Tentative plans were made weeks ago to go walking with my SIL after Christmas – that time is quickly approaching.
It will be chilly, if not downright
cold … so I will need to make a new pair of mitts: I woke up this morning with
a semi-formulated design in the forefront of my thoughts.
This is an exciting development!
I haven’t had any real enthusiasm for creative designing in a while; so, this want to get busy with this formulating design is encouraging 😊
In my life ‘before’; I could literally get lost in drafting and crafting my designs, for hours on end.
And Bob was a good sport about it.
He also knew that once the creative aspect of the design was in play, my thoughts would stay locked on the design’s concept until I was satisfied with how I was bringing it into being – I would be basically worthless at anything else until the urge to “get it right” was worked out.
Bob knew how to fend for himself; he didn’t marry me so he would have someone to take care of him – he knew how to cook, clean, sew, do laundry, clothe himself, ect.
So, if I was deeply engrossed in bringing one of my crafty designs to life, he left me to it; until I reached the place during development, I felt I could knock off for a while before getting back to it.
Then, there were times, he’d come to where I was working, and gently say, “There you are – I miss you.” And I would look up, and if I was at a point where I could safely stop without losing track of the design concept, I’d smile and say, “I’ll be right with you.” I’d put things away for the night and we’d watch a movie together, or work together on the jigsaw puzzle we had set up on the table; holding hands and talking about everything/nothing … the way lovers do. We were sharing our lives with each other – that was enough. And sometimes, he’d track me down, and I’d still be working the concept of my design out; and I’d beg for a few minutes more before putting it aside and joining him.
I miss those times.
This morning, when my feet hit the floor, I thumbed through my pattern books until I found a foundational pattern for what I had in mind: I will tweak the original pattern to design what I have in mind. Then I sorted through my yarn stash to find the colors that would work (I will be using 3 different colors); then I made a cup of coffee and got busy.
When I opened the pattern book, I had to take a few deep breaths before I did anything else: tucked inside the pages were the 2 hand forms I had traced of Bob’s hands …
… which I had used to make him a pair of winter mitts for our walk with Precious (our beautiful wolf) at Riverside Park in Lexington. With my eyes wide open, staring at those posterboard forms, I could see Bob so clearly walking the trail with Precious and me.
I quickly put the hand forms out of sight before they sabotaged my current mitt plans. People think I sit around all day/every day dwelling on my life with Bob … but, that is not true: I am actually actively moving forward in reshaping and building a new life – but it is impossible for Bob not to be part of that: his memory in everywhere, and in everything.
I got up and turned the radio on; and took a big gulp of my coffee.
Then I refocused and got busy.
I still can’t sit for extended lengths of time, but I got further than I thought I would when I started 😉
Tomorrow, I will be deviating from the foundational pattern, and working on the actual design I have been inspired to work out – if my design concept goes as planned, I am going to be very happy with the outcome.
