Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Saturday, August 29, 2020

BREAKING FOR GARAGE SALES


This morning I was up bright and early (on the road by 8 AM) because Ryderwood was having their Community Sale today.


Remembering the horrible mess the County is making on Delameter Road, and wanting to avoid any more flying rocks towards my brand new windshield … I shied away from my preferred cutoff road; and avoided the Nevada Drive cutoff road that drops into West Side Highway too, because of the gravelly chip-seal the County recently laid there – I drove the long way on West Side Highway to Pleasant Hill and cut onto Castle Rock that way. I like that country drive, and I didn’t feel like being jarred by the jagged slide area further on West Side Highway past Lexington:

Pleasant Hill from Longview. 14 min (8.8 mi)
Ryderwood from Pleasant Hill. 32 min (20.7 mi) via West Side Hwy

The drive there was peaceful and relaxing – and the running train hold-up was blessedly brief in Vader; but when I reached Ryderwood, the streets were pretty wide open, and there was not a sale sign anywhere.

I thought the sale had been canceled because of covid; so, I turned around and headed back home.

Ryderwood is a 55+ retirement community that spans roughly a 6 block x 6 block area. Bob and I have kicked around the idea of moving out there for years; but always ended up buying local homes – Bob just couldn’t cut city ties. Bob liked the bright lights halo of the small-town-city of Longview. I wanted black sky with bright stars … the only star Bob wanted in his night sky was the street light. Bob gave me 95% of my country wants, so I caved to his 5% city wants: hence my living at Heron Pointe.

Anyway …

Driving back through Castle Rock, I saw a large sign nailed to a telephone pole, so I took a picture of it and punched the address into the map app on the phone …

I found out at this Sale that Ryderwood has bumped their Community Sale to September 11th. So, I'll go out that way again in 2 weeks ðŸ˜‰
Blauser Road off Sandy Bend from Castle Rock. 6 min (3.0 mi) West Side Hwy

Sandy Bend road would take me uphill & bypass the rough slide area of Westside Highway.

A Garage sale and a smooth ride: it was a win-win situation 😉

This was new territory – Bob and I had never been on that particular road; we’d driven Sandy Bend, but not Blauser Road. The road was tight … paved, but tight. It was also a dead end road; I was praying I’d be able to turn around if driveways were blocked to garage sale drivers (some people do that to keep people from trespassing/blocking on their driveways) – Bob could turn around in the middle of the road, easy-peasy: a football field isn’t large enough for me 😉

I’m getting better now that I am the primary driver now, but I still can’t do tight turn-around’s like Bob could.

I lucked out and was able to park in actual driveways with easy in-out access. (((THANK YOU, YESHUA!)))
I am not doing a “well” as people think I am. 20 months/15 days - I’m functionable; and that may be all I'll ever be again. Functionable.

I’m glad people think I am doing “as expected” or “better than”; but I’m actually just “coasting along”. And my brain will still freeze up when I am talking, because a memory will butt into the convo; and I have to hit the restart button – sometimes, repeatedly.

When those lapses hit, I feel stupid because I’ve lost all train of thought while the memory plays itself out.

I pray to God I don’t look stupid.

I think other widows understand …


Waiting for the Traffic Light to change in Lexington, I noticed another sign nailed to a pole – so I turned my flicker on and nipped right 😊

Lexington from Blauser Road. 10 mins (5.6 mi) West Side Hwy

Then I drove into town to the Dollar Store to pick up the things I wanted for floral arrangements for tomorrow.

And waited in line for half an hour before getting checked out.

The covid distancing is becoming ridiculously ridiculous; no one can speak clearly through those stupid masks, and the cashiers can’t hear or be understood clearly from behind their silly Plexiglass partitions while wearing masks – either everyone is shouting at each other to be understood, or they are leaning around the “protection” and slipping their “protection” masks down to finish up their business. There was 1 cashier instead of the normal 4 … and there was a line to the back of the store with the marked off sections they are very strict with.

Everyone’s tempers were getting frayed.

The whole political charade is stupid:

Ridiculous line in the Dollar Store.
WHY IS THIS OKAY for rabble-rousers??? NO MASKS - NO SOCIAL DISTANCING! Throngs of people, tightly grouped together - quickly moving through streets to torch cities and attack elderly people. Screaming and spitting in faces because they are not the right color ... it's political insanity.
But, for law abiding, honest working people, it is extremely slow forward momentum because of the stilted convo at the checkout station due to political nonsense that apparently does not include those engaged in riotous and Anti-American political game playing.
FM Gas Station from Lexington. 12 mins (5.2 mi)

Finally checked out, I pumped more gas into the Highlander for my trip to Eden Valley tomorrow morning.

