Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

GLITTER IS MY SIGNATURE COLOR

I got a text around 8:30 AM, that my new glasses were waiting for me to pick them up. I hurried up and got ready to go collect them 😊

I dressed accordingly – the new eyewear was glitzy with glitter … so was my makeup, and clothing. If I had glitter hairspray, I would have used that too.

My inner flamingo was coming out in full force, this morning 😉

Eyeshadow of choice, today - 'gentle' for browline & 'likeable' for eyelid; it is very glittery.
Blue ‘liner’ to match my jeans; also packed with glitter.
Peachy - white tube – lip gloss; glittery.
Gold studs on my gold-threaded top; I sparkled from head to toe, today ðŸ˜Š
Rubyhorse – ‘Sparkle’ song:

I’m a big bottom-big boobed woman … with a very short torso; so, it looks like I have no waist at all: people stare. When I was younger (and thinner) that didn’t matter: tanks tops and short shorts gave the illusion of an hour-glass shape with definition – people could see that I did, in fact, have a waist. Sort of. But at 65, baring my midriff would be ridiculous, and pointless: my sliding-south-boobs would hide my waist 😉

What people can see now, is my face. Thankfully, that is holding up; for now, even if my teeth are crooked. Bob loved all of me, as imperfect as I am: and Bob was an very handsome man ðŸ˜Š

I decided with the dawning of 2022, that I was going to make having fun the main focus of my life: I’m 65 and looking at the downslope of life, and I am going to pack that short amount of time with fun, fun, and more fun. I’m not going to be doing outlandish stunts … but I am going to give more freedom to my bohemian side.

Colorful, boho style clothing (I’m old enough to afford cruising trendy Thrift Shops, and young enough at heart, to get a kick out of wearing it again), glittery makeup, and glitzy eyewear is a start. And even though people tell me I look younger than I am, I’m smart enough to know that I am loooong past 20. Or 40. Or 50: I will not get swept away by recklessness to the point of ridiculousness as some widows do.

But, I do intend to have fun!

Bohemian Style After 60
Walking out the door ...

I had a wait in the car for a bit when I got downtown (refused to wear a mask inside) … and there was a wait in the optometrist’s office (while the Contact’s order was scrapped, and $$$ refunded me – they kept half).

I played a game of Woodoku.


I hadn’t had anything to eat before I left home, and I was hungry; so, I asked my SIL if she’d like to join me for lunch, on Commerce. Merry has done so much for me these past 3¼ years. I wanted to let her know I appreciated her.

When I showed her my new glasses, she didn’t bat an eye but she did laugh with me when I said, “they look very elton john, don’t they? I can’t stand his music, but I do like these glasses. They are almost as outrageous as his always were.” That is the type of person I want in my tribe 😊

Timely message; leaving Country Folks Deli.

The eyeglasses case is pink.

I swear – I’ve never had so much pink in my life, in my entire life!

If Bob is looking down on me, I’m sure he is as shocked as I am at how suddenly my tomboy lifestyle has been turned on its ear; and morphed into a pink haze of femininity.

I’m getting used to it now, but for a while there I was kinda getting freaked out wondering who the heck this New Me is.

My life is going 'pink' at turbo speed.

And I’m also thinking, that if Bob is paying any attention at all to what I am doing down here on Earth, he is howling with laughter as I wear my new glasses … after all, Bob had a hand in my choosing them 😉

These new glasses aren’t as colorful as the ones Bob inadvertently {chose} for me about 5 years ago; just before we bought this house. He pointed them out to me as a joke, but they spoke to my gypsy soul – and came home with me.

I still burst out in laughter every time I think of that moment, and the total look of shock when Bob realized I was actually going to buy them and wear them 😊

Bob inadvertently started the whole 'bling thing'; LOL

I can’t wait to show them off to my Lexington friends, Friday morning!

I can already hear the hoots of laughter 😉

Pink Floyd – ‘Shine On, You Crazy Dimond’ song:

NATIONAL WIDOW WEDNESDAY/USA ~2022

Today is National Widow Wednesday-USA.

I make that distinction, because some people confuse today with International Widow Day … which is in June.

I also make that distinction because I do not want to be classified with widowhood that is a direct result of terrorist activity: Bob was not a brainwashed religious nutcase, and I am not a widow because of religious fervor gone seriously wrong. Our life together was not altered by a religious call to arms. I do not want to be bundled together with craziness brought about by crazies.

I admit that all widows have hard time of it; but I will not be acknowledging International Widow observances.

I am, however, acknowledging America’s National Widow Wednesday – this is something I can get behind, and support (and not only because I happen to be a widow, myself) because I like the background of this observance: https://whatsyourgrief.com/national-widows-day/

My acknowledgment will not be in a depressed mood – my husband, Bob, is in a permanent happy place now … and though I, myself, am not in a permanently Happy Place: I am not crying 24/7 like I was in the early days, months, and years of my widowhood. I still have moments where memories are triggered and tears fill my eyes; but I chose joy. I chose to honor Bob by doing what he told me to do … I chose to live fully in the joy of the moment. When tears threaten to whisk me into a blue mood, I remember Bob’s zest for life, and I chose joy over despair that the love of my life is no longer available to me.

It is true that I am a Widow: 3¼ years a widow. How is that possible – and how have I managed to manage every second of those 1,218 days and nights that Bob was not physically part of?

By the faithfulness of Elohim, and His grace.

By the loving embrace of friendship.

By the outpouring of love that sheltered my battered spirit and broken heart like a comforting cocoon; until my fledgling wings sprouted and strengthened enough to help hope take flight.

By learning to live in the moment – yesterday is gone … and tomorrow is not promised: only today, this moment in my life, matters.

It took me roughly two years into widowhood to function as an adult Solo Lobo instead of an angry brat. It took another twelve months for my foggy brain to reconstitute. And three months into 2022, it is surprising to me how widowhood does not overshadow my life in the moment.

I’ve come a long way from where I was in the grieving process.

And I like that people who are in my life now are not cautious about saying Bob’s Name, and/or talking about him 😊Those conversations with people who knew Bob, and share their memories of him with me, bring more joy into my life. We do not sit around talking constantly about Bob … but when we do bring him into the conversation, it is a sweet time of remembrance. And it warms my heart to know that Bob was loved by so many people, besides myself.

So, today; on this day of widowhood observance, I chose to ride the waves and go with the flow 😉

I want to age like sea glass.

Widowhood is previously unknown frailty.

Widowhood is living in a constant state of missingness – of being alone in a crowd of people. It’s looking back even while looking/moving forward.

I want to welcome, and ride the crest of the person widowhood is shaping: the person Bob, and Yeshua, always knew I was capable of being. I was always compassionate and empathetic … but today, I listen to people in ways I couldn’t before. When Bob was physically with me, I never experienced loneliness; loneliness was always a foreign thing to me – and I couldn’t relate to the depth’s others felt it. After Bob graduated to a higher level of living beyond the clouds, that foreign thing became a very real, very present experience: my listening ability has been altered by life’s tempests.

Widowhood is becoming a New Person in an unfamiliar New Life.

Widowhood is murky shadowiness – even when the sun is at its brightest.

I want all the garbage life throws at me, to become something beautiful in the staggering, heaving, relentlessly agitating waves of life.

Widowhood is rebirth.

I want to age like sea glass.

Sea Glass:

Widowhood is life changing.

That is what I will be acknowledging of today’s National Widow Wednesday.