LOOWIT VIEWPOINT

 

I didn’t have any intention of going for a lengthy drive today.

But after I had watered the hanging plants, and the raised garden beds … the thought to drive to Loowit Viewpoint urged me into the Highlander, and on my way.

Loowit Viewpoint, Mt. St. Helens from Heron Pointe - via WA-504 E; 1 hr. 25 mins.

Mt. St. Helens; Before-After Eruption

Pulling out of the carport, I noticed the temperature showing in the dash was 85-degrees; it didn’t really feel like 85-degrees since we are in our Indian Summer phase of the year, and there is a little Fall nip in the air here, near the river.

But, as I drove the Toutle highway, the temperature dropped.

My thoughts were untangling … and my body was relaxing.

Mt. St. Helens is not Mt. Rainier – but I do find the drive enjoyable; there really isn’t much difference in driving time, even though Mt. St. Helens seems closer to home. And my favorite Mt. Rainier haunt is only slightly higher than Mt. St. Helen’s Loowit Viewpoint. The only difference, really is that Mt. Rainier is much more colorful than the current landscape of Mt. St. Helens.

Though Mt. Rainier is the most dangerous/most monitored volcano in the Cascade Range; it is not as active a volcano as Mt. St. Helen’s is.

Mt. St. Helens seems dormant on her surface … but there is still plenty of activity happening inside her shattered bulk.

I respect our mountains because they are beautiful, albeit tempestuous, living things; but I never felt Mt. Rainer was {one of the most dangerous volcanoes of the world} when we annually visited it: I haven’t been back since Bob stepped off Earth – I always think I will; but I never do.

I have, however, been to Coldwater Lake, and Loowit Viewpoint several times in the past year: no particular reason other than that is where the Highlander goes when the urge to “visit the mountains” strikes me.

It was a comfortable 75-degrees when I turned into the Elk Rock Viewpoint.

Mt. St. Helens, forefront' & Mt. Adams in background; Elk Rock Viewpoint.

When I get a close-up glimpse of the broken-edge-topped Loowit, it always drives home the fact that as humans we are very small, and late arrival, features in Earth’s story.

A drive to the mountains puts life in general into a proper perspective considering the whole of life’s picture.

Spending time in the mountains kinda takes the edge of life’s pressing issues.

Standing at the Loowit Viewpoint, and seeing the land laid to waste by an earthshaking blast pretty much parallels my life over the past 32 months.

Mt. St. Helens; descent to Coldwater Lake-Loowit Viewpoint Junction.

The blast that changed the past ... May 18th, 1980; a lot of memories associated with this mountain.

Loowit, “Smoking Mountain” Viewpoint – 3,950 ft. elevation; the fella in my video did a perfect Elk call bugle.

This is what my mind's eye sees (on a more modern scale); the footpath up the mountain’s flank at the Timberline Parking Lot was still there when Bob & I used to visit the mountain while we were dating in 1974. In 1975, our newborn daughter had her first out-of-house diaper change in that parking lot – alongside that footpath 😊

Yet there are also signs of life showing in the barren landscape.

Hope thrives in all the brokenness.

Life livens up the air and colors the gray areas of missingness.

I stood at the encircled viewpoint lookout, and thought to myself, “If Elohei can rebuild, and add colorful vitality to the landscape among the scarred litter of the aftermath of nature’s destruction, He can do so much more for my life.”

Directly across from the volcanic maw, and still visible, is the 'scorched earth' devastation of the eruption blast.

Fallen trees still litter the ground where they were felled by the 1980 volcanic blast.

Elohim has a Plan for my life, and every day more and more of His Plan is put into action: I don’t know yet how, when, where, and why that Plan will be put into a binding effect … but I know I am worth more to Him than the flora and fauna of this planet; beautiful though they are.

I know His Plan will be perfect for my life. 

I know that when that time manifests itself, I will be wholly ready for the changes; and those changes will not seem a hard thing to accept.

I knew then, why I had been prompted to make this drive: the mountains always speak to me. I used to tell Bob, “I feel close to God in the mountains – the sky doesn’t seem so far away.”

My soul was comforted. 

I also spent time enjoying the Lake before driving back home.

Coldwater Lake was created by the 1980 eruption.

It was very quiet there this evening – I only saw a handful of people, and there was no lake activity going on.

I touched down there after 5:15 PM – sundown would take place around 7:30 PM; the temperature was getting chillier, and the atmosphere was getting duskier.

The mountain makes its own weather and atmosphere.

And the advent of Fall is much more riskier in the mountains than in the lowlands: Fall in the mountains is short lived … snow could start falling next month.

Coldwater Lake; 2,503 ft. Elevation; Mt. St. Helens in the background.