And noticed a few more signs with arrows pointing the way to more sales. So, off I went; following the arrowed signs …

Terry Avenue from FM Gas Station. 4 min (1.1 mi) via 30th Avenue
Real nice pianos at 30th & Ohio. Bob was musically inclined - he could read and play music.
I like this plaque at the Terry Ave, sale; but I left it on the table. Bob is not here.
A bit of encouragement, also at the Terry Ave. sale – but I didn’t need a diary.
411 Stella from Terry Avenue. 13 min (7.2 mi) via Pacific Way
Heron Pointe from Stella Road. 7 min (3.1 mi) via Harmony Drive & Coal Creek Road

When I finally stopped chasing signs, and parked the Highlander at home, I hauled all my stuff into the house and went outside to water my garden and flowers.

Finishing up that chore with watering my Teddy-Bear Cactus and Bob’s Begonia in the carport, I noticed that the begonia is really pumping the blossoms out. It’s a nice birthday surprise – apparently the other tubers I thought had dried up and died, have decided to thrive and come alive 😊

I like this: 4 blossoms instead of 1 :-D

Smiling, I came into the house and put my 2nd hand “finds” on the island countertop to be cleaned – I bleach sanitize everything that safely can be: clothing I wash normally; everything else gets a bleach ‘sponge-bath’ and air dried:

Garage Sale finds & $ Store florals for the plots tomorrow.
I bought this antique bone china tea cup/saucer for 50 cents! $25 Value.
Fall themed Plot Bouquets I made for Bob, his Dad, and his Grandparents - the people I love: gone, but not forgotten.

It’s been an enjoyable day today, and it will be another enjoyable day tomorrow. I like the drive to Eden Valley – even though, now, it is bittersweet.

Love lies in Eden Valley.

And if I see any garage sale signs along the way tomorrow, I will be breaking for those, too …

Friday, August 28, 2020

46 YEARS: 2 Solo



Today would have been our 46th Wedding Anniversary … instead, it is my 2nd solo acknowledgment of that Day; so, today I decided to get out of Longview – and as far away from Heron Pointe as I could. I decided to drive to Aberdeen, and back home again to kill the hours while eating up the highway.

Last year, I was new to widowhood, so I stayed more local (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/08/amber-alert-nearly-ruined-my.html); this year, I am spreading my wings and getting a little more adventurous.

I drove to Aberdeen via Naselle because it adds an extra 1½ hour; and I don’t like driving the freeway. I like the scenery of backroads – I saw a beautiful white egret standing in the swamp waters along the highway the other side of Naselle, towards the Raymond turnoff …

Naselle from Longview. 1 h 11 min (57.3 mi) 
Aberdeen from Naselle. 1 h 15 min (60.2 mi) 
This is a pic off the internet: my white egret flew away before I could get a picture of it.

Holidays and Life Event Celebrations are not very much fun when you are a solo lobo.


Today should have been a joyous occasion – and for 44 years it was: today, it was not; it was just another day on the calendar.

So, to make it kinda special, I curled my hair and slipped a fancy blouse on; those things helped lift me out of the slumps …but they couldn’t bring Bob back. The blouse did kinda remind me of Bob though, when my long hair would tickled my bare back – sometimes Bob would give me his sexy grin and playfully dance his fingertips lightly down the center of my bare back; and my hair, blown about by the Highlander’s air conditioner, kinda mimicked that.

A little – just enough to prick a memory.

I had Bob’s igloo cooler filled with beverages to drink along the route, and I stopped at Johnson’s in Naselle to grab 2 maples bars and a little paper deli box filled with BBQ Swedish meatballs to snack on. I planned on having Pepperoni Pizza later on, back at home.

But I really wanted Bob.

And Bob will never be with me again: there aren’t enough hours in the day, or enough miles along the road to ease that fact.

Nevertheless … I was doing my best this afternoon to burn up the hours and eat up the roadway.


Just out of Artic, I pulled over to eat my tailgate lunch in a turnout along the highway:

Aberdeen from Artic. 15 min (8.9 mi)
Eating lunch; just out of Artic.

Judging from this video, I’ve aged 10 years in 20 months’ time: my hair is significantly grayer, and I am wearing my mother’s face. When Bob died his second death in 1981, he had visibly aged: it is reported that medical traumas can age a person 10 years – Bob had died twice in the first 7 years of our married life, so he had aged 20 years by the time he Was 31 years of age; he was still very handsome to me, but it bothered him when we’d be at a checkout line and some stupid cashier would refer to me as his daughter (I am only 7 years younger than Bob); I’d coolly reply that I was his wife.

