Just East of Eden : MOTHER’S DAY 2020 ~ Still Queen Bee ;-)

Monday, May 11, 2020

MOTHER’S DAY 2020 ~ Still Queen Bee ;-)

Bob made me a mother: Yeshua/Creator made me a Grandmother.

There are many reasons I am celebrating this special day alone; and coronavirus has little to do with it. Though I am alone now on this special day, I will still celebrate it because I still celebrate the life Bob gave me while he was here with me, on Earth; motherhood was part of that life.

That said, I am celebrating this Mother’s Day with a trip down Memory Lane. None of these snapshots in time are new, but they are representative of Mother’s Day … though they were not taken during a Mother’s Day celebration.

Bob made me a mother before our 1974 Honeymoon Week was over. 9 months later his panting declaration, ‘I think we made a baby that time’ was a prophesy in real time ;-)

Early in my pregnancy I puffed up h.u.g.e.: I looked 9 months pregnant by the time I was 3 months along. Dr. Avalon said he heard 2 heartbeats when he examined me – and he monitored me for twins for quite a few weeks; and he, and Bob & I prepared for a twin birth. And then, one day I went in for my monthly checkup and his brow furrowed when he listened with his stethoscope, and his whole demeanor became concerned. And he said, “That’s strange; I’m only hearing one heartbeat.” Then, he straightened up and said, very somberly, “I think one of the twins has been absorbed.”

I was 17 years old, this was my first baby, and I didn’t know what he meant. But I did know that whatever he meant – meant that I was no longer pregnant with twins. But I stayed puffed up like a huge beach ball. I was huge the whole way through my pregnancy. Bob and I used to laugh about it – I was just about as round as I was tall: at that time, I was an even 5 feet. I was pretty pregnant … and then some. I had to kinda squeeze through doorways in a sideways shuffle, and try not to breathe too deeply. I couldn’t even tie my own shoes; I couldn’t see my feet, and even if I could – I couldn’t bend over to tie my shoes. Bob tied them for me when he was home, but I felt funny having him bend down towards me like he was worshipping me, so I started wearing my summer wedgies (low wedge heeled sandals). In the dead of winter. They were comfortable on my feet, and didn’t need to be tied.

For years we laughed every time we thought about those pregnancy days.

Bob was a good man.

I always wondered what it would have been like to be the mother of twins. Of course, I kinda found out: Stacey is a Gemini baby (May 24^th); the Gemini sign is the sign of twins, and she was born with the boundless energy of 2 or 3.

I think twin births skip every other generation … so, I’m thinking if Alyna ever decides to have babies, she may have a twin pregnancy. It would be nice if Bob’s DNA continued into the future, but that’s a decision she and Liam have to make for themselves.

45 years ago, I went into the hospital on May 10^th with false labor … they sent me home 5 hours later when it was obvious no baby would be appearing any time soon. Bob’s brother ralph, and his wife, Cheryl, had had their baby girl born on May 10^th and I knew that my time was coming. Soon; we had gotten pregnant practically at the same time. So, on May 24^th, when I woke up with my side of the bed soaking wet; and totally humiliated and embarrassed for soaking the bed – Bob knew what was what, and he reached for his watch on the dresser and started monitoring what was happening: this started around 5:50 AM; by 7:30 AM we were on the road to Cowlitz General Hospital. Five hours later, we welcomed our daughter into our lives. It was, at that time, the biggest moment of our lives.

Bob’s family had big babies: BIG babies – like 10 pounds or more at delivery: they looked 3 months old as soon as they cleared the birth canel. And Bob told me this to prepare me for the possibility that our baby may be the size of a small Butter Ball Turkey too. When Brenda was born, Bob and I went to visit Cheryl and Brenda in the hospital. Brenda was a big baby. I remember looking at Bob, and saying, “Oh, my God: I can’t do this, Bob. I can’t have a Butter Ball sized baby – I’m too little!” And Bob laughed. And I said, “This is nothing to laugh about Bob. A 10-pound baby … I don’t know about this.” And he jokingly said, “Well, it’s too late to back out now.” We both burst out laughing to release some of the pressure I was feeling; but I was serious. There was NO WAY I could safely deliver a 10-pound baby with my small frame.

