NEW YEAR FIREWORKS CHAOS

Well, 2020 is starting out with fireworks.

And I don’t mean in a good way.

My BIL just stopped at the Park Office to try to get my home address - the Park Manager for once did something right and notified me; she said, "Val, there is a man standing here in front of me asking for your house number. He said for me to tell you that he is alone and just wants to talk to you." I asked who the man was ... I don't normally have men asking anyone for my address ... and the Park Manger said, "His name is david halfmoon." My reaction was immediate and swift! I said, "NO! That person is my BIL, and he and my sister were very disrespectful to us when Bob was dying; and they accused me of killing my husband. I have culled him and my sister from my life. Permanently." And I hung up.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/10/a-time-for-building-time-for-cutting_16.html)

I have TOLD them repeatedly I never want to see them or hear from them again.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/12/dreads-justice-and-cutting-ties.html)

I have blocked them on FB and on my phone: their phone numbers have been deleted from my phone. Permanently. And their granddaughter, kiona ... on FB ... ON THANKSGIVING DAY openly accused me of killing Bob!

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/11/if-you-met-my-family-you-would.html)

 …she could only have said that if she had heard ramona saying that.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2018/10/knowledge.html)

When my mother was dying, ramona, who was supposed to be taking care of her, didn't even call me to let me know UNTIL the guilt got to be too much – but by then, it was too late for me to get to my mother's bedside. ramona insinuated herself between my daughter and myself; and self-righteously drove a wedge between us – betraying me, instead of trying to help in the situation, as a Sister in Christ as well as a sister in the flesh, would DO. I already have serious trust issues ... that situation did not help. I never want any of those people in my life ever again. I have forgiven them, but I am also walking as faaaar away from them as I can get. They are TOXIC people who hurt and destroy anyone they come in contact with because they are miserable people themselves. I don't know WHO the hell gave them a license to be a Minister – but they should have that license revoked! there is NOTHING Christian about any of them.

Since facing Bob's physical death, I have learned a lot about family members, and how they really feel about me. I will never be a fool again. For anyone.

I am starting this New Year out not looking back: not going back to what I have experienced all my life. THAT DOOR IS CLOSED.

No more viciously narcissistic people allowed in my life going forward ...

I am starting this New Year surrounding myself with people who are good to me ... and good for me. I have spent 3/4th of my life trying to keep the family together because family was important to Bob - but our family (both sides) has consistently slapped us in the face, kicked us when we were down, back-stabbed us until our backs were a bloody pulp, turned our children against us, and used and abused us.

I deserve better, and by God’s Will, I intend to have better going into the future.

I am going to be lending myself to Elohim's Plan for MY life – people can get on board with that ... or walk on past me and let me live my life. I am done explaining myself and bending over backwards to accommodate people who will never accept me. Life goes by too fast to waste it on self-centered/self-serving people who feel the need to make me feel small so they can look down on me. Bob was my shelter, and Bob is no longer here. I have to look out for ME now. And I'm at the point in my life, where I don't care anymore who that offends in the process.

It is hard to let go: but sometimes you have to let go in order to live.

Strangely, I do not miss the people I have severed ties with: those connections had been dying for decades. I warned them for decades that "one of these days, you will no  longer hear my voice, nor have me around as your personal punching bag." And Bob told me in November of 2018. “Honey, you may kick things around for a while … but you and I both know that once your mind is made up: it’s as good as done": he did not say that in relation to severing familial ties ... but, it fits just the same.

Their unrepentant behaviors and overt hostiles helped me make up my mind once and for all throughout 2019.

And now they are gone.

I don't know if it's sinful or not - but I really do not miss them.

I am enjoying the freedom of having the weight of carrying their angst, lifted off my shoulders. I am standing tall again; and I feel free.