This tree caught my attention: the roots appear to be cradling the round rock.

Ancient cinder cone in the background.

I was parked in the carport, at home, before sundown – and with a new outlook on my unfolding new life 😉

BLINDLY MOVING FORWARD

The title of my Blog tonight was a real reality this afternoon.

I was blind.

I was driving blind (I had no choice).

Blindly moving forward was not fun: it was downright scary.

My glasses broke at Deer Island – they hit the blacktop, and broke cleanly apart at the bridge point.

As soon as I heard them hit … I knew, from the way the hit sounded … that they were hopelessly broken.

I picked up the pieces, and was relieved to see that the lens’ were still intact – and they weren’t scratched: but the frame was beyond repair.

Major snafu!

How was I going to get to back to Longview?

How was I going to safely cross that bridge (the bridge is always backed up with bumper-to-bumper traffic).

There was no one to lean on. 

There was no one to call.

There was just me, and the scary concept on driving blindly.

I must have sat in the car for at least 20 minutes considering how to safely get back home; before calling Dr. Tack’s Office and asking if they could squeeze me in if I managed to get back to Longview, WA, safely.

The receptionist kept telling me that Dr. Tack has back-to-back appointments into the middle of November.

And I kept telling her I wasn’t needing an eye exam … I just need to get a new pair of glasses.

I finally hung up on her; and braved the drive home – on a hope and a prayer.

Deer Island, OR from Longview, WA; 24 minutes via US-30 E

Thinking the whole drive back to Washington, from Oregon, would be a miracle if cars weren’t wrecked and injuries were avoided.

I was literally driving blind: without my glasses, I can see fuzzy outlines – but that’s it.

I was also thinking that I really need a partner in my life.

If Bob were still walking this Earth, he would have been with me … and getting back to Longview, would not have been a concern: he would have taken the wheel, and drove us there.

Or … if he had stayed home … he would have come to get me with a buddy; who would have driven Bob to Deer Island to collect me, and get me to Dr. Tack’s.

And, if I had someone in my life now, it would have been the same scenario.

But, as it is – there’s just me. 

No one to lean on.

No one to call.

No help, in a pinch.

This afternoon was a scary interlude in my life, to date.

I’m not going to downplay that.

It was very concerning.

Around Rueben, Oregon, I put half my glasses on my face - and covered my weak eye to bring some kind of focus into play. It helped.

Most people have people in their lives, on a daily basis: that care about them – people that are ‘there’ for them when moments like today come up: my person resides beyond the clouds, now. 

The entire 25-minute drive back to Longview, I prayed Elohei would be my eyes; and get me across the Columbia River – and across downtown Longview to Dr. Tack’s Office, safely: for myself … and for those other drivers who had no idea the risky circumstances that were unfolding along the highway; from here to there.

I did make it safely to my destination: and the technician there was able to fix me up with another pair of glasses (same lens/new, whole frame): the warranty clause was waved (warranty ended 3 months into the broken frame ownership), and I didn’t pay a single red cent to have my lens shifted 😊

I need a partner in this life.

New. Everything is being fast-forwarded to a new phase ...

While I had been waiting for repair work to be completed, I mulled over the remarriage issue.

Bob wanted it.

My friends have been praying for it.

I have been avoiding it.

 Kenny Rogers: ‘Goodbye - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HsAluBAySI

Maybe now, it’s time to think on it.

I did cry thinking about remarriage.

Situations have been arising that point toward the necessisity of that direction.

I cried because I will never deny Elohim His Will; I may drag my feet – and put off the inevitable for as long as I possibly can … but in the end, what is meant to be, will be.

I cried because Bob is still my man.

He’s my man: always has been.

He will always have a huge part of my life, and heart, that no one else will ever have.

But I need someone in my life: I need someone living, in my life.

And, because I am a Christian … shacking up with someone is totally out of the question.

I want to avoid knee-jerk responses to situations.

My life is a mess - better than it was in 2019 & 2020; but still a bit of a mess.

 

Currently, my life is a whole lot better than it was; but it’s still a crap shoot as far as page turning in the next chapter of my new life story.

I don’t want to answer questions of why there are no family members in my life: my siblings/Bob’s relatives/our kids, and grandkids. (1) Nothing will change with the telling (2) I shared it with Bob – it’s our business (3) it’s my private business, and I really don’t share what I do know, with anyone (even Bob only got a fraction of it, but not all of it).

I am secretive about my early life – and secrets are messy.

I have friends: good friends in my life; but they have a life apart from me. Our lives dove-tail – but our lives do not make a whole, like life with a special someone. They are friends … period.

I haven’t seen some of my siblings in 3 years; decades for the majority of them. I can’t honestly say that any of us actually miss each other. Sad, but true.

