COURAGE

I may have to get a small loan to get this thing pushed through on schedule – Oregon does not allow for monies from a house sale to go directly towards buying a house in Oregon: it isn’t immediately transferable. WTF? Here, in Washington, I can take the money I get from the sale of this house and put it immediately towards the purchase of another home – which we have done 3 times in the past 20 years with no hassle.

There has GOT TO BE A WAY to get around that nonsense … and I am going to find it. Shay will be coming over tomorrow – I’ll ask her to explain it clearly. I don’t mind getting a small loan if the payoff stays within my monthly budget plan – it builds my credit status. But I do not understand WHY the money I gain from the sale of my house here cannot be transferred to the purchase of a house there – that is ridiculous!

I want to own rather than rent: for several reasons. But the biggest reason is that Bob worked hard for the monies we sunk into all our homes; this is the only home where we ever lost $$$$$$ on – but we knew that going in. We bought it outright and had enough to remodel it to fit our needs … and we knew that because this is a mobile home instead of a “stick-built home”, we would never recoup the monies or the upscaled value we put into it. We were okay with that: we weren’t planning on moving again.

We just never figured on Bob dying only months after moving in here. I, honest-to-God expected to go Home before Bob. Even when the ER doctors (first admittance to ER in August 2018) were telling us he was dying, I remember saying, “How? WHY? I am the one with serious health issues (heart arrythmia, angina, and asthma: deadly physical faults) How can Bob be dying when he’s healthier than I am?” But we didn’t know that his body had been dealing with a serious and deadly issue – Bob never felt the pain associated with the medical issue that Ron Cook & Candy Scott’s insanity stresses provoked into a raging firestorm that could not/would not be controlled – Bob had an exceptionally high tolerance for pain, and he truly did not feel the pain he should have been feeling when his body passed that gall stone that ended up infecting his body, and was eventually catapulted out of control by the stressors of the 2 evil twins here at Heron Pointe.

Add to those stresses, the judgmental stresses added by my sister, Ramona & her husband, David who last September & October refused to LISTEN AND HEAR US. They were focused on taking us to task over medical help … even though Bob even made it very clear that things had gone past that; seriously past that: Bob WAS getting medical help, but he needed a miracle: he needed the support of Christians and the peace their prayers give in troublesome times; Bob was at peace concerning his physical death if that was Elohim’s decision during that entire ordeal. Death seriously scares Ramona, and she has placed medical doctors above God; that is why she was so snarky with us. They claim to be Christians – David even claims he is a pastor: yet, they refused to HEAR what was being said, and instead got very judgmental and at one point, Ramona even accused me of wanting to kill my husband by standing BY HIS DECISIONS and trusting IN ELOHIM … and she went behind my back to ask him, “is this your decision, or Val’s?”. That angered Bob, and he set her straight pronto; just like he did his mother and sisters. And that anger further aggravated the situation. In which case, it is safe to state that the bullshit Ramona pulled, helped kill my husband by the stress it induced: which kinda puts her in the same ball park as Ron & Candy. MPO. And yu’all KNOW how I feel about Ron and Candy. If Ramona & David were truly Christians, they would have stood with us instead of undermining us at every turn. Plus, they both flat-out-bold-faced-lied to us last October before Bob went into the hospital never to come out alive again (don’t ask – I won’t tell. Elohim heard, and HE WILL SETTLE the account. It was serious, very serious) and tried to backtrack their words when they got caught; I finally just sent them packing and told them never to come back. I have, over the years, put up with a lot from Ramona because she is my sister … but she topped herself in October of last year (and that’s saying a LOT); I am d.o.n.e. Their actions and attitude was anything BUT Christian in nature and follow-through. It was, however, typical of them.

Anyway.

Back to the present …

Bob worked hard all his life, for the monies we sunk into our homes – this one being the last we purchased together; and the only one I am selling solo. I want to buy another home rather than rent: I want that money from the sale of this house to go towards being Bob’s legacy and passed, eventually, to his grandchildren: owning property is a great value, provided it is maintained properly. I can do that. As long as the loan payments stay relatively close (maybe a small jump up) to what I am paying in rent here now, I can swing it. And, if I join Bob beyond the clouds before it is fully paid off, the kids will be able to sell my new home and carry forward with their lives, breathing a little easier. That will be Bob’s legacy to them – help from beyond ;-) Renting would just throw his monies away, enriching strangers instead of propelling his immediate family forward with ease. I want to use Bob’s monies effectively and wisely.

