Arrogant ignorance
reigns in all walks of life.
People living in a free
world ultimately come to believe that their rants somehow carry a unique
message “no one else is getting”, while totally overlooking the fact that their
rants mean very little to the rest of us.
Case and point – this post
by a grieving widower who believes that other grieving widowing people should
share his sense of self-righteous indignations that trigger his triggers.
So, naturally … I had to
reply with a dose of reality: reopening America has more to do with mental
health than it does with monetary gain, though economy growth is beneficial to
mental health. Anyone with the merest iota of logical reasoning can understand
how the two are solidly linked. Anyone with Historical knowledge can reasonably
reason how communist and socialist countries run by dictators that have driven
countries into bankruptcy and an unstable society with the mindless belief that
“a moneyless society benefits everyone”, actually enslaves its people and
renders them helpless; and is NOT a “good” thing.
Maybe Jeff should spend a
little less time watching TV and Netflix ... and spend a little more time in
real-time enjoying real life.
That he is actually
comparing America to other countries run by dictators – and insisting we follow
THEIR examples is concerning; but that seems to be the underlying purpose
behind the political posturing and media hyperbole. NEWSFLASH PEOPLE OF
AMERICA: America is not like “other countries” – America is unique. America is
operated BY THE PEOPLE, FOR THE PEOPLE. Other countries are run by dynasties,
dictators, and insane religious leaders. Americans DO NOT WANT what “other
countries” have. Those that do can march their pathetic whiny asses to the
nearest airport and buy a 1-way ticket to the country of their choice and live
as a slave to a non-existent nirvana, bowing to any reigning royal, dictator,
or muslim cleric they chose.
BUT, they CANNOT force
their opinions on the rest of us who want the freedom of choice we, here in America,
CHOOSE to live OUR lives.
I understand grief.
I understand freedom of
choice.
I understand that Jeff is
lost in grief and is willing to give up HIS freedoms to wallow in grief: I
choose differently. Jeff needs to understand that his opinions and wants are
not what every other widowing person is thinking or wanting.
MOST widowing people want
the lockdowns and shutdowns lifted. They do not want to be held hostage inside
their homes, living in stifling and claustrophobic fear, wallowing in
unrelenting grief.
And I am betting that the
“awaiting moderation view” (Jeff himself) will determine that my reply be
trashed along with the fearful freedoms he is railing about.
My reply does not “fit” his
self-absorbed view.
My reply is not what he is
angling for.
My reply will further piss
him off.
And I’m okay with that ;-)
**********
==Falling Backwards
==Falling Backwards
Posted
on: May 7, 2020 | Posted by: Jeff
Over
the last week, I have been hit by several large waves of grief. Quite frankly,
it sucks. It has been a long time since I have felt like this.
First,
I want to talk about triggers and what I think kicked it off for me, so
starting with a bit of a rant here.
Maybe
the trigger was the fact that many places are starting to reopen after
sheltering in place for CoVID-19, and I fear we are about to revert to the type
of “normal” we were experiencing prior to the pandemic. If so, then to me, this
means we have missed an opportunity. Moreover, the bigger trigger to me is the
lack of soul in this country. While there have been so many beautiful stories of
people and communities coming together to care for each other, others have
shown such contempt and selfishness (and totally inappropriate) behavior
despite how much love and care has been shown by many others.
Right
now, I feel like the backlash movement (that has started in many parts of the
country) is indicative of the way too many Americans feel. It terrifies me that
it has only arisen in this country—no other civilized country has experienced
armed mobs on their city and state building steps demanding they reopen for the
sake of the economy. And our leadership has failed to quell the backlash and
these mobs are putting people at risk for the sake of the economy.
In
my overactive, grief stricken, triggered mind, I hold our leaders accountable
because each and every member of congress and executive has sworn an oath to
protect and uphold the Constitution—which specifically states, “WE THE PEOPLE
of the United States, in order to create more perfect union” and not, “We the
economy of the United States…”.
Maybe
I was triggered after I watched “After Life” with Ricky Gervais. If you haven’t
seen it, I would recommend watching (it’s on Netflix). It will undoubtedly help
you to understand the mind of a widower like me (although he does do and say
things to people that I would never imagine myself doing or saying).
Or,
maybe it was watching the BBC Radio 1 Live Lounge (from home) version of the
Foo Fighter’s “Times Like These” that was released last week. It is one of my
all-time favorite songs, and this rendition brought me (and many others) to
tears.
Maybe
it was just good old-fashioned grief. I was missing Suzanne and I wanted her
back. These thoughts and that sense of longing happens a great deal more than I
usually acknowledge.
Whatever
was the trigger, it made me start to experience this life in a way I have not
done in a long time. It has made me say things to myself I would not have
imagined saying a few months ago, it has made me feel things I no longer want
to feel, and it has compelled me to do things I have not contemplated in a long
time.
How
did I feel? Frustrated, angry, fearful, longing, missing, empty, sad,
abandoned, confused, depressed, devastated, disillusioned, distant and so many
other things all at once…
It
was almost embarrassing. Over these last few months, I have been far more
energetic and fulfilled than I have been in a long time. This bout of grief
felt like I was falling backwards.
I
was frightened. It was hard for me to feel the feelings, and I was doing my
best to avoid the pain. I did not want to be in that space. I no longer want
that level of heartache and heartbreak. It’s almost unbearable pain.
