Wedding Song - God Knew That I Needed You

Wednesday, September 30, 2020

‘TEARING IT DOWN’ IN MY QUEENDOM

The title is not entirely accurate 😉

I did ‘tear down’ my garden boxes … but, I didn’t actually tear them down.

What I did, was, pull all the vegetation up by the roots, and cover the tops of the torn down garden boxes with plastic bird netting to keep the cats and other mischievous critters from messing with the soil.

I like Erica’s fence line in the background, against the line of the garden boxes Bob built for me after we moved in here. Bob built those boxes for me to garden in … and also as a boundary line marker.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2017/07/day-by-day.html)

16½ months later, Bob was killed by a neighbor’s bitter jealousies, and the Park Manager’s narcissistic egomania.

Bob gave his life for those boxes.

IF WE HAD KNOWN how much ron hated us!

Would "knowing" have really mattered?

I don’t know – I don’t really care anymore.

What does matter, is that Bob is no longer here.

What does matter is that I did not breed hate.

And I can look at the boxes now without crying.

I am doing better this year than I was last year.

For 16 months of my solo lobo life, I’ve been free from ron cook’s tormenting taunts and his murderous bully tactics.

Elohim is always faithful. I can count on His love and mercy towards me – in all things.

I have been graced with peace of mind, and blessed with unimpeded space to heal in my own space – no more tyrannical or maniacal nonsense.

It feels good to be free to be me.

To be, once again, the strong/brave/confident/ball-breaking woman Bob knew/loved/married/encouraged … and told with his dying breaths, “I have faith in you, Honey. You can do whatever you set your mind to doing: we both know this.”

These forward moving 22 months have placed me in a lot of situations that has forced that warrior woman back to the forefront of my life.

I don’t know how long I’ll need her to hang around; but for the time being, I am glad to make her acquaintance again.

I did my best to be Bob’s “Lady” – I was content to let my King Bee be the Hero in our story.

My King Bee always treated me like his Queen.

As I began my solo lobo walk all of 2019, I morphed back into a warrior woman who stormed shut doors to accomplish what needed accomplished in the moment: I began to pull my life off the ground and stand it up straight, and strong, again.

And all of 2020, I gained traction and methodically began rebuilding my life, brick by deliberate brick … bricks I dodged, and salvaged for the rebuilding. I am not building a tower of seclusion – I am building a fortress, teeming with life in my solo lobo Queendom; the drawbridge will only be lowered for those who mean me no harm, and come bringing joy and friendship.

I am done with a life of turmoil.

I crave peace now.

I am being very deliberate in building a life of peace.

And I really like my new neighbors, Erica, and her 5-year-old-son, Jaiden - we all get along fine. I like her grandparents, too.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2019/07/new-neighbors.html).

Last year, I did plant a garden; but it was a failure because I was barely surviving, myself.

This year, my garden did much better … until the street fires, nature fed wildfires, and maliciously set wildfires.

(https://jeastofeden.blogspot.com/2020/09/fire-in-skysmoke-on-water.html)

But I did get several harvests throughout the season, so I am counting this year a ‘winning’ year: next year will be better :-D

Tore garden beds down early because wildfire smoke is circling back around our way.

I had noticed the other night, when glancing out the livingroom window, that the setting sun was swathed in a red haze (it was a red orb in the night clouds); the pic, taken with my phone camera shows a bright center that was not evident in the setting sun.

The setting sun is a red orb as it slips over the horizon again tonight:

Wildfire smoke blowing back in off the ocean.
The sun was this color: totally.

So, I figured I better get things done while I can get outside to get them done – all the garden boxes have to be put to bed for the winter, and the faucet covers have to be slipped on.

This afternoon, I tore down and covered 10 garden boxes; calling it a day when I could taste faint traces of wildfire smoke in the air I was breathing.

There’s always tomorrow to start another day of whipping my Queendom into shape 😉


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