Though we laughed people’s ignorance’s off, Bob couldn’t wait for me to start “graying up” and looking my age. I still looked pretty youthful into my late 50’s with grandkids in tow. So, when he went into the local hospital 24/7 in November of 2018, the stress of facing life without Bob in it … and being brave in letting him go, was wearing on me: and one night when I bent over his hospital bed to kiss and hug his hand (I’m a shortie, and the bed was too high for me to reach his face), I lifted my head to see him grinning at me; and he said, “I’m starting to see a lot of gray in your hair, Honey.” And I playfully quipped, “Yeah – and you’re putting it there!” We both laughed; but it was a bittersweet moment. I cried all the way home knowing Bob would never see me with a full head of gray hair. I hope that if Bob was looking down on me today, he was very pleased with how gray my hair is now; since he left Earth 20 months/13 days/13 hours & 53 minutes ago – and how fast my face is aging.

I am looking every inch of my 63 and three quarters.

And I’m okay with that.

Making Aberdeen, I carefully drove through the streets because vacant-eyed-guys (eyes open: not seeing anything) were just aimlessly walking through traffic when cars stopped during light changes; they were weaving their way through cars like needle and thread through fabric. It was unnerving … someone could have been clipped with a bumper when traffic started moving.

Entering Aberdeen.

I was glad to leave Aberdeen behind – I enjoyed the drive there on the backroads … and I was glad to leave the chaos behind, and find another backroad. It was the lengthy 2½ hour drive that interested me – not Aberdeen itself.

Leaving Aberdeen, and following the highway towards Elma (where I wanted to turn off to the Rochester exit), I saw a road sign near the Lake Sylvia area that said ‘Montesano and Raymond’, I thought to myself, “Hmm … I don’t remember ever seeing that sign – why not go that way?

So, I turned off on it.

Apparently, it has been there quite a long while; judging by the old green steel bridge. We just never went that way: we always turned off a bit further on, towards Rochester: but, I really did not want to attempt the freeway today. There would have been a little scenic enjoyment, but eventually I would have to drive the freeway for quite a distance before finding a backroad exit.

I’m not up to attempting the freeway chaos yet: I have enough going on, without having cars and trucks – and big rigs frog-jumping other cars zipping past me on all sides.

No – I definitely am not up to freeway driving yet. Especially not during emotional times; like a solo lobo Wedding Anniversary Day full of all kinds of emotions.

I was thankful I spotted the alternate route road sign …

Lake Sylvia to the Left - Raymond to the Right: I took Raymond ...
Bridge work. The open travel lane was barely wide enough for my car. I was scared of scratching the paint on both sides - I inched my way forward ...
The road was a loop road that took me back to Artic – which backtracked to Raymond; and eventually to Pe Ell.
Raymond from Artic. 19 min (15.8 mi

Trying new things while remembering past things is okay.

And I need to DO new things – I can’t keep living in the past.

I’ve mentioned before that I enjoy the Pe Ell drive. I like it because it’s all farm land backcountry and backroads. If I can’t get into the mountains; I want to get into the country 😉

Pe Ell from Raymond. 36 min (28.8 mi)
Vader from Pe Ell. 37 min (25.9 mi) via Pe Ell McDonald Rd and Wildwood Rd

One of these days, I’m gonna drive Lost Valley Road (off the Pe Ell-McDonald Road) – it has always interested me, but Bob & I never took that turn:

Lost Valley Road, on Pe Ell Road before Wildwood junction.
Lost Valley Road off Pe Ell Road ties into Boistfort Road - 5 minutes driving. 3.2 miles long. Boistfort Road connects to Wildwood Road. Easy-peasy ðŸ˜‰

Passing through Vader, I saw that there is a Dollar General in Vader!

That thing went up quick – it wasn’t there when I drove to Frosty’s in Napavine – via Vader/Winlock, last month. If it had been, it would have been mentioned in my post because I went up West Side and through Vader to get to Napavine.


When I meandered myself back to Heron Pointe this evening, I stopped and collected the mail. I saw an envelope with U.S. Department of Treasury Header – inside was a check for pretty much what my gas from Raymond home cost me …

U.S. Department of Treasury sending me an Interest Check Refund for filing my Income Taxes.
This is something new – I don’t remember that we ever received one before. The piddly amount is hardly worth the expense of mailing it, but it will repay the gas I used today :-D

It really was an enjoyable drive and a relaxing day – I only had one emotional moment when tears did flow the closer I got to home: KUKN played Diamond Rio’s ‘What A Beautiful Mess’ song, and it touched every nerve of what a wedding anniversary is all about. It’s a beautiful song about a beautiful love that reduced me to a beautiful mess in a touchy road project spot on Delameter Road, where the County is making a real tricky mess out of a beautiful scenic drive.

