TRUSTING ELOHEI 100%

Yesterday morning I woke up with a thought running through my mind.

I turned it over and over in my thoughts all day yesterday - pros and cons.

I woke up this morning with a decision firmly in place.

And I just finalized that decision.

You all know how I feel about doctors, hospitals, insurance, and trust in Yeshua.

Since Bob went into ER ... at my insistence ... last August, I have felt tremendous guilt over that. Bob DID NOT WANT TO GO: I pretty much forced him to go because I let fear get a grip on me when I saw what he was vomiting up. When we got stuck on the medical treadmill that kept Bob from dying at home - which was his true desire - I said, "Bob, I am so sorry! You have to forgive me! Please." Bob said, "There is nothing to forgive, honey. I love you." But I always regretted the initial trip to ER which kept him trapped on the medical guinea pig treadmill - which resulted in him dying in a hospital, in another State INSTEAD OF DYING AT HOME, IN HIS OWN BED; his true desire.

And Peace Health has been carrying me on the Peace Health Bridge Program (aka: Financial Assistance Program) since then, and it seemed like a good idea.

Then.

But the other morning I woke with these thoughts in my mind: "If I keep the 100% coverage, I will have to keep reapplying every 6 months. To continue coverage I will have to hand over my Income tax information, my banking information, my monthly budget statement" - in short - ALL my PERSONAL INFORMATION. I am not comfortable with that.

I like making the decisions for MY life: I resent having to answer to outsiders for my choices - if I want a Savings Account (and I do), I do not want to be limited in any way as to how much I can save. It's no one else's damned business!

Also, several doctors do not want to honor the Bridge Program - and that has resulting in ongoing monthly medical fights to force them to comply. You all know I don't back down from fights, but it angers me that I have to go that route, when these doctors should be honoring the agreement they made when they were contracted with Peace Health. And the Bridge Program Advocate/Coordinator is not always available - in fact, I sense a definite brush off lately, which means I have to fight the bullshit alone - which was NOT the agreement. That totally pisses me off.

So, this morning I decided to let the coverage lapse when it come time for renewal again in October. I don't need the added stress in my life right now.

And to be honestly truthful, I have felt like a hypocrite since February 2019.

I TRUST ELOHEI 100% with my life - always have since becoming a Christian in 1966. I have lived MY WHOLE LIFE DEPENDING ON HIM TO CARRY ME THOUGH.

I need to get back to that. I got a little sidetracked with Bob's Graduation, feeling alone and concerned with my angina and asthma, BUT I have lived this long with those issues, and if Elohei wants me to live longer ... I WILL; if not, I will join Bob.

So, at 9 a.m., this morning, I canceled my "new patient" appointment with Lakeside Clinic too. And I felt immense relief: Bob & I had stopped forking out $$$$$ to doctors DECADES AGO - why on earth would I start backtracking down that path again now?

I refuse to allow fear to dictate my actions.

I TRUST ELOHEI 100% with my life - always have since becoming a Christian in 1966. I have lived MY WHOLE LIFE DEPENDING ON HIM TO CARRY ME THOUGH.

WHATEVER happens with my life from this point forward is TOTALLY IN THE HANDS of the One, Who loves me.

And I am okay with that.

My shoulders feel like a weight has been lifted off them, and my soul feels free again.

I feel that, in doing what I did this morning, I am honoring my husband - and we are still a couple, united in thought and action. THAT is what is important to me.

Either I believe Elohei is Who He says he is ... or I don't.

I DO.

And people can think what they want ...