I WON'T BACK DOWN

Friday, June 28, 2019

MEMORY LANE


The other night I pulled the disc’s Bob’s sister, Bonnie, had asked her then-husband-Andy, to make up for us. This was done years ago; but Bob never lived in the past, so we never looked at them together. He figured he had already lived it and there was no point in reliving it. I respected that.

But the other night I was curious.

So, I took them out of the drawer and slipped them into the laptop disc driver to see what was on them.

There must have been at least 4 hours of viewing; but what eye-opener’s!

I did not know Bob until he was 24 years old, so EVERYTHING I saw on the older black-n-white reels was news to me.

The 2007 in-living-color-reel with his familiar face and voice was so very welcome to my senses, and my heart.

These are some of the things I noted, that made me smile, laugh, and cry while I watched his childhood/teen/early adult life unfold as the old black-n-white silent reels played out for my private viewing:

1) Bob sat a horse real fine! I knew his family had a horse named ‘Joe’ when he was a young kid of about 5 or 6; and seeing him on the horse made me smile. Later, on another reel, seeing him sit a horse as a teen – probably around 17 or 18, made me tear up: he was SO handsome, and there was that face I fell in love with at 10 years of age. I never dared dream I would grow up to marry the love of my life 7 years later. Man; I MISS my man.

2) Seeing him rail-thin was a shock. He was weighing in at healthy mature 195 when we married … and that number increased as the years passed; which was okay with me. But seeing him real skinny, as he was in his teens, was strange.

But he was ALWAYS eye-candy ;-)

3) The house he lived in, in Cathlamet as a teen – and the property before it was divided into lots was interesting.

Bob so handsome in his suit, holding the corsage some lucky girl got from him, made me smile too. This would have been before he had met his 1st wife, Gloria, so I am assuming the lucky girl would have been Marilee Nutter. I know he was sweet on her, because he told me so ;-)

But, I don’t know for sure she got the corsage that night, because I wasn’t there.

4) Watching Bob with his siblings as they grew up together made me understand why he was such a good dad to our kids, and so good with our grandchildren – he was always gentle, tender, loving, and fun to be with. I am thankful he was the man he was … and I credit his father for that. Bob’s Dad was a good man; and he gave his family a good life, even if his other siblings can’t understand that fact. I wish I had had such a father.

5) Bob’s Dad was a FUN man! Watching the reels helped me understand the dynamics that molded the man my Bob became.

6) Watching the reels, I counted at least 6 houses Bob’s parent’s owned/rented/sold (there were more after we married); 1 log truck for the family logging/truck-driving business; 1 charter fishing boat, which appeared to be operating in a family-business sort of way for extra income (with 6 kids, there is always the need); 1 camper & 1 trailer for vacations (and more after we married); horses, cows, chickens; recreation toys for the babies and toddlers & trikes, bikes, and motorcycles for the older kids and adults – I counted SIX fill-sized motorcycles, and 1 child-sized motorcycleSIX! … and the smaller one was not a mini-bike, it was a miniature motorcycle. I grew up around motorcycles, and rode quite a few – drove one myself when I was 13 years old: but my family was never financially stable enough to afford to buy even 1, let alone 6; the ‘56 Ford, which eventually went to Bob, and which he still had when we married in 1974; a station wagon the Hargand family went to Yellowstone National Park in … and this is just SOME of the STUFF that was obvious.

I have never understood Bob’s siblings & his mother’s lamenting how ‘poor’ they were. From what I knew after Bob and I married, and from what I saw in my private viewing the other night, the Hargand family did very well! Bob’s Dad did right by his family, and his mother’s complaining is unwarranted. MPO

I have the right to say so. I am Bob’s wife, and THAT gives me the right. Plus, I loved Bob’s Dad; and would have been a good daughter to him if Bob’s mother had welcomed me as a daughter and included me in the family circle.

7) Have I mentioned how handsome Bob was in those reels? Bob growing up before my eyes from a cute little hefty boy into a strapping, handsome, teen/man. Bob in his football uniform. Bob standing point man on his dad’s charter boat. Bob in a suit going to his first mature shindig. Bob riding a horse at a family camp out. Bob standing by his prized and beloved Camero – the first car he bought with his own hard-earned money.

Yes, I cried when watching the reels.

But I cried because I am so blessed to have been chosen by him to walk alongside for 44 years. That a man so abundantly blessed with physical attributes I never got tired of gawking at like a love-struck girl, good manners, good morals; a good solid family man, who honored and kept commitments/obligations to wife and children … and a man, who when dying was STILL selfless, and thought only of me until his last breath.

Bob was a man to ride the river with; and to cry heartfelt tears for when gone.

Man; I MISS looking across the room and seeing him in the flesh …

8) Bob playing with his younger siblings, Kerry & Bonnie: he was gentle, and such a cut-up! A lot of those viewings made me laugh out loud.

Again, watching the reels, I saw that same characteristic and behavior exampled by Bob’s Dad – and Bob just naturally exhibited and did the same thing.

I cried watching Bob and his Dad together in those old reels. I hurt for Bob’s unfair loss of those moments later on, after we married.

I always thought it was a shame the way Bob’s brother Ralph’s bitter jealousy – and his mother’s favoritism towards Ralph: always shoving him ahead of the pack – drove a wedge between Bob and his Dad in the later 1970’s. Bob missed golfing and fishing with his Dad. It was time lost that was never recouped.

And Bob, on his own deathbed, was the ONLY one in his family to speak in defense of his Dad. My Bob wanted it made public, for his sister Merry to hear, that he was tired of his mother’s favoritism and bullying tactics.

Bob’s words went right over their heads.

9) Bob, about 10 or 11 years old, feeding the bears bread pieces at Yellowstone National Park. That made me chuckle – Bob was always fearless.

10) Bob was always smiling or laughing – that never changed as he aged: Bob was always a happy-go lucky-type of person: he got that attitude from his Dad. Oh, sure, they both had their moments – like we all do; but as a whole, they both were easy going, happy people who CHOSE to see the best in everyone, no matter the situation or circumstance.

I am thankful Bob learned that from his Dad.

11) Watching the reels, I saw that Ralph was always a pouter, and always undermining Bob at every turn (that STILL continues; even with Bob no longer present). Merry was always a little mother to her younger siblings (still is). Kerry was always a lovable imp in a tiger shirt or costume (Bob told me he used to growl like a tiger when he was a toddler: LOL).

12) In the last reel, which was more modern in 2007, the family had gathered at Merry’s house here in town. Bob’s Dad was there too, healthy and aware. It was fun to watch Bob Sr., my Bob, Merry, and Kerry with their grandchildren. And enjoying each other’s company.

Now Bob and his Dad are together in Heaven.

And they are finally back to having the time of their lives together again :-D

THAT makes me smile ;-)

The trip down Memory Lane was worth opening the drawer and viewing the discs; I am glad I did it. I saw a part of Bob’s life I did not know about before.

It deepened my love for him, and I am not even sure how that is possible because he already has ALL of my love – past, present, and future. But, the viewings did somehow deepen and sharpen emotions.

And I am so thankful Elohim put us together in this lifetime.

I am blessed.

I love you, Babe.

Always.

OX

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