Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Tuesday, August 10, 2021

BOOK RUN TO SCAPPOOSE

Scappoose, OR from Heron Pointe, WA - via US-30 E; 44 mins.

I woke up in a despairing mood this morning … so, I decided I’d go for a drive and shake the mood. It is hard for me to think I may never get to live in the country as I had hoped.

I am willing; Real Estate is not.

Once I made up my mind to go for a drive – I knew exactly where I would head the car šŸ˜‰

Returning a book to the Scappoose Library today.

A few weeks ago, when I was getting my house ready to show for sale; I found a book I had brought home from the Scappoose Library in Oregon – I still have the Library Card from there: we were Home Educating Alyna at the time, and spending a great deal of time running her back and forth between the two States, so I got a library card when we stopped there on afternoon. I never got rid of the card.

Today I returned the book I picked up there, last Summer.

Along the drive, I did some thinking.

While it is true that I’ve given myself a full year’s time to secure a new home, I a new locale … I know myself: if the wait drags on for a full year, I’ll be chomping at the bit.

And while I’m tonging the bit, I’ll be getting cold feet. Waiting makes me second guess things; that’s why I like to move quick on major decisions.

I can work things around to fit a quick decision.

Second guessing throws a monkey wrench in the works, and stops me cold.

Second guesses were crowding me this morning.

House hunting, so far, is not going so well ...

Not only can I not find a suitable house, but if and when I do … I’ll lose all my Senior Discount Perks. I’ll need a small loan (which will double by the time everyone’s hands touch it and leave their fingerprints all over it); and the loan company will bundle the property taxes, home ownership insurance + whatever else they throw in there to hedge the loan company’s interests (they are basically at this point acting like loan sharks): I will have no say whatsoever in how the loan goes down. The Bank that finances the loan will make those decisions for their good, not necessarily mine; regardless of what they say, or how they spin it to make it appealing.

And that is why every house Bob and I ever bought, we paid cash for: no loans. And we were able to do that because Bob’s Dad deeded the house in Cathlamet to Bob as his inheritance when Bob’s parents moved to California decades ago. Years later, we sold the house – and the $$$$ gained from that house sale netted us four more homes, from 1996 to present.

I want to be wise in buying a new home.

If and when I purchase a new home, I'll lose perks I enjoy now.

I have never played fast and loose with Bob’s money. Even though Bob’s money now belongs to me to use as I wish; I balk at throwing it away carelessly – that just isn’t who I am. I’m not tight-fisted with money, but I am very frugal.

Getting a loan now, almost seems to me … to be a sacrilegious thing.

With a loan, I won’t in reality, own my new home outright: the Bank will own it – while making a tidy profit on that ownership by double billing me for the privilage of the loan.

I'll be paying on a new house until I'm 95 yo - and the Bank will own it all that time.

It’s undeniable/unapologetic loan sharking.

So, I woke up with second guessing on my mind, this morning.

It’s not so much that I’m pretty much spending the kid’s inheritance (even though they don’t want it, anyway; they’ve been clear on that) – it’s the thought of the double billing, as well as the Bank dictating my life in telling me what Home Insurance to use, and refusing to give me Senior Discount privileges on the property taxes.

That irks me: it’s my right, and it pisses me off it is denied me.

With a Mortgage Loan, I’ll have a locked in mortgage rate that won’t increase – only because it has already been increased: if I get a $50,000 loan – the Bank will increase that loan to $100,000+.

So, By the time my last mortgage payment is made at 95 yo (if I live that long), the Bank will have already bought my house for the exact price I paid for it … and will go on to sell it, since the kid’s don’t want it, for twice what I paid for it! So, if I buy a $250,000 home, and replace the roofing, the flooring, do a little personal preference remodeling, ect.; the Bank will be able to sell it for roughly $400-500,000, when my body dies.

On the other hand … Heron Pointe increases the Lot Rent (aka; fee for the privilage of living in their ‘community’) by $300/yr., with no end in sight – and that can be increased at any given time, on a whim.

It makes more sense to buy that to rent.

And the risks are about the same IMHO.

Houses are money pits any way you deal with them.