Bob’s relatives are standoffish: they don’t reach out. They are cordial when I contact them … but, on their own, they do not make a connection. We only had Bob in common – and Bob is no longer here.

My kids’/grandkids’ current lives are train wrecks, barreling out of control.

And even though they are not in my life in the moment (their choice, not mine) – that could change. And if they come back into my life (even in a sliver of space), all their crazy train baggage will be dragged with them: I couldn’t, in good conscience, dump those messes in a stranger’s lap. It was hard enough for Bob and I to face/deal with. And personally; I’m just d.o.n.e. with the immature blame-game tirades. I just want a peaceful end game at this point in time, in my life.

Even if there was someone who would risk the crazy train derailments to share life with me, I wouldn’t allow anyone else making judgments on my kids/grandkids when they eventually show their asses, and start acting like asses – and I wouldn’t want someone dictating to me how much space I allow Bob’s memory to remain in my life; those two things would be a big deal/deal breaker with me.

Rare relationship.

All that said, something has gotta give.

 

Given the dicey situations I’ve found myself in these past weeks, I can’t fall prey to fear and spend the rest of my life sitting at home, trying to avoid life’s pitfalls (like the flat tire, broken eyeglasses, ect.).

And I can’t remarry in a knee-jerk reaction to life’s pitfalls.

I realize that days, like today, require a partner to share life with.

I am thankful Elohim was gracious this afternoon; everyone on the road lived to get to their destination.

But, I wouldn’t want to repeat today’s scary episode of blind solo lobo experience.

Maybe it’s time to think on Bob’s request that I live a life full of all that life has to offer.

That thought hurts my heart.

And, while I have new glasses again … and things before me aren’t as fuzzy; I’ll still be blindly moving forward if Elohim sets my feet on the path to remarriage.

GOLD LINING DAY

Today was my Coffee Hour in Naselle with friends.

But before that got underway, I noticed that enough neighbors complained about candy and her husband helping themselves to private property the other day, that they were forced to rent a dumpster.

No one on our street was happy about candy and mike commandeering private garbage-recycling bins for thier personal buisness.

It was 54-degrees when I pulled out of the carport: but it felt like 35-degrees with the river chill passing through the Park.

Fall is making itself felt, even with the hint of an Indian Summer idling.

And I was held up twice with road work crews before I could finally pull in at the County Courthouse to pay that unwarranted ticket.

Next time I will fight the BS Speed Trap moneymaker.

I don't support power grabs by anyone.

I use Cruise Control to keep my leg and foot muscle from seizing up with Piriformis pain.

(https://www.disc-kuwait.clinic/piriformis-syndrome/)

Local & government employees work for US; the hero worship and power grabs are not okay.

Wildfire smoke-tinted fog bank over a portion of Wahkiakum County.

Paid for 'deferral' so my Insurance won’t be billed. This County nails a person coming & going, with BS charges.

I got an education this morning about how Wahkiakum County is getting revenue since logging and fishing bit the dust: the bird dogs scout the four corners of the county and wing birds – sending them limping to the Court House, which offers them ‘a deal’ for a fee; backed up with another fee that piggybacks on the outsourced company they use for {handling services}.

The whole system is jerry rigged ... counties are addicted to fines: especially small-town counties.

And finding the Office was like trying to find your way in a maze – when I did finally reach the right door, I felt like I had been consigned to a dismal concrete walled dungeon: down two flights of stairs (LOTS of stairs!) and into a dim and dreary rabbit’s warren with frustrating tunnel junctions. I don’t know whose acid-trip-design it was to create that convoluted mess, but it was exhausting to maneuver!

It seemed to me that it was designed to so thoroughly frustrate a person, that they’d just throw the $$$ at the clerk and say, “Just take it and let me get the hell out of here!”

I was frustrated with the nonsensical rabbit warren tunnels – but I was more angry, that worn out.

The ticket was unjustifiable; and my eyes were shooting fire.

Like I said the other day: I’ve always known Wahkiakum County was steeped in corruption – I’ve just never been boldly introduced to it, before.

The whole thing reminded of creepy, crooked, small-town movies. 

I couldn’t wait to put distance between me and them. 

I came upon the smoke-tinged fog bank I saw earlier. I was in the fog bank for a 5-minute time span that seemed a lot longer as I drove through the shifting ethereal mass. By the time I reached the Duck Inn, the fog had lifted; and the sky was a brilliant robin egg blue, without a cloud to be seen anywhere 😊

The clear blue was startling. 

It was welcome.

It was free of the trapped drifting wildfire smoke.

I entered the smokey fog bank near the Julia Butler Hansen Refuge area; country roadside garss trimmers were hard to see.

Not to thick ... but definitely ushering in Fall.

