I NEVER BLAMED ELOHIM

I posted this post to my personal Page as well as a Widow's page, today – last year ... and was immediately lambasted by a woman who said: "I still want to know his reason for my husband dying?"

I was a widow only 85 days: I didn’t know much about being a widow – I had never been a widow before, but three things I DID KNOW … Elohim was not to blame. I was glad my husband was no longer suffering as his earthen vessel broke down. And Elohim does NOT have to give His reasons for doing anything.

I also reminded her that I, too, was recently widowed – "We are all born to die - we begin to die as soon as we take our first breath. Some die sooner that we expect or anticipate. My husband died recently too - and without anticipation: he died quickly brought on by stresses we could not control: I hold those responsible – responsible. So, I know your grief. But I never question God ... ever. Or His timing."

I never question Elohei. N.E.V.E.R.

I never questioned why Bob was dying ... I KNEW who caused the situation. Bob knew who caused the situation – and he said so, when asked. He also forgave ‘little hitler’ before stepping from this life into the next.

I never blamed Elohim that a physical healing was withheld: Bob had already been returned to me TWICE before: the 1st time in 1978, the 2nd time in 1981; Bob TOLD me going to his first doctor appointment following the first 2018 ICU incident that he didn't expect a healing this time ... Bob was ready to go home if that is what Elohim wanted for him.

We were prepared for Elohei's WILL. 

And we jumped through the medical hoops mostly because a standing DNR was active and Bob didn't want me to be tied up with ensuing death investigations when it was time for him to graduate.

Of course, I MISS BOB: and I ALWAYS WILL. He was the love of my life. He was my best friend, and a trustworthy confident. He was my lover, passionate and tender; always pleasing. Bob loved me. He was my closest ally; my life coach, and my confident cheerleader. Because Bob loved me unconditionally, I strove to be a better person – for him, for US. Bob was e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. to me beside Elohei.

 

  

But I NEVER, not even once, blamed God for the loss of Bob's presence in my life.

Elohei is the only ONE that kept me from flying apart those first shell-shocked weeks when I moved through my shattered life like a zombie; Elohim is the One, Who, brought helpful, knowledgeable, and steadfast loving friends into my life when family abandoned me over the course of a 10 month period; leaving me to flounder in a grief so deep and wide I thought at times I would drown from the overwhelming weight of it: those friends supported me when swimming the depths of uncharted grief left me exhausted and directionless. I do not believe I would have survived Bob's leaving this earth if Elohim had not held me together with His grace and love.

With everything that’s going on in the world here, below the clouds … I admit I do get a little jealous sometimes that Bob is there above it all; while I am still here – wishing to be there, too, above it all too.

But, NO, I do not blame Elohim for asking Bob to “Come Home, Son”. Bob is with Yeshua, the lover of his soul, his father Bob Sr., and his grandparents – he is in the embrace of love. I am happy for him. I love him.

I am happy for my husband. I love him.

I never question Elohei.

I trust.

I walk in Faith.

And someday, I too, will be beyond the clouds with the ones I love; and was blessed to be loved by, when they walked this earth. There is no sadness in that.