Delameter Road from Vader. 19 min (13.8 mi) via Westside Hwy
Heron Pointe from Delameter Road. 16 min (9.6 mi)


The summer of 1974 when we fell hopelessly and passionately in love.

The summer of 1974 kicked off 44 years of “hungry for your touch” lovemaking that never got old. Even when Bob was laid up in hospital beds the final months of his life here on earth, we couldn’t stop touching each other – his hand would reach for mine, and I’d stand for hours by his bedside holding his hand and touching his chest where it didn’t hurt. I even, at one point, lifted my shirt and placed his hand on my breast because he was missing that kind of touch – and we both had tears running down our faces; it was an intensely poignant moment. It was hard to face that this life … and all the pleasures we had enjoyed together in this life … was ending.

We let go slowly.

We touched every chance we got.


I love you, Babe.

Always ~ OX


Thursday, August 27, 2020

ON SCEDULE


I’m losing weight, but gaining muscle – so the scales rarely waver from what they read. My face tells me that I’ve lost weight. My clothing tells me that I am losing weight; but hiking and exercises is toning me and smoothing things out … and the scales rarely wavers.

And that’s okay: I’m pretty much where I should be for a woman 5’3” and soon to be 64 years old. Admittedly, I’m on the upper end of where I should be; but that’s okay – I don’t care for the emancipated look. The emancipated look wouldn’t work with my body type anyway – I’m a curvy gal: I have breasts, I have hips. I'm never gonna look like those starved girls in the videos; and I don't want to. I just want to build upper and lower body strength again, so I can enjoy the life I have, doing what I like to do ðŸ˜‰

I’m happy with the way things are going. I’m right on schedule with building upper body strength, and stronger leg muscles for hiking endurance. My routine is to alternate hikes with dumbbell exercises. This morning I followed a dumbbell exercise workout that included cardio workout – in this, seniors need to be wise and discern what their own bodies are capable of; especially if you are living alone, like I am. My heart is fine … so I can do cardio workouts at this particular time in my life, and not stress my heart into a heart attack: but, I use common sense; I realize that in 4 months time, I will be 64, not 24 … there are some things I cannot do at 64 – that I could do at 24. For example, in the following video, there are exercises done on an exercise mat that I cannot do: so, I improvise. I can’t put weight on my knees, so I do pushups by placing my hands on a countertop, stretching my legs back as far as they will go on the floor behind me, on the tips of my toes; I do my ‘plank crunches’ that way. Trust me, you WILL FEEL IT; the results may manifest a little slower, but it works.

EXERCISES – 30 minute Full Body Workout w/dumbbells: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9PXg7NeVP0


So, that’s what I did today to tone my body, and I’m liking the way my body is strengthening:

Building arm muscle with dumbbells; a few more months, and the underarm will be toned too. I'm going for softly sculptured arms, not a body builder's type.
Sorry about the jerkiness, but it's hard to record the back of one's self with a shot arm reach: building leg muscle with hikes and exercises.
Hikes and exercises pay off good. Shapely legs, & cellulite disappearing with hikes and exercises.

Then, I had to go into town a little later on.

While I was in town at my appointment, I had to wait a few minutes, so I checked my phone’s newsfeed, and read that Hurricane Laura has morphed into a very dangerous situation very quickly catching scientists by surprise: there seems to be an underling theme here – scientists can’t get a handle on coronavirus-19 either, despite all the demoncrat hysteria and insistence on ‘scientific data’. Hurricane Laura is not behaving any better than covid; both are killers that can’t be controlled.

MPO is that Elohim is tired of everything that is going on in America with the blatant murder of babies, the rebellious racial unrest applauded and encouraged by the demoncrats, and the total godlessness across the board, and He will not be mocked by obama, pelosi, biden, harris – or the rest of the godless minions that openly worship barak hussain obama and embrace/preach his evil political agenda.

What America is going through, is right on schedule in the grand scheme of things – and it could all be avoided if people really wanted to get serious about living/enjoying life, instead of the wicked mayhem and wholesale killings taking place in obama’s ‘new america’ …

In town for an appointment and heard about Hurricane Laura.


Following my appointment, I picked up some groceries (I didn’t really need groceries, but I bought things I will need for the next 6 months if inslee keeps things shutdown; don’t wanna be caught short again with necessities); and some Fall flowers to repot and set on the porch steps when I put the geraniums away for the Winter. If I repot them now, they will be established and bushed out right on schedule for a colorful Fall display:

Colorful Fall Mums for the front porch – they will be repotted.
Soil and new pots for the Fall Mums.

The sunset was colorful too …