Blue skies, and fog lifted, by the time I reached the Duck Inn; in Skamokawa.

When I reached my destination, coffee was flowing: and another old friend had joined the Coffee Hour – this is another blessing 😊

The main topics were sciatica … and afghanistan.

I engaged in the first topic – and kinda spaced out when the second topic picked up speed. Instead of letting the weight of the world’s woes bite into my shoulders, I watched through the kitchen’s French doors, 3 young coyote yearlings race across the front lawn; and this year’s fawn (the fading spots were still visible), debating whether to follow in their wake – or hang back and wait a bit. The fawn didn’t seem to far the coyotes as much as it feared the highway edging the yard.

When the afghanistan topic had played itself out, we drank some more coffee and spent the rest of the hour laughing and joking about the ‘when days’ in our girlish pasts.

I drove home through the Raymond-Pe Ell-Vader route.

Gas Price in Naselle.

Good news on the radio, today. The US Supreme Court upheld the Texas Abortion Ban.

And parents are waking up to public school political indoctrination tactics.

Parents are flooding School Board Meetings and demanding - and winning arguments that hired teachers be held to academics, only.

I lost radio signal along the way, so I pulled over and sorted through the larger CD case.

And struck gold!

What a guy! I found this treasure Bob had tucked between little used CDs.

I grinned from ear to ear, slipped the disc into the dash player, and enjoyed Louis Armstrong, Howlin’ Wolf, Johnny Winter … and a host of other Blues musicians: most of the songs were really old ones; like the 30’s and 40’s – but all were enjoyable.

((((THANK YOU, BABE!)))) 

I was happy to have found that CD.

Bob was always a thoughtful loving husband. He didn’t particularly care for the blues genre for most of our 44 years together; but he {came around} about 12 years ago – and was “all in” after that 😉

He, at some point, had had this CD burned for me: all the songs were songs that I like, and spoke to Bob about all the time.

Bob and I talked: we both knew what the other enjoyed. So, he knew what I liked – and he knew what certain songs meant to me.

I’m looking at this CD as another love gift from him to me 😊

I don’t know who the guy was, that worked with Bob and burned this CD for him: but I am really thankful to that faceless/nameless person, that only Bob knew.

And I am thankful I found this little memento of love.

Louis Armstrong – ‘St. John’s Infirmary’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzcpUdBw7gs

Howlin’ Wolf - ‘Highway 49’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEfzjVh62lk

Tennessee Ernie Ford – ‘Sixteen Tons’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkRYuMqw-B0

Johnny Winter – ‘Mojo Boogie’: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lOlXwV_-8g

So thankful for Bob's loving actions. Goose Point Oyster Plant.

Blue Moon’ song lyrics: (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MyP3LdVGuzI)

The day was warming up, and the countryside is coloring up with Autumn’s chilling kiss.

Passing through Raymond, I decided to eat a light lunch at The Barge Restaurant. I hadn’t eaten there in a while; Bob and I watched it be built, and we ate there often when we lived a brief spell in Raymond.

Lunch at The Barge in Raymond; & my table view.

Enjoyed this little newsletter; I'm going to get a year subscription.

This looks like fun! It will be a 4 hr. 28 min. round-trip-drive, taking alternate backroads.

Spotted this fancy hillside house as I was pulling out of the restaurant’s parking lot.

It was 80-degrees passing through Francis; traffic was light from Pe Ell to Vader.

Frances to Vader; via WA-6 & Wildwood Rd - 50 mins.

I listened to that CD all the way from Naselle to Safeway’s gas terminal in Longview: gas in town cheaper than out-of-town.

Passing through Lexington, I noticed that the gas prices there, are almost as High as Naselle gas prices.

For the moment, I feel blessed – I don’t know how long town gas will stay below $4, but I am thankful now I did not get a country home: at $4+/gal., I’d be pretty housebound ☹

As it is now … my daytrips are siphoning whatever leftover $$$ I have after paying bills. Currently, I can enjoy burning up the road. But who knows what the next month will bring when it comes to counting pennies.

Slo-joe is intent on destroying America financially/economically; and ruining every avenue of enjoyment for Americans.

But I’m not going to let the demonrats steal my joy.

God’s golden, rich Joy is my anchor; now that Bob is no longer physically here.

The Joy of the Lord is my strength.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDshCf7CQFM)

As long as I have life, and Elohei blesses me to enjoy that life: I will not be buried under Government weights – nationwide, or local.

I choose joy over depression and fearmongering - some people think that that line of reasoning is fool's gold. But to me, it is gold beyond price.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGlL2BzEhCo)

I don't get bogged down in the world's woes.

Life on Earth is temporal.

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqHTHqM4q08)

I'm not responsible for everybody that walks the Earth; I am not God.