Every day since I was bumped
from Wife to Widow has been an uphill climb in minute-to-minute survival.
Widowhood is a traumatic experience with traumatic fallout that can be triggered in chaotic situations; no matter if one is a Christian … or not.
I’ve come a long way, but I
know I still have a long way to go.
I can’t afford to let the
energy vampires steal the joy Yeshua gave me with my sanctification.
Widowhood totally changes
you in ways you never expected, don’t understand, can’t fully grasp, and have
no idea how to explain: you don’t {get it} as the years pass – and others
standing on the sidelines watching you make your way through your New Life
journey, don’t get it either, but a few will have a lot to say to you about
how you should ‘get it done’. These are the ones that will make an already
difficult journey much harder to navigate. These are the ones that will
lay hidden landmines designed to always keep you off balance, juggling
self-doubts, and gasping for breath as their toxicity bleeds over into your
tender new life endeavors.
They are miserable wretches
that feed on your pain; and gleefully picking at your healing scabs.
They are people to avoid.
At all costs.
Without apology.
And sometimes they need to
be given back to them a good dose of their own vile bile to swallow.
Sometimes the toxic people
have connections with other people in your life, and when the ties that bind
are deeply intertwined … you have to cut ties with the whole lot to avoid a
death by a thousand cuts coming from one source via the group. It is a survival
thing – when your life has already suffered so much pain it is dangerously
anemic from the bloodletting, your well-being can’t afford any more bloodshed:
you are allowed to love from a distance, and still be graced by The Father 😊
When I dropped the bag off,
I am sure ruth threw a tantrum when she got the gist of the message: she is an
undisciplined cat with a catty attitude, and I was making sure she knew I was
no longer engaging in her pathetic cat-and-mouse game of domination.
I don’t allow anyone to
dominate me – this mouse eventually tires of the cat’s stupidity and will bite
the paws that keep taking swipes at it.
I am a survivor.
I have survived more than
the linquist’s can dish out – and if they were choking on their anger this
morning, I don’t feel any regret for giving them the heartburn they deserve.
As I drove back through
town, I was invited to join in some Father’s Day festivities; so, I did 😊
It was good to be in the
company of people who welcome me, love me, include me, pray for me, support me,
and try to understand me in the moment. Embracing the uncertainties of a New
Life unfolding is not easy – sometimes it is downright uncomfortable. It
is a blessing to have people in your corner cheering you on, picking you up
off the mat – supporting your staggering weight – and setting you back on your
feet again, with encouragements.
It is good to feel like a winner now and then 😉
No comments:
Post a Comment