I had an early (like crack
of dawn) dentist appointment this morning, so I stumbled out of bed and
staggered out of the house to get to my appointment. I’m feeling pain on the
right side of my face that is bleeding over into my ear region and corner of
eye socket, so I wanted to have it attended to before a full-blown abscess
happens.
I had called the dentist
office last week, and I was told they are only open for emergencies – I
think my sore face can be considered an emergency. The pain comes and goes
in waves of varying degrees of pain tolerance. It really needs to be attended
to.
When I showed for my
appointment and entered the building, I had to stop at a ‘sanitation station’
and thoroughly drench my hands in sanitizer liquid before proceeding further.
There were 4 of us – and we sat appropriately space … one old fella had 2
masks on/1 over the other: he is obviously in overkill mode.
I had 4 teeth x-rays taken
before the Dr. came into the cubby they put me in. She looked at the X-rays,
poked at my gums and teeth with a metal prober; then she said that though she
did detect some decay in 1 tooth, she didn’t see anything that required immediate
attention other than my gums which were sensitive (no news there, I know I
have gingivitis), and tarter buildup which needed to be cleaned. Right
then I knew nothing would be done today – it’s the same
song/scenario, different Dr./location. I almost got mad … I mean, my
face hurts and I’m being told there’s nothing that can be done until my
teeth are cleaned! Apparently, my gums are the main culprit to the tooth pain I
am experiencing. Bone density if good, but the dentist thinks the gums are the
real issue. My back teeth do NOT agree – and they tell me so in staggered
flashes of pain.
Saline mouth rinses and a
jet wash was the recommendation.
I just closed my eyes,
counted to ten, and defused my temper.
I didn't need any fillings
... yet; and no extractions at all. But as soon as I can reasonably afford it,
I need to schedule a thorough exam and cleaning. The exam I'm okay with and am
expecting a report full of "fixes" - a complete and total
back-peddling of today's visit which could have been taken care of today: the
cleaning I have always hated and am not looking
forward to at all. My assessment is that the dentist's eyes were on how fast to
spend the Stimulus Check I'm hanging onto for tire replacements when needed (I
let Visa go because I don't want to be paying interest on credit - BAD idea all
the way around & I never wanted Visa anyway; so I have to make sure I keep
tire money out ... the amount Bob said I'd need - ALL 4 have to be changed out
if 1 goes bad). I DO LIKE this dentist, BUT dentistry is a business, and businesses
are strapped for money due to governor power grabs: the dentist is going to
have to stand in line with everyone else to get the $$$$ they are overcharging
while sitting on their hands. And that will take T.I.M.E. to save towards.
If they weren't in a hurry to take care of business TODAY, I'm in no rush to
make their tomorrow's easy. Just sayin'.
I bought a
waterpik …
…
patted myself on the back for managing to understand the written directions and
get it put together: and test-run-using it properly to understand HOW it works:
I am sure Bob was standing next to Yeshua, beaming, and saying, "I married a determined girl ... I always told her she could do anything she set her mind to do. And she's doing it."
And cried when I
put the spare pic away.
In
putting the spare pick away in a vanity drawer in the master bath, my fingers
inadvertently grazed the black velvet bag that holds the hair clipper set I
used to keep my husband’s head bald over the years (his choice – he preferred
being clipped to the skin); why I have kept the clippers, I am not
sure.
But there they
are – in the drawer.
628
days of non-use: Bob isn’t coming back; they will never be used again.
Bob - 2016
And
even after standing there by the vanity counter, bawling my eyes out … I could
not bring myself to grab them out of that drawer and walk them to the trash
can.
They are still
in the drawer.
Will
keeping the clippers in the master bath vanity drawer undermine my “healing
recovery” process? Will walking them to the trash can really speed up my
healing recovery process? I don’t know the answer to either nagging question. What
I do know is that a healing recovery is not a linear event. People –
adjusted merry widows happily going solo, family members with spouses and
children, and friends with spouses and children – all keep telling me that as
time marches forward, I will be my old self again. Nothing is further from the
truth. Time does march forward, but I will never be my old self again: part of
me is permanently missing from me. A smell, a song … and moments, like this
morning when my fingertips brushed that black velvet bag pushed to the back of
the drawer … and many other things that will happen; will suddenly and
smartly bring tears to the eyes, a swift dizziness as emotions are rocked, and
a nauseating kick to the stomach – physical and emotional reactions that
remind me that I am a loooong way yet from a healing
recovery; and I will never be my old self again.
Adjusted
merry widows, family, and friends mean well, but they obviously do not understand
that losing half of your ‘old self’ is not like having a cold from which you
rebound. Losing half of your old self is like having chronic bronchitis … I
know what that is like: I may be in remission for a period of time, but
eventually a flareup will occur that makes life difficult for a while.
So,
tonight, I am riding out a flareup of memories caused by a black velvet bag in
the back of a drawer, brought on by the storing of an extra waterpic pick.
All because
dentistry was a ‘no go’ this morning.