So,
I lay on the floor of my office last week and I cried. I shouted. I cursed. I
told myself it was okay that I am not okay, but the feelings of guilt and the
feelings of anger will not change my circumstances.
While
much of the time, I am and remain hopeful about my life and about us as a
society, the triggers that drove me to feel the way I did last weekend were
simply signals to me that things are not always going to work the way I hope.
That there will be times when I will know bitterness and disappointment. I will
feel like I let myself down (and others).
But
the key thing is, I know I can do better and even if it’s a matter of taking a
tiny baby step forward and seeing the positivity and being grateful for the
tiniest of successes, then that is a start. Will I always be able to overcome
these bouts of grief? To quote Brian Wilson, “God Only Knows. And God only
knows what I will be without” Suzanne…
**********
[Your comment is awaiting moderation.]
[Your comment is awaiting moderation.]
You are entitled to YOUR opinions … however, your triggers to
not supercede my freedoms.
As a widow coming into my 16th months, the illegal shutdowns and
lockouts forced on me by overzealous governors campaigning for VP position in a
failing political party has seriously undermined my healing process.
As a widow locked up in her house 24/7 for months on end – with
no discernible end in sight (quite possibly November, perhaps when the election
season ends), the selfish and disastrous decisions made by strangers …
supposedly on my behalf … have crippled my progress forward in a new life I did
not ask for, do not want, and have not campaigned for; memories abound in a
house that is no longer a home. Memories that under any other situation in any
other circumstance, would have me smiling with joy – now had me dissolving in
tears. All day long. Where before the shutdowns and lockouts, I could escape my
mind revisiting visions of death watch scenes over-and-over-and-over-again for
an hour or two, to walk a trail or sit in a Park; enjoying and hearing life
happening around me: that was no longer available to my healing process under
the governor overreach pretense of “saving” me.
I am 63 years old – time marches on while governors hold states
in unwarranted and unwanted suspended animation. It pisses me off that total
strangers feel they have the right to decide for me what is “best” for me!
In America, we are FREE, as CITIZENS of a FREE Republic to move
about FREELY. To congregate AT WILL, FREELY with whomever-whenever-for whatever
reason – and we DO NOT Have to “give reason” as to why. To anyone; for
anything.
You are free to disagree.
But you are not free to override my personal freedoms.
Your triggers have no right to trigger my triggers.
~Val
As I thought – he emailed me saying he would not post my response
to his post because “it is political.” Hmmm … I replied to a post FULL of
political angst passed off as widowing grief. What followed his email was 4
hours of Jeff emailing me every half hour trying to browbeat me into “understanding”
why he was right … and I (according to his viewpoint) was wrong: he had
lived in other countries for years and America is not as unique as Americans
seem to think America is – other countries are not as backwards as American government
(we should follow India’s example, for example) – he ‘knows’ what he’s
talking about because according to him, he has friends and family members infected
with covid-19 (and that makes him an expert on covid-19) – he watched a
lot of TV news anchors, and he’s ‘following the truth path’; yada-yada-yada!
I finally told him to stop emailing me: I am never going to agree with him; and
I really did not appreciate the barrage of lecturing emails full of bully
tactics which only pissed me off.
I read his last ranting email, and thought: “This is for the birds!”
Then I turned the laptop off, shut Jeff down, and busied myself
with things that really matter. Jeff’s opinions don’t matter … moving forward
with my life, building my new life, matters.
Things that will keep my body active and limber, and my mind in the
moment and not traipsing down Memory Lane, while I AM for all intents and
purposes STILL under house arrest due to my age, according to inslee’s mandated
4-stages “safe” State Operations.
Know-it-all-Jeff be buggered.
I put bird feed in the Bird Feeder out front, made a batch of Hummingbird
Sugar Water, and put that in the ‘fridge to cool while I got busy outside.
Everything I had bought at Adna a few weeks ago was put into play
today :-D (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/04/my-haul-d.html).
Hand Pump Planter painted.
Three coats of paint, was applied to the hand pump – I sprayed the clear sealer on it last night.
2 geraniums were replaced (they didn’t survive the winter); & the 4 new ones I bought in Adna were planted in the 4 terra cotta pots I also bought in Adna ;-)
Terra cotta bird bath set up and in place … I've got to do something with the apple tree pot: it looks awful.
I watered the planted geraniums, and filled the bird bath. And,
even though it has rained and the soil is still damp; I watered the garden
boxes this afternoon because it was so hot (73-degrees), and I had planted
seeds in the beds along with the transplants a couple weeks ago – seeds need
daily watering.
Walking along the garden boxes, I noticed baby apples showing on
both of my patio Apple Trees:
Baby apples on both of my patio Apple trees! :-D
A big, fat, mushroom is squatting in my foxglove planter: it has rained that much ...
Then, I put the front porch stuff in place …
Hummingbird feeders are hung in place …
I filled the duck planters with silk fern arrangements.
Drake ducks are more colorful than hens, so I downplayed his floral flair – and upped hers: it’s only fair ;-)
The hand pump planter has been filled with a cute heart-leaf bit of greenery (it's living greenery), and placed on the upper rack of the leaf planter; I placed a silk fern arrangement on the lower rack (https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/04/this-week.html).
Now this corner looks a little more welcoming :-D
Today was a good day once it got underway: it started out with an
eye-roll ‘for the birds’ … and ended with a satisfied smile for the birds
:-D