Bob's parents' Anniversary Celebration in 1975. Stacey & Brenda are 10 days apart in age. I am in the blue pantsuit.

That was one of my concerns when I did finally end up in the hospital with real labor pains. I was frightened. I didn’t know what a 10-pound baby would do to me, and I was more than a little trepidatious being wheeled into the delivery room. But, when Stacey did make her appearance, she weighed in at 7 pounds/12 ounces: the perfect weight for both of us.

I remember being wheeled out of the delivery room, and braked right next to Bob and our parents standing at the Nursery window. I couldn’t see a thing (I had not been allowed to take my glasses into the delivery room with me, so I was blind as a bat). All I could make out was fuzzy shapes – the tallest being my husband ;-) The nurse pointed Stacey out to me … and I couldn’t see her at all – she was so little and so far away from the window. I remember looking at Bob and gushing, “Oh, Bob! She so beautiful!” I didn’t know if she was beautiful, or not! I couldn’t see her. But I knew that we had made her; and Bob was a beautiful man … and Bob always told me I was beautiful. So, I knew that our love child had to be beautiful too – there was no question about that ;-)

That was how my 1^st Mother’s Day went :-D

A little terrified. A little excited. Blindly adoring. And just as proud as could be that I had given my husband the daughter he’d wanted.

His bouquet of flowers, when he came to visit me later, was beautiful too. I still have the vase: I still use it to slip a long-stemmed-rose, or 2, into. The roses were 1 of each: red, salmon, yellow, and pink … and they were staggered in height in the vase like the family we had – Bob, me, alex and our newborn baby. They were so representative of that moment. The language of a red rose is “I love you”, and unconditional love for a special person: Bob loved me ‘til the day he stopped breathing; and he gave me unconditional love for 44 years. The language of a salmon colored rose is desire and excitement all at once: Bob’s desire for me never waned, even as we aged: his love and passion was always enthusiastic. The language of a yellow rose is delight, gladness, and affection: Bob felt all of that. The language of a pink rose is admiration, joy, and gratitude: and that is what he wrote on the card he tucked into the bouquet. He wrote: “Your love shines so bright. Thank you. I love you.” I’ll never forget that love message. Never.

Bob had wanted 6 children – I was young and insecure; I was excited and terrified at the same time. We were both overwhelmed starting out our life together with 2 kids in tow; bickering in-laws that were at each other … as well as at us every chance they got; and an ex-wife regretting a hasty second marriage, and generally making life difficult for everyone. We made a joint-decision (Bob got a vasectomy; doc said I was too young to have my tubes tied) & we hunkered down with the 2 children we already had – Bob’s son by a previous marriage, and our newborn daughter:

I love you, Babe ~ OX. I wish now I would have had those other 5 you wanted … there would be more of your DNA walking around.

Stacey is small boned. She has my mouth (in more ways than 1); Bob's nose, my eyes, and Bob's brain. I have kept these Baby Shower "baby guesses" - it was fun the other day to get them out and read what friends and family were guessing about Baby Hargand before she was born ;-)

My high school friend who helped me choose a baby Name - this is Stacey's legal birth Name. I wanted to name her Angelique, but Bob nixed that. I was watching the Gothic Soap Opera, 'Dark Shadows' at the time, and Bob said he did not want his daughter named after a witch. I still like the Name ...

My sisters ...

The Grandmothers ... who, in real life, balked at being Grandmothers.

Bob's sister & my favorite Aunt

My step-grandmother & her daughter-in-law

My cousin & her mother

Friends of my mother

I grew up. I missed a baby in the house. Bob refused to go back under the knife (the kind of vasectomy Bob had could have been surgically repaired). I set my sights and heart in grandchildren.

Doctors TWICE told our daughter that grandchildren would be an impossibility … THEY WERE WRONG BOTH TIMES.

Elohim had other plans (1995 & 2014, respectfully): both miracles occurred naturally ;-)

Bob made me a mother; Yeshua/Creator made me a Grandmother – my gratitude is endless.