The longer this drags on, the louder the second guesses will get.

If wishes were riches ...
I have no use for land ... and the houses are worthless.
Hiring handymen is wildly expensive - I don’t have free help anymore.

My friends are praying, too šŸ˜Š

But our prayer goals are very different.

My friends mean well ...

And, on days like today, I wonder which ones will win Elohim’s ear šŸ˜‰

During the drive to Scappoose, a Bald headed Eagle flew over the Highlander's hood  so low, I could see the eyes, and feather vanes ... but not low enough to be in danger of being smacked with the windshield; thank God. And, I passed several Lemmon’s Trucking trucks; every time I see one, I look for Bob’s Truck number: so, far I have not seen it.

That may be a blessing; I honestly do not know how I would feel, or what I would do, if I ever did see it.

Lemmon's truck 48; Bob drove truck 51.

Book returned; I turned the car for St. Helens. It was past noon, and I was getting hungry.

St. Helens, Or from Scappoose, Or - 9 mins.

I stopped at Noi’s Thai Kitchen Restaurant. It is different that the Thai food we have locally, and that’s okay – I like switching restaurants once I a while šŸ˜‰

I ate a few appetizers while waiting for my main meal … and took a picture to show to my friends of why I will not even consider dating: not even a ‘friends only’ date – what’s out there, does not appeal to me at all.

Mature men are hard to come by, for one thing.

I outgrew males with long hair (unruly or otherwise), a loooong time ago. And MPO is that {man buns} look stupid: on any male. Seeing a sloppy looking male, with his pants hanging off his ass turns me totally off … seeing that immature ridiculousness on a 60+ male just makes me roll my eyes. And what’s with the scraggly, unkept, hillbilly beards popping up everywhere? That just looks disgusting. A 70-year old male with a motorcycle as his only means of transportation does not thrill me; at 70, a male needing to prove he’s still ‘got it’ just isn’t strong enough to keep himself safe on a hog … much less, entice me to hop on one and speed off in a heated rush of late-life-adolescence.

These males (can’t call them men; they haven’t grown up yet) are still attached to their mother’s teats and apron strings.

I.a.m.n.o.t.i.n.t.e.r.e.s.t.e.d.

My friends can stop praying for a man for me – the man I would be interested in, simply does not exist in today’s America. I’m going to show them this picture, point to it – and say, “Please, don’t pray for a man. I don’t want this.”

Crab filled wontons at Noi's Thai Kitchen in St. Helens.
Total turn off; aging hipsters are not in any way appealing to me. Graying 'man buns' and asses hanging, out are not cool.
Thai BBQ Chicken; half a chicken (!) cooked in curry & coconut milk; mixed veggies & rice. There was enough for 4 meals.

My next stop was McCormick Park: to enjoy a shaded walk, and to walk off some of the calories I had just packed on šŸ˜‰

It smelled like Fall this morning at home - it looked like Fall in McCormick Park with yellow falling leaves & blue dragonflies.

While I walked the trail, I started thinking of another option for house searches that I have been avoiding because being surrounded by water makes me nervous. But, maybe it’s time to consider it.

Trying another option.

Since the country home dream is beginning to fade, maybe I should take a cue from my beatnik mother, and go bohemian – I was raised bohemian, so falling back into that rhythm should be fairly easy.

David had mentioned it last time we had breakfast together; and his son Tavis seconded the thought: so, I gave Shay a jingle, and asked her to look into the thought.

Maybe it’s time to slay all the dragons in my life, now that my personal knight in shining armor rides his white charger beyond the blue šŸ˜‰

That I even am considering this option is shocking to me; but I want out of Longview.

‘Away Beyond the Blue’ – Emmylou Harris: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKY99siT8Qc

After Supper, I was settling in Bob’s recliner to watch some old black-n-white Monty Woolley (his movies are hilarious) movies on Youtube, when I glanced out the windows and saw this pretty pink and yellow sunset.

One thing I will miss for sure when I leave this house, is all the windows.

Tonight's sunset; pink and yellow flames.
Tonight's sunset surrounds the house.
I will miss all these surround-house-windows ...

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