I WON'T BACK DOWN

Wednesday, March 20, 2019

ENERGIZED

This morning I woke up energized, so I drove into town to drop off the huge bag of donation items I worked on all of last month and this month to date ... 3 lapghans, 50 baby hospital hats, & 10 children's chemo hats (hated doing that! So sad they are needed ...); then I stopped at Lowe's to return the toilet fixtures I bought last month and won't need now that I broke down and hired a plumber to come in and fix what needs fixing.

While at Lowe's, I also bought 2 large bags of Miracle Grow soil to begin filling the planter boxes with. Man! Those bag were heavy - so I got one of the garden center fellas to help me load them onto the cart and into my car ... and prayed like crazy all the way back home that I would be able to wrestle them out of the car and into the wheelbarrow, and then dump them into the boxes. If they were dry there would have been no problem, but they had been out in the rain and were saturated, so they weighed 3x their purported weight. Well, I did manage to wrestle them out of the back end of the car and into the wheelbarrow where the bag had to be balanced 'just right' so I didn't spill it out wobbling it over the river rock to the planter box I was aiming for: I only filled each box filled 1/2 full because it seemed more encouraging to me to do it that way; I will go back into town later on and get a few more bags and top the boxes then, but today I needed to feel accomplished, so half full boxes fit the bill today:



Boxes filled to today's specifications, and filling accomplished on that score, I decided to tidy up the other planter boxes we filled to capacity last year and finished with that task, I tackled pulling weeds and yanking grass clumps out of the river rock and lava rock in the back yard (sorry about the audio: struggling a little to breathe; I was born with weak lungs) ...



3 hours of steady work outside in breezy 80-degree weather was a lift to my heart today. I honestly did not know if I would be able to complete the goal of dealing with the planter boxes because those 2 I filled 1/2 full are 2 of the last 6 Bob built for me before all hell broke loose in August which led to his death in December - but I DID IT without a single tear or sudden gripping of my heart.

And I swear I could feel him at my elbow smiling that sexy smile of his and encouraging me with every shake of that bag as the soil spilled out.

I hope I feel him close to me tonight, and smiling with encouragement when I try to move later on. LOL! The backs of my legs are burning and my butt muscles are aching. But it is good pain.

And it beats crying all day long.

Bob would want me to start getting busy again with the stuff I used to do - and with stuff we used to do together: haven't reached that point yet, but I will.

Because he had faith in me that I would.

And I need to, to heal my broken heart.