May 28th: Holland woke up in a mood, this morning.
His shoulder hurts - and he's trying to wean himself off Vicodin (and I support this decision).
We were supposed to meet one of his friends in town - so, I started getting ready. And Holland started doing his "thing" (heavy metal music load enough to wake the dead … and depressing as hell, which is what the lyrics scream). I listened for about an hour; shutting my ears to as much of the nonsense as I could. When I couldn't take anymore of the snarling, growling, and 'let the beast loose' lyrics, I asked Holland, "I love you Holland, but could you give me a break from metellica? I hate metallica - always have. You've been playing this same album for a month. How about something uplifting for a change?" I asked it nicely: he copped an attitude. He says, "Okay. I won't listen to YouTube anymore." I say, "It's not about YouTube, Holland. It's about 'letting the beast loose' at top volume."
His {mood} started building Friday morning with the motor revving before we drove to Astoria; he's in pain … and he's cutting back on his pain meds: I get it. But I also get that his angst is misguided: his main focus needs alignment, and his attitude needs a major adjustment.
Normally I do not tolerate an AH attitude from anyone - and most especially from men in general. But this particular man is my husband; AH, or not. We live in an RV and are in each others company, constantly. Private space is limited.
I can see that he's gearing up for verbal sparring.
I don't want to play this immature game.
So, I tamp my attitude down, grab Bleu's leash - snap it on his collar; and say, "I'm going for a walk. Hopefully, when we get back, the beast will be reined in, and you'll be in a better mood."
As soon as Bleu and I walk through the door, he immediately fires his laptop up and puts John Hagee on, and snidely says, "Is this better?"
Apparently he is still in a mean mood.
I felt like I was reliving the teen years with my kids.
Normally, Holland listens to John Hagee without the attitude: he likes John Hagee. But today, he is hurting … and he is in a mood.
A quarrelsome mood.
I refuse to engage. That makes him more surly.
TIME OUT.
I don't want to argue with him about anything. It's Sunday - today, I am not going to verbally spar with anyone; about anything. especially about metallica!
I know he is hurting, but I just want a peaceful day.
So, I decided to have a peaceful day: I put Bleu in his kennel … and went for a walk.
I haven't enjoyed a walk in nature in a long time; it was due.
I like walking.
I like enjoying scenery while I walk.
When I got back to the house two hours later, Holland was in a conciliatory mood. I had left my phone at home (a deliberate move to avoid more arguing); and I left without my inhaler (I haven't needed it, so I didn't think about grabbing it); he was worried when he eventually noticed that I had left without either. He drove into town, thinking I had walked that way, and was seriously worried when he didn't see me anywhere along the way. By the time he got back - and I walked through the front door - he had had a major mood adjustment ;-)
The day was back on track (((THANK YOU LORD!))) - though the meet-up with his friend was postponed while I had gone walking.
We love each other; we will work through the hard times, and pray relief from the shoulder pain Holland is experiencing as he goes about getting off Vicodin.
We are committed to each other, regardless of {mood days}.
We are getting a crash course in "learning to bend"; this is a new experience for Holland … and an uncomfortable exercise for me. But we are both willing - and it is necessary in building our New Life, together.
We also love the atmosphere here so much, we are going to make this RV Site our {home base} when we come back up here, every 6 months - March & September - for Holland's Disability Doctor appointments. We've already discussed this with the property owner, and she has agreed 🙂
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