THE WOMAN BEFORE ME

People reading my Blog probably think Bob and I had a perfect marriage the way I talk about our union: and we did for the past 43 years.

But we had actually separated before our 1^st Anniversary.

Bob & I were married 11 months when I packed everything I owned and walked out the door with our infant daughter.

I was tired of living with Gloria's shadow.

Both of us were people with baggage when we came together.

But Bob's 1st marriage was the most damaging obstacle to overcome: the 7 destructive years he was married to her ... and the 14 months that previous 7 years was souring our relationship.

I couldn't take any more.

So I left.

Knowing he wouldn't follow.

He had told me that early on in our marriage: "If you leave, I won't chase after you."

I KNEW what Gloria had put him through for 7 years before me.

I knew he meant what he said.

But I meant what I said too: I was not going to live with her shadow anymore.

It was bad enough that when their son came to visit every weekend, I had to hear him parrot what she told him before dropping him off (or we picked him up) on Fridays.

Alex eventually went home Sunday afternoon.

Gloria's shadow hung around 24/7/365.

She DID A LOT OF DAMAGE in 7 years time.

So, that July night, when I called my stepfather to come and get my daughter and me - and I threw all our belongings in the back of the pickup: I knew it was over.

He wasn't going to chase after me.

And that was okay with me.

I was pretty steamed up.

A week passed.

I got a job and went to work.

I had a baby to take care of.

On my own.

He wasn't going to chase after me.

9 days later there was a knock on my parent's back door.

And there stood Bob.

With flowers, and his heart on his sleeve.

"I love you, Val. Please come home."

I wanted to run into his arms and never leave again.

But, I needed to know.

"Is the shadow gone?"

"Yes. You taught me to love, Val. And I came chasing after you. Please come home."

What could I do?

I went and got our daughter, and Bob collected all our stuff and threw it in the back of his pickup; and we went home.

And the woman before me never cast her crazy shadow in our life again.

The following 43 years would be as near perfect as humanly possible ;-)

We had a good marriage because we determined to have a good marriage.

Good marriages don’t “just happen”: they take work, upkeep, and maintenance.

And love.

Love is the foundation.

Bob & I gave each other a LOT of love :-D