash Primer, I thought I looked like my favorite albino, Johnny Winter. LOL.

Johnny Winter –‘Please Come Home For Christmas’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M5Mv2-Iin5M)

Face in place ... 'Auburn' Brow Gel, Green Mascara, Rose-tinted Creme Blush, & Tinted Lip Balm.

And ... I wore the sinful color to Fellowship!

I had an enjoyable afternoon, but I knew an hour into the "getting to know you" phase of this afternoon, that whatever he thought was going to happen – wouldn't. He's a fun guy, and he does flatter me; but there was no spark happening on my end. ZIP. Nada.

The long and short of it is that I am not getting the same {message} he's {getting}.

Bob Dylan –‘It Ain’t Me Babe’ song: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoagldK69U0)

So, I let him down as gently as I could ... and let him keep a sliver of his pride by shouldering the brunt of the let-down, WHILE nipping the guilt-tripping in the bud.

I admit I threw the Widow Card into the mix; I guess I did a little {guilting} myself ... but, I didn't want to hurt him, and I don't think Bob would mind 😉

I hope he meant what he said, because we will be in the same place, at the same time, tomorrow morning. He really is a nice guy. He's just not for me - or visa versa.

HE PERSUED ME, not the other way around – I've seen enough unhappy coupling to avoid getting trapped in one "just because". And I'm not one of those foggy widows who need a man in their life, to feel complete. I'm perfectly happy walking through this Life Solo Lobo, rather than getting snagged in a lopsided walk.

I do thank him for helping me to enjoy the Christmas Spirit this year, but that is not enough to build a lifetime relationship on - and that's what he wants. NO: Big N. Big O.

Friendship: that's all that interests me. Friendship is good. Friendship leaves me room to breathe. Friendship allows me to be me - without complications.

Dammit! Adulting is fricking HARD ☹

Now, I’m going to enjoy a tropical escape … and lose myself in Mayan intrigue in Guatemala 😉

My current favorite fella, and the novel is fast-paced intrigue.

Perfect companion for a race through a tropical jungle. LOL

FEELING A CHRISTMASSY MOOD 😊

Pentatonix – ‘We Need A Little Christmas’ song:

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kuoueh0pwe8)

I woke up this morning thinking I needed to get some gray eyeshadow – I had worn three gray tops this past week with a plum-shade eyeshadow: that’s okay … but I wanted some gray. So, I decided to drive to Scappoose to buy some 😊

I buy 95% of my makeup in Scappoose (and 5% in Centralia) because I can’t find what I want locally. Scappoose and Centralia are closest to larger cities, so they stock more ritzy stuff – and as you have noticed, seeing the selfies I post here – I LIKE GLITZY COLOR: clothes, makeup, shoes, ect. (if I could find glitter hairspray, I’d use it!) I like color in my world.

Until the Fall of last year, I hadn’t worn makeup for at least 40 years; there were reasons for that, but those reasons no longer apply: so, I’m diving into the color pool with gusto, now. Makeup-wise. Clothes-wise. Shoes-wise. Granny’s stepping up her game, in her old age 😉

I put a pot of coffee on to perk – I like perked coffee (thank you Grandma Smalley for the perker pot!) while I washed and dried my hair.

Then I pulled some jeans on, and a thermal top – nothing fancy today. The weekend is when I relax everything … my mind, my body, my hair, my spirit. E.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. I relax everything back to the bare basics on every level. My mind gets a rest from the world’s chaotic craziness. My body gets a rest from the weekday exercises. My hair gets a rest from the blow dryer, curling iron, and hairspray. My face gets a rest from the makeup routine. And my spirit gets refreshed. Getting back to basics is a 24-hour necessity.

On my way out the door, I got a text from Mr. Complication. He cares about me: I texted back I’d drive safe … and off I went.

Smiling. Mr. Complication is becoming a real complication. In a good way … I think (he’s upsetting what I thought was a ‘set’ situation in the saga of My Life to date). I like knowing that someone cares if I live or die. I like knowing that I am lovable {just the way I am}. I like knowing that someone actually spends time thinking about me (and lets me know it). Mr. Complication gets me out of my head; and puts my heart in a good place: he puts a smile on my face, and a lightness in my heart. I like that.

I listened to Christmas songs on the radio, as I drove to Scappoose, and back home again. And I didn’t shed one tear – or quickly change the station; my heart isn’t sad this season.

I bought my wanted gray eyeshadow; and then some! I gave into my Flamingo side, and bought every shade I didn’t yet have in my color cache.

I bought another Christmas Cactus.

I bought festive car fresheners.

I added a blue-hued New Year’s beverage indulgence to my cart …

I grabbed a festive jarred pillar candle – I haven’t had to use my inhaler for six month’s (since Mother’s Day), so I’m reasonably certain I can light this candle and enjoy the scent, without fear of dying when I do so.

I also grabbed a box of small candy canes on my way to the cashier, to make festive ice cubes with.

I was getting into the Christmassy vibe, big time 😊

I couldn't resist it - fire engine red petals, with fuchsia throat. Very festive looking.

This air freshener smells WONDERFUL!

New Life Change unfolding ... am I ready?

Granny's 'Flamingo' indulgence 😉

Pink lash primer - this should be interesting.

I am a 'sensitive' ... the first time using it, will be telling.

Extra Car Fresheners.

Segrem's is vodka - but I bought it anyway; I never could drink vodka without falling alseep, practically immediately (Bob didn't believe that until he witnessed it). But, I do like a blue colored colada ;-)

Candy Cane Ice Cubes; pulverized canes, 1.8 tsp to a 'cube'; the powdered candy cane bits take on a life of their own, when water fills the trays.

Another indulgence - SMELLS GREAT! Very piney ... and I'm trusting my asthma healing 😊

It’s been a while since I’ve felt even a teeny-weeny tinge of a Christmassy mood.

3¾ years; to be exact.

But Mr. Complication has changed all that 😉