The kids there are scouting out places they know will fit my living circumstances and personality. And Shay is doing all she can from up here, to make this transition as easy as possible for me with as little snafus as realistically possible. And, of course, Elohim, Yeshua, and Bob are doing their part too :-D With such great teams on my side, who KNOW me and understand what works for me, how can I lose? I trust Elohim’s direction: He has never failed me. Ever.

MBI Kerry came by earlier this afternoon and helped me sort through Bob’s man stuff in the shed – I told him to help himself to whatever was in there he could use (or wanted for sentimental reasons); I was thankful he left with a full load. I am positive Bob was smiling and approving – Bob and Kerry were very close despite the 11-year age difference. And his dog, Bobby! Everytime I see him I laugh because he fits in with the Hargand’s – he, like them, is a BIG BOY ;-)

I kept the toolbox and will move that with me to give to Alyna & Liam: they can use it in their new life.

Kerry & Bobby. Bob's namesake is 10 months old and will get bigger!

The remnants of our life driving away with Kerry. I felt a bittersweet thankfulness. I can’t take it with me … and Kerry can use all of it.

The shed is cleared except for the stuff I will be taking with me. I still have to get the toolbox under control so I can close the top of it. And I need to organize/box the shelf things. But on the whole, that shouldn’t take much time at all. Kerry really cleared it out.

In-house-packing today is moving slowly because I had loads of paperwork to sort through – some will be left here for the new owners, some will go with me, and a lot got shredded because it was for old stuff and irrelevant – we don’t even have the items anymore that the paperwork was for.

When all the paperwork was sorted and taken care of, I started packing:

Yesterday, I did the bathrooms. This is the Master bathroom stuff.

Both bathrooms boxed up … and stashed in the Master bathroom.

Bath stuff, and miscellaneous things boxed, bagged, and stacked for pickup.

Today, I packed the spare bedroom up. There wasn’t much.

I also got busy boxing up our bedroom ... this was very hard. Memories kept flooding my brain and heart. It was, at times, overwhelming.

The more I grabbed to sort through, the more there was. HOW DO I STILL HAVE SO MUCH SHIT to sort through? We seriously downsized 2 years ago before we moved here. WTH

While going through Bob’s closet organizer, I came across these implements of torture, stained and marked by the passage of time – Bob’s back brace & his knee brace. Apparently, Bob was a hoarder too, like me. LOL! When I was dating Bob; and even for a while after we married, he was using the back brace: he was born with spina bifida and was told in his 20’s that he’d be in a wheel chair by his 30’s. I married Bob KNOWING that there was a possibility he’d be wheel-chair bound. I didn’t care. I loved Bob. And I said to him that we’d cross that bridge together if & when it happened … that never happened, thank You, Yeshua: but he did die twice, and Elohim returned him to me twice before finally taking him Home last Winter. Bob always suffered painful back issues, but it never stopped him from enjoying life to the fullest. The knee brace was because he had a weak right knee: he had torn the ligaments in high school, and though it healed, it was always weak; every once in awhile it would slip out of place …

IMPLEMENTS OF TORTURE. Bob's back brace. And knee brace. Into the garbage they went ... Bob is no longer here.

Seeing these things made me cry, so I stopped working in our bedroom and started tearing down what used to be the TV room before I changed that situation this February.

I haven’t cleared the Secretary yet because I am not sure yet if it is going or staying; I will know what to do with it when I find my new home and see what the square footage is:

Boxes of yarn. Half of the moving truck’s box will be filled with my yarn stash ...

Don't know what to do with this yet ...

That room boxed up, I ambled back into our bedroom after Supper and finished up in there with what can be packed up right now; I still have to do my clothing and bedding, but I am using those things at the moment …

Feeling accomplished …

All in all, it was a very busy and eventful day that went rather smoothly. Things are getting done and there really isn’t that much to pack up, even though I was shocked at HOW MUCH crap I has squirreled away in our bedroom ;-)

The livingroom and kitchen still have to be tore down and packed up. The livingroom will be pretty easy … the kitchen, on the other hand, will take the longest.

Tomorrow.

There is always tomorrow.